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Octsober!!

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LaserHosen said:
Anyone else get the evening blues?
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YES!!! OD I'm thinking this is why I was sad last night...and just down again tonight...and this: Got to get rid of all this leftover party beer tomorrow...I wasn't strong enough to say no tonight...drank half a bottle, poured it out. About 2 hours later I opened 4 more and drank those in less than an hour. Now I'm mad at myself.

GRRRRR!!! Ahhh honesty...

Running tomorrow for the first time in months! I'm sure it won't be even close to a full on run but it will be a start...

Vortex30 glad you could join us.
 
^^ Hun it is sooo so hard to abstain from drinking when there's bloody alcohol in the house!! Don't feel too bad about caving in tonight. I've done the same on many occasions when trying to be sober. Is all the alcohol gone now??

Great work on planning to run tomorrow! That's awesome! You'll feel great after you get some endorphins pumping!


Spent 2 hours in a pub this afternoon, didn't even crave a drink. What the fuck?! Someone has kidnapped n3o and replaced her with a sober person 8o

But seriously, he probably won't read this, but mad props to eK for drinking soft drink with me at said pub :) <3
 
Ryka said:
Now I'm mad at myself.

GRRRRR!!! Ahhh honesty...
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Don't beat yourself up!

For me, I subconsciously (sometimes intentionally) fuck up so that I can punish myself which gives me an excuse to harm myself in whatever manner. I guess its a way to give me an excuse to fall into old patterns (which I am finding are no longer a source of comfort due to lack of familiarity nowadays) .

Luckily I haven't reverted to the old patterns of drug/alcohol usage but sometimes the shit we do when we are off the drugs can be just as harmful to ourselves as using drugs.

Don't make us (your fellow Octsoberists) jump in cars/planes/trains to cruise to your spot with rolled up newspapers! We'll smack you on the nose with them and say in our sternest voices "No! Bad Ryka, BAD!" :D
 
Well, past the halfway mark now. I hit the proverbial wall and nearly caved yesterday but I didn't. The trigger was a good-looking dessert with alcohol that had not been cooked off. I do not normally have a sweet tooth, at all, and prefer savory snacks. But this little creme brulee with bourbon nearly got me.

I bought a packet of jellybeans instead. :|

I'm getting a bit of the blues too in the evenings. I'm trying to solve this by temporarily ramping up my tramadol dose by one-half at midday (75 mg instead of 50). I'm also going to pick up a gram or two of good sativa, which in me has antidepressant effects, particularly when ingested. Problem is, I can't have too much as I'm studying for a midterm next week.

Ryka, are you in the Bay Area by chance? :) I won't smack your nose with a newspaper but I would love to meet you for coffee or tea!
 
It's 10pm here and I'm feeling miserable again.

I did an hour in the gym before work today, then tonight around 7:30 I did another 45 mins in the gym. Tonights session perked me up a bit, but now I'm just watching bad TV and feeling moody.

I think it's compounded by the fact that I called it off with a woman to get sobered up. I'm thinking of her and wondering if I screwed it up by being too heavy handed with the 'no contact for a while' rule.

I'm probably just tired. Is this common for alcoholics to feel bad at night when kicking booze? I've only been sober a week. Will these night-time blues get better with longer sobriety?
 
Whoops.. ended up seeing a buddy last night and had one beer with him. Not beating myself up over it at all. I was getting off of work after a 15 hour day and it just tempted me. I could tell it interrupted my sleep, but no withdrawal effects or anything today. No biggie, not going to have any today and dumped out all my tobacco except for one can of snus. If I need to jump on the nicotine gum tomorrow then so be it.

I'm sick as a dog right now, kinda blows because I haven't been able to get to the gym in three days. Didn't get into work. I have been on z-pack and tomorrow is my last day. Still not feeling good and getting nervous because I picked this up from a 2 year old who has been god knows where over the last two months. Gonna have to make up for it over the weekend I guess.

Also, I have a psychotic client harassing me big time. Getting to the point where the police may have to be called. The joke around the office is that if anyone is going to kill us its going to be her. She is leaving really creepy messages over the phone, calling me a slave driver, "massa", signing Amazing Grace and shit like that. Really ironic actually because I am one of the most tolerant people I know.
 
LaserHosen said:
I'm probably just tired. Is this common for alcoholics to feel bad at night when kicking booze? I've only been sober a week. Will these night-time blues get better with longer sobriety?
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For me they ended very quickly. I think everyone is different though.
 
Was able to get the gym and ended up getting in a very intense workout. No booze tonight nor really any desire.
 
^^ Great work man :)

Tonight's going to be another tough challenge, Friday night, when my partner and I usually let loose and drink ourselves to sleep.

But not tonight :)

We're going swimming instead <3

Excellent distraction, buying yourself jellybeans Mariposa!!
 
Wow.

