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Lazy, useless, asshole.

Will not be going back to school next semester. Sigh. How do I manage to get a B in my difficult class and a WU in my easy class? Oh, right, by not showing up... I guess my High School Guidance Counselor was right... College just isn't for me. Thanks for leaving me with that stuck in my mind, you fucking monkey looking, green banana eating beast of a woman...

I'm so depressed. I spent the last 3 days in bed, coming off oxycodone the first day and the past 2 just being miserable.

I'm freezing cold, my nose is running, I gave myself a sinus infection from snorting all of that Roxy, my liver is probably going to give out because I don't CWE Percocet because I'm afraid of losing the precious oxy with any of the Tylenol...

Sometimes I wish I would come down with some terrible disease or get into some horrible accident where I can spend the rest of my days in an opiate stupor and at least there would be a reason for it.

But that's a fucked up thing to say, especially because I'm just wasting my youth... As they say, youth is wasted on the young... Plus I'm not even that young anymore and it isn't cute... I just wish I had some sense of purpose. I'm just rotting from the inside out.

I met this 29 year old chick in my town today through a friend.... She had added me on facebook and we talked then decided to meet up. So anyways I decide to do so.... She seemed really cool and we clicked so I said why not? She ended up being really nice and all....we really got along and what not. So long story short she just got out of rehab not to long ago and she told me she was addicted to heroin but got clean but now is using again. We started talking about our drug use and what not... She said she got clean because of her baby boy (omg she has a son.... she has a kid). She then says she only wants to use it occasionally so she won't become addicted again (omg woman don't we all say this). Then we talk and she takes out a bag and offers me some. Stupid me decides to take a couple fucking bumps. Mother of fucking God.... I'm snorting heroin.

We end up having a good time and all.. She tells me she's happy to make a new friend and we will hangout again. We also decided we would go to Philadelphia and cop together. Yeah, that all seemed like a good idea then but now it has hit me..... What have I set myself up for? I now have a chick who wants to be friends and uses dope.... And you know hanging out won't be about just going to the movies or arts and crafts...maybe in the twilight zone but now it will just be all about chasing that high. So now I'm scared out of my mind. I know if I make friends with her I'm going to start using and I told myself I would stay away from opiates. I take roxicodone occasionally now and stay away from oxycontin but long behold I am messing with heroin now. I wanted to but then again I didn't... Its an inner battle that I fight everyday. One part of me wants to be self destructive and the other part of me doesn't want to be.

I don't know how this happened... Maybe I was searching for it and now I got it. My life has been complete shit lately and I don't give a fuck anymore so maybe that's why I'm doing all this shit again. Yet, something inside of me is saying stop now while you're ahead but then I know I'm not going to. Why do I choose to use instead of moving on with my life and making something out of it? The sad thing is I'm not worried about dying but I'm worried about causing others pain. Isn't that fucked up... I was always the good daughter (for the most part), the one who didn't ever want to use drugs or even touch a cigarette. What the fuck happened to her? I was on the honor roll the HIGH honor roll and got accepted to Penn State but threw that all away. I know I can move on and do bigger and better things but instead I keep digging myself into a hole that I can't get out of. I'm disappointed in myself and it makes me more depressed than I already am.... I don't get why I have to use drugs. I know I started using them to help with the shitty aspects of my life but they actually just make it worst in the end.

I'm eighteen years old and I should be worrying about other things. Not about getting high or where I'm going to get that money for me to get high. Shit, getting a job was the worst idea ever because all I use the money for is on drugs. ( Well, clothes too but if its not clothes its drugs.) I should be worrying about going back to school and what not.. I guess ill see what happens and where I end up going, if anywhere.

I remember that time in health class when our teacher had us raise our hand for when we think we would die. I raised it for 60 something but inside I really wanted to raise it for 21.

