Here's my story: I cant think straight but want to put some thoughts down.
I had a C6/C7 fusion done in 2006 for a whiplash injury I got surfing in 1998; surgery didn't solve my problem well at all; been going to doctors and gulping opiates ever since. With shock like pain going down my arms and legs, weak all over; burning shoulders tight hamstrings and weak quads; all somehow from my neck. I was a triathlete before and super active; being 29 at the time; had a sweet house a good job and a younger wife. She liked that I was a homeowner and an athlete. Injury to myself coordinated with her pregnant for the first time. Haven't run or done a pull up since 1998. Managed to continue mountain bike, hiking and surfing and skating. Although impaired; real estate was going nuts so I slumlorded for a decade or so; juggling houses in Santa Barbara, Utah, and Central Oregon. Changed jobs from organic truck farmer/veggie seller; to getting my license and teaching school.
Never really able to keep a job as my physical condition was too much; didn't stop me from taking teaching jobs for short times all over Oregon. Eastern Oregon and Central Oregon and Coastal Oregon, I worked all over. In 2013, with two kids, one scholar and one stoner skaterat hitting puberty; my son and I put a skateramp in my wife's garage parking spot which irked her for sure. I had a trailer at the beach; and a condo which I would rent out weekly; which also irked her. Packing up her possessions and cramped camping was not her idea of a fun way to make money but I loved it. I could be at the beach, volunteered at a YMCA with my kids in tow every summer for fun experiences; which we had plenty of.
Eventually, my daughter put herself thru college and is a chemist in town; my son burned out from skate rat to minor in possession of weed; recently legalized for adults but penalized for minors. After years of forced therapy where he never cracked; he ended up with a GED.
I also bought a business in 2013; that we ran together for7 years. Bought my wife a job with our last bit of real estate; a farm store. Covid and divorce ended that one; I ended up with a garage full of drink coolers and display racks which I peddled off slowly. The juice bar/sandwich stop/ farm store, at which my wife and I could be our own bosses. It ended up sealing our fate, unfortunately. Passive agressive disagreements abounded with her and I having different philosophies. I was fly by the seat of my pants; she wanted a retirement account and insisted on deserving a nice car whether there was money for it or not. Wheeling and dealing versus safe stability was our main conflict; as well as my being compromised by my neck injury.
So we had moved to Central Oregon from Los Angeles. Selling Santa Barbara for two houses in Oregon. A short stint among the Mormons in Utah was a fun little side trip; as was living in a community of 400 and teaching school in the sticks. So I did some landlording and buying and selling of houses; easy money till the 2009 real estate bust caused a foreclosure and downsizing to one property; Also bought business; my wife at the time, she was my front for lots of family get togethers; and basically my caretaker; which sucked for her. Never have your wife be your caretaker or business partner! She couldn't help me and also blamed me for seemingly not putting in my fair share of work; We slowly were growing apart; until a 2017 accident and dual concussions for us both; it seemed to sever her from her emotions, she stopped being a mother to her kids and a faithful wife and helpmeet for me. She couldn't think to make sandwiches and soup anymore; soon she was gone. Everyone has ditched me save for my son; who, ironically, sells vegetables at a farm store; too bad he was out getting high when we could have used him at our farm store! At least I have him; but even that is tenuous.
He has a DUI conviction and is skipping on his penalty and conviction; basically you could say I am harboring a fugitive in my home. I drive him to work; he doesn't drive, doesn't hang with his friends anymore because he knows they fuck about with drugs, guns, fast cars, etc, and will shortly be encountering the cops as they are reckless. But currently he can't reckon with his problems; he's anxious and just waiting to get lit up and tossed in jail, where he will have to kick nicotine, alcohol, and kratom all at the same time. I'm enabling him I know; he's my only reliable friend. And we live together. He never even told his mom about his DUI. As she has moved on and formed a Brady Bunch type new family. Good riddance to her as she done me dirty after I burned her out as my helpmeet.
