It's as it should be. God the tyrant up in his 'kingdom' of heaven.
Why more people ignore overlooked language is beyond me. A democratic republic run by a monarchical religion. Ho ho, you can't make this stuff up, kids. It's actually rather ingenious now that I'm suddenly forced to grapple with the concept.
I've not much will to write today. I don't want to drink but I fear I inevitably will seeing as I've no muse at hand and a shattered and/or nonexistent family life, an impossible waiting-game of a snails situation at hand where I'm stuck living in a studio apartment with a loveless alcoholic mother who told me yesterday that beer is "all she had."
I made the mistake of telling her that I thought we got along better when she didn't drink, which was true, and she naturally flew off the handle and started projecting, turning the subject against me. I said it takes two [to tango], and I wasn't not included in this and offered to stop drinking myself. She went on to say "I function I have a job and a car and blah blah ad naueseum." So you're saying that gives you a monopoly get out of wherever card to be a miserable albeit functional alcoholic who neglects her children emotionally and intellectually and spends her free time sitting on the couch watching the food network, in an absolutely filthy home (she hid dirty dishes in a storage bin of mine, full of important documents, ruining them, as well as other areas of the house).
She's fucking a married man, which I don't object to, but I think I hear them fucking in the stairwells at 4:30 in the morning when before she goes to work while I'm sleeping sometimes. Well, sometimes I wake up. I don't know whether that's appropriate or not, maybe someone on here can chime in for me, but it sure is damned uncomfortable and off-putting. I sleep with earphones on every night at this point. There's a wall that separates our beds, thank god, but it's still an intolerable situation and I'm finding it harder to stay mindful and full of love in this situation.
I don't feel hate, but I can only find compassion with psychedelics for her. She's the epitome of everything that's wrong with this current new England Americanized culture we suffer at present, and it's hard to love that. Taught by a screen, bemused by advertisements, covetous, miserly and shallow unenlightened opportunists. I don't know if it's a deliberate attempt by some 'mastermind' (dubious) 13-tall dark wizard on dark mountain [who never lets me win!;)]. It's hard to attain Buddha nature when you're surrounded by failed remnants of whatever we considered quality past/present/future/region/ad infinitum variable. The simple fact I was born on the wrong continent lands me in a most tedious and tiresome position. I'll make it work though.
Blah blah. I'm always bitchy these past few days. No hope for the spiritually crippled. No dice.
I'm going to voyage 2-(3-methoxyphenyl)-2-(ethylamino)cyclohexanon at the library later and hopefully add a positive screed. Until then I remain,
Without hope of ever not remaining,
Thou
Why more people ignore overlooked language is beyond me. A democratic republic run by a monarchical religion. Ho ho, you can't make this stuff up, kids. It's actually rather ingenious now that I'm suddenly forced to grapple with the concept.
Scott Oxazepam 1:14 pm
Ill send you my blog.
You wouldn't believe it if you read it.
R 1:24 pm
Yes please do man... I'd love to check it put... U were supposed to send it days ago,?? Hahaha...love to chk it out brotha
Scott Oxazepam 1:24 pm
I've been argueing since then. I just now got a break.
I've been listening to thich nhat hahn audio compositions nonstop to find love in my present moment.
With that thing screeching at me it's impossible.
I've not much will to write today. I don't want to drink but I fear I inevitably will seeing as I've no muse at hand and a shattered and/or nonexistent family life, an impossible waiting-game of a snails situation at hand where I'm stuck living in a studio apartment with a loveless alcoholic mother who told me yesterday that beer is "all she had."
I made the mistake of telling her that I thought we got along better when she didn't drink, which was true, and she naturally flew off the handle and started projecting, turning the subject against me. I said it takes two [to tango], and I wasn't not included in this and offered to stop drinking myself. She went on to say "I function I have a job and a car and blah blah ad naueseum." So you're saying that gives you a monopoly get out of wherever card to be a miserable albeit functional alcoholic who neglects her children emotionally and intellectually and spends her free time sitting on the couch watching the food network, in an absolutely filthy home (she hid dirty dishes in a storage bin of mine, full of important documents, ruining them, as well as other areas of the house).
She's fucking a married man, which I don't object to, but I think I hear them fucking in the stairwells at 4:30 in the morning when before she goes to work while I'm sleeping sometimes. Well, sometimes I wake up. I don't know whether that's appropriate or not, maybe someone on here can chime in for me, but it sure is damned uncomfortable and off-putting. I sleep with earphones on every night at this point. There's a wall that separates our beds, thank god, but it's still an intolerable situation and I'm finding it harder to stay mindful and full of love in this situation.
I don't feel hate, but I can only find compassion with psychedelics for her. She's the epitome of everything that's wrong with this current new England Americanized culture we suffer at present, and it's hard to love that. Taught by a screen, bemused by advertisements, covetous, miserly and shallow unenlightened opportunists. I don't know if it's a deliberate attempt by some 'mastermind' (dubious) 13-tall dark wizard on dark mountain [who never lets me win!;)]. It's hard to attain Buddha nature when you're surrounded by failed remnants of whatever we considered quality past/present/future/region/ad infinitum variable. The simple fact I was born on the wrong continent lands me in a most tedious and tiresome position. I'll make it work though.
Blah blah. I'm always bitchy these past few days. No hope for the spiritually crippled. No dice.
I'm going to voyage 2-(3-methoxyphenyl)-2-(ethylamino)cyclohexanon at the library later and hopefully add a positive screed. Until then I remain,
Without hope of ever not remaining,
Thou