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it has been about a month since i went to the ER and was diagnosed with sacroiliitis and referred to a pain clinic, i figured i would of been in by the end of that week. since that diagnosis i got the AS diagnosis, and today while at the pain clinic they only had the MRI results for bi-lateral sacroiliitis.

i took my second shot of humira on the tenth, and have a grip of mmj lavender-chocolate chocolate-chip cookies, and other herbals, so her palpating and bending my legs and knees trying to aggravate my sacro-ligaments didnt bother me, nor did it when she put pressure around my L4&L5. i could feel her pressing and it didnt feel right but there was no pain, she was surprised, saying "that humira must really work...!" -she has nooo idea.

all she said they would do there was give me a local anesthetic, and steroid shot into the sacroiliac joints, NO T/Y! and other joints; knees, shoulders, hips, fuck that. the humira is like 30 units IM, piece of cake, an expensive one, but im not having some big ass needle dive into deep tissue on a regular basis...

so the appointment was totally uneventful, except i was given a 'general' referral to any physical therapist i wanted to see, and she suggested a particular practice. i though they did physical therapy there, i need a massage and some acupuncture damnit!

http://112.170.78.145:50000/chosun

I don't know where to find the answer to this, but can someone tell me what IMO stands for? Seen it a lot and can't figure it out. Also, what does green lighter mean?
Definitely new to this site and I'm loving it! Definitely feel like I helped a few people already with the thanks you get, people really appreciate the feedback! Nice community! Keep up the good work!

Also, can someone maybe tell me what all the different highlighted colored posts mean, the two clowns before the title, there are icons. Is there some ky somewhere? I don't really now how to navagate the site too well.

Some of these moderators aare fucking dorks that wack off to threads..I had a thread removed today..reason drug id post are against policy ..well flamer ..I never ask for a id I simply asked for other people experience with the drug and any info would be helpful and that a quote..fuck you..get a life....DORK

hello members of bluelight i am just wondering has anyone ever injected Methiopropamine. and is it safe , please let me know asap of your experiences

I have found a healthier and legal way to help me get thru the day with more energy and focus.

Heres what I'm doing:

In the morning with breakfast
·200mg caffeine pill
·1g l-tyrosine

One hour later
·500mg trimethylglycine (TMG)


I'll repeat that once more in the day not long after noon, with a multivitamin taken with my brunch, between the two.



TMG is a methyl donor that helps in the production of several brain chemicals and hence improves mood, energy, wellbeing, alertness, concentration, and visual clarity.

Tyrosine is a direct precursor to the neurotransmitters that are directly affected by Adderall.. TMG will transport those chemicals to their respective places in your body faster and more efficiently than normal.


I'm adding exercise and a balanced diet to this.. I'll test it out for a while and see how it does for me.

love to get some nice smack now in 2nd day of withdrawls n im givin d fuck up...... cant leave my hse im so sick HELP

So all this is new to me. I get 120 4 mg tabs of Hydromorphine every month and I have started slamming them to ease my pain. I hear of a filter or some kind what is it and where do I get one? After one IM injection I formed a hugh lump, any idea what it is? I know it is painfull.

i dont even know where to start, or if this is even a blog haha.
but i have come to the conclusion that this past year has been the absolute worst of my life.

-i was thrown out of the closet.
being openly-bisexual ended up being the best and worst thing to happen to me. i lost all of my friends since no one wants to be friends with "the gay kid", had to leave the soccer team due to verbal abuse, and things werent getting any better with my parents (who had found out years prior, only to try and disown me after being told. every cuss word you can imagine, ive been called that by them. my "dad" shoved a bible in my face a few times a week, and would hold his fist in the air in front of my face and yell "you have no fucking idea how bad i want to punch your face right now" and i would just smile and cry, telling him to do it so i'd have a reason to leave the dreaded abusive house. theres more but thats for another blog 8) )
getting through all of that had one benefit though, it made me a stronger person initially. now i'm not afraid to admit that i have the capacity to have feelings for a girl or a boy. whats in their pants isnt really what i care about, its mainly based on their personality.

