I had a two day sleep a day ago. It was a weird funk of depression stemming from the thought that I had lost my wallet and it seemed to open a chasm of worry and hopelessness, leading to a 28 hour sleep.
I don't believe there were any entity attacks, quite a bit of recapitulation and prescience. The whole debacle left me feeling out of sorts and I've really no one to go to about these things, if you follow my blog you'll have a better grasp of my situation at present.
I ended up saying fuck it and smashed my wine bottle "piggy bank" to get some money out as I'd thought I lost my wallet and went out and got a half pint old crow. On my way to acquire the abhorred liquor my mother phoned and said she'd found my wallet, as I was going out to take whacks off the crow while retracing my steps from the night before.
I finished it off on the ten minute walk home listening to Tchich Nhat Hahn trying to regain my whits and regain my mindfulness, went home and tried to talk to my mother who at first adamantly refused because she had better things to do apparently (watch the food network) so I forced it. It got to a point where I told her I was having trouble having compassion for those I resent. She is largely unfamiliar with this subject and as a result became irate saying something along the lines of "thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard." This came after I told her that there basically were only two states of being which were love and fear, and I wanted to chose love.
I should have known better than to talk with her about anything. I can't have any kind of conversation with her, aside from a one-sided exchange where I nod in agreement for the most part.
Is this normal? I'm 26 years old and am living with her temporarily. I've been having a horrible time trying to find work since being arrested and charged with an "aggravated harrassment" misdemeanor, a batshit-crazy nonsensical peice of legislature vaguer than the text messsages I wrote to the damn girl that got me in the damn mess to begin with. She construed them as a threat. You can't make this shit up, folks. It was the vaguest most poetic dribble you'd ever hear, half of it didn't make sense because I was drunk waking up to a grim reality and memories of the night before where she broke everything valuable to me and left crying for no reason whatsoever. The fuckers had no case but I still have a "conditional discharge" for 6 months, making it impossible for me to work in health care. I had a job that had already hired me that was going to pay me 15 dollars an hour to start and then I got the letter from the Dept. of health. Now I have to resort to an old job that I like (thank god) but pays half of that and has no health insurance.
Also I'm getting medicaid and can't go without medical insurance. Ever. I did so on and off for the last 7 years and each period resulted in alcoholism and destitution. If I make more than 600 dollars a month, according to New York State, I am no longer eligible and lose it. Studio apartments here start at 750 a month. I have no idea what I'm going to do because I have to be out of here by Feb first or so, but I have a feeling I'll be able to stretch that a little further.
I'm part time now and my first two pay checks are training weeks so I only banked maybe 100 dollars per week, so I'm hoping I can show them that and they'll assume I make that and not bother me anymore. I wonder what the charges for medicaid fraud amount to![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
At this point I'm not worrying about it and considering doing something again to make money which I'd rather not do, but it looks as though I have no choice. The activity is technically legal although requires a decent amount of startup money which I don't have yet. I'm just playing this waiting game.
The only positive thing that's happened to me recently is getting tattooed for free a few times from good friends, still healing one and they both turned out great. I also got a kindle which is probably one of the best gifts I've ever got in my life. I was hesitant at first, but not having to walk to the library or pay late fees or carry 1000 page books filled with Russian asshole words is a blessing.
Ugh. I'm sorry I'm just venting and I have a sneaking suspicion no one is reading my blog, but I'd chock it up to insecure neurotic paranoia, not that I'm really invested in such things but it's nice to get feedback now and then.
Also wanted to extend my loving arm and my heart full of warmth and compassion to all of my troubled brethren.
“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhK_P9dPbms
[/QUOTE]
I don't believe there were any entity attacks, quite a bit of recapitulation and prescience. The whole debacle left me feeling out of sorts and I've really no one to go to about these things, if you follow my blog you'll have a better grasp of my situation at present.
I ended up saying fuck it and smashed my wine bottle "piggy bank" to get some money out as I'd thought I lost my wallet and went out and got a half pint old crow. On my way to acquire the abhorred liquor my mother phoned and said she'd found my wallet, as I was going out to take whacks off the crow while retracing my steps from the night before.
I finished it off on the ten minute walk home listening to Tchich Nhat Hahn trying to regain my whits and regain my mindfulness, went home and tried to talk to my mother who at first adamantly refused because she had better things to do apparently (watch the food network) so I forced it. It got to a point where I told her I was having trouble having compassion for those I resent. She is largely unfamiliar with this subject and as a result became irate saying something along the lines of "thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard." This came after I told her that there basically were only two states of being which were love and fear, and I wanted to chose love.
I should have known better than to talk with her about anything. I can't have any kind of conversation with her, aside from a one-sided exchange where I nod in agreement for the most part.
Is this normal? I'm 26 years old and am living with her temporarily. I've been having a horrible time trying to find work since being arrested and charged with an "aggravated harrassment" misdemeanor, a batshit-crazy nonsensical peice of legislature vaguer than the text messsages I wrote to the damn girl that got me in the damn mess to begin with. She construed them as a threat. You can't make this shit up, folks. It was the vaguest most poetic dribble you'd ever hear, half of it didn't make sense because I was drunk waking up to a grim reality and memories of the night before where she broke everything valuable to me and left crying for no reason whatsoever. The fuckers had no case but I still have a "conditional discharge" for 6 months, making it impossible for me to work in health care. I had a job that had already hired me that was going to pay me 15 dollars an hour to start and then I got the letter from the Dept. of health. Now I have to resort to an old job that I like (thank god) but pays half of that and has no health insurance.
Also I'm getting medicaid and can't go without medical insurance. Ever. I did so on and off for the last 7 years and each period resulted in alcoholism and destitution. If I make more than 600 dollars a month, according to New York State, I am no longer eligible and lose it. Studio apartments here start at 750 a month. I have no idea what I'm going to do because I have to be out of here by Feb first or so, but I have a feeling I'll be able to stretch that a little further.
I'm part time now and my first two pay checks are training weeks so I only banked maybe 100 dollars per week, so I'm hoping I can show them that and they'll assume I make that and not bother me anymore. I wonder what the charges for medicaid fraud amount to
At this point I'm not worrying about it and considering doing something again to make money which I'd rather not do, but it looks as though I have no choice. The activity is technically legal although requires a decent amount of startup money which I don't have yet. I'm just playing this waiting game.
The only positive thing that's happened to me recently is getting tattooed for free a few times from good friends, still healing one and they both turned out great. I also got a kindle which is probably one of the best gifts I've ever got in my life. I was hesitant at first, but not having to walk to the library or pay late fees or carry 1000 page books filled with Russian asshole words is a blessing.
Ugh. I'm sorry I'm just venting and I have a sneaking suspicion no one is reading my blog, but I'd chock it up to insecure neurotic paranoia, not that I'm really invested in such things but it's nice to get feedback now and then.
Also wanted to extend my loving arm and my heart full of warmth and compassion to all of my troubled brethren.
“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhK_P9dPbms
[/QUOTE]
