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If someone today were to boast of the health benefits of heroin, cocaine, LSD or methamphetamine they would be deemed nothing less than bat-shit crazy delusional, or perhaps a pawn of Satan, here to plant the seeds of corruption and demise in the minds of the young, tempting them to taste the forbidden fruit and lure them into a life of hedonistic pleasures. At best, they would ridicule him for the absurdity of such preposterous thoughts and write him off as an addict, delusional in his attempt to justify his destructive behavior. He would be denounced for slanging such reprehensible pro-drug propaganda that could only been intended to corrupt the minds of young children who might believe such heinous lies. The anti-drug crusaders allow no room for grey area or self-interpretation. All drugs are unequivocally, universally bad for you. Those who use them are considered unstable, weak-willed flunkees who lack self-discipline and a moral compass. They are unequipped to cope with reality so they use drugs as a cowardly means escape. Nothing good can come of illegal drugs and those who are brazen enough to dare question this universal truth are dealt with cruelly and promptly removed from decent society. As if the social and legal ramifications of drug use weren't enough, anti-drug crusaders need you to believe that all drugs rot you from the inside and will inevitably eat away at your body until you die. It is black and white. It's not good enough to say that they can lead to addiction and that can have devastating consequences to your life. Or that not practicing harm reduction can lead to life threatening diseases like AIDS or Hep C. We must also unquestionably believe and that all drugs also ravage your hair, skin, organs and will ultimately kill you. While a large percentage of the population happily insists on killing themselves slowly with a transfat, high-sodium, processed sugar, take-out diet. And have no problem popping mood altering prescription drugs for anything and everything, including anxiety, depression, hyper-activity, menopause or low-testosterone.

But what people have a tendency to conveniently forget, is that almost every drug at one point in time, was legitimately used as medicine for many of these same conditions. Some, like heroin, were even used for more legitimate medical purposes. In fact, there are opiate painkillers used today that are stronger than heroin. I read a blog the other day that said something like "If heroin came in a pill form, would you be curious enough to try it?" All heroin is, is a pain killer that has been made illegal. It is no different than any other pain killer on the market. Cocaine, at one time, was considered a miracle drug. Methamphetamine was used by Nazi German to increase the productivity of their soldiers. LSD has been used successfully for many psycho-therapy purposes. But for one reason or another, usually when the drug proves to provide unintentional "feel good" benefits to the user, Lord forbid, they have been labeled ILLEGAL. At that point they become target for a free-for-all hate campaign where truth is often overshadowed, and often blatantly denied, in order to thoroughly manipulate an uneducated public to willing jump on the anti-drug bandwagon. There's an attempt to erase history and replace it with a story that is more in-line with the new way of thinking. To a degree, this works. But if you do a little digging, you find bits and pieces remaining.

This is a video I made of medicine that was widely used and popular among our not-to-distant ancestors. My intention was not to make some grandiose political statement like I just prefaced it with. I simply wanted to provide some entertainment value. Because it's fun to look at all these different drugs that have become such taboos in modern society that if they were to be recommended today by a health care professional, that doctor would no doubt lose their license. But there was a time where they were not only acceptable, but easily purchased over the counter, or through mail order, without a prescription. It's not the drugs that are dangerous or harmful, they are just another type of medicine, just like everything else we use today. It's how we use them, and the prohibition of these drugs that make them so dangerous. At the time the Harrison Act was passed, the majority of heroin addicts were upper class, Caucasians, over the age of 40. Slightly more women were users, since it was not considered socially acceptable for women to drink, so they turned to heroin instead. Many doctors recommended that their male alcoholic patients switch to heroin because it didn't cause violent outbursts or lend to domestic abuse. That's a very different picture of the heroin user we've come to think of today. This could be, and no doubt will be, a topic large enough to deserve its own blog. But for now, I'll just leave you with this little video featuring medicine of a bygone era. Enjoy

In America we cant buy the potent thujone infused absinthe that exist over in Europe. Most absinthe in the store actually contains no wormwood. Herbsaint is an example of a thujone-free variety of absinthe. Developed just after the ban on absinthe as an absinthe substitute it has a long history of use. It's most famous used the legendary Sazarec cocktail. Recently the original 100 proof version of Absinthe has appeared on the shelves at my local liquor store. I bought a bottle for $21 bucks and was pleasantly surprised.

I feel like I should still try to review the liqueur because it does taste pretty damn good. There are balanced notes of herbs, anise, and licorice. Its a sweet liqueur with hardly any hint of alcohol. It reminds me of a cross between Jager and Sambuca. I prefer to drink it straight. No chaser is necessary. I'm going to try and mix this with redbull. I think A Herbsaint and Redbull is a great idea but I'm afraid the redbull might cover up the greatness that is Herbsaint. Anyway cheers! Here's to the dream that they legalize absinthe!

