so, I've been fighting my dope battle for the past few months and been on and off; the days that I am "off" I tend to go bananas with other drugs/alcohol.. thats right, I said bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! so on Tuesday I didnt use dope but was asked to go to a bar that night and hung out w/ my cousin and a few friends and just sat there and drank. on the way home I was moving into the far left lane and the girl infront of me also moved into the lane at the same time and I ended up rear ending her on the highway; to be honest, I dont remember it all that well but I remember NOT being that fucked up. but because I rare ended here I am at fault, so I am suffering from this. also, because I felt I was OK and I was going NUTS on her infront of the cops, they thought otherwise and asked me to do a breathalyzer. well, thats something I should have NEVER done because I blew a 1.SOMETHING.. and it was def. WAY ABOVE the legal limit. this is my 2nd DUI, so I spent the next 12-15hrs in jail before being released. the minute I got released I called the dope man and was delivered a gram within an hour. its sad that I just got locked up and now have a case infront of me and all I am thinking of is shooting dope. sad, right? well, I only sniffed it that day, so that is a good thing, right? I had to sniff cuz I had no pins left and had NO CAR to get more, so I sniffed the full G and remembered why I hated sniffing and went to the needle.
anyway, I am dead broke and have this case infront of me. I know I will have to go to 2 weeks of a detox since its my 2nd offense; I am also going to the methadone clinic on Tuesday to start treatment; this is something I had planned before the accident but now w/ the accident I am not sure if I SHOULD or SHOULDNT go. I want to go in order to stop using dope, save money and hopefully save my life. also, since this is my 2nd DUI they MAY have me piss testing so methadone might be my only escape. then again, since I have no car getting to the clinic may be a huge waste of time. I am just not sure right now.. but I do know I need to smarten the fuck up and stop using.
the sick me tells myself, "you should have used dope that day and you never would have went out and had a drink". isnt it sad that I tell myself I should have been SHOOTING HEROIN rather than have a drink and then driving. sick, right? I tell myself to shoot dope cuz its cheaper and safer.. but yet I've OD'd multiple times and almost died. sad how the mind work, right? wow.
well, I thought I'd just post this to keep myself updated for future purposes and also get the word out to all.. DONT DRINK AND DRIVE. its much more safe to shoot dope and drive.. HA! whats sad is I am dead serious and what even more sad is that it actually IS MORE SAFE to do drugs and drive.
I dont know, peeps. just wish me all the luck, man! I am going to need it; headed back infront of the judge for the 98393939th time. I am so sick of this all; I actually went to go away for a while to get sober and my mind straight.. sad that I say that, huh? why do I want to go to jail? who says that!? addicts do... because we need it to get away from the drugs.
back in 04 when I was picked up for trafficking 80's I went away for 3 years and stayed sober for 5 years. I actually felt great back then because I ended up relapsing and getting back into the scene. now ive been miserable and just looking for reasons to use/stop using. I am trying, man.. I am TRYING!
OK, thats it for now.. just wanted to write this all for my own reasons so I can look back 2 years from now and remember the DUMB SHIT I've said all throughout life.
anyway, I am dead broke and have this case infront of me. I know I will have to go to 2 weeks of a detox since its my 2nd offense; I am also going to the methadone clinic on Tuesday to start treatment; this is something I had planned before the accident but now w/ the accident I am not sure if I SHOULD or SHOULDNT go. I want to go in order to stop using dope, save money and hopefully save my life. also, since this is my 2nd DUI they MAY have me piss testing so methadone might be my only escape. then again, since I have no car getting to the clinic may be a huge waste of time. I am just not sure right now.. but I do know I need to smarten the fuck up and stop using.
the sick me tells myself, "you should have used dope that day and you never would have went out and had a drink". isnt it sad that I tell myself I should have been SHOOTING HEROIN rather than have a drink and then driving. sick, right? I tell myself to shoot dope cuz its cheaper and safer.. but yet I've OD'd multiple times and almost died. sad how the mind work, right? wow.
well, I thought I'd just post this to keep myself updated for future purposes and also get the word out to all.. DONT DRINK AND DRIVE. its much more safe to shoot dope and drive.. HA! whats sad is I am dead serious and what even more sad is that it actually IS MORE SAFE to do drugs and drive.
I dont know, peeps. just wish me all the luck, man! I am going to need it; headed back infront of the judge for the 98393939th time. I am so sick of this all; I actually went to go away for a while to get sober and my mind straight.. sad that I say that, huh? why do I want to go to jail? who says that!? addicts do... because we need it to get away from the drugs.
back in 04 when I was picked up for trafficking 80's I went away for 3 years and stayed sober for 5 years. I actually felt great back then because I ended up relapsing and getting back into the scene. now ive been miserable and just looking for reasons to use/stop using. I am trying, man.. I am TRYING!
OK, thats it for now.. just wanted to write this all for my own reasons so I can look back 2 years from now and remember the DUMB SHIT I've said all throughout life.
