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One day you'll miss me like I missed you.
One day you'll want me like I wanted you.
One day you'll care for me like I cared for you.
One day you'll need me like I needed you.
One day you'll long for me like I longed for you.
One day you'll reach for me like I reached for you.
One day you'll see me like I see you.
One day you'll love me but I won't love you.

Guilt ways down her soul,
Blood swallows her body whole,
All alone in the numbing bliss,
Her fate in death is sealed with a kiss.

A cursed path my life to lead
A painful knife my soul to bleed
A fateful promise my heart to cry
A sealing kiss my love to die.

Paper roses make me bleed,
Tender hearts taken by need,
Sorrowful eyes to the hate feeds,
A cursed fate my life to lead.

Alone in the dark,
I'm a prisoner of fate.
Too little to live,
Too long to wait.
Sorrow and pain my heart cannot take,
Closing my eyes,asleep never to wake.

A wandering light to look in the dark,
A searching soul to find my heart,
A tainted life soon to disappear,
In the mirror I'm no longer here.

I see you in the mirror staring back at me,
I know deep inside your soul starts to bleed.

In the light a heart tamed,
in the eyes a soul drained,
in the night a love unnamed,
in the dark a life of pain...

Tears fall like sweet rain,
calmness awakes from murmurs of your name ,
the heart wild and free,
never to be tamed,
why live this dream in the world so pained?

Last night I read from the fragments of a forgotten book about the lost civilization of the Theronia of Kalfura under the Black Sun. Then, for a few moments after waking, I lay still on my pallet. The breeze carried the dying chants of their priests performing the rites of their Dark God.

Freud introduced the idea of dream telepathy into psychoanalysis in 1921. Telepathy - Greek: tele - distance + pathos: suffering or intense feeling - is the communication fo thoughts, impressions, and information over distance between people without the normal operation of any known senses. However, he was skeptical of the idea, and having found no evidence either in his own dreams or in those of his patients, he concluded that dream telepathy could neither be proven nor disproven. Overall, he adopted a puerile and often vulgar view of the significance of dreams.

But subsequent decades, Jung and others took a deeper approach. Various psychoanalysists have examined patients’ dreams and found evidence for telepathy based on precise details of the time, place, sensory impression, and states of conscousness

One common factor sharted by many of these telepathic patients is that, in early childhood, they had a mother who was emotionally absent. This traumatic loss marked them and their relating to others, and left on them a fixation on a nonverbal, archaic mode of communication.
Hence, the telepathic dream embodies an enigmatic, physically 'impossible' extreme of deep-level interconnectedness and unconscious communication.

Indeed, I endured most of my childhood in poverty, both material and emotional. And my parents were not involved in my life. My father was a drunkard who spent his days and nights either at bars and other places dedicated to drinking. When home, he was always watching sports on TV while chain_smoking, drinking, and farting. My mother wasnt much better. She spent her days watching whatever was on TV - we only got 2 or 3 channels, so it was either football, bowling, and baseball with my father; or day after day of inane gossip shows and soap operas when he wasn’t around. In this way she spent most of her life watching TV in her “LayZ-Boy” recliner chair. During her programs, her main activity was to rake through the mangey fur of her 15 cats with her hard fingers and pick out the fleas. Then whe would carefully crush each one between her finger nails and set it in the pile of fleas and bits of scabs and dried skin on the one clear edge of a small table. Other than to scold me, I don’t remember either of them speaking more than a few telegraphic sentences to me at a time in my entire life.

My senses were unusually sharp. The jarring blair of the TV, the rancid drunk stink of my father and his cigarette tobaco; the nauseating odor of my morbidly obese mother’s unwashed body and the 1 dress she wore and washed once a year in the spring. The visually upsetting ugliness of a house that was piled floor to ceiling with trash and rotting garbage and only had narrow walkways through the filth. My life overall was so repugnant that my only wish was to escape.

I went to a poor school where there were no resources to fund anything but the basics. Bible Class was considered one of the basics. Science lab was a remote dream. On top of that, I had no friends. I was mostly isolated. Though I was a promissing student in that I had good grades and a freakishly high IQ, the sciences and worldly knowledge in general never had a chance to take a strong hold on me. I saw them more as things that stripped away what little beauty could be found byones dreams and imagination.