I love football. More than your average girl. Just sitting here watching the Saints @ 49ERs waiting for the Pats/Broncos game to start. I really want to see Saints @ Patriots. I'm a big Pat's fan, always will be, but recently I've been following the Saints too. I really enjoy watching their Offensive line.. Colston, Sproles, Graham, Meachem and Pierre Thomas. I just like them. Never been to New Orleans, never even been to Louisiana even.. but I really like them. Can't say I like Brees though because Brady is definitely stuck in my heart (not in a "oh he's so hot" kinda way though).

But, the 49ERs literally just got their game-ending touchdown. BOO. Well, at least I'll be able to boo indefinitely when the Pat's opponent scores next week and won't be happy if it's a Colston or Sproles TD! At least I can really show disappointment or worry if the Patriots are losing and won't have to secretly be happy either way!

Kick off! Well, good luck to the Pats! My brother is at the game. Lucky him, although I wouldn't want to go. There's something about sitting in below 10 degrees weather for 4 hours around screaming drunks that doesn't seem appealing. (Wow! Patriots TD not even two minutes into the game! Awesome. This is gonna be a good one!). I despise obnoxiously loud drunks. In fact I don't even like yelling in general. I'm a very quiet person. I never yell, guess that's why. I don't even like when the person next to me is yelling. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy going to sporting events despite obnoxiously loud drunks. It's more the cold weather that bothers me.

I hate hate hate the cold! Totally with I were still in Miami for this winter. Although if given the choice, I would rathe suffer through the cold and be here all winter long and be with my friends, than be down there in the warmth knowing no one at all and having nothing to do! I'll take my friends and family any day! Not even a hard decision there.

My friends, and family, have been so great to me these past two years or so that they saved my life. I believe it was them that helped me through this tough recovery and I wish I were good at saying thank you and showing gratitude. I don't know how to thank people as they deserve. If I could, I'd be on my hands and knees washing their paths with a toothbrush for everything they've done for me. If I only knew how to say that without sounding like I'm over-exaggerating and like I'm just saying it to be nice. I've definitely thanked them, I just wish I could show them somehow. Though for some reason I think deep down they know how grateful I am to have them in my life.

If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be home enjoying this football game!

Go Pats!! Woowoo!

Im new here. I do drugs, in meth ight now. But, ive noticed multiple people saying please help i overdosed almost died it was a tagety!! The nexy sentance says, "yeah man i shot up a gleaming 8 ball of pure candy cut with mescaline. My heart almost stopped. Bob Marley was singing to me and my family thought I was going to die. It was almost as good as when i shot up pure tar and got in a car wreck. BUT wow that tar was mad sticky. BUT seriously I'm upset and frightened it was the best shit ive ever seenonce it hit my veign I knew it was heaven??? My fav was crying because my face was blue and i was in a coma after snorting 4 oxy cotton 80's at once, the badass red ones? Im getting more now. " Please give me advice on how to cope with my pure pure beautiful candy eight shot i did." I even wrecked into a tree, please can you help me on how to fix my car? Those oxys were BADASS.

Dude, yall are bragging and then asking for help saying it was tragic. Grow up. Drug discussion is great! Overdose can be very hard to cope and we should talk about it. Dont ask for help if you dont really want it. It was tragic?? Makes no sense. Im an addict but only any idiot would od and think that they were cool. I found MULIPLES of these weird cries for help? Drugs are great but REALLY?
Annoyyed and tired in tx

Finally, after days, 3 have managed to restore signal so that I can use my dongle and access the internet through my laptop instead of my android. My vodafone signal is not particularly great in the flat either, so doing anything online was pretty difficult. It's fine though... I don't use the internet much apart from chatting to some friends on facebook or coming on here to see what the latest is.

It's so fucking cold at the moment it's unreal. I thought the winter would be mild but there's a ferocious chill in the air and I'm struggling to heat the flat. There's one storage heater in the whole place so I've got a halogen heater in my room and in the living room. I don't even have a bath so there's nowhere to submerge myself in warmth... although it's probably good as it would cost a fortune to heat a bath's worth of water every night. Sometimes I think I should move but I've got so comfortable in this space. It's a tiny flat, would probably fit in most people's living rooms... but it's a safe place for me to hide from the world and that's what I need. I've got an electric blanket on my bed so that will keep me warm tonight, and if I wear socks and keep the hood on my dressing gown up I shouldn't wake up chilly in the night.

