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It has to end.


Walter G. A. Zapruder





My identity isn't going to be shared when I eventually have the stomach to share this screed with the world. This work is something that has been kicking around my noggin for the last year and a half, since I regularly started using crystal meth. I went into this criminal underworld essentially blinded to the totality of what I had gotten myself into the fateful day I decided to message the right somebody on Grindr asking if they sold tina. The day of my lunch break I went to their apartment, got to meet their dog and their teenage child. When I sat in their room, 20 dollars later and I began an unforced series of errors that spanned the lions share of my time as a methamphetamine connoseuir.





The school of hard knocks was as clear as the dusty shards of amphetamine in a small baggie. The habit I rapidly developed took it's seemingly permanent hold upon my psyche and to this day I feel a somewhat sickly adoration for that crazy crystal. I am built different than most meth users, in the way that I have ADHD. I have less of the same experiences as one who rapidly loses touch with reality and who's addiction is more than apparent to the world. My journey was much more subtle and insidious, as my own personal version of semi-addiction lacked the same explosive qualities (until much later) that the archetypal meth head in a shitty trailer park in buttfuck nowhere. My experience is that of significant ups and downs, resembling sheer jagged cliff faces, steep hills and numerous potholes.





Being that I am not neurotypical, methamphetamine being a psychostimulant, albeit an unbelievably powerful one, immediately sharpened my mental function. My attention is sharper, my thoughts are significantly deeper, the gift of gab I can have is ensured and it seemingly makes my mind perform superhuman tasks that dwarf my non medicated regular self. It performs the exact same function as a proper prescription of Adderall and Ritalin, if not for the illegality, the unknown purity, the unknown sourcing, the dangerous criminality it requires me to interact with and most importantly, it rapidly drains my body of it's resources like nutrients food and water.





Being high on this terrible wonder drug in it's most obscene form, being smoked from a small glass pipe that I can buy from numerous gas stations around my local town, causes the user to lose track of their own basic human needs if not treated like the equivilant of rocket fuel for a mind. When my bodily needs are met, which is nearly impossible on this drug, it gives me the ability to overclock my already genius mind to a fault. I am undoubtedly smarter, more focused, better at conversation if in a good mood and overall superiour to what I see as my normal inferior state.





Is this manifesto a cautionary tale? Yes


Is this manifesto a stark series of warnings that the government purposely keeps obscured? Absolutely


Is this drug a demonic presence in an otherwise normal person's life, bar ADHD if not given the proper respect that it deserves? You bet.


Is this screed a form of attempted harm reduction? It is a deep necessity I feel in my core





This entire screed is purpose written to give the reader, presumably one who took a plunge in the deep end without the fore-knowledge necessary to keep this potential tool from becoming an increasingly bleak and darkening nightmare that strips the humanity, the love and the people you love from your life until you are left howling at the moon, with nothing left but the fentanyl-laced powder that some other equally lost and helpless addict provided at whatever arbitrary markup they decided in their helplessly lost mind.





I will probably never entirely swear off crystal meth, as I am one of the numerous unlucky souls who made the fateful leap into a new era of my life by letting such a potent stimulant take the reigns. As an experienced meth enjoyer, through trial and error, I am here to tell you the budding methamphetamine chronic that you fucked up. You have made either the most ruineous life altering beginning of a long series of mistakes that will end in your eventual death, or you have chosen to harness the force of nature that this drug brings. I am not a normal case of someone who still struggles to find that fine middle ground that will allow me to harness this powerful foe and use it like the powerful tool it can potentially be. If it weren't for the man I love, I would be dead.



I did nothing to deserve a second chance at life. I am priviledged to even have the chance at bottling the lighting, rather than be struck by it and as such, I feel the time has come for me to begin picking away at what I know in my heart of hearts is an important piece of drug related literature. The beginnings of a manifesto that as the months and years drag on, will slowly but surely balloon with more and more useful, lifesaving and salvational information that I know will help save the lives of my less fortunate peers who are losing themselves to this drug.