I spent my time either in the forest, romaing the hills, explring ruineed antebellum mansions, or dreaming. Sadly, much of the time I spent in the forest was spoiled by the trauma of the earlier part of the day and the dread of returning home.

As I got older, my days became more grim, it was harder to deal with school and the other students. My parents only got worse as they got older and I began to realize how bad my situation was. My waking life had no appeal for me, and I withdrew as much as I could. I was like a ghost trapped in this world of gentle pain. I slept longer and longer. I sought in my dreams the beauty that was missing from my life. I would enter the dream world and drift though green valleys. speed up dark ravines following fast mountain streams to their source up at the mountain tops, over brilliant blue lakes fed by snow melt, and down again though another valley, across desert, over swamp and ocean, Exploring unkown cities of fantastic beautfiul architecutre and unusual dimensions. T

Recently, I’ve become very fond of ‘Mina.’ I think I mentioned her befopre. Mina has completely put all other women out of my mind.

So I dont keep a blog or anything i just feel that since the only thing i have here is the beginnings of an addiction and now that time has past I wanted to put something related here. About where I left off and what not because its rare people follow up on stuff.

I get to point and laugh at anyone who tried to tell me my g/f was using me or that it wasnt the way i knew it was. From the point that i left off things got worse, way worse even. I got clean in the end of 2012 and stayed that way until my relapse in 2014 and she was a daily IV user everyday multiple times a day while i was clean. We would go get dope i never taught her to IV and it didnt bother me. Everyone would be amazed because i am the only person who could be completely clean, off subs and everything, yet still buying, mixing, and shooting up someone multiple times a day with no problem. I use to joke about being sick coming off subs and with like 5 bundles of dope and a needle just like "i could just go raaaarara fuck it! and slam it into my arm" but i had no desire to.

So me being clean and her not continued until September of 2014 when i relapsed. At first I tried to hide it but she was an active IV user it was probably like 2 weeks of snorting before she could tell and i wasnt even doing it daily. She wasnt mad just concerned and worried she did ruin my life by not stopping and if we were anyone else it may have...

This is the awesome part. Beyond my ability to be surrounded by heroin while clean and even load it into a rig and shoot it into someone I have the ability to stop addictions with ease. Something being a daily thing never meant i had to do it everyday to me but rather i choose to, so after a short period of time IVing daily i chose to stop. Having had success with subs i tried them again but they had so many side effects this time around I couldnt do it. I could not keep up with the life so i had to get on methadone which i did. After about i month i got my g/f to join me. We had a 3-4 week period where we kept using but it dwindled. This was in February of 2015 so its only been 6 months.

My girlfriend is currently on 40mg and trying to get to 30mg. She meets much resistance at the clinic about lowering her dose because when she signed up she was a wreck. She was on multiple sleep aids and benzos but she was all but forced off benzos when her mom took her to some crazy psychologist her called her therapist saying he was basically "giving drugs to an addict and he can have his license removed and she will see to it if he doesnt get her off benzos" so shes down from 30mg of valium a day to 5mg from the beginning of the month and has stopped taking her anti depressants. She is a completely different person from who she was 6 months ago. She use to cry in the clinic about her life and stuff. So they are not use to an addict going from hopeless to super confident alpha female in 5 months i get it. But she went from not caring about herself to getting her hair and nails done, I swear to god shes the woman i knew she was now.

She use to have confidence issues but we make a game out of who can lower their methadone the quickest or work out the most who can out do everyone around the other the best or get passed impossible things. Seriously its going to be like "how was your day?" "oh well since we just went cold turkey off 10mg of methadone i spent the morning at work taking orders in between blasting puke in the bathroom but i still managed to lift, you know real eat nails and breath fire type shit" And this is coming from the girl who use to tell me she cant do it.

To literally everyone in my life who said for years she was using me and i said no you dont know her and theres something in her that i know is there. For like 3 years she was jobless and completely reliant on me people would confuse this for her using me or me trying to control her which was not the case. There is a being of great strength and intelligence inside of her and it was buried in abusive males a terrible childhood and a drug addiction she just needed some help.