Going back to work wasn't quite as bad as I feared, but I still worry that something will go wrong. I'm trying very hard to keep what confidence I've got as this appears to be the way to get through the days without crumbling. There's nothing really wrong with me... just that usual yearning feeling that I can't quite shift. My heart's still heavy but I don't know why.

I've not got anyone special in my life. I feel like my heart just kind of shut down and it feels safer to go through life without someone. There's no point sharing life with someone unless they're special and I've just not met anyone that fulfilled me in any way like Alan did all those years ago. I miss him terribly. We're probably very different in a lot of ways to the way that we used to be. Sometimes I feel sad because I feel like there's a lot of things about me now that he would probably like more than he did then. It's shit how things work out.

Well, I'm fucking freezing, and I am up early tomorrow as Sarah's got an hour to work back... I'm so skint I need to get a lift in with her so I am gonna try and catch up on my workload. How fucking dedicated lickety split. Working for the man. Meh.

Sometimes I feel a bit dead inside. What happened to the wondrous things in life? There was a time where simple things made my life doubly good. Now I feel like I'm sleepwalking through life.

Well, not really a Wonderland, but it snowed tonite!!! Yay! My first snow storm at home since, well, I've been home! But, tonight was a huge milestone! It was Dollie's first snow, ever! (my 7 1/2 yr old Miniature Dachshund). I rescued her in Miami, and this is her first winter in the North. She is absolutely hating the cold!

Well, tonight, it finally snowed! I put her little doggy-I'm-a-thug sweatshirt on her, (it's two sizes too big for her so she looks like she's gong to rob a bank wearing it) put the hood over her head, and my dad and I grabbed the cameras! It was going to be a very memorable night!

I had to carry her down the steps because they were too slippery for her to go down them, I didn't want her falling on her face. So I put her down in about a cm. of snow.. Surprisingly, she didn't turn around and run back up the stairs like she does if it's too cold for her! She actually walked, more like waddled, into the middle of the street and circled and circled, went up on the neighbors lawn, circled around more and kept trying to sit down to find a place for her business. It was adorable! She was trying and trying! Took her like five minutes to finally decide where to go!

We got her to walk around for a bit more until finally she said F-this, I'm goin home!! Then she waddled home...

She made me so proud, I know what a mother feels like when their child does something new for the first time! I was teary..my little baby is growing up ;(

Can't wait to play in the snow with her again in the am!

Hope it snows more tomorrow!

The past little while, I have been MIA for a reason... I fell off the wagon and I really didn't mean to. I tore the meniscus in my knee and had surgery, so I was back on
the lortab again. During that time, I also switched doctors. I either had to get back on xanax or it was the end of my job, so I went to this doc that my boss highly
recommended. At first, I was impressed. He put me back on gabapentin (the lyrica is total fail IMHO) and really seemed to be concerned. That is, until I asked if I might
need a higher dose. Suddenly, it was as if I was a med-seeker. I had one of my bad back spells and went in to see what he could do. Usually when this happens, a run of
prednisone and maybe lortab do the trick. I asked about the pred (mistake #1), but he just gave me lortab 5's which are useless. I ran out and the pain was still insane, so I called him. Well, all he told me was that I needed physical therapy and I'd feel better. A few months later, I got sick and went in. He flat out refused to even give mea prescription cough syrup! Told me to take OTC stuff. Wow. I could have saved my money for other things.

That was the last time I went.

