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regarding the shivas..(blotter) they came around these partts...a friendofmine gave his little brother 3 hits and he fuckin flipped had to get shots to knock him out he was way high ...kept talking about 6th grade and shit broke windows and got tazed by the cops...
i took one at hookah in the hills in like 2010 or 2009 dont remember but shit was goood as hel

Any ideas how to grow pot and make THC lower and CBD higher?8(

... is quit while you're ahead.

Goodbye!

alright i want to find a way to get weed that has more CBD than THC cause i hate getting tripped out. i just want to get relaxed and to take away anxiety

Every time i feel sad, i watch this video



and it never fails to a bad day into a good day.

Today I wake up with 2,0ml of GBL. Had a pretty good afternoon with the stomach full because of GBL's munchies.

After that I spent some hours in bed watching a movie (a pretty bad btw, don't remember the name and already deleted it lol), after that I decided to do 2,5ml more of GBL. Again had munchies and ate a sandwich.

After that I felt hyped so I decided to do some gaming. I bought Limbo the game and the surreal feeling of the game made me do ~5mg of nasal 2-CI. It burned as hell as usual, but my stomach being not empty, I wanted it to hit me fast. It worked pretty well :D

After that I played one or two hours more while feeling the phenethylamine feeling in my body. The visuals were mild, but woked too.

Aaaafter that I did 4ml more GBL spaced out in 4 hours. The last shot was taken with half a bottle of champagne (lol). It masked the GBL taste really nice.

40' after that, right now, I still feel hyped both in the GBL sense and still feel the 2-CI moderately. Sweating as usual. Feeling good

+60' - I can imagine how my dopamine is dancing inside my brain. Listening to music feels *ROYALLY* good..
Have been reading about how bad it's mixing GBL and Alcohol but FUCK IT, in low quantities it seems to feel INCREDIBLE good. This feeling reminds me of the first time I did GBL.
Also still feel the phenethylamine in my stomach, arms and legs. Feels good

+80' - OH MY GOD (it feels so cliche to write this).
Music is rampaging my synapses (what?). Also god bless snacks and anime. Now drinking a litle more champagne (what already was in the bottle) mixed with Coke.
I feel socially(GBl, Alcohol) and intellectually(2-CI) lubricated (hope that makes sense).

+90- I just realised (while reading about GBL/GHB addiction and eating snacks :D) that probably
(strong GBL dosing+mild Alcohol) - (my HUGE benzodiazepine tolerance + 2-CI speedy effect) played/are playing an important role in keeping cool, not drunk/ill alike at all.
I have some Diazepam ampoules lying around there and I'm very tempted about IM'ing them, but I have no syringes and drinking them would be a waster. I'll probably take some Clonazepam later (in pill form) to come down.

+125' - Took 2mg Clonazepam some minutes ago. Feeling horny, I think I'm slowly coming down. Publishing this blog entry in case """the trip""" finishes in some hours.

Just arcticle that was written awhile back while on mdma trying to explain the meaning of life as through the eye's of kyle8800

Aug. 19,2010

See what they say maybe it will work
Maybe we can make it through all this pain and hurt
Keep your heart on stage always front and center
Bright skies are to follow all stormy weather.

See what they say cuz no one really knows
Choose your own destiny build your own roads
Gold and riches won’t lead you to happy
Your real jewels in life are friends and family

Short cuts today make it harder in the end
Nothing good come easy sorry my friend
Do your own thing and make your own mark
The key to happiness is to follow your heart

Everybody gets lost as they find the way
Sometimes choices aren’t clear as night and day
The key to Life is there always is tomorrow
Trying to change the past will bring upon sorrow

If you buy your love it will forever be tainted
Emotions cannot be bought sold or traded
Everybody is graced with ability to achieve total bliss
To know what you’re missing you need something to miss

If every secret to life was forever known
Our life purpose would be to make a perfect picture shown
If one shall not what piece is missing is shall not exist
like there is no love if you never been kissed