I will always say relapsing was the best decision i made. If i didnt and did not get on methadone we may never have gotten to this point. I no longer fear the days and we are always trying to slip each other money and its just so awesome to finally have the person i knew was there back. Its hard for me to find someone who i can tolerate and who will get me, i am far from normal and we can never have a normal life because of who i am. But she gets me and shes every bit as smart and gifted as me and together we will rule the world having been through what we have.

One of the strangest aspects of my addiction is how a part of me wants to be addicted because I think it might help reduce the length of my life. To go deeper, I'm stuck in a limbo, where my desire and even need to move forward is blocked at every chance by demons of fear. Low self esteem, social anxiety, nihilistic outlook, pointlessness, aimlessness, why bother?

So - drugs. Numb the feelings today because tomorrow I could be gone. But I want to be happy. But I need to get my use in balance to be happy. But balance is near impossible when you believe you have control and have to learn the hard way you don't.

Then boredom. Bored of trying different ways to get the tolerance down. Bored of chasing the tail, just to be underwhelmed by the effects. Sick, and tired, but not sick and tired enough. I've told myself I was sick and tired of being sick and tired before; but then, I got clean. And then I was not sick and tired - so I started using, to feel good, not remembering what it was like to be so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I had to stop. It's sick, and tiring to say, but I think i'm addicted to being sick and tired. As Eckhart Tolle has said, (one of the few "spiritual gurus" I gain inspiration from,) the ego is addicted to suffering. How right he is, and how cruel a world we create for ourselves with ego in our time at the centerpiece of our social and personal lives.

Somehow I've learnt this is my place in the world. The world I deserve. To be downtrodden, low, under, beneath, not allowed, restricted, impaired, barred, inhibited. Struggling, infected, troubled, outcast. Throwing chemical handcuffs on my wrists so I don't hurt myself or someone else under the sheer weight of the absurdity of being human and looking at the world through these eyes.

I know I deserve better but for so long and for reasons I can't escape, I've imprinted in my mind this idea that I don't deserve peace. The clashing voices of the people in my head - my own, my family and friends, a whirlpool I can't navigate. Do you know what it's like to crave spontaneity, closeness, and deep connections, yet simultaneously being terrified at the same time? Like seeing a dance-floor and really wanting to dance but letting your fear stopping you from letting go? That's how I constantly live in every aspect - not quite in life, and not quite out of it. One foot in the door, the other outside, so I can peek in but not really be in there, and run if things get to scary.

I guess i'm terrified of being hurt in relationships the regular ways; being lied to, being cheated on, being dumped, feeling like nothing. But even more frustratingly because it's even deeper, is being appropriated. Losing myself in the relationship. Being afraid of being engulfed by the others. This schizoid dilemma. Hungry for love but terrified to eat. Self imposed exile, because i'm not deserving of food (love.) To lessen the pain, drugs. The pain is utter loneliness. Loneliness I'm only sometimes I'm aware of, because I can distract myself with temporary relievers.

I crave being invisible, but crave not to be. To be seen is to be known and to be known is to be identified, and to be identified is to be drowned... this strangling feeling...a feeling of dying. So either I can feel like i'm choking, being strangled by this irrational feeling that others want to take me over and obliterate my identity...or I can isolate myself, and become lonely, and increasingly bizarre, social skills waning, emotional growth slowing, cognitive capacity diminishing, dying, instead of living, dying, with these drugs, which only make me feel better for a little bit before I get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Then, I start choking, and it's onto the drugs and into exile again.

Something to break the cycle. A shift within, probably best. From outside, maybe something drastic. Powerful Psychedelic trip in the midst of withdrawals or directly afterwards with intention and purpose rather than an aimless foray into the wonderland of psychedelic strangeness.

