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Lingering Memory of Meth


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Heroin Haiku


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it is worth it?


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Out, Damned Clot!


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I started writing a daily haiku. I'd love to hear other people's haiku as well! Please feel free to link to your own, or leave it in the comment section :) So without further adieu, my first Haiku of the Day!

Crystal Methamphetamine



Like expressing yourself in syllables, too? Please feel free to leave your own haiku in the comment section below!
[video]https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/116700812650969063957/[/video]
google-site-verification: googledf16e26ef0e19605.html
From bluelighter to mainliner is what I'm talkin' about.
I anxiously rub my vein in the center of my arm as I'm about to fill this bitch up. I love reclroding my shots up close to see the needle split and hit my hot vein. My heart Is racing as I am about to stick the prick to make me tick. I hold my arm out as I sickly and perversely push the 25 gauge tip into my skin and then push in deeper and deeper until I penetrate my vein and blood pours into barrel. At this point, I just want to push that liquid all into my hungry vein as the one inch needle is about three quarters deep. As it's spreading my vein open I begin t push into my vein excitedly and sickly. Feeding this fucker with needle and venom that's about 1.5 2.0 full of dope. I fuck feed that bitch until every last drop is inside my vein as the plunger is bottomed out. Then, I erotically remove the needle slowly from my vein as I love seeing how fucking deep inside it was. I get off seeing so much shaft come back out of my fucked vein hole. More and more until the tip spreads it apart and blood puddles and drips out from the depth of the needle. I love it deep and seeing my vein open from it. I love fucking it on cam and showing it to those who enjoy it. I stretch that bitch and love it deep via 3mL syringe with 25X 1" needle. I want to feel that needle open it up and bury itself down to my vein as it busts inside to fuck, feed and bleed as I need. I love watching the video of something so akin to sex it practically is sex. Vein opens up for the metal dick as I stick the prick.

I've had people send me videos of them watching me fuck my vein as they fucked theirs with passion and instensity. Then got off as the video repreated itself. Very fucking erotic and perverse as I drill and fill for pleasure. Long needle, thick dose, and DEEP. :! More more more more!
The business website is live, though it's not yet complete enough. Needs more polishing. Yesterday I ran into friends on the way to another event and hung out with them for a bit. Didn't end up going to the event in question. Went to a gay bar but when I got there I felt incredibly hypoglycemic, which of course meant I had to run into my ex 5 minutes later. He was awkward as usual. He told me the reason he's been avoiding me lately is because I trigger him into thinking about the guy he broke up with a few months ago, and that made it hard to be around me. I had compassion and tried not to take it personally, but.... at the same time it was kind of like, gee thanks? Nice to know you admit to avoiding me when all I've been earnestly trying to do is connect with you to hang out with a person who I know is a decent human being. He was the one person I knew in the entire bar but kept the interaction sporadic. After the gaudy drag queens were done, the music that played was really bad. I went home shortly after. Ironic, considering that all I wanted to do was dance last night, and of the two venues I went to nothing panned out, and I was too low to partake anyway. Today a long term friendship ended, mostly over values. It was sad, but I guess for the greater good. Kind of tired of people coming and going though. Life is so random.

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm insane or if everyone else is just insane. I really don't get people half the time, or at least most people I come across. I just don't know where people's heads are at. The stuff I feel coming off of them is rarely indicated in the superficial interactions. It's like seeing their depths but not really being allowed to talk about it, or anything that matters. I'm capable of having fun and levity and in fact I need it a lot right now. But I don't get why levity has to mean abandoning higher consciousness. *shrug*

Life is all over the place. Don't know if I want to live or die most days. This place is hot, bright, loud, cramped, and expensive, yet somehow I feel I'm supposed to be here for now. I don't know where else to go though anyway. It's not like I'll be free of this anywhere else. It has to come from within and I just can't seem to muster that for the time being. But I march on... right foot, left foot, one after the other. I just wish sometimes that I had a refuge... a respite... even if for a while. Life shouldn't be so hard. For all its beauty and splendor, life can really be wretched sometimes. At least I know it won't last forever.
Sorry I haven't been on much lately. Life is going pretty crappy. I got locked up (again a few months ago), and got out to go back to another rehab. I'm in the Greater Cinci area. If you're in the area let me know and we can hit up and NA/AA meeting (LOfuckingL). Anyway... Just thought I'd drop by. Much love Bluelight fam.
Red hair, dyed from black, or wig. Black in picture.

My name, Jeff, on her chest, above her heart.
Well, shit really hit the fan in my life and it was a rude awakening.

I actually am clean now as far as opiates are concerned. As of today I have a month off of opiates and the needle. No bullshit. I have been an opiate user for over 13 years, a daily user for about ten, and at least 5 on the needle, so it was time for a change.