-i became a pretty moderate/frequent drug user.
at the beginning of the year i was using MDMA once every few weeks, and im not sure if its the lack of quality in pills or that i lost the magic but i was beginning to "get over" rolling. i moved on to Adderall, which became my dirtiest habit to date. for a good 2-3 months i used it every few days, combining the amphetamine-induced damage with my already depressed mindset lead to incredible self-hatred. this only to me moving on to "diet pills" to give me an everyday boost and helped convince myself that i would become comfortable with myself soon enough i've finnally managed to quit using stimulants. which i ended up using every consecutive day for the past 3 months.

-Depression turned to emotional numbness
Right around when i started using Adderall, my depression (diagnosed too) just turned into emotional numbness. i couldn't connect with any of my friends, didnt have the desire to go out and make myself available, which im thinking was/is due to self-hatred. it's the worst thing in the world. i would want to cry, want to be happy, want to laugh with my friends but i just couldnt. luckily after recently quitting stimulants im starting to feel back to myself again, hopefully i can recover from whatever caused it and be able to act like myself and have fun again.

aaanyways,
i've decided to make this year (end of Junior year, beginning of Senior year) my fucking year. gotta turn everything around.
i've already been working out 6x/week minimum (im not fat or anything, just not as skinny as i'd like), began taking a few neuro supplements. St. johns wort to help upregulate 5-HT (serotonin) receptors so maybe i'll get my emotions back, and a few others. Stimulants are a thing of the past as of now... the only stim i actually plan on using in the future is MDMA once every 3 months maximum. only because MDMA has had such a beneficial influence on my life. it showed me that there really is such a thing as Euphoria. i cant even explain... haha.

just thinking about it makes me smile, i absolutely love that drug and think everyone needs to try it. i remember life just being absolutely perfect, and i was completely content, back when i used to use it infrequently.

i just want this year to be the year.
So I’m going back on the downlow about my sexuality, going clean (for the most part .)
goodbye all drugs (except occasional MDMA and drinking/cigs at parties only),
goodbye druggie "friends" who always need a drug to have fun,
hello drivers liscense in 4 months,
hello new and content life.

based on these past 2 weeks of quitting stims, neuro supplements, working out, just good health overall, i've got a feeling that i can achieve this sooner than i think. i already feel more "comfortable" and the world just seems aight now i guess.

thanks for reading (if you read?)
this was meant to be more of a vent/rant i guess haha %)
happy fucking new years

The abundance of rules in some places, the lack of rules in others. I just can't ever seem to find a happy medium here. I'm always finding myself in the wrong place at the right time here. Posting where I shouldn't, having posts I'd like to have locked, I can't get locked, having post's I'd like to further discuss, get locked because it's in the wrong spot, rather then just having it moved so it can be continued. From now on, I am going to stick with the 2 forums I know well, and have met some wonderful new friends from and where I don't get knocked down. If this sounds like a feel sorry for me blog it's far from that, it's a blog of pure frustration. I don't need any more stress then I already have to live with. And to clear up one statement that was made, I wasn't expecting a single post to get me respect or what ever what said. Infact I was doning nothing but just stir up some conversation because I was bored and the whole thing backfired on me so I give up, and just don't need to crap. So F it. I really don't give a damn. I'll just stay where I know it's safe and the idiots don't live. Life (for me anyway) is to sort for me to deal with idiots who are high or drunk out of there minds.

My husband is the best person in the world. Yeah, he been done doing them drugs but everybody needs something every once in a while.

So it's the beginning of a new year, even though it is kinda meaningless and arbitrary date I hope this is the start of a new life as the previous 2 years have fucking sucked more than I thought possible...

Anyway, I went to see some family today because I am going to be looking after a lil kitten while they go away (kitten is adorable btw!) and it has kinda struck me how many members of my extended family have been commenting to me about how they have been so worried about me etc because really all I have accomplished in the last couple of years is staggering throughout life in a boring monotone pit of depression where even getting out of bed is even a chore let alone giving a fuck about anything else.

It kinda showed me how my attitude has been so wrong as up until these people saying this to me at christmas my attitude to anyone trying to interfere with my self pity has been 'leave me alone' and kinda alienating myself further...

I really hope I haven't become to set in my ways and stubborn to start fresh this year, I have even done well recently forcing myself to taper off benzos and now they become a thing of last resort rather than first line measure.

