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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Octsober!!

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^ Okay you guys! You both know well that a slip here or there happens.
Don't let it get you down.
A relapse is a bit common- As long as you learn from the mistake and move forward instead of giving up and letting yourself slide back, you will succeed!
You made an effort to get to the place you were before you slipped up, allowing yourself to throw that all away would be a shame.
You will then only later have to start ALL OVER AGAIN!
You don't want that.
So let yourself feel bad for a little bit if you need to but then get right back up and keep going!!
THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS!
Things will get easier and things will be better!! <3 <3
 
Thank you ocean. Hopefully once I get a proper sleep, I'll be able to move forward. Without going into too much detail, last night was a night of weakness. And then I was woken up only after about 2 hours of sleep by external noise to my place...and could not for the life of me fall back asleep. The hangover was so bad that...well ya. I am going to stay up a few more hours (without drinking) and then take a sleeping pill in attempt to get a good 10 hours. I will indeed try and think positive thoughts, and I know that I do want to move forward. And I will. :) <3
 
`pr0digy said:
Glad to see a thread like this! Overdone - still around and going strong ? I'm planning on a completely sober October, just like last year ;) Keep it up guys, if I can do it (straight junkie through and through) then anyone can.
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Prodigy!!!! What's goin' on brother? Yep, I finally got the help I need by going to a shitty rehab and now I'm pretty hardcore into NA.

So far I have 56 days clean. Not too shabby! I do get cravings every day still and some days I try to justify using but I end up getting through the day without picking up.

Its a slow, gradual process for me.

Anyway, shoot me a PM sometime and maybe we'll hit a meeting sometime if you are still in this area (Montgomery County)

I'm diggin' how honest everyone is being with themselves. That shit is hard to do (for me at least). Respect!!!
 
Cloudburst said:
Yes, I did relapse today, but that's the nature of the beast for you. Chews you up at your most prideful.
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This is so, so true.

I am showing symptoms of dry drunk syndrome. No grandiose or magical thinking (that's not really my style) but bored, unfulfilled, restless, and very anxious.

This, I think, is why the 12-step approach, even the type that is agnostic-friendly, does not work for me. I know I would be crushed if I relapsed over this, so now my test is whether I can be my own Higher Power - or not hold onto the wish that the 12-step approach would work.

I see my new psychiatrist on Tuesday. strictly for medication management and it's going to cost me even though it's through a nonprofit (nonprofit my ass), because I am one of the tens of millions of uninsured Americans who don't make enough to pay for medical insurance but make well over the federal poverty guideline. Words are inadequate to express the anger I feel at having to pay a nice chunk of my meager income for taxes/FICA/SSI, etc. and having absolutely nothing to show for it. Our president is letting me and others like me - all of us who voted him into office - fall through some rather large cracks.

If I ever grow up and/or get into politics despite a mildly checkered past (hey, our Mayor is an alky too, and I'm supporting his run for Governor) I will change all this shit fucking pronto.

In the meantime, it's still not enough to drive me back to the bottle - in fact I am so close to losing it over the state of our political system that alcohol combined with my occasionally highly combustible Aries temper would be just about the worst thing I could do. I'm going to go write in my blog or punch a pillow a few thousand times.
 
I need to seriously stop drinking. I can't even go more than 1 to 2 days without getting smashed. Im starting to really embarass myself in front of people I care about, and I never thought it would be this way. I am going to try and go two weeks without drinking. Maybe longer, but I don't know how long this ambition will last. I'm just so depressed, the only way to feel okay again is to be drunk. But then the next day I feel like a total asshole. It would be fine if I could just cut myself off at a reasonable level, but once I start drinking I can't stop until I pass out. Oftentimes doing retarded shit in the process like flirting with my friends boyfriend, drunk driving, saying shit I didn't mean to say, getting into risky situations with people I hardly know. I don't like that person at all.
 
Mariposa said:
This is so, so true.

I am showing symptoms of dry drunk syndrome. No grandiose or magical thinking (that's not really my style) but bored, unfulfilled, restless, and very anxious.

This, I think, is why the 12-step approach, even the type that is agnostic-friendly, does not work for me. I know I would be crushed if I relapsed over this, so now my test is whether I can be my own Higher Power - or not hold onto the wish that the 12-step approach would work.

I see my new psychiatrist on Tuesday. strictly for medication management and it's going to cost me even though it's through a nonprofit (nonprofit my ass), because I am one of the tens of millions of uninsured Americans who don't make enough to pay for medical insurance but make well over the federal poverty guideline. Words are inadequate to express the anger I feel at having to pay a nice chunk of my meager income for taxes/FICA/SSI, etc. and having absolutely nothing to show for it. Our president is letting me and others like me - all of us who voted him into office - fall through some rather large cracks.

If I ever grow up and/or get into politics despite a mildly checkered past (hey, our Mayor is an alky too, and I'm supporting his run for Governor) I will change all this shit fucking pronto.