So, last week, I went to this nurse practitioner a friend spoke highly of. That was a HUGE disaster. Because I feared I would appear to be doctor shopping, I didn't tell this
person that I had seen the other doctor. She originally gave me a prescription for clonazepam (I had a panic attack at work one day and need to be on anxiety meds),
but for some reason, she kept stalling when I asked about filling my adderall. She left the exam room and then came back in a few minutes later with a printout.
Suddenly, she shouts at me, asking me if I am just trying to find someone to prescribe my controlled substances. She said, "you think you are pretty smart don't you?
You didn't know I could pull all the records of all the controlled drugs you have filled, huh?" I tried to level with this psycho, telling her I was afraid of looking like a doctor shopper,
that I wanted to find a doc that I could trust and actually communicate with. Well, she took back the prescriptions she wrote, telling me I didn't deserve them and that
we would need to work together more in order for her to trust me.

Now, I'm off my adderall and have been for two months. It sucks. I'm driving myself crazy. I've been smoking weed in order to mellow myself out. And I'm freaked over
that, too. If I go back to the nurse practitioner, I KNOW she's gonna drug test me. Last thing I want is to end up in rehab. If I go to yet another doctor, I can guarantee
my insurance company is going to start to wonder what the hell is going on.

THIS SUCKS!!! I've been working my ass off trying not to abuse the lortab I have had and never take my adderall other than prescribed. A 30 day supply often lasts me
60 days because I don't take it unless I'm at work or school. I take xanax as an "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" sort of way. Yet, I'm a druggie and don't deserve
the medication that keeps me balanced.

Hello, I am a sophomore and seeking to be a crime scene investigator. I am interested in legal aspects, probation, corrections, criminal investigation and criminal defense. I will be getting my associates degree in the Fall!!! I am not inteo those who ae familiar. Also scored around 98% on the written examines. Hey, did I watch too much CSI? Hahah. I will not be interested in routine police work. I study the penal code as if it were a bible. I LOVE crime scene investigation and recieved two first place trophies in college LAE competetion in which I took lead investigator in both. This is a college Criminal Justice competetion nationally which covers all types off police work and CJ related. Always cracked the cases, impressed the judges and dominated the competitions and written examines. BUT I cannot handle a lot of blood, guts, dead people or traumatic images. I can watch anything on TV. I can crack these cases with ease because they werent REAL dead bodies or trajities I want to do crime scene investigation in the dallas tx area. Anyone with prior experiance in this field, Will I get used to the blood and gore so that I can use my talent to save lives? I have considered the other CJ jobs that are to offer but it seems I have a talent in this field. Where should I start fresh out of college? In a law office until I decide? Some say I will get used to the images and it will not be difficult it will become my job and I will succeed due to my 2 National Trophies. I can handle some gore, I have seen a lot. But it's hard. Dead children? Bodies scattered around a room...I just dont know. It will be my duty to save lives and prosecute the criminals with ease. I'm quick on my feet, and have some nautral talent for investigating and handling emergencies. Will I be seeing these dead children in my dreams? College student. Unsure. Anyone with experiance in this or the medical field please give advice.

ALSO, any members of Lambda Alpha Epsilon feel free to comment here. I am with the Lambda Chi Chapter. Also enjoyed written examines for juvinial justice and corrections. I just took a year off to have my son. Ready to graduate in the Fall but still unsure of where to start. I get different answers from everyone almost. LAE members post your stories and talents!!! I learned so much through this Fraternity and made lifelong friends. A highlight of short college career

I've checked up the prices of small flats in North West London, I mean the area with good underground and bus connection. It's not that bad actually, 100£ for a single room, 120£ for two persons. I just need someone to move in with me. I don't understand people, I guess it's already in mentality of Poles they're afraid. I asked a lot of people that I know they can't do anything here and nobody wants to go. And the knowledge of English is not the problem. Most of my friends are female, I'm not currently with anyone sadly. I'm offering as a friend of course and they know it. I lived with girls in London before and it wasn't like something happened. Well, there are still 2 people, both girls. But the first one has just turned 18 and I guess her parents won't let her go although she can decide for herself. The other one isn't Polish and lives outside the EU, a visa may be a problem. Yeah, and both are my ex-gfs. Anyway, I can maintain friendship with the vast majority of my ex-girlfriends, and there are no problems. It's definitely not as if we never were together, the feeling is still different than if e.g. we never slept together. God, I don't want to live alone so much. It's not about that extra money I'd have to pay because it's not much. My whole life now is like loneliness...

