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I just lost the post I started somehow *sigh*. I’m tired and depressed. We still have numerous bushfires.. This is the biggest one. It’s near Canberra, our capital city.




Meanwhile our Prime Minister is making $2b deals to increase gas supplies, which involves fracking. Someone said that’s worse than coal.

I was going to list the other things he’s been up to but I’m too braindead. The guy should be locked up — in jail or a mental institution. People can’t believe what he’s getting away with. It’s fucking horrible and I get this sort of paralysis which isn’t exactly anxiety, more a feeling of complete helplessness.

I’ll see if I can find a list of his exploits on Twitter..


Fuck it, I can’t find much in the news because his mate Rupert Murdoch owns most of it. This is seriously wrong. But here’s some well-done subversive work on bus shelters around the place.





It’d be satisfying if he was locked up with the likes of Uncle ChopChop

Testing to see if weird thing happens.

*head spins*

Another random Wednesday morning. What time is it? Oh its dopesick time again. Great. Waiting on this guy again time!? Lovely. I havent even been to sleep yet and it's already tomorrow time. Awesome! Least my girl is beside me asleep. She will be up and hurting in no time too though. I swear to god I wish I wasnt too sick too go score on the street. My stomach for that is just too low though at this point in life.

I thought i was done with this shit? Fuck we have only been ripping and running a week? Fucking A! I really thought this part of my life was over..... guess not huh? He said 30 minutes 90 minutes ago..... any second right? Yeah right heard that one before..... Least my patience game has improved. Least he delivers I guess..... though i already offered to come to him..... Fuck it Lou was right first thing you learn Is you always gotta wait.

If you don't like amphetamine, then something is WRONG with you.

Plan:
Invite Swifty over for dinner.

Purchase huge beef fillet steak, field mushrooms, fancy shaped pasts, truffles, token garnish greens.

Buy wine, beer, sum ghb, some lovely mdma, token g of meth.

Organise night off from parental lockdown.

All went according to plan

Then he rainchecked!!!


Meh.

Been here many years, had many journals and journeys with my brethren. @Tubbs is welcome @Dope. As is @hopeless.



Don't like it or not able to extract yourself from it then that's your issue have a tissue.


We all guilty of something including you and you are of no worth reject, why bother protecting you?


On me day off, no farts in the car.

Cleaned a mars bar off the carpet in the back.

Cleaned the paint sprayed in the house.

Won't have to put up with the shit that comes from malicious strangers posing as friends.

Is this on?

I live next to a freeway off-ramp. No sound barriers or anything so there are trucks using their air brakes at all hours and it’s loud. I mean it’ll wake me up even wearing earplugs. The commuter traffic to the CBD starts around 3:30am and goes til late. So there’s maybe five hours when it’s quiet. It’s a tourist area so on weekends people come down on their bikes. Groups of Harley Davidsons are fairly loud.

I’m sitting here listening to it and thinking about the bushfires and what it all means for Australia. Well, there’s really only one thing! This was filmed across the bay from where I am.

Hello

I hope you are well

And do not smell

Xxx

:D

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked

We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings

Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes

Born into this
Walking and living through this
Dying because of this
Muted because of this
Castrated
Debauched
Disinherited
Because of this
Fooled by this
Used by this
Pissed on by this
Made crazy and sick by this
Made violent
Made inhuman
By this

The heart is blackened
The fingers reach for the throat
The gun
The knife
The bomb
The fingers reach toward an unresponsive god
The fingers reach for the bottle
The pill
The powder

We are born into this sorrowful deadliness
We are born into a government 60 years in debt
That soon will be unable to even pay the interest on that debt
And the banks will burn
Money will be useless
There will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
It will be guns and roving mobs
Land will be useless
Food will become a diminishing return
Nuclear power will be taken over by the many
Explosions will continually shake the earth
Radiated robot men will stalk each other
The rich and the chosen will watch from space platforms
Dante’s Inferno will be made to look like a children’s playground

The sun will not be seen and it will always be night
Trees will die
All vegetation will die
Radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
The sea will be poisoned
The lakes and rivers will vanish
Rain will be the new gold
The rotting bodies of men and animals will stink in the dark wind
The last few survivors will be overtaken by new and hideous diseases
And the space platforms will be destroyed by attrition
The petering out of supplies
The natural effect of general decay
And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard
Born out of that
The sun still hidden there
Awaiting the next chapter


—Charles Bukowski


“And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard, born out of that”

I love that. I think Bukowski can turn the feeling of a whole poem around with a single line.