Within this manifesto, you the reading tweaker, will be provided with my own knowledge and experiences that I have gained and lessons I have learned from being a user and a lover of my lucky lady Tina. Do not take what I am to write with a grain of salt as that isnt even enough to fill your glass with even the faintest swirrels of white electrifying smoke. What you are going to read may change your course and could save your life. Please share the information that you find useful, or point others towards this document as this needs to be common knowledge. None of us need to suffer and certainly none of us deserve to be miserable because of our questionable decision making.
































So here goes nothing...














Tina, a gorgeous glass vixen





You have made a short sighted but human error in having picked up the pipe for the first time in your life. You may have been introduced by a friend, a stranger in a risque situation met through a hookup app gay or straight, a close relative or family member or any number of other ways the tendrils of Tina's influence tenderly introduced itself and lowered your guard. You may have felt a mixture of nervousness, curiousity, low grade fear and a myriad of other emotions before either your torch or lighter graced the bulb.





But as you watched the novel and mysterious glassy substance heat, as it pooled into a mostly clear, maybe brownish molten pool of superheated liquid and as you pulled the wispy white vapor in as much as you could in a breath, in mere moments your entire world has gotten rocked. However you were prior mentally or emotionally falls away into a void and what emerges from the newlyfound emptiness that resulted as soon as the vapor is absorbed by your lungs.





Your lady of ill repute, cruella-de-ville if you will, has cast upon you her charms. How her charms affected you this first time is dependant upon the individual, but for my personal experience, the charms caused me a sudden mental clarity, a clear minded nirvana that was resultant of that trance. I discovered that Tina blessed me with a mind that truly could live up to the expectation of genius. I knew from the outset the very first time I had danced with her, that she was a very dangerous temptation that I knew from then on would loom like a spectre over my existence.





But as a meth consumer who experienced and had a vague and general idea of what this tool is capable of, I know the reality of the situation and understand why I believed so strongly in methamphetamine's ability to supercharge my mind. It isn't unique to methamphetamine in regards to improvement of certain areas of my executive function, rather the nature of the beast of a stimulant dosage enveloping my brain in general was the explanation.





METHAMPHETAMINE'S POSITIVE EFFECTS ON EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING'S DEFICITS ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT UNIQUE TO ITSELF.








I do not need meth to make my mind function as it should, because I recognize the nearly identically effective, yet significantly less taxing effects of Methylphenidate upon my body. Meth can be used to treat ADHD in the most severe of cases, in a clinical setting with strong scientifically sound and proven controls over the dosage, the purity, the sourcing with the added benefits of being administered and provided by law abiding professionals with educations directly related to treating mental health and dysfunctions such as ADHD.





Medically approved treatment of ADHD has many factors that street methamphetamine is incapable of achieving and maintaining





Pharmacuticals that are approved by the FDA after rigorous testing of their effects, an understanding of at least the basic mechanics of the drug awaiting the green light, a legally strong chain of custody that documents the journey of the drug's creation. From raw materials, to the labratories that synthesized the medication, to well documented and monitored industrial manufacturing of the medicine by trained and well paid technicians, every single step of the journey from approval by the Food and Drug Administration to the patient prescribed neccessary medication that they picked up at the Pharmacy of their choice, where finally a Pharmacy Technician and a licensed Pharmacist oversees the dispensary of the drug to the person in need.





Crystal Meth, along with any other illicit narcotics manufactured by clandestine hidden labratories or by other means have no possibility of such verification.





In all of the time I have partaken in crystal meth, from the times I used it in a recreational manner, to the times where I had bouts with flare ups of my mental illness of addiction, I have never once known any real information about the drugs I purchased from acquaintances that happened to sell it. Without my own initiative and unneccessarily difficult and opaque methods that require expertise and materials that I have limited access to, there is no true way for me to ever asertain anything about the quality of the drug that I buy to consume later. The closest thing to a guarantee that I might possibly get is an afirmative statement by the person of unknown trustworthiness of quality and retail value.