I don't know where I'm going... My lifes been at a dead end for awhile. I don't even know what I want anymore... What I'm looking for out of life if anything at all? Sometimes I just want to pack a backpack and leave. I've been thinking about it for awhile now and I think I may just do it. After January 25th I have no obligations except for going to work whenever I'm scheduled but I've been thinking fuck it lately. Why go to work anymore? I just need to leave but then I tell myself no you can't throw that away. Yet, being where I am now is not helping and I hate having to drag myself out of bed to only live a life I don't care to live.. No not a suicidal comment but I want more out of life. I want to do the things I was going to do but I don't think I can accomplish it where I am now. So I'm going to decide whether or not I'm going to just leave. Leave all this bullshit behind and actually live for me and not for others.

Sometimes living with one parent and seeing that person everyday can take a toll. Little annoyances can become huge problems. I don't know why such small things bother me. I'm easily annoyed. I stayed in my room for two hours before getting up so I could watch tv while you were doing whatever it is you were doing, you had your crappy music playing on the stereo, so I gave you some time. Two hours later, I came out to play nintendo, and you were such a dick. There's a radio in the bathroom, on your phone, your computer, you could have turned the radio on anywhere instead you were a jerk and said "no Im listening to it!" and made me sit there with my headphones on watching Netflix on my iPad and wouldn't let me play nintendo.

I sat on the couch ALL DAY yesterday (11-6pm) watching you play Wii and I never once asked to change it. Today while you were so rudely hogging the tv set again, I asked to use it and you were a dick.. let's not even mention how you left the floor and went to the attic for two hours and didn't even say "oh I'm going upstairs you can play nintendo now". I'm sick of living with someone so inconsiderate.

I know, I'm whining, but you do shit like this all the time. I wish I had the strength to confront you. Tell you not to be such a fucking jerk. You're so self centered sometimes.

I always watch what you want to watch, take for instance NOW. You were fast asleep napping in your room, and I was on the couch watching Desperate Housewives, with every intention of watching Pan Am afterwards. You came out and watched half of Desperate Housewives with me (I had to start it late because I walked the dog). And when you bitched and complained the whole time through it, you said well CSI: Miami is on, let's watch that, so I had to give up the rest of DH, and now we're watching this dumb show (Horatio is terrible! It's SO fake).. and you're not even paying attention! You're sitting on your computer playing games and watching youTube videos. SERIOUSLY. What a jerk! Could you be any less self-centered? Aaahh. I know, I'm being a bitch, and it's not that big of a deal, but it is, not when you do this every fucking night. I'm set up to watch what I want to and you come out and take over the TV, we watch what you want to, and you NEVER pay attention!!

There you go, on your phone playing games AND your computer at the same time, you don't even know what's going on. I could be watching Pan Am and be happy right now and you wouldn't even know the difference. (I know I know, I could just go in my room, but I physically cannot sit in my bed for so long watching TV or else I won't be able to sleep, really terrible back pain and the bone loss makes my bones so sore if I'm in the same position for so long, also, my room is too small for a chair or to sit anywhere other than the bed, so the living room and couch is my only option).

So it sounds like I'm just bitching and moaning, but really.. you need to stop being such a jack-ass and have some consideration for other people, because you never do! I ask you to watch the dog for 2 minutes while I go to the store and get YOU a chocolate bar and drink, I come back, and she's eating fucking two day old pizza you let fall on the floor and didn't bother to pick up! You're lucky she didn't get sick, you couldn't stop playing your stupid computer game for TWO minutes and watch the dog for me? WOW. I prove my point. And don't think I forgot about all the times you finish everything: chips, cookies, snacks, right in front of me and don't even bother to say "oh, want one before finish them?" That is the epitome of cruel!

