Well, shit really hit the fan in my life and it was a rude awakening.
I actually am clean now as far as opiates are concerned. As of today I have a month off of opiates and the needle. No bullshit. I have been an opiate user for over 13 years, a daily user for about ten, and at least 5 on the needle, so it was time for a change.
I can't even begin to describe the changes I have experienced. This has been both the worst and best month of my life. I have so much to live for, but I am at the point where I have everything to live for and everything to lose.
As many of you know I am starting my own business with a close friend. Really, you can laugh and mock my dreams all you want. I have majored in business and art, so I know what the fuck I am doing. I plan on going back to school this fall and polishing off my business management degree. In the meantime, my business is becoming closer to a reality everyday.
I do not care how much success I find. I would just be happy to get by and do something I love. I won't give up on my dreams. Nothing will break me and more importantly, nothing will break my faith. As long as I can pay my bills and put food in my mouth and my family's mouth I am content.
Despite facing many obstacles I am going to live my life to the fullest. I have lost many friends and family and well it just makes me realize who is worth having in my life.
My Grandfather is near death and that is not easy to deal with, but at least I am able to be there for him. My Father does not have long either, but we no longer speak and well the chances of us working things out is very unlikely, but having him out of my life was a tough decision to make, but sadly the right one.
I can truly appreciate the blessings in my life now. I have no regrets as life is too short for that. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and let what did not kill me make me a stronger and better man.
I really do not care if you think what I have to say is bullshit. That is your problem and your loss. The same goes for my appearance. I know I was an asshole when I first joined Bluelight and I probably still am. I have a long ways to go, but change is happening. I find life to be a long learning process and if you really want to go far, you have to always be willing to learn more.
I really have no choice to change, but I am changing for myself and the people that love me. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it happen. I have seen heaven and I have seen hell. I have seen God and I have seen Lucifer. I have seen pure evil and felt my blood run cold. I do not need to be that person anymore.
I did what I had to do to survive and well I did so much I am not proud of. I know it is hard to believe me when I speak about my past and you can call bullshit all you like. I guess not everyone has been though these type of things, yet I know some people have faced worse. I do not seek pity or want it. I am OK with everything, but it does help to let some things out. Suppressing so many things was not healthy but at the same time, some things I can never speak of.
For so long I suppressed any emotions at all. I failed to care about my fellow humans. I am still at the point where I have to get myself together before I can help my fellow man. I do not know why, but it almost impossible for me to care about other people sometimes. I suppose I often see other people as weak and cowardly. I cannot stand people I see as followers. I cannot stress how much I admire people for being their own person.
I see everyday I am alive as a gift. I have escaped death so many times that I have to believe I am alive for a reason. For me personally faith in God has been the only thing that has shown me how to be a good person. I know that type of reasoning does not fly with many people here and well that is tough shit. I do not mean to preach by any means, but this is my blog.
Anyways, things are changing for me and despite many of the circumstances, I am facing, I would not change a fucking thing that has happened in the past. If these things had not happened, I would not be the man I am today.
I can honestly say I like who I am and am just glad to be alive.
I actually am clean now as far as opiates are concerned. As of today I have a month off of opiates and the needle. No bullshit. I have been an opiate user for over 13 years, a daily user for about ten, and at least 5 on the needle, so it was time for a change.
I can't even begin to describe the changes I have experienced. This has been both the worst and best month of my life. I have so much to live for, but I am at the point where I have everything to live for and everything to lose.
As many of you know I am starting my own business with a close friend. Really, you can laugh and mock my dreams all you want. I have majored in business and art, so I know what the fuck I am doing. I plan on going back to school this fall and polishing off my business management degree. In the meantime, my business is becoming closer to a reality everyday.
I do not care how much success I find. I would just be happy to get by and do something I love. I won't give up on my dreams. Nothing will break me and more importantly, nothing will break my faith. As long as I can pay my bills and put food in my mouth and my family's mouth I am content.
Despite facing many obstacles I am going to live my life to the fullest. I have lost many friends and family and well it just makes me realize who is worth having in my life.
My Grandfather is near death and that is not easy to deal with, but at least I am able to be there for him. My Father does not have long either, but we no longer speak and well the chances of us working things out is very unlikely, but having him out of my life was a tough decision to make, but sadly the right one.
I can truly appreciate the blessings in my life now. I have no regrets as life is too short for that. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and let what did not kill me make me a stronger and better man.
I really do not care if you think what I have to say is bullshit. That is your problem and your loss. The same goes for my appearance. I know I was an asshole when I first joined Bluelight and I probably still am. I have a long ways to go, but change is happening. I find life to be a long learning process and if you really want to go far, you have to always be willing to learn more.
I really have no choice to change, but I am changing for myself and the people that love me. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it happen. I have seen heaven and I have seen hell. I have seen God and I have seen Lucifer. I have seen pure evil and felt my blood run cold. I do not need to be that person anymore.
I did what I had to do to survive and well I did so much I am not proud of. I know it is hard to believe me when I speak about my past and you can call bullshit all you like. I guess not everyone has been though these type of things, yet I know some people have faced worse. I do not seek pity or want it. I am OK with everything, but it does help to let some things out. Suppressing so many things was not healthy but at the same time, some things I can never speak of.
For so long I suppressed any emotions at all. I failed to care about my fellow humans. I am still at the point where I have to get myself together before I can help my fellow man. I do not know why, but it almost impossible for me to care about other people sometimes. I suppose I often see other people as weak and cowardly. I cannot stand people I see as followers. I cannot stress how much I admire people for being their own person.
I see everyday I am alive as a gift. I have escaped death so many times that I have to believe I am alive for a reason. For me personally faith in God has been the only thing that has shown me how to be a good person. I know that type of reasoning does not fly with many people here and well that is tough shit. I do not mean to preach by any means, but this is my blog.
Anyways, things are changing for me and despite many of the circumstances, I am facing, I would not change a fucking thing that has happened in the past. If these things had not happened, I would not be the man I am today.
I can honestly say I like who I am and am just glad to be alive.