Humans are strange and imperfect and i'll be damned if you could find a much better example then myself - and if I sat next to you on the bus you wouldn't know. But that's probably the case for every person, from the brightest to most dim-witted - conscious to barely aware. All walking on this road, navigating toward this end, for what reason, I don't know.

its funny, cuz I say "sober life" but I am far from being completely sober. sober to me is not shooting dope daily; when I say daily, I truly mean daily, multiple shots a day. I am not one of those lucky addicts who can get by with using 1/4 a G a day, or some low dosage tolerance. I am the type that will shoot EVERYTHING in front of me and then some. at my worst I would shoot around 2-3 grams a day; again, that is me at my worst.. which was only 6 or so months back. you'd think I am happy to be over that but yet I am NOT THERE YET! the thoughts still cross my mind daily; they cross my mind to the point where I will abuse my Suboxone (bupe) just to get by. yes, I am scripted 16/MG/day but I truly only need 8MG. luckily, I have the bupe w/ me when I have these urges and will just eat 16MG to kill it rather than the usual 8MG -- do you guys/gals do this as well!?

days go by where I am somewhat happy to be SOMEWHAT sober. again, sober to me is not shooting dope. I'll still smoke weed at night to chill, take Phenibut during the day for a bit of a rush, abuse the gabapentin I am scripted and blow through a month script in 10 days, and do anything else that comes my way. hey, as long as its not dope I am OK, right? lol its at least what I tell myself.

just last week I used and felt beat down; was thinking I would go back to being a daily/full-time junkbox. but here I am a week later and I feel on top of the world thinking I have this beat and will be able to get by no problem. its the typical up's and down's of "sober life". by sober life I mean an ex junkbox trying to break the dope problem and just move on, even if that means taking bupe and whatever else comes my way to keep me away from the brown, ya know!?

if I could only feel this way ALL THE TIME! here it is on a Wednesday and I feel I have the world by the balls; although, the world has me by the balls since I still dont have a license, on problem, report in monthly, do weekly classes for a DUI, etc. so lets face it, I am far, far away from having the world by the balls. maybe in a year or so if I can stay on the RIGHT PATH and wrap up my probation and be FREE FOR ONCE! seriously, FOR ONCE I WANT TO BE FREE! I am 32yrs old and since turning 21 I have been on probation/parole/locked-up for 9 of those 11 years. pretty sick, huh!? I was only away for 1.5yrs so not too bad but the rest were per-trial, probation and parole. to think 9 out of 11yrs have been w/ the court system is fucking SICKENING! but whatever, its done now and I have to move on and wrap all this bullshit up!

hoping to get my Cinderella license within a few months; this way I can DRIVE TO WORK rather than pay a daily fee to get a ride, or take public transportation, or whatever, ya know!? seriously, everyone in this world should have their license taken from them for 6 months to a year; this way they realize how lucky they are to even have one and be able to BE ON THE ROAD! you tend to not see the benefits of having an actual license and car; you think you are just one of the millions and millions to have it, so no big deal, right? well, wait until you lose that license or car, you start to realize how lucky you ONCE had it and look forward to the day you MAY have it again.

OK, I am done.. I feel good, and I am thinking positive today, so thats a PLUS! hopefully I get this license back within a few months and I am able to transport myself once again. YAY! ha. who would have thought the day would come where I would be looking forward to getting a license again.. just like I was 16yrs old ALL OVER AGAIN!

No room for negativity in this one. It's good to be alive. Where did the shift come from? What was it that made me look at those pills and finally say from a place deep within my heart: I fucking hate you. Leave me and never come back. Was it God? Was it will? Whatever it was, I'm grateful.

Don't get me wrong, I could talk for hours about what I see is wrong with humanity - but as I said - this isn't the time for cynicism and negativity. I have feelings again. This scares me, but also fills me with a private joy. Listening to music, it's as if i'm listening with new ears.

I turned my back on so many things when lost in that fog of substances and insecurity. I'm learning to love my body. I'm eating right, bouldering (rock climbing,) sleeping well, and waking up (mostly) clear headed. Some days are better than others, but that's the swing of life.

I will not die in that hole. I will not die on my knees.

I've been using drugs of all sorts for 11 years or so and i'm still at it.

Thinking on it I realise the bad definitely outweighs the good times i've had. I'm still in the grip of addiction because i don't feel i can manage my feelings without substances.

As soon as i wake up, i take my self prescribed medications which are currently kratom and etizolam. I then head to work feeling better about myself.