I'm actually posting in this thread. To think I actually scoffed at this just 2 weeks ago, never believing in a million years I'd ever get sober for even a few days despite how much I hated being an addict. I have changed so profoundly in this period of time. I had a spiritual revelation profound enough to make me fully realize the repercussions of my drug addiction. I nearly got an amputation from a botched injection a couple months ago. I've had 4 severe overdoses this year alone and multiple hospitalizations, along with countless comas. Yet I continued to use extremely heavily and irresponsibly regardless, I could not for the life of me stop. This was a world of shit I landed myself in.

I gradually started to employ more and more severe restrictions on my drug use. At first, I quit despite leaving around all my drugs, paraphernalia, contacts, everything. I relapsed extremely quickly, of course. I kept trying this with all that crap repeatedly, putting up with so much suffering to see if I could beat my pathetic "records." I had been so incredibly attached to these substances. I'd been living with them for years, having them inside me, all that. I could not afford to completely let them go. Then, realizing these drugs were causing me to be deeply suicidal and jeopardizing my relationships, I took away everything and deleted my contacts. I still somehow relapsed once I found my sister's Adderall and began to abuse my own medication. After that incident, that's when it really blew the lid and I finally informed my mother I had severe problems with relapsing and it was necessary to do something about this.

I signed myself up for Intensive Outpatient therapy, where I will be treated for my mental illness and drug addiction for 6 hours a day every day through the 12 steps, group therapy, lectures, psychiatry, psychotherapy, and random drug testing. Furthermore, all the drugs in the house are now being put under observation to prevent abuse and I have no means of obtaining illicit substances. I don't know what's to come, but dammit, I'm determined. It all starts tomorrow. Yes, I did relapse today, but that's the nature of the beast for you. Chews you up at your most prideful.
 
Wow Cloudburst, thanks so much for sharing that with us <3
So glad you're on board the Octsober train! Great work on signing up to the rehab program too, absolute best wishes to you with that :)
 
Agreed, great to have you onboard Cloudburst :)

phactor, I know that one beer messed with your head. But man that's all it really did - miss with your head. You don't have to think of it as anything more than one beer. One more beer won't damage you physically, and it only will mentally if you allow it to. Move on and keep moving strong to the month. You've had this down pat all along, and you still do!
 
I suppose I should check in here too. I've found it helps to have accountability to someone, but haven't been honest about that because of how much I've been using.

For me, I want to go the rest of October without any opiate/opiate-like substance. Finished the last of my kratom tonight, and I think I can make it the rest of the month without ordering more. I'll still allow myself to do other substances, mostly because they don't cause me the same problems like opiates do. I just want to regain control of my use over them, and also give my antidepressant a chance without having the kratom mess with it. I'm 4 weeks into taking Pristiq, and I've been noticing that its not as effective as it used to be. But I'm giving up the opiates and hoping that in the end I will feel better.

Good luck to all of you, especially N3O, Mariposa, and RedLeader. I know you guys don't know me, but I've seen many of your posts all throughout BL, and I always love reading them.
N30 and Mariposa, your success stories have really inspired me. I know both of you have had long histories of alcoholism, and your success so far has really given me hope. Thank you for helping me realize this.
 
^^ Thanks so much for the kind words Sturnham <3
It's great to have you on board for Octsober as well!
In my experience, of myself and of others, it really does help to have other people know about your problem, so they can give you support when you need it. I find it helps you to stay honest as well, to yourself and to others, about your habits/sobriety/etc.
It's so great you're going to give your medication a proper chance to do its thing, I really hope this works out well for you <3
 
^Stay strong sweetie! You can do it.<3

Sturnam and Cloudburst glad you have decided to join us.

What a night! And I didn't have a drink and still won't. About the time we are settling into our evening routine around here...I'm presented with a screaming kid with a possible broken bone. Today and tonight I was alcohol free. I didn't even have to think about if I was okay to drive...yeah me...and a great reminder of why I want to be sober.

Mariposa said:
Ryka, are you in the Bay Area by chance? :) I won't smack your nose with a newspaper but I would love to meet you for coffee or tea!
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No I have family there and a bit north...if I go through there I will be sure to let you know though!

To my SO: I'm not sad tonight...just very tired and can't wait for you to get home!
 
No beer or alcohol last night. No cigarettes either (some snus though). I had a great workout at the gym last night and am feeling really good today. I think a major part of the reason is that yesterday really helped out. I needed to take a day off of work and just relax. I was so stressed out and my body wasn't healing itself.

However, I may have messed up slightly with my job (forgot to write a report.. still not sure if its needed), hopefully the judge will not be too pissed.
 
Glad to see a thread like this! Overdone - still around and going strong ? I'm planning on a completely sober October, just like last year ;) Keep it up guys, if I can do it (straight junkie through and through) then anyone can.
 
It's Friday night and at the moment I've no compulsion to drink. I've got some baccy, Pokerstars freeroll tournaments lined up and TV to watch. I've beasted myself in the swimming pool today, and have snacks in the fridge so it's all good at the moment.

If anyone else's struggling tonight just think how much better it is to wake up on a Saturday morning sober.
 
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