EDIT: I wrote this without the aid of ADD medication and now I must update it because it looks like shit.

Woke up hungover and in a bit of a panic. I broke my one rule with drugs. No blacking out. I'm afraid i didn't get weed the night before like I intended. My wallet was empty but no sign of my pipe or stash. But my scented candle was light! So I knew I had been smoking last night. Finally find the weed and its of excellent quality. Covered in purple crystals. Check my liquor stash and find out that I drank on the order of 3 beers and a fifth the night before! That means I'm probably still drunk!

I'm feeling like shit. Used to happen to me all the time a few months ago. Trying to remember what I used to do in this situation as I don't get hangovers much anymore. I used to chew tobacco and drink coffee while I watched the Weather Channel with my roommate. We did this almost every morning for months. Something about the Weather Channel and its peaceful music go well with the feelings of self-loathing that accompany a hangover.

So I sit and smoke my purple weed and watch the Weather Channel. Don't even know why I couldn't give a damn about the weather at the moment. I microwave some hot wings and eat about half of them. Why do I do this to myself? Time to test the hair of the dog theory. I grab a bottle of New Amsterdam gin which is the smoothest liquor I've got right now unfortunately. A sip of gin and a bowl hit later no improvement. I've got another hour to kill or so then I'll take a benzo and hopefully be on the other side of things. I think if you have a morning drink then you shouldn't have a morning benzo too or you won't wake up properly.

So as I look at the clock I've been awake for over an hour. Still haven't killed the hangover. To me the hangover is a necessary part of the experience of drinking. I need some time where I'm forced to think about why I drink so much. All these thoughts are running through my head. I'm way too young to be an alcoholic. Or an addict of any kind for that matter. Why did I let this happen? Am I fucked for life? How fucked up is my health now and how fucked up is it gonna be?

So basically 3 hours past and I'm mostly over it. I'm out of what I consider "hangover" territory and more in the after-effects territory. My hangover cure of alcohol, diet coke, benzos, and purple weed worked pretty well. Still got a long way to go of course but the critical part is over. So that's a day in my hungover life. And it's definitely not worth a making a shitty movie about.

so, I've been fighting my dope battle for the past few months and been on and off; the days that I am "off" I tend to go bananas with other drugs/alcohol.. thats right, I said bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! so on Tuesday I didnt use dope but was asked to go to a bar that night and hung out w/ my cousin and a few friends and just sat there and drank. on the way home I was moving into the far left lane and the girl infront of me also moved into the lane at the same time and I ended up rear ending her on the highway; to be honest, I dont remember it all that well but I remember NOT being that fucked up. but because I rare ended here I am at fault, so I am suffering from this. also, because I felt I was OK and I was going NUTS on her infront of the cops, they thought otherwise and asked me to do a breathalyzer. well, thats something I should have NEVER done because I blew a 1.SOMETHING.. and it was def. WAY ABOVE the legal limit. this is my 2nd DUI, so I spent the next 12-15hrs in jail before being released. the minute I got released I called the dope man and was delivered a gram within an hour. its sad that I just got locked up and now have a case infront of me and all I am thinking of is shooting dope. sad, right? well, I only sniffed it that day, so that is a good thing, right? I had to sniff cuz I had no pins left and had NO CAR to get more, so I sniffed the full G and remembered why I hated sniffing and went to the needle.

anyway, I am dead broke and have this case infront of me. I know I will have to go to 2 weeks of a detox since its my 2nd offense; I am also going to the methadone clinic on Tuesday to start treatment; this is something I had planned before the accident but now w/ the accident I am not sure if I SHOULD or SHOULDNT go. I want to go in order to stop using dope, save money and hopefully save my life. also, since this is my 2nd DUI they MAY have me piss testing so methadone might be my only escape. then again, since I have no car getting to the clinic may be a huge waste of time. I am just not sure right now.. but I do know I need to smarten the fuck up and stop using.

the sick me tells myself, "you should have used dope that day and you never would have went out and had a drink". isnt it sad that I tell myself I should have been SHOOTING HEROIN rather than have a drink and then driving. sick, right? I tell myself to shoot dope cuz its cheaper and safer.. but yet I've OD'd multiple times and almost died. sad how the mind work, right? wow.

well, I thought I'd just post this to keep myself updated for future purposes and also get the word out to all.. DONT DRINK AND DRIVE. its much more safe to shoot dope and drive.. HA! whats sad is I am dead serious and what even more sad is that it actually IS MORE SAFE to do drugs and drive.