Only through life experiences we put the pieces together
When the picture has been painted it will stay with us forever
Life is like a rented movie that you’ll never owned
Greatest of mystery’s are better left unknown

If we knew all the answers we be forever alone
The one thing in life that can’t be changed and is forever told
We once were young and through time we shall grow old
We pre-determined to stop, reverse and change it but;
True happiness can only be achieved if we embrace it
Rest assured when we say good bye
Just be at ease and close your eyes
The reason were here cuts like a knife
If we lived forever there would be no life

By: Kyle8800

Was just going through my old computer HD and found a bunch of pictures and shit I wrote I few years ago. Obviously high on life when I wrote this ahaha or more like mdma. I total forgot about this life changing experience for me until I read it today. It Turns out Life only makes total since when I’m high now that I read it doesn’t really have much as profound meaning as it once did for me.

So, I've been working hard on conditioning myself physically. I hit the gym hard, I eat very clean (its extremely rare for me to eat for pleasure).

Self-loathing still persists. I bought calipers today to measure my body fat. I am at 6.7%. Numbers don't lie but, in spite of this knowledge, its still not good enough.

Someday I'll learn to be honest with myself and perhaps practice some acceptance for the honest 'good' and honest 'bad'.

Patience, I suppose. I've only been working out with weights for a little over a year. Consistency, commitment and discipline will yield results in time.

I need to look at why things are never good enough.

EDIT: WTF??? I just measured again and it reads 13.8%. This caliper user is a fucking idiot. That much disparity in the numbers isn't right. I'll try again tomorrow

I was a daily IV coke user and general garbage head 1 year ago and this is how I looked:



Yeah, I know I'm disproportionate (I'm working on it). I do feel healthy, though. It feels good.

Progress not perfection, eh?

I had a two day sleep a day ago. It was a weird funk of depression stemming from the thought that I had lost my wallet and it seemed to open a chasm of worry and hopelessness, leading to a 28 hour sleep.

I don't believe there were any entity attacks, quite a bit of recapitulation and prescience. The whole debacle left me feeling out of sorts and I've really no one to go to about these things, if you follow my blog you'll have a better grasp of my situation at present.

I ended up saying fuck it and smashed my wine bottle "piggy bank" to get some money out as I'd thought I lost my wallet and went out and got a half pint old crow. On my way to acquire the abhorred liquor my mother phoned and said she'd found my wallet, as I was going out to take whacks off the crow while retracing my steps from the night before.

I finished it off on the ten minute walk home listening to Tchich Nhat Hahn trying to regain my whits and regain my mindfulness, went home and tried to talk to my mother who at first adamantly refused because she had better things to do apparently (watch the food network) so I forced it. It got to a point where I told her I was having trouble having compassion for those I resent. She is largely unfamiliar with this subject and as a result became irate saying something along the lines of "thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard." This came after I told her that there basically were only two states of being which were love and fear, and I wanted to chose love.



I should have known better than to talk with her about anything. I can't have any kind of conversation with her, aside from a one-sided exchange where I nod in agreement for the most part.

Is this normal? I'm 26 years old and am living with her temporarily. I've been having a horrible time trying to find work since being arrested and charged with an "aggravated harrassment" misdemeanor, a batshit-crazy nonsensical peice of legislature vaguer than the text messsages I wrote to the damn girl that got me in the damn mess to begin with. She construed them as a threat. You can't make this shit up, folks. It was the vaguest most poetic dribble you'd ever hear, half of it didn't make sense because I was drunk waking up to a grim reality and memories of the night before where she broke everything valuable to me and left crying for no reason whatsoever. The fuckers had no case but I still have a "conditional discharge" for 6 months, making it impossible for me to work in health care. I had a job that had already hired me that was going to pay me 15 dollars an hour to start and then I got the letter from the Dept. of health. Now I have to resort to an old job that I like (thank god) but pays half of that and has no health insurance.