Time I started a trip diary!
1)
Butter from very roughly 7g leaf made into a cake with almond flour
Puff the magic dragon
Got up for a glass of water, greened out
Square patterns
mostly life love and the universe
Worked hard at trying to remember with mnemonics, but it wasn't very successful
2)
Butter from approx 7g leaf made into butter icing plus a bit of lemon juice eta I had also had 30 mg mph a few hours before, but it didn't make much difference
Sand man
Decided better to stay still, but had dry mouth pretty bad.
levels, bubble theory in a big way, fractals and some connectedness
3)
Butter from approx 7g as before, but a bit later, and onset was more immediate
Boom?
Again stayed still, dry mouth not so bad this time
Even less immersive than before, more just inspired thinking, hardly like dreaming at all.
Started out as very jumbled nonsense thoughts, but settled into more logical thinking as the high kicked in properly.
Visuals not as dramatic, except 'eyelid' patterns coloured and clearly inspiring dream state, annoying type of insomnia but:
Lots of info this time What was that pesky mnemonic?
Let there be light, no,
dimensions - nausea is from changing level of consciousness, equivalent of changing dimension.
Dimensions, one dimension, zeroes and ones, strung out in a line, like in old TV screens, making 2d image. Is this, in 3d, string theory?
Light and dark = ones and zeroes
Douglas adams, What is the ultimate question of life the universe and everything. I always knew that guy was a genius!
Everything is connected

One of the best live performances I’ve seen by anyone. And I’d never heard of AFI until a couple of years ago. This seems appropriate given what’s happening around the world.



Of late, it's harder just to go outside
To leave this deadspace with hatred, so alive
Writhing with sickness, thrown into banality, I decay
Killed by the weakness, but forced to return, turn it off

I watch the stars as they fall from the sky
I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying
I feel the fallen stars encircle me, now as they cry

Out there, so quickly, grows malignant tribes
Posthuman extinction excels unrecognized
Feeling surrounded, so bored with mortality, I decay
All of this hatred is fucking real, turn it on... Yeah

I watch the stars as they fall from the sky
I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying
I feel the fallen stars encircle me, now as they cry

It won't be all right despite what they say
Just watch the stars tonight as they, as they disappear, disintegrate
And I disintegrate 'cause this hate is fucking real
And I hope to shade the world as stars go out and I disintegrate

“Australia is a burning nation led by cowards,” wrote the leading broadcaster Hugh Riminton, speaking for many. To which he might have added “idiots,” after Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack blamed the fires on exploding horse manure.

Such are those who would open the gates of hell and lead a nation to commit climate suicide.

Stories? Long term insights?Misgivings? How do you believe you are different now?

This guy I saw for the last few days/nights just did my head in worse than meth ever has. I was in a full-on shit relationship with a paranoid control freak by Day 3 lol.

Yeah, full pound of the blue stuff!

I'm drunk. I know I'm drunk. But it's not FAIR. (And I can taste bullshit as I say this in my head. "No one ever said life is fair. Who promised us a fair life?" I say I say this in the bullshit workshops I claim to teach but I haven't really taught too many workshops. I have taught, I realize, even as I type this [I am constantly selling myself short, I meta-realize], more than I give myself credit...and every moment I open my mouth, I teach or learn or both...but I digress as us storytellers are wont to do...)

What isn't...what wasn't fair...oh...him. Yes. Ugh...My heart skips again. Dammit.

Yes...I don't have the energy for details. Not now. Not today...I'm still too close to the smoldering destruction. My head is high because I can ignore the searing Pain; it is now mostly pretend Pain and will ebb within the next few days to be replaced by Rage, and then Indignation before Contempt. The twin sisters of Forgiveness and Dismissiveness often arrive so close I cannot discern them one from the other.

In short, he arrived in brilliant light to lift me from my darkness. Perhaps, the fact he...may have been a spark - and I grew exponentially brighter in his presence - terrified him...maybe he was a fraud all along. Those of you who have read "The Devil With Love" by Robert Nathan may know what I mean...

Anyway...he showed up and showered me with love...he was magnificent.

And then he ghosted me.

After shattering my sorrow, giving me hope...after opening my old ass geriatric eyes to the idea love could possibly find me...and yes, I'm nowhere near old nor geriatric and even though I call myself raisin, I look like my sister's mother which is less an insult to me looking older than her and more to the fact it is obvious I am older than 25 but my sister is supermodel gorgeous and THANK YOU for thinking I'm her mother, actually, I'm her sister, our mother looks like an animated scarecrow zombie but thank you for the compliment.

And that's another reason why December continues to be the worst and most horrific month of the year for me. When I'm rich enough, I'll go into my bomb shelter just after Thanksgiving and come out after Three Kings'.

Fuck this.

Also...thanks, ya jackass. Just when my tiny, shivering, meekass heart thought it. was safe, way to Hiroshima that lil' beet. Fuck you, you beautiful ass narcissicist pansy bitch. And fuck you for ruining The Witcher for me, ASSHOLE.