I dont know, peeps. just wish me all the luck, man! I am going to need it; headed back infront of the judge for the 98393939th time. I am so sick of this all; I actually went to go away for a while to get sober and my mind straight.. sad that I say that, huh? why do I want to go to jail? who says that!? addicts do... because we need it to get away from the drugs.

back in 04 when I was picked up for trafficking 80's I went away for 3 years and stayed sober for 5 years. I actually felt great back then because I ended up relapsing and getting back into the scene. now ive been miserable and just looking for reasons to use/stop using. I am trying, man.. I am TRYING!

OK, thats it for now.. just wanted to write this all for my own reasons so I can look back 2 years from now and remember the DUMB SHIT I've said all throughout life.

Taking away a non-violent person's freedom because he or she happens to prefer "taking the edge off" by consuming parts of a plant instead of alcohol (which is a known neurotoxin, cardiotoxin, and hepatotoxin) is irrational, and motivated by "concerns" having absolutely nothing to do with health. Alcohol is also quite habit forming, which is heightened by the fact that going cold turkey off of it (acute withdrawal) is considered a medical emergency which can end in death (as occurred tragically in the case of Amy Winehouse).

There are countless functional recreational consumers of marijuana who are very punctual, skilled, and dedicated to their workforce contribution. They also pay their taxes, abide by every other law in existence, and don't cause trouble or behave belligerently in public - which is more than I can say for the average consumer of alcoholic beverages who can easily go from silent to violent in a matter of minutes, and capable of causing a lot of physical harm to his significant other.

It is examples like the one above which are precisely why the "street drug" using minority sees its prejudicial and prohibitionist counterpart of society as leading a life of double-standards.

It is examples such as the fact that street drugs are available in prisons across the nation - smuggled in by those who swore to uphold the law - which serve to undermine any remaining sound logic in relation to the war on (the people who choose to use street) drugs.

After 43 years of the same never-ending futility of crime and profit disguised as crime and punishment, where private prisons sue their governments if their inmate levels go below a certain percentage in relation to the number of available beds, and in which the prisoners are forced to work unreasonable amounts of hours every day for less than a dollar, or be sent to solitary confinement where they slowly lose their minds, makes it pretty clear why there exists such international organizations such as Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, or why the US is the world's biggest jailor, with about 5% of the world's population, and 25% of the world's prison population respectively (well ahead of Russia and China).

The police can continue to grasp at the remaining straws all they want in order to fill their monthly drug-bust quotas, which will do a lot more harm to the victim of such incidents than smoking some marijuana, but will help the arresting officer to receive that eagerly-awaited promotion, and the ability to afford that convertible he always wanted.

And meanwhile, his victim, a non-violent marijuana smoker who is otherwise an honest, law-abiding individual, is looking at a shattered life for reasons related more to the fact the he was caught using a street drug, and little else if anything. Capitalism at its worst - blurring the line between it and fascism (at least from the caught marijuana smoker's perspective, and perhaps many others like him).

Hopefully this era of unjust oppression against marijuana consumers, and other plants which have been used for thousands of years, will end soon, and the cops can go back to chasing after actual crimes in which the victim did not consent to being victimized, because a detective deserves a promotion for once, even if (s)he doesn't fill up his/her quota as quickly as the average narc nowadays.

When I took it I was at school I think I was like 13 or 14 not sure but it was a long time ago my friend had a ton of them like no joke at least 2,000 pills of course he didn't bring all of them to school he probable brought 15-20 not sure but after him showing my other friends the pills in the bathroom we always went there in the morning cuz the adminastraters can't see you and no one else really goes there before school but anyway he gave us like 10 pills and my other friend had some vodka but anyway he e kept the rest of the pill but he said to take two so we did I think there were 3 of us who took the pills but we went to class and about 10 minutes in to class I started feeling it it feel like I drank a monster and I said I wanna take another so me and my friend each took 1 more with a little bit of vodka But anyway my other friend had a different class but like 10 minutes after that pill I felt it even more and more like my head was tingly and I kinda made me happy and exited it was pretty good I think I lasted like 4 hours I was quite a while ago.
DOSE
50 mgs for every 100LB
INFO
It lasts about 4-5 hours it varys from person to person. Some people say it has a crash, personally I didn't experience one
TIPS
If you have alcohol drink it, it makes it better

I kind of felt like I was watching a movie.

I was in Africa. There was a large armored vehicle. I was driving it through a long dirt road, with mud in places. I was stuck. Large wheels, kind of like a monster truck. It reminded me of a Warthog, off of Halo, but much larger. I was stuck once, but then I pulsed the accelerator and freed myself.