All I want to say is, "Have a little compassion, be a little more caring, think about other people", maybe people will be nicer to you...

(I promise you, I'm not really a jerk, this is coming from months, even years of frustration... damn, I can't wait til I am healthy and can move out and be on my own!)

I've been on suboxon for 3 months recently ran out I don't know anyone in this area looking for someone with a home remidy to help me out.... is anyone out there

Unless taken with some other substance, like alcohol, Mdma, amphetamine, 4-FA, or hydrocodone, weed can cause me to view things about myself in a way I find very uncomfortable. I take an extreme notice/realization of my behaviors and thoughts and can't stand to see myself as presented in my mind while on weed, by itself. But there are still times I enjoy it by itself, in small amounts.. I've even had good experiences after smoking large amounts of different high quality strains, but the way I see my daily life and my life in recent years will disturb me and make the mental aspect very uncomfortable.. Unless mixed with the drugs mentioned above, or similar drugs, I can't enjoy weed 100% of the time because it shows me too much of myself from a seemingly pessimistic outlook... I had JWH-018 a long time ago, it was a similar in relation to mental guilt and introspection but amplified 100x.. Quite simply the worst drug experience of my life.

I discovered I have my very own blog.

I can't bear how tense I have become. The clock marks empty hours as I pace, in search of something that never comes to me. The tightness in my chest betrays the voice in my head that tells me I am wrong. It's like waiting for a telegram to tell you that a loved one died at war. A text message could end this, but I am not brave enough to try. The televisions mindless drone fills me with tedium. I don't know what is coming and I wish I knew. I long for the comfort of a human embrace. But the one I need is unlikely to read this. My heart has reverted. I am delving through years past. And drowning for the wordsmith that filled my heart.

It has crossed my mind many times before.. It seems like the right thing to do sometimes, yet I always find a reason not to. Right now I'm fighting that urge or even the thought of it. I have too many things to do in life, before I go.. I'm sick of feeling suicidal and I think it's time to forget about the feelings and what makes me feel that way because there are people in my life who would be left with too many questions. Whenever I go it won't be deliberately by my own hands, I have to much to do in life to decide for myself when my end will be.

Think I am going to take some co-dydramol and watch a movie. I don't want to be in my own head today. All I do is turn over thoughts like stones looking for the answers to everything. It's impossible. Feels like a storm is coming, internally.

i have no clue what to say anyone here

It's become an impossible game of join the dots. I am starting to think I am barking up the wrong tree. Yet my instinct makes me stay alert. I am trying so hard to figure out the truth but I can't. I want to know. Is it him? Can I help him? I just need to know.

I was born to compose unsophisticated gibberatics, a continuous interpretation of some rhetorical persuasion quite glaringly outwith any specific context relevant to the utterance itself. It is this desire to put effect before structure that makes me insufficiently equipped to arrive at a knowledge of writing above that of banal chaotic negativity. It's assumed my natural diversity may resemble the tactics of a civil disobedience rather than a creative adjustment of the commodity we use like a fetish.

I'll never be educated enough to charm the world with juxtapositions lashed to every sentence in essayistic celebration nor agitated enough to graduate from armchair revolutionist to historical complexity. By the age of 10 I had won many regional essay writing awards, national poetry competitions and was voted local fiction writer of the year (aged 12 and under) by a panel of literary critics including the tremendously gifted wordsmith...Giles Brandreth!!??

(sigh) Fast forward about 30 years and here I am....still writing shite philosophical debris of incoherent disorientated absurdities. I make nobody seethe with envy for my bullshit literature. A plethora of rejection slips and discouraging reviews of my work keep me grounded. I am an oddity, a clumsy contemporary, accidental bookish balladeer.

wierd title from me because I wasn´t here before.... aaaaaanyhuu... I was released back to community from local correctional facility just a few hours ago, and I am still adjusting.... so BACK THE FUCK UP!!!! ..daddy needs to calm down...(?)