In the meantime, it's still not enough to drive me back to the bottle - in fact I am so close to losing it over the state of our political system that alcohol combined with my occasionally highly combustible Aries temper would be just about the worst thing I could do. I'm going to go write in my blog or punch a pillow a few thousand times.
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It is really sad how much the Democrats have weakened the health care bill. The original idea, while still not great IMO, was at least something. Now, they've completely gutted it.

I've known several people to be against the government giving out anything to people. Once they had to go to their doctor, they quickly changed their tune about universal healthcare. It's just sad that's what it takes for people to gain some empathy.

What medications have you tried so far Mariposa? Has anything really worked yet? Do you have any ideas what you'd like to try?
 
Ended up taking some suboxone again yesterday. I was a few hours shy of 5 full days since my previous dose.

I was a little disappointed that I took it, but I only took something twice this week, which is better than any week since last December.


Even though there's been a number of rough patches or moments where I just felt achy or uninterested in doing anything, there's always a part of getting off suboxone that feels good. It feels like anything that makes you happy is now more genuine, I don't know, I can't explain it. Just goes with my theory that suboxone may block out some natural chemicals as well.
 
day 17 for me

had a big trigger last night but didn't give in, and i have mixed emotions about it now. there was a birthday dinner for a good friend of mine that i attended last night. everyone except me was drinking. it was a pleasant night, and for the most part my cravings were mild enough to put aside. however, as the night wore on, and people started to notice and comment about me not drinking, i found myself craving not just a drink, but a cigarette too. for me they go hand in hand. literally. ;)

one of my friends, who has mentioned to me that at times, my substance abuse worries her, was surprised that i was not having "a drink or two." i had already told her that i planned on staying sober for the most part of october, so her reaction made me feel kinda weird.

another person decided to leave, and i decided to catch a ride with her. yes i was leaving a bit earlier than i normally would but i felt it was the right time for me to go. as i was saying good bye to my boyfriend, he asked me, "you're not just leaving cause you're not drinking are you?" and his tone was rather disdainful. it was hard not to have his support.

so, to sum up, im still glad i didn't drink, but i feel unsettled and i guess i needed to vent. im so lucky to have this forum, so thank you for listening to me. much respect and love to everyone else on the journey! <3
 
monchi said:
day 17 for me

had a big trigger last night but didn't give in, and i have mixed emotions about it now. there was a birthday dinner for a good friend of mine that i attended last night. everyone except me was drinking. it was a pleasant night, and for the most part my cravings were mild enough to put aside. however, as the night wore on, and people started to notice and comment about me not drinking, i found myself craving not just a drink, but a cigarette too. for me they go hand in hand. literally. ;)

one of my friends, who has mentioned to me that at times, my substance abuse worries her, was surprised that i was not having "a drink or two." i had already told her that i planned on staying sober for the most part of october, so her reaction made me feel kinda weird.

another person decided to leave, and i decided to catch a ride with her. yes i was leaving a bit earlier than i normally would but i felt it was the right time for me to go. as i was saying good bye to my boyfriend, he asked me, "you're not just leaving cause you're not drinking are you?" and his tone was rather disdainful. it was hard not to have his support.

so, to sum up, im still glad i didn't drink, but i feel unsettled and i guess i needed to vent. im so lucky to have this forum, so thank you for listening to me. much respect and love to everyone else on the journey! <3
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Way to stay strong! :) There's been times (and still are times) when I leave early or turn down an invitation to certain events that co-workers/friends would like me to come to, but that's just not my scene anymore. With 15 months sober, sure I could go to watch football with the guys or whatever with them all drinking and handle it, but I choose not to today. No reason to put myself in a situation like that to begin with. Shame on your boyfriend not to be supportive, but no matter what you have to stay true to yourself and God (higher power/whatever), as even supportive people will not always be around.
 
^Good for you! There's nothing wrong with leaving early when there are a lot of drinkers around. I've been very hermity this month between that and school. That's a trigger that is tough to beat. I hope that your boyfriend comes around and realizes you're doing it for beneficial reasons.

Lystra, glad you are in <3
 
Well I've failed pretty miserably at the whole octsober thing, but I'm still reading this thread daily for inspiration. It's a great place to find motivation; congratulations to everyone staying strong :D
 
belarki said:
Well I've failed pretty miserably at the whole octsober thing, but I'm still reading this thread daily for inspiration. It's a great place to find motivation; congratulations to everyone staying strong :D
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belarki, me too. Largely, so as much. The past week has been hard, and the only blame can be placed on myself. I guess, well if not this month, we can always do it again in 2 weeks. We *can* do it again in 2 weeks.

Don't stop keep lookin' around for a better day
Won't stop until I find that better day

I don't think those lyrics were intended for anything like this, but it does fit the profile. Let's stay strong :)
 
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So I just found out that my parents are splitting. On a personal level, it may be rough for me since I finally am getting my life back on track, have a part-time job and go to community college full-time (I'm 22). I live with them though, and don't get my drivers license back for another year, so I'm kind of dependent on their help to a point.

At least with me sober, I can provide support for both of them. My mom told me she was worried about me - for once I can look her in the eyes and tell her she only has to worry about herself. Still a shitty event, but no reason to let it drag me back to hell, that's for sure!
 
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