For the average consumer of illicit drugs, whatever their reason may be, they will never truely be any the wiser on their own about the safety, purity, quality or pricing of the drug they paid their dealer. The quality of the clandestine medicine they now possess for their own consumption hinges on the good word of the person they trusted enough to buy from. One may buy a gram of methamphetamine for whatever arbitrary pricing the dealer decided on, however far away from the fair market value of $40 dollars and come to find later on during a binge that their meth was tainted with a completely different clandestine medication, such as Fentanyl. As a man who has tried a few different opioids such as Heroin and Fentanyl in seperate instances, along with information about these drugs from offical sources on how they affect the body, the person in question who purchased what they thought was pure meth, in fact had a batch that one time they loaded their pipe with a specific portion of the baggie that was tainted. One moment they expected to enjoy a fun time they planned, or they maybe are suffering from a particualrly severe bout of addiction, and after they hit their pipe; they experience the feelings they might not recognize as the onset of an opioid overdose until its too late.





I was a victim of this myself, when one day, the source I trusted as a reliable and trustworthy as a methamphetamine dealer, sold me a batch with the most miniscule amount of fentanyl that tainted a random portion of the containing bag that I was so used to bringing home after driving up the highway back to my town. Within 20 minutes of having self administered methamphetamine vapor from my pipe, the only thing that wasn't right was how the hit felt in my lungs. The meth uncharacteristically fulminated and charred black suddenly and a slow but creeping feeling of an opioid high gradually increased in intensity and severity as it worked its way through my system. Eventually, I went into overdose in my apartment shortly after I had returned from a brief trip away. vision fading, the control of my muscles going limp, causing me to nearly slump off the bed onto the floor had it not been for the man I love catching me.





He saw the signs of what was happening and seeing me losing conscoiousness rapidly, administered a narcan kit. As he rushed into the bathroom to grab the life saving nasal spray, I mumbled for him to give me 15 more minutes in the numb and sludge frozen daze. I remember vividly how my consciousness swept back to life and the abject terror I was stricken by when it reversed the effects temporarily of the Fentanyl and I shreiked as the thick miasma stopped receding and began to suffocate me again. From what he had said, my eyes cocked out at a 45 degree angle from each other, my left eye and my right eye independently and vacantly cocked in an inhuman and unnatural way. From what I can remember of that traumatic near tragedy, at that point my vision was enveloped by a strange barrage of deep green and purple that I cant do justice with a description.





During the entire time this was occuring, he was frantically trying to get help from the operator after he had dialed 911 early into my body going into shock from the overdose. He could barely keep calm as he administered another Narcan, which brought back my normal color from the grey palor that swept over me. At some point, I found myself in the living room, surrounded by several firefighters and ambulance workers as they checked my vitals and kept close watch on me in case my body started to completely go into failure. At some point they had left, with the promise of my neighbor and my love that I would be driven to the emergency room; as I had regained enough consciousness to beg them all not to take me in an Ambulance, out of fear of the obscenely large medical debt that the priviledge of being given a lift 5 minutes down the road to the hospital that I would recieve.





When I finally arrived there and got dropped off, I found in my shame filled, traumatized and embaressed daze that was gradually fading that nobody there really felt any concern, or care for me as a patient. I felt the judgement of the entire medical staff on my shoulders as they went through the motions of registering me into the system as what I later found out from my 600 dollar medical bill was entered as a Sudden Illness. A nurse proceeded to lead me to a recliner in an empty area with curtains and beds for patients that was out of the way of the hospital staff who had much more important things to do than to deal with some worthless piece of shit who overdosed on Fentanyl.





Some worthless fucking deadbeat methhead who I felt they deep down wish they got to write a report of an overdose death somewhere in the city, rather than being forced to deal with and ignore the filth they were forced to pretend to treat. Nobody came to check on me, nor did anyone treat me with a modecum of respect, nor did any of those fucking scumbags ever gave a rats ass about my near death experience. They all maintained their air of superiority over the human waste that inconvinienced them.





To any current users, or those who partake, the onus of testing your own drugs is foisted upon you, as there is no regulations of any kind to ensure you wont be poisoned by something you are so used to consuming for an expected effect. Even with any number of precautions you may try putting in place, there is no truly certain way of knowing that your drugs aren't tainted, as the baggie that I had overdosed from had been tested in multiple different places with Fentanyl test strips. It was a single area in the bag that happened to have gotten loaded in the pipe that didn't get tested for the opioid. 3 different tests that we as amateurs did came back negative, before that fateful night.





