unfrotunatly after most MXE experiences, i have no memory of them after. i just know they were amazing.
Hm this sounds kind of troubling to me. I had the most intense experience I've had last weekend and remember pretty much all of it. Part of that is a bit troubling because it was soooooo weird, and it takes some time to re-acclimate your mind with what happened, but I felt I was in a different world- the dissociated world if you want to call it that. My perception of who I was was totally unreal. I had to rethink who I was, and what my life was about: very, very intense stuff. Perhaps too intense. To complicate things my fingers were each split as two and three (to my eyes of course lol) too.
Anyways I kind of wonder whether you particularly would want to even remember stuff like that or not? I can see where some people might just want to take a huge dose, drift off into space and wake up 6 hours later on their bed having no idea what happened.
But I am not sure maybe this is missing out on the experience some? Personally I have always had a really good memory so I am sure this helps me, but you could try some other things like taking piracetam or changing your dosing protocol to help make the onset more manageable so you don't black out or anything from a huge dose hitting you all at once? Assuming you even do that...
I just plug small amounts 5 mg at a time (you can do sublingual too) for a number of redoses (some nights 10-15) until either the night is too late or I am sufficiently whacked at 5 AM. Also I always combine it with other stuff, especially 6APB but also tryptamines (very low doses of those!), which probably ends in me doing less MXE than a lot of people.
Maybe doing MXE on its own just wipes your memory out or something... well anyways just some things to think about if you want to try and help your memory. Maybe you don't care? ;P
The main reason I post though, is that the experience last weekend made me feel for the first time ever an actual antidepressive effect from the trip (it was MXE, 6APB and a splash of 4-AcO-DiPT later on). The trip was so wild for the last hour or so there that I was thoroughly satisfied and relieved with being back in the real world, sober. It was quite an experience, and I have felt great this week, better than after most hard trips, but if I was blacked out the whole time it wouldn't have mattered...