Also I'm getting medicaid and can't go without medical insurance. Ever. I did so on and off for the last 7 years and each period resulted in alcoholism and destitution. If I make more than 600 dollars a month, according to New York State, I am no longer eligible and lose it. Studio apartments here start at 750 a month. I have no idea what I'm going to do because I have to be out of here by Feb first or so, but I have a feeling I'll be able to stretch that a little further.

I'm part time now and my first two pay checks are training weeks so I only banked maybe 100 dollars per week, so I'm hoping I can show them that and they'll assume I make that and not bother me anymore. I wonder what the charges for medicaid fraud amount to

At this point I'm not worrying about it and considering doing something again to make money which I'd rather not do, but it looks as though I have no choice. The activity is technically legal although requires a decent amount of startup money which I don't have yet. I'm just playing this waiting game.

The only positive thing that's happened to me recently is getting tattooed for free a few times from good friends, still healing one and they both turned out great. I also got a kindle which is probably one of the best gifts I've ever got in my life. I was hesitant at first, but not having to walk to the library or pay late fees or carry 1000 page books filled with Russian asshole words is a blessing.

Ugh. I'm sorry I'm just venting and I have a sneaking suspicion no one is reading my blog, but I'd chock it up to insecure neurotic paranoia, not that I'm really invested in such things but it's nice to get feedback now and then.

Also wanted to extend my loving arm and my heart full of warmth and compassion to all of my troubled brethren.

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhK_P9dPbms

[/QUOTE]

"The modern small home or apartment has ... deprived today's child of ... the pleasant summer afternoon activity of sliding down cellar doors. Just what happened to the slanted cellar door in this efficient age isn't clear; although cellars have remained, nothing has disappeared more quietly from modern life than these cellar doors."

600mg dxm excursion last night to quell a 2 day sleep wrought with drudgery and heavy prescience, as well as scenarios long since forgotten.

For some reason the DXM hit me neutral, neither good nor bad while I tried to keep a straight face at my friend's tattoo shop, watching "From Dusk Til' Dawn." Interesting experience and the dxm allowed me to read into this strange social dynamic the place offers. Very inviting, unique, almost cartoonishly baroque.

If I had more klonopin it would have been euphoric as well as introspective, but alas I've had to taper down to .5 from 2mg because I tripped over my dick and ate too many. Thank goodness I've got 3200mg of neurontin a day to lessen the blow.

Miracle drug that neurontin, but a little unpredictable. They need an extended release version that lets out 25-150 mg per 45 minute interval throughout the day. I hear it's in the works, but I doubt their extended release version would work like that, as they've no notion of the bioavailability and receptor saturation that develops with this weird drug. Maybe they do, and just don't give a shit. Maybe they'll give a shit. We'll pray.

Just a shit ton of neurontin today and one Stella before I get in the shower and walk to work. Looks like a nice day for it and I like my job so I'm pretty good. Maybe this is the start of something on the upswing, I could use a bit of ascension these days.

It turns out that Dell had issued a recall for my model of laptop a few years ago. Last summer my laptop failed because of a defect known to the manufacturer. Briefly, Dell bought capacitors from a fly-by-night electronics company in China. The factory was selling cheap


capacitors built with a stolen recipe-- Their corporate spies had stolen the formula from another that was doing the actual research. This was great for them as far as short term profits go. Only the formula was a prototype. These capacitors are filled with a chemical cocktail that gives them the specific electrical properties that are needed to make them work correctly. But the recipe didn't contain the preservative. So witouth the preservative, the caps will work for a couple of years before swelling up, leaking, and sometimes exploding. The eploding capacitors would be easy enough to repair if that was the only thing that has gone wrong. But their failure caused a chain reaction of electronic failure. They fried my the grahics card and my windows xp partition.
I bought the parts to repair my broken Dell Latitude laptop off Ebay a couple of weeks ago.
ch


Capacitors are easy enough to find on some place like Digikey, but nobody sells the GPU chip.
I have also had to replace the Inverter (fluorescent light balast for the screen) adn the fluorescent light bulb that lights the lcd screen. Another 80 tiny screws


by the time my computer died, the recall had expired. I even contacted Dell, and they refused to repair it or honor the recall /make good on their defective item. I was not notified of the recall. It's not the kind of thing you find out about on your own until the thing breaks and it affects you.