Your purity, your quality, your pricing and anything else related to the crystal you are buying is all up to chance in the grand scheme of things. Your safety is a complex game of Russian roulette because of it's origins from an outlaw chemist





Your safety is not guaranteed because of the first argument I am going to make of this essay. Because these drugs are made illegal by the drug scheduling system, these problems exist. Every negative effect of any illicit drugs that the government proclaimed with supreme authority to be worthy of a prison sentence, is because they are illegal to manufacture and possess. Because they are effectively banned from the general public to use, because we are fighting a war on drugs, these harms exist.





None of the drugs that are reviled as poisons to the community are nearly as harmful as is proclaimed by the public, the government and the medical system. Because drugs are classified as a criminal offense, the criminal elements that make profits producing, smuggling, distributing and selling these drugs because the government deemed them illegal.





The government deemed these drugs illegal because by extension they deem addiction, a mental illness, as a criminal offense worthy of the same kind of punishment that violent criminals face for rape and murder. I propose a radically different approach that is slowly gaining traction, but not at a speed that will make any real difference in time. This civil rights disaster, that I have personally witnessed and by proxy experinced is what inspired me to take a stand for what is right, and to fight an evil that has corrupted the soul of our great nation.





I propose a solution that will heal our nation, vanquish the power of the drug cartels, provide trillions of dollars towards our own social systems, medical system and other systens. I propose we make the concept of classifying drugs as illegal, as an unconstitutional and tyranical overreach of the government over innocent people and we finally rip the band-aid off.





Legalize all illicit drugs, enlist the pharmaceutical giants with emergency wartime powers to begin manufacturing every street drug that has reached epidemic levels in the same way we regulate the manufacture of alcohol, tobacco and other consumable goods. Bayer, Pfizer and all other pharmaceutical companies will be tasked with producing Heroin, Fentanyl, Methamphetamine, Cocaine and any other drugs that are considered a societal harm. Sourcing precursors from verified and monitored American sources, to reach American markets.





With this new supply of verifiably safe and sourced and regulated consumer drugs produced nationwide the minimum age to purchase any of these drugs would match that of Alchol, Tobacco and Marijuana, which is the age of 21 with a valid government ID. Each of these consumer drugs would be taxed with the same sin taxes that the few vices that are socially acceptable are and ensure that the money that once flowed towards the Narcoterrorist cartels that used the 10 trillion dollars of black money to fund their campaigns of terror, violence and desolation that will gradually flow into State and Federal government coffers for offical earmarked use.





With the ever growing windfall of the cheap, safe, verifiable and regulated narcotics that undercut the Cartels own produced drugs to the point where they cant sustain their own operations as the worlds largest consumer market for black market illegal narcotics would rapidly cease to be as it transitioned from the shadows as Recreationals would . That money could be used for everything from repairing infrastructure, researching and understanding the mental illness of Addiction and its numerous different forms, creating building and maintaining solid support networks for people who want help. Providing any American Citizen no matter where they live in this great nation the ability to easily and freely obtain any number of services to help treat their mental illness at no cost to them.








The War on Drugs


In 1971, U.S. President Richard Nixon declared



It's time to finally end South America's Vietnam war and for our diminished nation to finally shake the poisionous ideas of the 100 year old Prohibition School of Thought of treating the class of mental illnesses Addiction as a crime worthy of police and government tyranny and release all detainees convicted of nonviolent possession offenses in all 50 states in the nations criminal justice system. Drug offenses that are enhanced by more serious charges will be allotted a court date to offer reduced sentences and significant addiction support and mental health treament if eligable. Violent offenses will be granted the same retrial with their civil class considered.











Federal Addiction Crisis Administration


FACA tasked with monitoring the National Recreational Purchase Tracking System (NRPTS) for American citizens that present their ID at purchase of FDA approved Pre-Scheduling Era psychotropic substances as approved for sale. This system could be modeled after the pre existing National Precursor Log Exchange system used to monitor sales of cold medication containing pseudoephedrine and monitors the dates, purchases, number of Drivers License logged purchases.





Every single legal purchase of any Recreational class substances excluding waivered classes of psychotropic substances such as alcohol and marijuana


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