The road was long. Trees were at each side. Dirt- red orange dirt, made up the landscape, and road. And at the end of the road, I took a left. And I felt that someone might be after me, or might attack me somewhere, going with the theme that I was driving that particular armored, off road vehicle. There was a store there. It was a store with many things. Clothing. Food, perhaps. A large television in one of the aisles, which was playing a Terminator movie. There was a girl working there. Not African. She seemed to be Serbian, or something- or that's what she said she was (but looking at "Serbian women" in google, I could find no representative... Though I don't feel like I see Germans or Irish or English that really represent me, either). That was the location I felt, from her words. Her eyes were blue, and she was dark brown haired. Beautiful. Sexy. Another customer came and got something- also a White person. He was shorter than me, and had a shaved head. I was on my guard. I delayed checking out, and started looking around again. I think I was buying some dry, clean clothes.

The girl seemed to enjoy my company, and as I stuck around longer, asked me if I'd like to get a drink with her- a coke. I wasn't opposed to sticking around, but I didn't really want a coke (though, I did, but I didn't). Before she left to get one, which was outside perhaps in a machine, I kissed her on her forehead, and she fell back, not violently, but fell to the floor, as if someone might if they were "taken aback" with feeling. I was surprised how it seemed to effect her. She was so beautiful.

From here on, she seemed to accept me as potentially something more. I was going to see her again, I think. I wanted to. But on a map, perhaps this was before, I pointed to Cairo. It felt I was South- pretty far South. I said I needed to get to Cairo, Egypt, and seemed to have trouble saying them both.

That's about the end that I remember, of that dream. There were others, but some were violent, and I don't really have a linear way to talk about the others.

Dream girls. I have had quite a few dreams where I meet a girl, and I wish she was real, when I woke up. If only I could get over real girls as easily. Or put them in the right category, of "not able to get".

When I took it I was on a pretty empty stomach it made me feel really really happy and like I love every one but I kinda thought I was gonna have like a heart attack or somthin I was textin my friends lying in bed it was really nice, personally i would not be able to focus more like every one says but the crash FUCKING SUCKED it was terrible kinda makes me second guess do again cuz I mean it was horrible I was sweaty and hot and my bones ached it felt like I had the flu but it passed over 12 FUCKING HOURS LATER worst feeling in my life.
DOSAGE
30mg for every 100LB and if you took your dose and your still not feelin it every 20min take another 20mgs untill u feel good
INFO
It lasts 4-6 hours depending on your dose and weight
The is like the worst thing in the world
TIPS
AS soon as u feel it dying down start eating and drinking a lot of water and gator aid it will help it pass quicker and some people say to smoke a little ganja to.
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IM NOT TELLING YOU TO DO THIS /IF U OD ITS NOT MY FAULT

Today, the idea a doctor or dentist recommending you smoke a Camel, or anything other cigarette is downright obscure! But that wasn't always the case. Cigarette ads frequently boasted of the health benefits of cigarettes, and even enlisting the sponsorship of doctors, dentists and athletes. Today, scientific research and evidence has shown us just how bad smoking is for you. Over 443,000 people die every year thanks to theses cancer sticks. Even more are harmed from secondhand smoke, an idea that would have seem preposterous to to our grandparent's parents. But even though we know how harmful they can be, new people start smoking every day, cigarette companies continue to find new ways to attract customers and over $35 billion dollars are wasted on cigarettes every year. That's an appalling number. Cigarette smoke is more damaging than just about every legal and illegal drug available. And that includes heroin, cocaine or any type of psychedelic. And they're harder to quit than just about anything else as well. Most recovered heroin addicts or alcoholics will tell you they had a much easier time quitting drugs than they did quitting cigarettes. In fact, many were never able to quit and still smoke cigarettes, despite the fact that it's much worse for your body than the drug they were able to quit. I can tell you first hand, I hated smoking cigarettes. Every single one that I put to my lips made me mad. But I couldn't stop. And many other addicts I've talked to have felt the same way. If I hate it so much, why is it so hard to stop?!? Primary because the cigarette companies pack them full with extremely addictive chemicals, ensuring they have a customer until they kill them.

This second installment of Our Junky Forefathers takes a look at cigarette ads, before the government stepped in and declared smoke a public heath crisis. Apparently before false advertising was illegal as well. But I'll just let you see for yourself. I really don't think I have to give any more commentary than that. You can draw your own conclusions from these ads. I have faith that no one breathing today could be swayed by their persuasive intentions. But at least they will provide some good entertainment and have great shock value

Twentieth Century Cigarette Ads - "Your Doctor Smokes Camels!"

I was in a place, where I was propping Alisha up, and I had been bouncing around to different girls, prior, propping them up, or being there. I had them placed, like locations- at locations.