... *Ahem*

Let me just start by saying that Fentanyl sucks.

I probably almost died last night, because I'm an idiot.

Moral of the story: Don't eat an entire 7.5mg fentanyl patch in one big, sloppy lick in an attempt to escape opiate withdrawal. It will make you do stupid shit for a few minutes and then make you pass out with your head hanging at a highly uncomfortable angle, and then probably almost kill you... A high opiate tolerance means NOTHING when it comes to this shit.

The end...

This goes out to all the bluelighters who have put up with my posts and depression over they years. You guys are are the best. Alasdair, dave, Spork, Mariposa, and everyone else that would take to long to thank including Dex and countless others.

This site means the world to me and I want to be here forever, hopefully providing you more and better laughs. Shout out to Lysis. Noodle, and man I can't think of everyone now lol. You are all life savers, and you know why.

Much love, I can't wait to save money for a meetup

Cause I made a vitex tea (D2-like agonists), stimulant depression, and anti-psychotic withdrawls.

Especially the rules I set for myself.

I keep drawing a line... The line I will not cross.

Then saying "fuck it" and take a flying hop, skip and jump right over it. It's no big deal, though, right?

We all make mistakes and do things we regret. Chasing bigger, better, faster, more, more, more... When will it be enough for me?

The more I want, the less I have... I don't understand it at all. Perhaps I never will.

------------------

LORDS OF ACID - BLOWING UP YOUR MIND

Hey acid-head, what's goin' on
It's Saturday night - you'll be up till dawn
So put on your make-up babe and shave those legs
Are you wearing your silk stockings tonight?
How about a hat?
What's that white stuff sticking under your nose
Is it powder or is it pure coke
What's the matter you look so confused
I suppose it's all part of the drugs you use
Your lipstick shines it's red like blood
I can see paranoia creeping up your butt
Your wig looks old but you just don't care
With your high heeled shoes you got so much flair
Blowing up your mind
Blowing up your mind
Blowing up your mind
Yes you're blowing up your mind
Hey acid-head, what's in your purse
You got so many pills you could be a nurse
You drink too much and you act like a pig
If i did all that I'd be feeling real sick
But the night is young and you're flying high
You dance with the devil, unafraid to die
You never say no when given a gram
White stuff - sniff it up you don't give a damn
You're all screwed up but you say that you're fine
You sleep with the devil when you're blowing your mind
You dance all night in your lowcut dress
Your brain is buzzin' you're such a mess
Blowing up your mind...

Yeah, yeah,,,,, NYE!!!! I am ready to party now! I will be on here throughout the weekend logging trip reports and such. It is gonna be an epic weekend. My first candyflip, real one anyway. I have done the combo but it was backwards and the timing was off. I have those red squirrels, I want to see how good these boogers really are! I am partying at the crib so it is no worries... Well, super chill ready to go!!!! :D

It's a conundrum.

You like things. Certain things. Some things. Things that aren't abrasive and/or leech energy from you for their own personal gain. You fancy these things and you cling to them.

Any Zen master will attest to the clinging of fancies and pleasures conflicts zen.


I know am I am the universe. I know interconnectivity. Why this burden of isolation? The surest of poisons. solace.


Why do I have to be here? Why can I not find satori? It seems to me I'm just being pummeled continuously into this vector that is getting thinner and thinner. Think Dante Alighieri's circles. I see this plain as day with mass inflation, the prison industrial complex, police unions, CIA approved opium, shit, give em hell boys, it's only a little dope., Military Jack offs that get off on the systemic saturation firebombing of hospitals chocked' full' o' sick little brown people. Some of that great American spirit of generosity we're always hearing about. If I could live forever I'd be at peace, because I want to know to know how it all goes down.