I liken turkey. It's good.
Sometimes I put cranberries on it.
I like mashed potatoes too. Gravy is nice.
Dinner rolls are nice too.
Apple pie is yummy. Even better with a scoop of vaniller ice cream.
Canada has Thanksgiving in September, that's weird.

I posted like a maniac to get to 50 posts and become a Bluelighter and BLOG. You see, I’m an old-school web user and I HATE all these Wordpress, Blogger, Weebly, Blahhhh sites. I don’t want the fancy header and the fifty layouts and networking features that “guarantee to grow my business and maximise my exposure on the web”. I don’t want thousands of followers and to be an “influencer”. I have no business and don’t want to sell anything. I do have a university degree in Marketing though, which I’ve contemplated burning. I don’t even really care who sees my shit, if anyone. I do like the *potential* of someone seeing it though. I write/post stuff on a few other rare sites which aren’t huge wankfests.

Often I like to just post songs and lyrics, which is incredibly boring for most other people to see, but I just like it. It’s some sort of creativity and expression where I don’t have to be very creative or expressive heh.

Anyway, my mother is talking on the phone and I cannot think. I will no doubt mention my mother a bit.. She’s almost 80 and batshit crazy. Not as in dementia or Alzheimer’s or anything, just more neurotic than anyone I’ve ever known, inconsistent and just *weird*.

So here’s a song I feel like posting. Probably our finest export.

....I wouldn't recommend it.

Doing what feels like the obvious right thing to do can have massive implications on you and the people around you.

What to you and most logical folks may appear to be a clean cut and dry murder, may only be manslaughter in the eyes of a prosecutor facing off with a high profile criminal defense attorney.

Then, all of a sudden- That 25 to Life that you thought you'd have to figure out your own life and find a new place to live is slashed to a mere 12 years with good behavior.

Realize that by trying to save more innocent victims, you may be sacrificing your own life, and the lives of those around you.

And you may have to spend the rest of your life recalculating if you did the right thing or not.

I'm sure as hell still not sure.

...More later

I don?t have anything eloquent to write, but I am feeling shattered. After struggling for two years with aggression issues, I surrendered my Cat to a no kill shelter today. She was with me for 6 years, 4 of which were lovely and calm.

You were incredibly smart, and sweet. I loved when you?d sit atop my shoulders, play fetch, and wake me every morning with purrs and cuddles. You demanded belly rubs twice a day, like clockwork. You knew when I was sad and would comfort me in those times.


She began to attack me, I believe it was redirected aggression but towards the end I couldn?t even walk out of my bedroom without being bitten, hissed at, or herded. I?ve gone to urgent care 6 times for steroids, antibiotics and wound treatment for the infected puncture wounds she inflicted. I tried medication, Prozac, Xanax, feliway, herbal treatments. Blocking windows and outside stimulation. Positive reinforcement. It felt like she just lost her mind towards the end - one minute curled up on my chest and the other growling spitting and latched onto my leg. The last week was the worst, she wouldn?t sleep and I couldn?t leave my bed without thick jeans and heavy boots covering my legs. I don?t know why but she seemed to not even know who I was.
I don?t know what happened inside your mind, but I do hope you find peace my baby girl. I love you so much. This is so hard - I never thought I?d lose you this way. Thank you for loving me, for making me feel so loved. I hope one day I can find another spirit as bright and unique as yours to keep me company, but for now I can?t bear to think about another pet.
My heart will always be with you, I am so sorry I couldn?t help you find peace. It hurts so much right now, but this has to be better for the both of us eventually, because I think deep down you didn?t want to be hurting me.
love.

Call it a hiatus. A sabbatical. I am leaving here. I want you to know I think psychedelic medicine can really benefit humanity and my journey may have me visiting it however I need to abstain from all other drugs as I am in recovery for life.

Best wishes.

Peace, love, unity.

Did a fart in my car.

Hmm well we dont have the fancy drop and drag image uploader in the lounge like blogs has.This really grinds my gears. pp pics could be so easy!

And just think about how many filthy boobs are going unposted do to this atrocity !

Now you shall forever have to see my Korean era army trench coat in blogs!!!

But I finally did eeeeet

I rowte a blawwwwwguh!


Now bow before me ye wimpy wristed Whyte whore washer

Oml crimmas lights are too far complex an object for a simpleton like me. If 1 bulb goes out in the strand, the whole things facked ! 2 and half hours later you find the culprit bulb, only for its shit for brains homie to burn out 15 minutes later, FACK YOU HOODLUM BULB! And fuses.. Dont even get me started on fuses!

But I still love Crimmas, as long as the lassies do the work.