There had been something- some design that I had activated (lit up, on the ground) for a friend who was to be coming. It was on a timer. Perhaps it was me. I felt it was me, but Richard was also who it was.

The place where Alisha was at was in a forest. I was on a hill. There was what seemed to be a root of a tree that I was propped up against, providing for her a place to rest up against me. I wanted to make her more comfortable, so I provided perhaps another part of my body, for her head.

I had to go, again. And soon it was like I was playing a videogame. I was flying. Sex was also something that seemed to be part of it. It felt like Halo. I was flying, and attacking, and winning. But somehow I was then on the ground. I was then watching a show, at my friend, J.R.'s, and somehow this was still connected through this journey, through this dream. These words are nothing like it. And I felt I might pass out, like J.R. would, in a position, watching a show.

Then I go, again. And I'm in a desert, it seems. ISIS was approaching. I met Richard along the way. He carried a single rifle, with a scope. It didn't seem we were against them... Or at least, we weren't organized at the moment, against them. He told me that they let him pass- that he saw them, and they didn't attack him, echoing news reports of them being civil, to certain civilians, that I have heard awake. We kept walking. We ran into friends of ours. We then turned back around. Perhaps it was because our air support, or our army's air support had arrived. It just seemed like the thing to do, to turn and fight. My friend Alston, who had seemingly had some combat experience, and another, showed up. Brian was there, too. Alston was squeezing water out of a what seemed to be big eye dropper. I wondered why he wasn't better prepared. Then people were peeing in pitchers. Brian peed in one, and seemingly filled the entire thing up. I mentioned I drank my own pee. I could feel the heat from his own. He jokingly offered his, but I said no. I do remember getting some water.

I don't remember having a rifle. But somehow, I felt armed, lightly. Maybe I just had a plan to get armed.

We had a plan, Richard and I, perhaps, to avoid conflict... To let the ISIS pass. We weren't armed well enough to fight. I had the idea to go around the side of a building, which was labeled Steak and Shake. On the side was a small alleyway of sand, and some grass. There was a fenced in unit of some kind, AC or power, that I hid behind at first. There was a hill leading up to where they might see us. The section was only about 12 feet wide, or so, in the largest parts, and not that long.. About as long as a Steak and Shake would be, or other restaurant. I put my hands up, surrendering, letting them know I was there. I got down on the ground, in the open, with my hands exposed, to not be a threat. I had seen them crawling over, and they were dressed in fatigues, and a ski-mask, the first one I saw. He had a sort of weapon that seemed like it had a large end to it, like a grenade launcher. I didn't want to scare the guy and get shot, so I made myself clear. I saw him take aim, so I ducked further, and moved back, out of not wanting to get shot. He raised the gun again, when in view, taking aim, and I had a feeling this wasn't one of the ones that wasn't up for shooting non-combatants. I knew I was done, unless something miraculous happened... which not happen. I'm not sure if I heard the sound, but I felt my senses go, slightly. That's all I felt. I was aware of being shot, right in the dome of my head- the front. I could still process, but felt messed up. And I didn't move. I wanted to die. I wanted to say to finish it- kill me, as the one shot hadn't done the job, and I didn't want to suffer. I saw the guy's face- a kid. An adolescent Black kid. He was laughing to his friend, who had jumped over the fence just after him. I almost said "finish it, nigger", pissed at how lightly he took killing another, and as he was laughing and joking about it. I decided not to let my final words be these.

Then, I woke up.

I've been having some vivid dreams lately. I have upped my iodine intake considerably, through the use of a "Lugol's" iodine solution. It's good stuff. The bottle cracked on the way to me, in the dropper area, so I need to report that and maybe get another sent.. But the stuff is still good. Apparently a side effect of more iodine in the diet can be increased, vivid dreams. It is no doubt happening. I'm also speaking easier, with people. Not to say I'm "on it" anymore than normal, but for instance, at work, I am at work. I get the job done. I seem-I feel professional, in how I do things. Not that my work is at all hard, but with this, it just seems easier. I am in pain, and even as I am in pain, I don't let it get in the way of work. I'm confident, even if I am imperfect. I don't let it get in the way.

http://acausal.net/blog/2014/06/19/war/

Friends, fellow junkies, ex-addicts, sympathizers and supporters, we’ve reached a time of critical importance. A war has been waged upon us. We hoped beyond hope that peaceful negotiation would be possible. That through compassion, understanding and respect for human rights we could prevent unnecessary conflict. That hope is not all lost, but white ribbons and peace flags are no longer adequate. We must face the enemy on their soil. Fight fire with fire in order to stand our ground. Like the Native Americans shoved onto reservation, or the internment camps filled with Japanese, our place has been designated, far removed from civilized society. Their crusade will not end until every last one of us has been shackled, chained and broken. Whether six feet under or in the gutters they’ve dug for us, they do not care. So long as we’re silenced and exterminated from their neighborhoods like rats in a kitchen. We can no longer afford to be silent. Now is the time to show we are a force to be reckoned with. If our Manifest Destiny is to be crushed by the hand of our oppressors, we will not slink into the night with whimper. Our bang will be heard like a host of thousand stars erupting into a glorious supernova for all the world to remember.