Work certainly helps me in a way because my job involves helping other people and naturally that takes me out of myself. However, once work finishes i go back home and i'm by myself because i don't have a social life or friends i can talk to. I think that's what makes me feel so bad about myself, if i were busy and had friends i wouldn't have so much time to think about myself.

It's taking that first step and joining clubs or going to meetups to make friends that is difficult for me. If things don't work out like i had planned in my mind, i take back two steps back. I'm trying but i berate myself if i believe i have come across badly and people would rather not know. God, talk about being self-obsessed. Hence, i sometimes think back to 11 years ago when i did have friends and a social life and wish i could invent a time machine and go back and do things differently.

On the plus side, i do have a really supportive family and my niece who is nearly two never fails to make me smile, i love her so much.

well, where I am now vs. my first post, not much has changed. although, I am now on suboxone and have been doing MUCH BETTER w/o shooting dope.

problems are still there, tho. still have probation hanging over my head for my 2nd DUI; also have a class on Thursdays at 12 that fuck u my work schedule but my PO tells me I MUST GO! its not easy to get to a class that is about 15 mins from your house when you do NOT HAVE A FUCKING CAR! this class truly fucks up my life on Thursdays, but oh well, its my own fault, right?

hopefully come July I am able to get my license back; wont be my full time license but even my workers permit is FINE BY ME! just pray for me, peeps! I just finished the week in house DUI course/class; it wasnt bad at all. I actually had fun, believe it or not, ha. everyone in there had the same problems, same type of life, same everything, so its nice to find others who are in the same type shit you are, ya know!? even found some "junkies" in there, so I wasnt the only one.

so, yea, life isnt easy right now, but I am GETTING SOBER and not reliant on the needle daily, so that helps a fucking ton. no longer spending $100+/day on dope, waiting on the dope man, being dope sick, shitting my pants, etc. its so GREAT not to have these problems anymore. but at the same time I still think in the back of my head of using; ill even text the dope man just to say HI, lol. its NOT GOOD and ill eventually end up shooting something. I just hope after that shot I realize its NOTHING FOR ME and want NOTHING TO DO W/ IT! I almost feel like I must use again to let myself know I dont need it, ya get it?

I am far from sober; I still use "other" drugs, like benzos to sleep, here and there. I barely "abuse" them but ill take .5 or 1MG when I can sleep and it knocks me out. I do use Phenibut and Gabapentin as "fun" things to do during the day. ill also still "consider" smoking weed but dont smoke other. besides that, its just Suboxone which is saving my fucking ass; always liked this stuff so much more than Methadone or anything else; I truly feel NOTHING and no need for dope on this stuff. on Methadone I would want to use/still use almost daily, the entire time on methadone. it didnt do shit for me, man. oh well.

so, my life has NOT changed much, and I still need a lot of HELP and MONEY and things to come my way, but at the same time I am NOT USING DAILY and honestly feel "great" overall about what is being done.

one day at a time, right? well, I feel great today.. so lets see about tomorrow.

god, help me out here.. I am truly fucking LOST! have I been here beford? abso-fucking-lute-ly! I am just lost.. truly and utterly LOST, man! I want to say I have an idea on what to do, what to do, and what my best bet is from here.. but the reality is I truly dont have a fucking clue, man! I know what it will take for me to be SOBER.. but what I get from it is NOTHING.. just NOTHING, man! again, I am lost and confused w/ what is happening and what I should do next, ya know!?

tomorrow I have a 1230PM appointment w/ the methadone clinic; tonight I plan on pissing in a cup so I can bring in my dirty piss to the clinic. its sad that I need to bring dirty piss w/ me because I have a hard time pissing in a cup infront of others, so I need to bring it w/ me.. again, another SAD STORY, right? damn, why...why...and why!?!? I am just LOST, man!

the last month or so I have been broke as shit but have been staying a bit "cleaner" than usual but I dont know what else I can do, should do, what to do next, ya know!?!? I am TRYING, man.. I am FUCKING TRYING, trust me! but I dont know what else to do or what my best bet is from here!!? why, why, why, and WHY!? I truly do hope this methadone clinic works for me, man.. I HOPE IT FUCKING WORKS! whats sad is I wont even be able to tell my family because I know they would be disgusted w/ what I am doing! I dont have the balls to take off the methadone and take the pills myself.. damn, its just SAD DUDE! I dont know what else I can do.. I really DONT KNOW!