Ad infinitum. I want the knowledge of the logos. I want it all. I'm a greedy little prick.

I've been rereading dune to an impressive degree. Their Padishah Emperor took his fighting force, the abhorrent Sardaukar, hardened and molded into perfect killing machines through duress encountered on the prison planet, Salusa Secundus.

Herbert was wise. I see the fabric of time in his vision, it fits sure as a tailored suit. I'd count him among many visionaries I admire, along with W. Blake.

Is this our prison planet?


Huxley postulated that the pacification of the masses would inevitably be done via drugs, and in a a sense he was right. Television and all that screeching clamorous rubbish is the most addictive shit I've ever seen. I've grown up and seen drug dealers who never used lose 20,000 dollars they'd saved from selling this back allley mexican low-grade weed to suburban sots from a fucking halo addiction. Halo. It's some damn video game, likely old hat now, but he was hooked as fuck. You can't get better irony than that.

It's like being contracted for a book with the characters already written.

The fuckers are real. Same thing with the Hell's Angel's and Thompson. You couldn't make that shit up. Real life is stranger than anything you ever comprehend. Infinitine.


So do I go or shalll I stay?

If clinging and impermanence are such important factors towards the path to enlightenment, what's the bloody point? Lets just strike the match right here and end it.

It was Camus who said that "The only real question in life one has to ask oneself is whether or not to commit suicide."

This is installment one. That last one was too vicious to finish and the reason my satori has been compromised, as you can plainly see here.

Fuck each other in the streets, that's my new standing head.

i am back down to the weight i was in college. and i have (mini) muscles... i have a rather well paying job. thanks to that, i have paid off a lot of debt and actually have money in my savings account... i got out of ohio and back to the west coast... i stopped drinking every night... celebrated 13 years with my husband. or 2 years of marriage depending on how you feel like measuring things... i still have the most awesome and accepting friends... by most people's standards, i look like a successful adult

Makes me achieve orgasm where I stand.























































































































That is all.

So, as noted in my last entry, I dosed 440mgs of methadone on Sunday Xmas Day and although I said it would hold me only until 8AM, Tuesday, it is now Thursday, 4AM, and I haven't touched an opiate/opioid since Xmas, I have a tad bit of hyper-sexuality (spontaneous orgasms aren't unusual during a Cold Turkey Withdrawal) and a runny nose but then I had my sinuses wrecked by a bullet so go figure. I may dose late this afternoon with morphine, or, I might try to go for the long haul.

The craziest shit happened to me yesterday. Too bad Mariposa has been making herself scarce for a bit because she would love this; I found out that Jackie is pregnant! Not only is she knocked up, it is by some strange looking white guy who looks to be in his mid-60s. Better him than me gosh. The thing is, while she was fucking this slag she was busy begging me for a chance. I found out by accident. I'm considering three or four women- although I'm still involved with Joysa I don't think I'm ready to dive into domestic life again.

One of the women and I were talking; As I often say on BL, I never lie. I tell them all they want to know though most usually regret it afterwards. After I told this one girl she filed it away in her mind. We parted ways for the night (I'm in Makati now, in Manila). After she was alone she went online and did a search on Jackie and came up with a page on a social networking site. There she saw Jackie had made a brand new account and had pictures of what looks to be a 65 year old Uncle Fester on Crack though, being the Philippines, he is more than likely a tweaker. His head is like a giant elongated oval, sunken cheeks and eye sockets.

So the girl calls me up, "Raki, go to --- --- and look at her page! She is pregnant by an ugly old Kano (white man though literally its short for American)." I did and was horrified. I tried to wish her luck, congratulate her, but she's too smart, barring comments. I'm still a bit suprised that she would play with giving birth in such a way. Having left 3 kids under 6 years of age she now makes one with an old man? What the fuck?