The nation’s intolerance of heroin is exponentially rising at fevered rate. Protests are being organized, town hall meetings and emergency public hearings are being called in small towns and large cities alike. The anger and hatred permeating our society is almost palpable. Ex-users are joining the masses, echoing their chants of intolerance, in order to avoid persecution. Even addicts are flocking to NA in droves, preemptively attempting to side themselves with the critical mass, hoping to win their favor by denouncing their love for the poppy as sinful and weak-spirited. We are all that’s left my friends. The few, the proud. User and non-user alike, who unabashedly declare, “I will not be dissuaded by irrational thinking. I am a free human-being who chooses to exercise the gift of freewill.” We are the brave. Those of us who refuse to put down the needle or hide in shadows. Nonusers who dare to take a stand for human liberty, who fight the persecution and unjust imprisonment of their brothers and sisters who love the poppy. It is up to us to stand up and fight against savage oppression, despite overwhelming societal pressure and a legal system designed to leave no survivors. We, the Junkies for Justice and Friend to the Junky, must be prepared for a brutal war. There will be many causalities. Many of us will be locked away, never to be seen or heard from again. We will lose brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. They will take our children away, claiming the best interest of the child. They will take our jobs away without cause, denying us any recourse to retaliate or prove our worth. They will deny us access to clean equipment, tempting many to use unsanitary and life threatening gear. I urge you to resist this temptation. If we succumb to their tactics we will only be hurting ourselves and will ultimately lose this war. They want us to kill each other off. I know withdraws are hell. All war is hell. Remember the greater good. Do whatever it takes, until you can get the clean equipment you need. Together we stand as a force in the face of an oppressor whose only goal is to see our demise. Only as a combined force can we show the world that we are responsible users. We do care about our lives and our health. We are good parents who have raised wonderful children. We can prosper in our careers. We will not be broken and forced into the gutter. Take away our needle exchanges. Deny us access to safe injection sites and legally purchased syringes. Increase our mandatory minimum sentences. We will still find a away. I know we will. Because heroin addicts, above all else, are resourceful and tenacious. For a hundred years we’ve been targeted, stereotyped, mocked, ridiculed, discriminated, outcast, forced into half-way homes, institutions, rehabs and sanitariums. Yet, our numbers still grow stronger, our resources more abundant, our resolve more determined. Let’s not forget, we are members of an elite society with a history spanning many centuries. This last 100 years has been a harrowing and destructive epoch. But it does not have to be our final chapter.

We must make hast. We have come to this battle late, and unfortunately the enemy has already infiltrated our troops. They’ve sent snakes out among us. Hissing hypnotic lies, intent to destroy us from the inside. It’s not a surprise that heroin users have been singled out. The syringe, our double-edged sword, brands us for the word to see. Those whose self-worth is derived from the belittlement of others make easy targets of us. Their cunning talk and vicious reproach would have you believe your worth is defined by your track marks. But it is not. I implore you, do not be deceived by their slippery words. Many-a junky has fell victim to their lies, doubting their own self-worth, slinking into the darkness, full of doubt, self-hatred and self-pity. We can’t afford to lose anymore soldiers. They will have you believe that addiction is a deficiency, a symptom of much deeper psychological issues. That you should be ashamed of your addiction and hide from the world. When in fact, opiate addiction is merely a matter of chemistry. The true worth of a person is defined by how he treats others, the kindness of his heart, the compassion in his soul, the integrity of his dealings, the love he extends to his neighbor and family, regardless of the substances he uses or how he administers them. Fortify yourself against those who will inevitably attempt to beguile you with false doctrine. Their attack will be fierce and unrelenting. But the strong will persevere.

