another shot before starting the methadone treatment! ugh! life... why!?!?! WHWY!??

god, help me out here.. I am truly fucking LOST! have I been here beford? abso-fucking-lute-ly! I am just lost.. truly and utterly LOST, man! I want to say I have an idea on what to do, what to do, and what my best bet is from here.. but the reality is I truly dont have a fucking clue, man! I know what it will take for me to be SOBER.. but what I get from it is NOTHING.. just NOTHING, man! again, I am lost and confused w/ what is happening and what I should do next, ya know!?

tomorrow I have a 1230PM appointment w/ the methadone clinic; tonight I plan on pissing in a cup so I can bring in my dirty piss to the clinic. its sad that I need to bring dirty piss w/ me because I have a hard time pissing in a cup infront of others, so I need to bring it w/ me.. again, another SAD STORY, right? damn, why...why...and why!?!? I am just LOST, man!

the last month or so I have been broke as shit but have been staying a bit "cleaner" than usual but I dont know what else I can do, should do, what to do next, ya know!?!? I am TRYING, man.. I am FUCKING TRYING, trust me! but I dont know what else to do or what my best bet is from here!!? why, why, why, and WHY!? I truly do hope this methadone clinic works for me, man.. I HOPE IT FUCKING WORKS! whats sad is I wont even be able to tell my family because I know they would be disgusted w/ what I am doing! I dont have the balls to take off the methadone and take the pills myself.. damn, its just SAD DUDE! I dont know what else I can do.. I really DONT KNOW!

any help/words/anything is appreciated. I just need help, people.. I NEED HELP! I am TRYING here, dude! I am truly TRYING but I dont know what else to do! I dont want to be this junked out but I dont know what my best bet is otherwise, ya know!? FUCK MAN, FUCK!

well, I am done swearing for now because I dont know what else to say. if anyone has ANYTHING TO SAY, then please say WHATEVER YOU CAN! I have TRIED and TRIED and TRIED AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN! I am fucking trying.. I truly AM!

help people, help me!

 

From what I gather (and obviously people will disagree), you are stepping in the right direction by going to the clinic. From where you seem to be now, the clinic is your next move. Youve got your appointment. Youve got your plan for the short-term. Just move forward and go from there.

And don't beat yourself up about that last shot (or however many). Of course thats what were going to do before making that jump. It it what it is.

I have been in and out of the clinic - always with the plan of stabalizing, tapering... then done. I have accomplished this only to find myself unable to live once ...quote: CLEAN (ever i my 32 years). This time i went in feeling absolutely unapologetic, went up in dose until I was (am) comfortable... no guilt-driven plans to reduce or kick, and guess what? I have never been happier. Life is finally coming together - from family to career.

Hang in there man. From what little I know - I dont see this as sad!

 

Positive intentions, but I know you are stronger than having to use a crutch like methadone. Please don't get addicted to methadone. I'm visiting a treatment center right now and methadone detox is WAYYY worse than what you would go through if you cold turkey it.

Remember that drug addiction is a symptom of my underlying addiction, so I may have it all wrong but if you need someone to talk to I am ALWAYS here with love and without judgement.

 

Do you go to meetings, have a sponsor, or ever worked the 12 steps? Because that's what keeps me clean. Getting clean was the easy part - write a check, show up at a hospital or treatment center. Staying clean after those 30 days - finding the strength & courage (it sure takes a LOT...) is the key here...