its funny, cuz I say "sober life" but I am far from being completely sober. sober to me is not shooting dope daily; when I say daily, I truly mean daily, multiple shots a day. I am not one of those lucky addicts who can get by with using 1/4 a G a day, or some low dosage tolerance. I am the type that will shoot EVERYTHING in front of me and then some. at my worst I would shoot around 2-3 grams a day; again, that is me at my worst.. which was only 6 or so months back. you'd think I am happy to be over that but yet I am NOT THERE YET! the thoughts still cross my mind daily; they cross my mind to the point where I will abuse my Suboxone (bupe) just to get by. yes, I am scripted 16/MG/day but I truly only need 8MG. luckily, I have the bupe w/ me when I have these urges and will just eat 16MG to kill it rather than the usual 8MG -- do you guys/gals do this as well!?
days go by where I am somewhat happy to be SOMEWHAT sober. again, sober to me is not shooting dope. I'll still smoke weed at night to chill, take Phenibut during the day for a bit of a rush, abuse the gabapentin I am scripted and blow through a month script in 10 days, and do anything else that comes my way. hey, as long as its not dope I am OK, right? lol its at least what I tell myself.
just last week I used and felt beat down; was thinking I would go back to being a daily/full-time junkbox. but here I am a week later and I feel on top of the world thinking I have this beat and will be able to get by no problem. its the typical up's and down's of "sober life". by sober life I mean an ex junkbox trying to break the dope problem and just move on, even if that means taking bupe and whatever else comes my way to keep me away from the brown, ya know!?
if I could only feel this way ALL THE TIME! here it is on a Wednesday and I feel I have the world by the balls; although, the world has me by the balls since I still dont have a license, on problem, report in monthly, do weekly classes for a DUI, etc. so lets face it, I am far, far away from having the world by the balls. maybe in a year or so if I can stay on the RIGHT PATH and wrap up my probation and be FREE FOR ONCE! seriously, FOR ONCE I WANT TO BE FREE! I am 32yrs old and since turning 21 I have been on probation/parole/locked-up for 9 of those 11 years. pretty sick, huh!? I was only away for 1.5yrs so not too bad but the rest were per-trial, probation and parole. to think 9 out of 11yrs have been w/ the court system is fucking SICKENING! but whatever, its done now and I have to move on and wrap all this bullshit up!
hoping to get my Cinderella license within a few months; this way I can DRIVE TO WORK rather than pay a daily fee to get a ride, or take public transportation, or whatever, ya know!? seriously, everyone in this world should have their license taken from them for 6 months to a year; this way they realize how lucky they are to even have one and be able to BE ON THE ROAD! you tend to not see the benefits of having an actual license and car; you think you are just one of the millions and millions to have it, so no big deal, right? well, wait until you lose that license or car, you start to realize how lucky you ONCE had it and look forward to the day you MAY have it again.
OK, I am done.. I feel good, and I am thinking positive today, so thats a PLUS! hopefully I get this license back within a few months and I am able to transport myself once again. YAY! ha. who would have thought the day would come where I would be looking forward to getting a license again.. just like I was 16yrs old ALL OVER AGAIN!
days go by where I am somewhat happy to be SOMEWHAT sober. again, sober to me is not shooting dope. I'll still smoke weed at night to chill, take Phenibut during the day for a bit of a rush, abuse the gabapentin I am scripted and blow through a month script in 10 days, and do anything else that comes my way. hey, as long as its not dope I am OK, right? lol its at least what I tell myself.
just last week I used and felt beat down; was thinking I would go back to being a daily/full-time junkbox. but here I am a week later and I feel on top of the world thinking I have this beat and will be able to get by no problem. its the typical up's and down's of "sober life". by sober life I mean an ex junkbox trying to break the dope problem and just move on, even if that means taking bupe and whatever else comes my way to keep me away from the brown, ya know!?
if I could only feel this way ALL THE TIME! here it is on a Wednesday and I feel I have the world by the balls; although, the world has me by the balls since I still dont have a license, on problem, report in monthly, do weekly classes for a DUI, etc. so lets face it, I am far, far away from having the world by the balls. maybe in a year or so if I can stay on the RIGHT PATH and wrap up my probation and be FREE FOR ONCE! seriously, FOR ONCE I WANT TO BE FREE! I am 32yrs old and since turning 21 I have been on probation/parole/locked-up for 9 of those 11 years. pretty sick, huh!? I was only away for 1.5yrs so not too bad but the rest were per-trial, probation and parole. to think 9 out of 11yrs have been w/ the court system is fucking SICKENING! but whatever, its done now and I have to move on and wrap all this bullshit up!
hoping to get my Cinderella license within a few months; this way I can DRIVE TO WORK rather than pay a daily fee to get a ride, or take public transportation, or whatever, ya know!? seriously, everyone in this world should have their license taken from them for 6 months to a year; this way they realize how lucky they are to even have one and be able to BE ON THE ROAD! you tend to not see the benefits of having an actual license and car; you think you are just one of the millions and millions to have it, so no big deal, right? well, wait until you lose that license or car, you start to realize how lucky you ONCE had it and look forward to the day you MAY have it again.
OK, I am done.. I feel good, and I am thinking positive today, so thats a PLUS! hopefully I get this license back within a few months and I am able to transport myself once again. YAY! ha. who would have thought the day would come where I would be looking forward to getting a license again.. just like I was 16yrs old ALL OVER AGAIN!
before you use again, "play the tape all the way through" and see if those court consequences can help persuade you against using