Our numbers might be few compared to our the host of our enemy. But do not let that discourage you. We are the David to their Goliath and we have a distinct advantage, for the enemy knows not who he is dealing with. As the great Sun Tzu states in The Art of War, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” The enemy perceives us to be weak, unmotivated, unorganized, lazy, self-centered, uncaring, spiteful, ill-intentioned criminals. They will not be prepared for our counter-attack. Their generals have spent billions of dollars over the span of many decades to blind their soldiers and ensnare them in a web of lies, leaving them unprepared for our strike. So while Goliath is distracted conspiring to manipulate us into self-sabotage, let us begin to infiltrate the enemy camp. Quietly, at first. A whisper. Blending in with society, so as not to arouse suspicion or provoke the battle horn, speaking soft words in their ear of the deceit and trickery their commanders have used to ensnare them. We’ll seek out those with power who are sympathetic to the cause and enlist double agents. We’ll speak of human liberties, person freedom and inalienable rights. We must, each and everyone of us, expose ourselves to our loved ones and families. This is not negotiable. It is critical to the success of this mission. I understand that doing so exposes you to great risk, but it is a step we must take. Because this war will only be won with love, not hate. Only the power of love, the love of a nonuser for a junky, can generate enough empathy, enough real compassion, enough intolerance for injustice, to initiate change, provoke questions of doubt and inspire people to take real action towards reform. It is the only way.

This is a Call to Arms. Time is of the essence. For even at this very moment the enemy is strengthening their offense and fortifying their defenses. Their next attack will be swift and merciless and we must be prepared. I beseech each and every one of you, junkies, chippers, users, recovered addicts, friends, supporters, sympathizers and anyone who believes that human beings should be responsible and accountable for their own bodies, heed this call and willingly enlist without reserve. Together we can put an end to discrimination. We will destroy the ill-intentioned snake whose hypnotic hiss has lured a nation into believing those who are different are evil. We are small in number, but we can be victorious.

ill-timed nod

ill timed nod

It's Not All Fun and Games

Okay, here it is! Enjoy! [video=youtube_share;fiDTsBjTSp4]http://youtu.be/fiDTsBjTSp4[/video]








I can't wait to fuckin' upload this mother fucker. I am so fucking excited as the needle looked so real and omg did it stick out and......I am proud of how well I filmed such an act. This shows a large dose that I fuckin' nailed all at once. Not yo brag, but I am so fucking glad I can provide such awesome videos for myself and others like me. When a video comes out clear, along with the most up close footage ever, then on top if that, I had that fucker loaded and took it all, too. This is fucking top for me. The needle was fucking intense and detailed as it did me. Shit like this makes a sick bitch so excited as I am going to go allout and can't wait to upload this fucker. Any IV users who enjoy shots would love to record and watch. At least I am damn good at it. I would love to share videos with someon elikeminded, but no one seems to go deep into the needle itself as I do. I know I'm not alone, but I have guts and enjoy showing off what I am sickly fond of. Youtube bans me, yet I just come rigt back since I warn viewers before they watch. I show how I am sick with the pick in how I film and slam with glam.

Then I decide I should check her facebook, not that I wouldn't otherwise. She changed her picture.

Last time I dreamt of her the same- a change.

In this dream, she had names written down, for children. One was Jeff. After the name there were parenthesis and in them, "?!?!", or some combination of them (and I thought she was calling for me). I went to a strip club, gentleman's club, or whatever it is called. I saw her from across the room. Pink outfit. A very tall transsexual came up and tried to socialize with me. I was kind, waved/said hi, but he/she was not who I was interested in. Donna came up after, and poked my ribs on each side, from behind me. I acted surprised. I tried to give her (somewhat of) a high five, as one arm went in to automatically go around her. I fought the desire to be with. It was a little awkward, because of how we stopped talking, before. But I just hugged her, lightly, and kissed her forehead, very lightly. As much as I have experienced, and have felt, in this time, away, I can't express that in that time, immediately. I can't give her a big hug, like we're something, because we're not. At least, not quite. We don't even know each other. Or, she doesn't know me. When we were together, I think she talked, quite a lot, and I said very little. That's why she felt she didn't know me, but I felt like I knew her.

In the dream, she showed me this clock, or something that told time some way. She said it read 23 days from the day we met (or last saw each other, though, I forget). I was trying to figure out how it worked. Sitting in a hallway near the clock-type thing, were two old Black people- a couple.

I don't remember anything after that point.

Nothing at all like my old forum where I knew lots of IV users that were somewhat into my shit. Not to bash this place, but damn I wish there was a chat room. I'm off to slam on the cams since this is boring the fuck out of me atm. Time to stick it and win it!

is it even a slip or am I just using again? well, thats a tough one. I wouldnt say I am using but I wouldnt call it a slip, either. I went out and grabbed it cuz I wanted to use today. I woke up this AM and purposely didnt take my 4MG bupe dosage because I had intentions of just letting the day play out and see how I felt; well, my work check ended up clearing and it was a commish period (I get paid on 1099 so my check hits anywhere from the 27th to the 3rd of every month) so I went out and spent $160. not a bad deal for 2G's. usually paying a hundo a POP but this time I had a deal, a delivery driver and I had to go by CVS anyway to pick up a script of med I am taking so why not add 5 needles to that order, right? sick, huh? sick, sick, sick mind!