I flew up to Manila because Typhoon Sendong was so catastrophic that new routes will have to be cut through the reefs offshore for the ferries. I was seated next to a very attractive woman. We got to talking, she is a Malaysian but what they call Orang Asli, the indigenous rainforest tribes that were there after Negritos but before Malays. Her tribe is the Temuan, and they live in Perak. Stunning, 30, and a virgin. In Southeast Asia its not that unusual, especially with more traditional tribes. She is an academic in an economics department.

I pissed her off. In Borneo, where I spend a fair amount of time, such tribes are known to Malaysians as Bumiputra, "People of the Land." When she told me she was a Protestant from Perak I knew she was Orang Asli but asked her if she was Bumiputri. She was so pissed, turns out she's an activist for her tribe as well haha. They prefer to be called Orang Asli. Its akin to an American calling a Native American an "Indian" By the end of the one hour flight though I had recovered to the poinr where I would have invited her home with me if she hadn't had a ticket for a connecting flight.

There is a girl that I met two weels ago in Butuan, when I went with my father in law to Camp Bancasi, an army camp there. She is 23, works in a family bakery and broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years back in 2009 after catching him with another girl. This one is no virgin but gorgeous, always a consideration haha, but as I said, I don't want another wife.

The third contestant is a 19 year old virgin who has never even had a boyfriend. Most men my age (44) would love to bag a teenager but IF you take virginity here you are risking your life if you aren't prepared to walk to the altar if caught. In my case of course, I'm already married.

Then there is Joysa...I feel deeply for her but isn't anything like what I thought I felt for lying Jackie. I reckon I will spend New Years Eve with her but after that I have no idea. 2012 will be interesting to say the least.

It's as it should be. God the tyrant up in his 'kingdom' of heaven.

Why more people ignore overlooked language is beyond me. A democratic republic run by a monarchical religion. Ho ho, you can't make this stuff up, kids. It's actually rather ingenious now that I'm suddenly forced to grapple with the concept.

Scott Oxazepam 1:14 pm
Ill send you my blog.
You wouldn't believe it if you read it.

R 1:24 pm
Yes please do man... I'd love to check it put... U were supposed to send it days ago,?? Hahaha...love to chk it out brotha

Scott Oxazepam 1:24 pm
I've been argueing since then. I just now got a break.
I've been listening to thich nhat hahn audio compositions nonstop to find love in my present moment.
With that thing screeching at me it's impossible.

Click to expand...

I've not much will to write today. I don't want to drink but I fear I inevitably will seeing as I've no muse at hand and a shattered and/or nonexistent family life, an impossible waiting-game of a snails situation at hand where I'm stuck living in a studio apartment with a loveless alcoholic mother who told me yesterday that beer is "all she had."

I made the mistake of telling her that I thought we got along better when she didn't drink, which was true, and she naturally flew off the handle and started projecting, turning the subject against me. I said it takes two [to tango], and I wasn't not included in this and offered to stop drinking myself. She went on to say "I function I have a job and a car and blah blah ad naueseum." So you're saying that gives you a monopoly get out of wherever card to be a miserable albeit functional alcoholic who neglects her children emotionally and intellectually and spends her free time sitting on the couch watching the food network, in an absolutely filthy home (she hid dirty dishes in a storage bin of mine, full of important documents, ruining them, as well as other areas of the house).

She's fucking a married man, which I don't object to, but I think I hear them fucking in the stairwells at 4:30 in the morning when before she goes to work while I'm sleeping sometimes. Well, sometimes I wake up. I don't know whether that's appropriate or not, maybe someone on here can chime in for me, but it sure is damned uncomfortable and off-putting. I sleep with earphones on every night at this point. There's a wall that separates our beds, thank god, but it's still an intolerable situation and I'm finding it harder to stay mindful and full of love in this situation.