any help/words/anything is appreciated. I just need help, people.. I NEED HELP! I am TRYING here, dude! I am truly TRYING but I dont know what else to do! I dont want to be this junked out but I dont know what my best bet is otherwise, ya know!? FUCK MAN, FUCK!

well, I am done swearing for now because I dont know what else to say. if anyone has ANYTHING TO SAY, then please say WHATEVER YOU CAN! I have TRIED and TRIED and TRIED AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN! I am fucking trying.. I truly AM!

help people, help me!

funny cuz here I am THINKING I am doing much better than I once was because I am not using daily but here I am still BROKE as a motherfucker because I may not used for 2-3 days straight but then when I do I am grabbing far too much and wasting the money that I should have been saving!

its sad that money runs this world; without money there is not much you can do in life. sure, the money I once had/made throughout the past 10yrs was spent on drugs/alcohol/court and other problems of mine; all problems I brought upon myself, but due to these problems I never have a fucking dollar to do a thing a NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO! can I take a chick on a date!? unfortunately not at the moment because I cannot afford to. I am not even paying my cell phone bill this month because I need all the money that is in my bank account till the 1st, which is when I will get paid again. once I am paid I will pay off my MISSED BILLS and rent IMMEDIATELY! so right there I spend a good portion of the check and it leaves me in a tough bind because I only get paid monthly.

I hear/see these people going on vacations, buying a house (I rent, obv.. luckily I can even do that) and many others things that involve cash; here I am w/ NOTHING, but yet spending $100+ a day to get high at times, along w/ my $ that I spent on Uber, which drives me everywhere because I currently do not have a license due to a DUI! also pay court fee's, classes for the DUI and many other charges which come to over $150+/mo. sure, the dope is $100/day but that $150/mo is another thing that hurts me, along w/ my Suboxone Dr. visit which is another $140/mo and many other bills that center around my addiction problems and criminal type lifestyle. damn, its just fucking sad. hopefully I will be OFF PROBATION IN 1 year from now and I will be ABLE TO LIVE AGAIN, FREE, and HOPEFULLY, once again, kick this RAGING FUCKING DOPE HABIT, man.

I dont know, I just had to write something up as I sit here at work, somewhat miserable, thinking about my life and how I fucked it up to the point where I dont know what to do next. I am just HOPING I am able to straighten out and get things back in order; esp. this HEROIN FUCKING PROBLEM which I still abuse even tho I take Suboxone and I am able to go 3-4 days and feel great but yet still call the dope man and ask for it. makes no sense to me, but I still do it.. oh well, I need to fix that.

OK, bye-bye.

Nevermind.

Magnesium Cures Migraines
So magnesium will cure migraines because migraines are caused by NMDA receptors switching back and forth between two adjacent energy levels rapidly (called quick-switching) which causes pain in people disposed to migraines and the magnesium will cause the energy level to either rise or fall gradually and then the reverse gradually, which keeps you from quick-switching, but you need absolutely mega-doses of magnesium daily to accomplish this, which will be safe because of the swift elimination rate of excess electrolytes in healthy people.
One of the main assumptions is that migraine sufferers have a malfunction in their NMDA receptors that does one or both of the following: 1) causes quick-switching activity, and 2) causes pain from quick-switching activity. Magnesium will help most migraine sufferers if they can get it into their blood, preferably through good absorption through digestive tracks but daily injections or a patch seem a reasonable treatment to prevent suffering.
We can help all migraine sufferers, however it is more complicated. If this simple treatment doesn't cure your migraines, it means that your NMDA gates have additional energy levels that are damaged, and that basically means that you will incur additional quick-switching activity at additional energy levels. So this means that as the magnesium makes your energy levels rise or fall, some of the risen or fallen energy levels will error and cause quick-switching between their adjacent levels. In one more sentence, folks not aided by the simple magnesium course suffer poor energy level switching at multiple places.
Therefore, to save these people, we will have to put their NMDA gates at a specific energy level. I am unaware of any drugs or substance that currently does this. So the only choice is to find a cocktail and schedule of substance that will hold their brain at specific energy levels.
But that's unspecific. We can do better.
If we can buffer against the effect of the magnesium, we can hold the energy level of the NMDA receptors at a specific energy level. The first place I'd suggest to look for such a buffer would be the opposite of magnesium, though I practiced no rigor to reach that conclusion.
But yes, yes, how can an element have an opposite? The electron surface of magnesium is well-defined and tiny, but that's not really the case for aqueous magnesium. The solution of the brain combines with the magnesium to create effective electron activity of a different shape than pure magnesium. I'm saying elements can be effectively mapped as drugs in aqueous solution.
So the shape of the effective molecule can be deduced or maybe even observed, or possibly figured out with an adept of chemsketch. Then we can apply pharmacological principles to deduce a buffer, eventually, and fix migraines, though the migraine sufferer would be taking pills all day, or maybe a patch?