I can't even begin to describe the changes I have experienced. This has been both the worst and best month of my life. I have so much to live for, but I am at the point where I have everything to live for and everything to lose.

As many of you know I am starting my own business with a close friend. Really, you can laugh and mock my dreams all you want. I have majored in business and art, so I know what the fuck I am doing. I plan on going back to school this fall and polishing off my business management degree. In the meantime, my business is becoming closer to a reality everyday.

I do not care how much success I find. I would just be happy to get by and do something I love. I won't give up on my dreams. Nothing will break me and more importantly, nothing will break my faith. As long as I can pay my bills and put food in my mouth and my family's mouth I am content.

Despite facing many obstacles I am going to live my life to the fullest. I have lost many friends and family and well it just makes me realize who is worth having in my life.

My Grandfather is near death and that is not easy to deal with, but at least I am able to be there for him. My Father does not have long either, but we no longer speak and well the chances of us working things out is very unlikely, but having him out of my life was a tough decision to make, but sadly the right one.

I can truly appreciate the blessings in my life now. I have no regrets as life is too short for that. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and let what did not kill me make me a stronger and better man.

I really do not care if you think what I have to say is bullshit. That is your problem and your loss. The same goes for my appearance. I know I was an asshole when I first joined Bluelight and I probably still am. I have a long ways to go, but change is happening. I find life to be a long learning process and if you really want to go far, you have to always be willing to learn more.

I really have no choice to change, but I am changing for myself and the people that love me. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it happen. I have seen heaven and I have seen hell. I have seen God and I have seen Lucifer. I have seen pure evil and felt my blood run cold. I do not need to be that person anymore.

I did what I had to do to survive and well I did so much I am not proud of. I know it is hard to believe me when I speak about my past and you can call bullshit all you like. I guess not everyone has been though these type of things, yet I know some people have faced worse. I do not seek pity or want it. I am OK with everything, but it does help to let some things out. Suppressing so many things was not healthy but at the same time, some things I can never speak of.

For so long I suppressed any emotions at all. I failed to care about my fellow humans. I am still at the point where I have to get myself together before I can help my fellow man. I do not know why, but it almost impossible for me to care about other people sometimes. I suppose I often see other people as weak and cowardly. I cannot stand people I see as followers. I cannot stress how much I admire people for being their own person.

I see everyday I am alive as a gift. I have escaped death so many times that I have to believe I am alive for a reason. For me personally faith in God has been the only thing that has shown me how to be a good person. I know that type of reasoning does not fly with many people here and well that is tough shit. I do not mean to preach by any means, but this is my blog.

Anyways, things are changing for me and despite many of the circumstances, I am facing, I would not change a fucking thing that has happened in the past. If these things had not happened, I would not be the man I am today.

I can honestly say I like who I am and am just glad to be alive.
" I swim through the florid underbelly of space imagining in my mind a road encrusted with sound, the night screaming for justice, the verdict is death do us part the visual seas of the great electrical flow, god speaks humbly and only to those who will feel the power of eternity beyond the way out lies within great tears of light shed in the space if a vein.

Large pink poodle paws dabble in painting sculpture of the dividing power electrical wire suspended in eternity waiting to break free behind closed doors, open those doors and let your mind enter, let space and time preoccupy words so heavy they may sink ships, yet they raise like sails and fly on to warmer waters and colder sky.

Words escaping breathlessly from their trumpeter, screeching to a splitting halt, screaming at a sputtering heart, lying beneath frozen grass living off frozen fire, satan is cold and hot, god is where the seas part magical mystical life is hell, heaven is death deflowered.

Constitution blood runs thin, clotting through open pores, pouring through the gates and closing minds, time stands still as if on a walk across a chopping block, eyes open all around, just frown, maybe they won't notice you, but I will, claim you yet selfish is selfless and god is a theoretical mathmatical equation the infinity and beyond lies within, like lions by a fire."
Hey folks I got out of rehab March 31. It's going good despite the fact of having very little money. I'm doing my Step work. I'm on Step 4 in Narcotics Anonymous out of the NA Step working guide. I sure do miss not having my desk top computer though, as I can type a lot faster with 2 hands than 1 finger on this tablet. I'm doing my meditations 6 x a day, as I find it helps me deal with life. I miss everyone on BL. Good to be back. Peace out.
Hey folks I got out of rehab March 31. It's going good despite the fact of having very little money. I'm doing my Step work. I'm on Step 4 in Narcotics Anonymous out of the NA Step working guide. I sure do miss not having my desk top computer though, as I can type a lot faster with 2 hands than 1 finger on this tablet. I'm doing my meditations 6 x a day, as I find it helps me deal with life. I miss everyone on BL. Good to be back. Peace out.
Boy am i happy to never ingest a stimulant again. What the fuck was i thinking. past is the past but still fucking stupidity fucking is fucking rediculous, fuck.
I once had a friend called Dan who used to have an online radio station called d3m0n.radio .

