RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
^ Ya me too. I wish I was as motivated for this thing as I was a few weeks ago. 

Glad to see a thread like this! Overdone - still around and going strong ? I'm planning on a completely sober October, just like last yearKeep it up guys, if I can do it (straight junkie through and through) then anyone can.
Yes, I did relapse today, but that's the nature of the beast for you. Chews you up at your most prideful.
and a great reminder of why I want to be sober.
This is so, so true.
I am showing symptoms of dry drunk syndrome. No grandiose or magical thinking (that's not really my style) but bored, unfulfilled, restless, and very anxious.
This, I think, is why the 12-step approach, even the type that is agnostic-friendly, does not work for me. I know I would be crushed if I relapsed over this, so now my test is whether I can be my own Higher Power - or not hold onto the wish that the 12-step approach would work.
I see my new psychiatrist on Tuesday. strictly for medication management and it's going to cost me even though it's through a nonprofit (nonprofit my ass), because I am one of the tens of millions of uninsured Americans who don't make enough to pay for medical insurance but make well over the federal poverty guideline. Words are inadequate to express the anger I feel at having to pay a nice chunk of my meager income for taxes/FICA/SSI, etc. and having absolutely nothing to show for it. Our president is letting me and others like me - all of us who voted him into office - fall through some rather large cracks.
If I ever grow up and/or get into politics despite a mildly checkered past (hey, our Mayor is an alky too, and I'm supporting his run for Governor) I will change all this shit fucking pronto.
In the meantime, it's still not enough to drive me back to the bottle - in fact I am so close to losing it over the state of our political system that alcohol combined with my occasionally highly combustible Aries temper would be just about the worst thing I could do. I'm going to go write in my blog or punch a pillow a few thousand times.
day 17 for me
had a big trigger last night but didn't give in, and i have mixed emotions about it now. there was a birthday dinner for a good friend of mine that i attended last night. everyone except me was drinking. it was a pleasant night, and for the most part my cravings were mild enough to put aside. however, as the night wore on, and people started to notice and comment about me not drinking, i found myself craving not just a drink, but a cigarette too. for me they go hand in hand. literally.
one of my friends, who has mentioned to me that at times, my substance abuse worries her, was surprised that i was not having "a drink or two." i had already told her that i planned on staying sober for the most part of october, so her reaction made me feel kinda weird.
another person decided to leave, and i decided to catch a ride with her. yes i was leaving a bit earlier than i normally would but i felt it was the right time for me to go. as i was saying good bye to my boyfriend, he asked me, "you're not just leaving cause you're not drinking are you?" and his tone was rather disdainful. it was hard not to have his support.
so, to sum up, im still glad i didn't drink, but i feel unsettled and i guess i needed to vent. im so lucky to have this forum, so thank you for listening to me. much respect and love to everyone else on the journey!![]()
Well I've failed pretty miserably at the whole octsober thing, but I'm still reading this thread daily for inspiration. It's a great place to find motivation; congratulations to everyone staying strong :D