No, it seems to be true, and it's wrong.

Women younger than me hav Ben getting scripts they don't need for years(I know- they would either give(*) them to me, or binge.

And yet I know a certain man, who had to lose 30 pounds, and become semi-catatonic, and try other treatments first, before finally the docs threw in the towel and said "he needs benzo's, likely for life".

Even when men get them, it tend to be lower doses for more severe conditions.

I thought this would be sexist at first, but there is a pattern.

On a whole, maybe it can be explained(or at least partially) by women being more likely to have anxiety disorders(of certain types only- things like PD and others effect both sexes about equally$

But anecdotally, a female seems to have no problem getting them.

Perfect example: I know a certain female, 40, but youthful and looks good, has had over 150mg of clonazepam written over the last few months by doctors, along with a couple of different diazepam and Xanax scripts.

Has any man ever pulled that off???

I want them all to be graded by PCGS, they will have great value just because they were mine and a big piece of history. I want all proceeds to go to charitable causes for all animals, not just humans (but they need lots of help), and maybe more importantly, to raise money to create alternative energy sources to help save Earth and all of its inhabitants. I need to make arrangements with a lawyer in the morning to make sure this goes as it should. All for good causes, not sure exactly which ones they'll go to.

And when my body dies, I think it will be quite useful to science. I won't be taking it with me when I am beamed back up. %)

Maybe I should sign all my names in all the Bibles in my house and to other books as well, those would be valuable!

I am Conspiracy of John! Prophet of God, God is a woman, Praise Fe!

I am the whale of knowledge, love child of PLUR and logic!

Constantly thinking.
Even though I'm sitting in complete silence on my lunch break, my mind won't shut the fuck up.
Random thoughts of a fucked up girl...
Sick of drinking...my tolerance is outta this world.
I wanted to blow you last weekend..it's my favorite.
Sick of fucking dieting. I'm honest w you already...quit trying to ring something outta me.
I saw where u looked up an ex fuck....Ugh...
Will I ever be truly happy my body?
What's wrong w me?
Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Hope I get to sleep tomorrow.
Why is it so hard for me to cum sometimes?
I love making out.
Why? Why?
Will I ever be done w fucking nursing school?
You're so fuckin fun.
I masturbated in your bed when u both went to work that morning...and took pictures of myself in your bed...
I can never get enough baby.

Constantly thinking.
Even though I'm sitting in complete silence on my lunch break, my mind won't shut the fuck up.
Random thoughts of a fucked up girl...
Sick of drinking...my tolerance is outta this world.
I wanted to blow you last weekend..it's my favorite.
Sick of fucking dieting. I'm honest w you already...quit trying to ring something outta me.
I saw where u looked up an ex fuck....Ugh...
Will I ever be truly happy my body?
What's wrong w me?
Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Hope I get to sleep tomorrow.
Why is it so hard for me to cum sometimes?
I love making out.
Why? Why?
Will I ever be done w fucking nursing school?
You're so fuckin fun.
I masturbated in your bed when u both went to work that morning...and took pictures of myself in your bed...
I can never get enough baby.