We only ever talked online and though text but it was a lot and he was a very special friend of mine. When I went through my codeine addiction it's all I went on about to him. He lives across the country from me and really I was crying out for help.

But he'd gone through a lot with his ex who had taken his ex away from him, who had been on speed and a few other drugs. I think I brought back bad memories when I started taking codeine. I never meant to hurt him, I was crying out for help and because he lived so far away I could tell him how I felt. How I no longer felt angry, jealous, bitter. Any of those horrible, negative emotions that I'd not wish on my worst enemy.

Trouble is, I see another Dan who is so very similar to him and I miss my friend so much. I just don't know how to get back in touch with him. We talked to hours for hours about all sorts of different things. He was a good friend. I wish I had not gone on about codeine to him now. I usually memorise numbers but I haven't, his. and I know that he doesn't check his E-mail so he'd not have seen mine....

Maybe one day, eh...... I guess we should never take for granted the friendships we have, whether onine or in real life.

Evey
ahh cheers man.. was a bit more feral in my younger years but thats just the way we all grew up around my parts...

I myself was never into them either, was just like you, strictly stimulants with the occasional psychedelic trip but since being diagnosed with hyper-tension, thats all changed.. the whole stoned feeling truly is an acquired taste, I hated heroin the first time I used and now I fucking love it although only feel the need to get on it once in a while - its hard enough to find anyway for me to be using any more frequently...

if you can ever get your hands on hydromorphone, I highly recommend you try it although it is sheerly an IV type drug (much like morphine) so that might rule it out for you but its quite literally the beez neez of all opiates

I just make 'pod juice' when theyre ready to harvest.. 6-12 pods in a blender with a glass off 100% orange juice with a squeeze of lemon (the more acidic, the better) and blend away.. strain that through a sift and skull that fucker down.. repeat again but with water and you will have a subtle but very pleasant buzz for 12-18 hours...

might score some pods this season for opium but I still live with my parents (I work on my old mans crayboat so its really convenient living at home for the time being) so I'de have to keep it as hidden as possible because they already know what Im doin with the pods and Im lucky they tolerate that....
Jamie, Rachel, Nika...

Jamie was a red head. I saw her a few months ago. She started her menstrual cycle when we were having sex. I saw Rachel a couple of weeks ago, and she also had red hair, and her cycle began in the time I first contacted her, and when I saw her. Both were White. In their pictures Jamie looked blond at a glance, having dyed her hair, and Rachel looked brunette. I wasn't conscious, at least, that they were with red hair.

Nika- I just saw her, was Black. I noticed she looked different. Her structure was different. Her skin light. Looked a little pixie-like. Freckles under her eyes. 5'3". She gave the best head I have felt from a girl in years, and that was with a condom on. She was going to do it without, but I had just put it on, and didn't want to take it off, and have her taste the potentially bad taste on my skin, as I hadnt showered since yesterday morning. Then I went inside of her. She warmed up during, kissing me passionately as I fucked her, and masturbating herself as well. When done, there was blood on the condom. She started her cycle. She was embarrassed, but I was happy.

I like patterns. Order. I looked at the moon, before I contacted her, and saw it was at half. It, as nonsense as this seems, I used to justify. I attached.

We talked after. She commented on my light eyes, a few times-- that they were pretty, or nice, I forget (my eyes are brown/hazel).

It came up that she has naturally red hair, and then she said that she is White, Black, and Indian. I had commented on her leg hair, as she hadn't shaved in some days, and it was blond, which I found interesting. She was wearing a blond wig. I couldn't tell from her pictures, about the red, and I just assumed whatever colors were there were dye. Perhaps I pick up on the features subconsciously. I listen to my boner.
I'm bored so this should entertain me for a bit. lol.

METHAMPHETAMINE:
-meth
-tina
-crystal
-christina
-windows
-glass
-software

HEROIN:
-dope
-horse
-D
-H
-diesel
-the brown stuff
-dirt
-henrietta

DILAUDID:
-DVDs
-dilly dallies

ECSTASY:
-E
-X
-pills
-little round things
-skittles
-candy
-felix
-edith

LSD:
-lucy
-alice
-acid
-paper
-liquid
-cidney
-cid
-L

MAGIC MUSHROOMS:
-shrooms
-shroomage
-sherman
-mushies

OXYCONTIN:
-oxy
-OC
-connie

COCAINE/CRACK:
-coke
-chloe
-white girl
-powder
-rock
-soft stuff
-hard stuff
-yak

MARIJUANA:
-pot
-weed
-smoke
-trees
-mary jane
-ganja

KETAMINE:
-K
-special k
-kitty

KLONOPIN:
-pins
-klonies

Those are all the nicknames I can think of right now. Please comment and add to the list if you know of more
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