Rock, meet hard place. My daughter doesn't see me as it breaks her heart; ex-wife took our business off the table in our divorce. Thinking hard about leaving the state with my son; back to California to wherever a surgeon will cut me; I don't have much to lose by trying to fix my spine; but I also haven't travelled more than 1 hour in 4 years. No seeing family or friends, no skating(legs too shaky), no surfing(calf cramps), no working.
Not wanting to be a victim I try to walk and swim and skate a little but exercise does not help me get better or stronger.
My therapist says to keep working and demand reasonable accomodation. Like I am going to teach middle school in a cervical collar and make all the students only stay to my left as I can't look right.
Up until 2017 I would skate with my students after work at the local skatepark. My primary doc is taking my off clonazepam currently; then methadone next. Maybe switching me to suboxone for opioid misuse disorder. Not that I ever really went off script with opiates to manage my pain; but they are not really helping enough anymore. Luckily I am on a pain contract.
So at least I can wean off the meds pretty slowly. I want another surgery; I know the risks, but I have symptoms that have not been adressed and I feel like they could be with a surgery at the correct level; although it will bankrupt me and may not fix me; I am aware. Maybe it will address my pain which is giving me a constant occipital headache since my last surgery; the pain really concentrated at C4 and I found out I have the instability at C4 and have probably had it since my first whiplash; causing sore neck and leg and arm weakness. Like changing a tire takes me a month; I take job after job that I end up bailing on. I can't seem to function; I am only 54 and really want life back.
I had bought her the cook job and managed the produce; stupid I know. Setting up shop in the morning; going to work as a teacher; then closing shop after work. More lifting, but I got by with teaching and co-managing our store. I told her that an ambulance would be taking me home from the job; not far from the truth!
2017 she was driving, taking us home from work and she T-boned a truck. Almost killed a 16 yo girl. Not her fault she was driving and it is a notorious intersection by our work. My head hit the window, lost my front teeth; but my wife got a severe concussion and pretty much gave up the ghost on the business and our lives. She needed help; I couldn't do it and when she recovered she was gone. Started going on long walks and turning the location off her phone, etc. The lawyer that was going to rep us dropped us because of divorce; I felt like a deer in the headlights and did not hire a lawyer for divorce or for the injury from the car wreck. However; she hired a new one and got a settlement of 75,000, I settled for 5,000. Oh well, it didn't really get better from there. I found a new girlfriend who turned out had borderline personality disorder, my son got a dui, and I grew ever more isolated, bright side is I still own my house as real estate had been favorable to me from CA boom. I spent 60k on Lyrica, and 45k on a surgery that wasn't covered after the fact. So fucking stupid, my insurance is useless at this point; they wont pay for injections or surgery either; and are trying to price me out of my opioid meds.
Then in 2017; had a t=bone car wreck which screwed me up worse. 2021 and a new artificial disc put in at C6-C7. Turns out now I have a verterbrea out of of place at C4, its like my doctors have given up on my and my all over weakness that I believe is caused by my 3mm(only grade 1) cervical instability(spondylolisthesis), needs a fusion, in my opinion, as injections into my facet joints or steiroid shots never work. Ibuprofen is my savior in that it reduces my symptoms. Prednisone is an option. I can barely move my neck; I am begging my doctors to fuse up my C4 to my C5; but they don't want to limit my mobility. like I have any significant mobility.
So I am basically disabled; on 40 mgs methadone and 30mgs hydrocodone daily. Im fucking over it and am looking for a surgery but noone in my town will do it. So I am shopping around my MRI and Xrays, cat scans, etc, to spine specialists, problem is I dont travel well.
Since my disc replacement in 2021; things have gotten so much more intense; must be more pressure is put on C4 now.
Occipital headache and brain fog is my newest thing; since surgery last year. Docs are saying opiates will do that; but I feel like my problem is concentrated at the C4 level that gives me all the symptoms of spondylolisthesis; a condition also known as cervical instability; its not too severe looking and only 3mm; but driving me nuts as doctors think I am just crazy at this point and just throw pain meds at me; then I get a new primary doc and he wants to take them away and have me just cope with intractable pain.