Hopefully I can keep it up but my mood is so erratic maybe I'll feel foolish for feeling so optimistic in a couple of days

About four months ago I sat in my living room, slowly pressing my one month sobriety coin over a bag of cocaine, crushing the rocks into a fine powder. A few years back doing such a thing would have seemed blasphemous, relapse or not, but it had been over two years since I had even one day sober, the coin seemed like a joke

How can my pain still be so fresh after three years? I don't understand it.

I don't know if it's because I've started writing again. But at the same time the sadness must have been in there because it's flowing out beautifully into poetry.

I miss him so much that when I think about him it's like being punched in the stomach. All the air goes out of me.

i think I've managed to clarify my thought though, which is a good thing. I think I was glorifying both of us in my head for a while. I've reminded myself of the reality now which helps me rationalise it all better. Why it ended. Surely now, after so long, he would believe that I didn't cheat on him?

Sometimes it feels like he just goes along with the twisted thought his brain dreamt up either because he needed an excuse to finish things with me or because he's too proud to admit that he was wrong. Either is fine, I just wish that he wouldn't keep maintaining that I did something that I'd never have done to him.

Little flashes of memory keep flashing back to me. Like, he didn't like my Facebook because the photos I had up of myself were to get attention. They really weren't, Cub. I'm hardly a stunner. He also said that he was upset because my relationship status was set as "single". The reason I never changed it was because he told me that he didn't love me as much as he used to and that he didn't want to be in a relationship towards the end. It was "Us" time. What a mistake that was. It should have been all or nothing. I loved him too much for it to be casual.

If there was any way that I could go back and change any of what happened then I would do it in a second.

But shit happened, now we're both three years older. He's in a relationship with someone else. I've met perhaps one person that I quite liked but I have walls up so high that I couldn't let anyone close. Obviously I was replaceable, but my ex was irreplaceable.

I fear for the future. I think it's a basic human right to want a relationship. I miss intimacy, I miss random adventures and I miss having someone special just for me.

My ex and I finished by text. Not the best way to go.

I would be so happy if I could just have one more night with him. Just to talk, and hug, and set our world to rights.

There's been a few times I thought about texting him but I'm sure his girlfriend wouldn't like it. She's friends with some of my friends so it would cause problems, and her exes new girlfriend has caused me enough hassle over nothing.

How the fuck do I get past this? I don't know what to do. Does anyone have the answer? Opinions would be appreciated.

I wrote this when I high as fack on 12 speed pills, WARNING don't tweak alone it will make you go crazy.



Date Written: Dec.4/2011
Words: 750

Inside the mind of a tweaker exposed Part1:


"Sure we've all been there at one point stuck between and rock and hard place where every step feels like it one too many. No bathroom in sight and even if there was you probably wouldn't make it. Nothing feels more animalistic than dropping a deuce in the great outdoors. But then you suddenly realize you have no toilet paper and swear to yourself the next time you will be more prepared and vow never to make fun of that guy nerdy guy that carries a package of pocket tissue’s in case of emergencies, again. You envy people who are prepared for whatever life has to offer. For a second you start to stress about the sad shape of your RRSP’s than remembering that your standing over a pile of shit and must keep focused on the task at hand.

You frantically check your pockets for anything that can be deemed useful to your current shit-uation. Your self-frisking has turned up nothing but pocket lint and what looks to be small pieces of marijuana from your days when your parents truly believed that holding it for a friend was common practice amongst various peer groups. You systematically embark on the jouney to acceptance. First in the denial stage you might find yourself saying things like this can’t be happening or this must be a bad dream than without missing a beat you subconsciously call upon faith and self-pity in hopes that feeling sorry for your self will better your outcome, conditional learning has taught us from early childhood having a parent feel sorry for us usually shifts the outcome in a favorable direction. Then you bring God into the spotlight like he can spread some light on your prevalent position and take some of the heat for you eating that three day old burrito you found behind the couch. Without much though shift from denial to faith-self-pity faster than Charley Sheen can bang a 7 gram rock.