I have .5 left of those 2G's I STARTED using earlier today. I just blasted a .25 shot and now just seeing what happens over the next hour or so before I decide to use the rest; kinda have to tonight since I have a drug test next Wednesday for my bupe program; I may come out and tell my Dr. I slipped!? well, not SLIPPED but DECIDED TO USE ON MY OWN - no worries. legit, my decision to USE. no one else. I didnt think, slip, have a flash back, nothing. I wanted to use based on me getting paid. if I didnt get commish today I prob wouldnt have grabbed shit. whacky, right?

this is my first post/blog while HIGH/JAMMED! actually, my first 1 or 2 on here I was at my worst, so I am assuming I was high that night as well. I COULD be wrong but probably not. I really doubt I was taking ANY days off back then.

so, let's see. I went a SOLID 5 months of just bupe; then last month and a half I had 3 slips which total cost me around $350. thats $350/mo that I just WASTED on drugs. yes, I am jammed and happy right now but that thought of $350 KILLS ME! esp. now that I am BACK OUT and ON MY OWN! no more GF trouble, no more RENT CUT IN HALF, tho. I am paying $1250/mo here, so I do not have time to use and FUCK UP ALL OVER AGAIN!

what you see here is the COCKY me right now; saying BIG DEAL, I used cuz I wanted to, not cuz I relapsed as some would call it. its how I always thought and a post from another board member who had same thoughts motivated me to realize life/drugs/everything is based on MY OWN THOUGHTS/DECISIONS! I will not/cant/NEVER WILL blame another, or a disease, or anything. it was ME who used cuz I wanted to. I got paid and said FUCK IT, lets use. I wasnt suffering from WD's, didnt have a dealer infront of me asking me to buy, and wasnt getting SHIT FOR FREE! I went out and USED CUZ I WANTED TO GET HIGH! see what I am saying here!? I am saying REGARDLESS OF MY USE it is ME who is making those DECISIONS! so I have NOTHING to worry about in the future, right? well, thats tough to say. people can say they see these slips leading down a BAD PATH! but here I am thinking these are NOT SLIPS but just me using cuz I wanted to; which is the truth BOTH ways; depending on the person reason this.

all I know is I cannot AFFORD to use ANYWHERE CLOSE to what I once did; esp. w/ me out on my own. then again, it's also me NOT HAVING to pay for dates or other random shit w/ the GF.. but I wont lie to myself there, either. I never did SHIT FOR THE GIRL! I bought drugs and only drugs; so that was me TRYING to come up w/ a excuse but then calling myself out. the MIND TRYING to play a trick on itself and then catching itself!

anyway, I shot dope tonight. end of story.

not end of the world, tho. and not end of my life (hopefully) ha.

this is a good post tho cuz I'll surly read back over this in 2-3 months and either be clean that day or a junk bag and I'll say, "damn, I remember writing that post.. it was the day I started to get heavily involved again". or, just maybe.. like I said, OR.. JUST MAYBE.. 2-3 months from now I can say, "that was the day I used because I wanted to and big deal, cuz here I am 3 months later and have not used since". we'll see. cuz I could read 3 months from now and also say, "wow, I just shot last week AGAIN".

the world plays games in many ways; but I am the one who chose the game and I know all the rules, so it should be easy to play, right!? I dominated in this game before and I will dominate again (dominated means both ways - using and not using).

GOD BLESS!

never thought I'd say this but I am TRYING to get into the Methadone clinic! hurts to even write that but I give up! although I was able to throw together some clean time (not much, only days) I cant STAY clean; I am still blowing ALL MY CASH! I see/have nothing left; I give up! I was using around 2G's/day about 2 months back but now down to only 1G/day. splitting my shots into half shots and both are .5 and have me feeling "good". sometimes I will only use .5/shot for the day and be able to get by and save the other half till the following morning (thats if I am busy, or pass out early, or am able to somehow stop myself which is usually NOT the case).

I actually have a trip to San Diego at the end of the month to see an old friend; somehow afforded the tickets (well, put it on a credit card) and will be staying at his house not doing much and not spending much; going to have to bring 7 Suboxone w/ me just to get by; hoping all goes well for me and I feel OK enough to get by; I will probably be able to handle it since I have no connects and know I cannot be getting dope; we'll see, tho.

In Nervous Anticipation

[video=youtube_share;w3dZkOXsGNQ]http://youtu.be/w3dZkOXsGNQ[/video]