I don't feel hate, but I can only find compassion with psychedelics for her. She's the epitome of everything that's wrong with this current new England Americanized culture we suffer at present, and it's hard to love that. Taught by a screen, bemused by advertisements, covetous, miserly and shallow unenlightened opportunists. I don't know if it's a deliberate attempt by some 'mastermind' (dubious) 13-tall dark wizard on dark mountain [who never lets me win!;)]. It's hard to attain Buddha nature when you're surrounded by failed remnants of whatever we considered quality past/present/future/region/ad infinitum variable. The simple fact I was born on the wrong continent lands me in a most tedious and tiresome position. I'll make it work though.

Blah blah. I'm always bitchy these past few days. No hope for the spiritually crippled. No dice.

I'm going to voyage 2-(3-methoxyphenyl)-2-(ethylamino)cyclohexanon at the library later and hopefully add a positive screed. Until then I remain,

Without hope of ever not remaining,

Thou

I did 2,5ml of pure GBL some 15'... and it already FUCKED my head, I fucking love this drug OMG

It's like Cocainediazpine (???) I feel my head soooooooooooooo foggy, it's like I'm among clouds and the rush it's SO FUCKING AWESOME

I can see this drug mixing SO well with opiates, benzos (OMG) and psychodelics... well, pretty much anything

This drug seems like the perfect thing to do almost any time for doing indoor things like playing videogames or going outside and doing shit (but I don't see you can mask this high)... never anything hit me so hard so fast taken orally

well I didn't like the idea of taking this drug but right now I love it

+40'~ I already hit the peak, but I still feel fucking high, also, hungry! I'm gonna eat something feeling euphoric and happy, the music sounds so mega blasting good in my music, me- being a benzodiazepine super abuser, I felt in love with this drug I already know it

+60'~ well I'm coming little by little down... wow I loved it. I'll want to take more, I'll research more about this toxic. Eating some bread, I don't feel nauseas and my body temperature it's hot.

+80'~ redosing 2.5ml more. This stuff gives me the muchies pretty hard btw.

+100'~ feeling STRONGLY euphoric. I F U C K I N G L O V E G B L.

+120'?~ did I ever felt so good? I feel my brain being overflown with Dopamine, Serotonin and also Endorphins (I did take ONLY 60mg Codeine 3 hours ago)... MY FUCKING GOD
I don't know what to say nor do... adhajklsbdkjavb dak.... GBL the ULTIMATE DRUG? most likely you DON'T KNOW.

+300'? I spent like 2 hours talking on the phone. This drug it's amazing. Too addictive. Toooooooooooooooooooooooooo addictive for someone who likes benzos(downers) and uppers.
But I love it. I can foresee my future full of drips of GBL.

So I thought of ways to preserve my food throughout the winter, which transferred into ways to preserve my food, generally, which made possible surplus. Surplus through increased ability for preservation allows overeating on levels not seen before.

I over-shot.

Make or break. I broke, but perhaps something else made. But maybe back then my drive was what made, and made what was broke, made.

I don't want clothes to wash... at least not massive amounts. I want like five robes and I want to be naked under them, and I want to wash the robes in the water.

I want to be naked.

I don't want any excess food to overindulge on. I want to stay hungry. I don't want TV. I want to play games in the woods. I want to live in a society where everyone knows how to make a decent bow and arrow. I want life to be my living instead of sucking life to be my living.

The world- we justify because we need to feel balanced. Where it's going, we dream... and I can't shoot it down.

But I wish my life happened as a caveman. I wish every day I faced real threats instead of threats from my own immune system as a result of it being pounded and overexposed, and body overindulged. I'd rather fight a fucking bear. I would totally destroy that bear. I swear.

Nothing against bears, or anything. In fact it's quite the opposite, how I feel. It would be an honor.

Flesh eating bacteria? At least it's not my own body. I'm what happens when God turns on itself.

We go back. We start again. We go back. We start again. The teeter totter, teeter totter... up and down. What if I learned there was no balance?

Charge ahead.