Wow.
I'm actually posting in this thread. To think I actually scoffed at this just 2 weeks ago, never believing in a million years I'd ever get sober for even a few days despite how much I hated being an addict. I have changed so profoundly in this period of time. I had a spiritual revelation profound enough to make me fully realize the repercussions of my drug addiction. I nearly got an amputation from a botched injection a couple months ago. I've had 4 severe overdoses this year alone and multiple hospitalizations, along with countless comas. Yet I continued to use extremely heavily and irresponsibly regardless, I could not for the life of me stop. This was a world of shit I landed myself in.
I gradually started to employ more and more severe restrictions on my drug use. At first, I quit despite leaving around all my drugs, paraphernalia, contacts, everything. I relapsed extremely quickly, of course. I kept trying this with all that crap repeatedly, putting up with so much suffering to see if I could beat my pathetic "records." I had been so incredibly attached to these substances. I'd been living with them for years, having them inside me, all that. I could not afford to completely let them go. Then, realizing these drugs were causing me to be deeply suicidal and jeopardizing my relationships, I took away everything and deleted my contacts. I still somehow relapsed once I found my sister's Adderall and began to abuse my own medication. After that incident, that's when it really blew the lid and I finally informed my mother I had severe problems with relapsing and it was necessary to do something about this.
I signed myself up for Intensive Outpatient therapy, where I will be treated for my mental illness and drug addiction for 6 hours a day every day through the 12 steps, group therapy, lectures, psychiatry, psychotherapy, and random drug testing. Furthermore, all the drugs in the house are now being put under observation to prevent abuse and I have no means of obtaining illicit substances. I don't know what's to come, but dammit, I'm determined. It all starts tomorrow. Yes, I did relapse today, but that's the nature of the beast for you. Chews you up at your most prideful.