Where was I ?! ..oh´yeah, I was supposed to write a small piece on Inmate medicating in Finland.
well... I really don´t know how or where to begin, cause whole healthcare in prison is a mess, or at it´s best: a joke.
And somehow I think that it is the same everywhere in the world... but what makes Finland stand out? it is the sickening lack of corruption in this otherwise nice country.
In laymans terms: Everywhere else, you can buy whatever medication you feel yuo need, some underpaid officer will gladly help you out... but not here, not in finland...
Basic system goes like this... as you get sent to jail here, you can kiss your medication goodbye, whatever may it be, and start planning how to survive on nothing but a selection of neuroleptic chems from 1945 and an asperin once in two days...

good luck!! ...i will get back to this ´bloggin thing´ when I have something more fun to share...
meanwhile I´ll be researching with some tryptamines and with a few(to me)new stimulants.

Until the next time... Keep your whiskers clean, my little lab-rats!!!

Guess who.

So..most of you actually don't know.. A year ago (Jan 21, 2011), I received a liver transplant. Monday, I had bloodwork, normally done 1-2 times a week. I've been having complications and a longer recovery time due to infections, inability to gain weight, etc. So my function tests have been below normal, which, is normal on the road to recovery.. I guess. (Weird huh?)

Anywhom, fast forward to today: Drs appointment...

Results: Liver fxn tests are NORMAL! Woohoo!!

Yay!! Also, I am up to over 110 lbs now (well, with three layers of shirts and two pants)! After surgery I went down to 80 lbs, so a huge obstacle for me was gaining weight. I couldn't eat much, so that wasn't helping. But now, my appetite is worse than my dad's!! I am eating like triple what I have last month! yAy!!

All I have to do is stay like this, and then I'm good!

Wish me luck!

I am sick as hell right now... And not for the reason why I've been for the past few days...

Rather than feeling sick from *not* having any opiates, I have now learned that you can get sick from having, *gasp* .. too MUCH! 8)

My usual source of lortabs skipped out on me this weekend, so I called up another family member to see if they could help me out. Very, very generous and sympathetic, this woman... Suffering from a broken hip and severe back problems, she receives large amounts of Dilaudid 4's and (apparently) Roxies, which she was happy to supply me with a surplus of... I honestly was not expecting to walk out of that house with 34 D's and 4 other tiny blue pills that I didn't notice were mixed in until I got home, at which point my reaction was "... are those...?!" A quick Google image ID confirmed my suspicion that they were, in fact, 30mg Roxies... Having never had such an amount of oxy before, I nearly shit my pants at this golden opportunity... Literally, because I'd been hiding my withdrawals pretty good up until that point...

The only time I've ever had oxy was in the form of two 5mg percs, and they did jack shit for me as my tolerance for hydrocodone was sky high at the time... I figured that, based on this one past experience, that the two chemicals' strengths were similar enough that I could get a good kick out of the same dose I would normally take the hydro in-- 60mg, or only 2 of these delicious little blue pills rather than a handful of inferior yellow ones...

... Oh, my naivete...

I got my kick and then some, and was on absolute top of the fucking world for a while... By the time they were starting to wear down, my intelligent self figured it would be a good idea to squirt 3 of the D's up my ass... ... and it was at that point that it all went down hill. As soon as the D's started to kick in, all I could think was "... oh dear..."

So I laid down for a few minutes to try and quell the resulting intense nausea, and it worked for a while... And then I stood back up...

I can only say that I am thankful the bathroom is right outside my bedroom, and that my roommate wasn't home... I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning with the second worst headache of my entire life, and TL;DR = I will never take anywhere near that much oxy ever again... I have gained a newfound respect for these chemicals... For all you guys out there that pop like 2 or 300mg of this shit a day, I imagine you had to work pretty hard to gain that sort of tolerance... You can have it, I've learned my lesson...