At this point you might find your self proclaiming to god and questioning his divine plan that has put you in yet another sticky situation which seams in your opinion to be the story of your life. I should mention now shitting your pants in public and not coming to terms fast can cause complete breakdown. After denial, self-pity and blaming god has proven to be of no good use and you must come to terms that you’ve been wasting precious time trying to change things to which you have no control. Thus begins the soul searching stage. You start to see everything around you as possible ass wiping material. You begin to rationalize your thinking process some may ask them self what would Jesus do or if you prefer to call upon a more modern symbol you may use MacGyver and his ultimate wisdom which is very comparable to Jesus on many levels. Sure Jesus can turn water into wine, but can he fashion a make shift telephone using nothing but a medium sized cocanut a piece of wire and the pacemaker of an unlucky soul who happened to get between MacGyver and his highly motivated burst of ingenuity which always seams to surfice when he needs it the most. You deem not to put open this Costco sized can of beans of debate, capable of feeding most of the starving kids in the south pacific, for fear of being like the stereotypical nerd comparing Luke Skywalker’s Light saber to The star trek weapon of choice.


At this point you will have assets your means necessary to pull through this rather unpleasant occasion without losing your mind. What would MacGyver do? Than it all makes since panic seams silly now because you’re the product of millions of years of human evolution and the world is it your fingertips. You begin assessing every article of clothing you are wearing as possible toilet paper in a pinch. For whatever reason the sock is always first to go. You’ve reached acceptance… You’ve accepted the fact that your sock no matter how clean or dirty will be used to solve your tissue issue. All this brain activity happens within three for four seconds of the first panic stricken moment. If your right handed you more often than not will use the left sock to wipe your ass. It’s your dominate side taking control of the situation without you even realizing it. "


Tweaking out alone is no fun!!!! MS Word was my only output to the world that night.
WTF!?

Comments!?

Im 15 and i dont enjoy life as much as i feel i should. It seems pointless and it all comes to an end. I dont want to kill my self due to disappointment of this life but i just wonder whats the point. Im smart and i have a lot of money compared to most people but i just dont care about any of that. I wish there was more to life and i just am unhappy.

i work as an outreach peer support worker, im also an addict of crack/cocain. working in the field i've learn so much more about myself and how i can help others that want to moderat their useage of there drug of choice.
if you can keep your housing and pay your bills and have food in you frigde, then your on the right track of harm reduction.
like some one said "nice people take bad drugs"any ways what is addiction? just about anyony and everyone hads an addiction to something, from food to shopping and working or cleaning
if you find yourself doing something all the time then you may have an addiction.

New year, new fucking start.

None of the shit from last year is going to get me down.

Brand new start.

I look forward to it.

"Things can only get better"

any one still being prescribed these painkillers am intrested to know for information purposes used to love the pinkies bring back the good old days :D

I wake up drunk and aching everyday.
Soon it will bring me down.
Should I care or just shrugged it off.
My years in this problem sometimes bring me pride.
But then I realize we all give in and drowned.

does a male plant have more cbd?

top site top prices ships to uk and usa

I went through a bundle of H in a week.

I didn't find it nearly as enjoyable as I find oxycodone. It could have been the quality of the batch I got was bad, I don't know. I thought Heroin was supposed to be the be-all, end-all of opiates but in fact I'd take oxycodone over heroin any day of the week. What gives? Is that weird? Who knows, man.

I'm just going to be glad I don't like heroin as much as I like oxycodone. I only sniffed the Heroin and I don't ever plan on shooting so that's that. All told, I guess I'm glad I tried it but I suppose I was expecting something different.

I just have a bunch of guilt and shame over using Heroin. I don't know why I don't feel like that about oxycodone.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I just don't understand. The oxy high is much more energetic and productive and euphoric... this is kind of a syrupy, dark nothingness...

To each his own, I guess.

Sail!

This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
I blame it on my A.D.D. baby

This is how an angel cries
I blame it on my own sick pride
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!
Sail!

Maybe I should cry for help
Maybe I should kill myself
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Maybe I'm a different breed
Maybe I'm not listening
So blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Sail! Sail! Sail! Sail! Sail!

La la la la la la oh!

La la la la la la oh!

Sail! Sail! Sail! Sail! Sail!

Sail with me into the dark
Sail!
Sail with me into the dark
Sail!
Sail with me into the dark
Sail!
Sail with me, sail with me
Sail!



I love this song, the meaning hits close to home.