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And as it was I would just sit there racking up lines, wacked out of my fucking gourd, ideas spinning wildly in my head, most of which were far too inconceivable to capture.

Posturing loosely with a guitar barefoot and cross legged , idly smoking a cigarette and periodically hot knifing oil

I would wander into some sort of ecstatic trance ignoring the distant cold guided only by the gentle meanderings of my guitar and the hissing glow of the torch.

I went out into the dark sea of mind searching for some strange revelation lurking in the depths of creation.

Other times I would wake up and stagger into the bathroom like some dull eyed demon, a weary zombie drifting through dementia

I'm writing my first blog after just now filling out my profile's biography and I'm going for the same creepy feeling I think that biography gives off. I'm just not a creepy guy, lol. After waking up from being comatose for a month I spent the next year trying to understand daily life and learned what emotions were. I worked for my aunt so I'd have a little income the end of that year but the beginning of '99 I decided to join the U.S. NAVY and upon taking their tests joined to become a nuclear engineer who would manage the power used to run and operate aircraft carriers and submarines. I made it 7 weeks through basic training before emotions became something I began to feel for the first time and didn't understand what they were or how to control them. When you're crying hard for hours and have no reason why petty officers and chiefs ask questions. I was given a medical discharge and that was a bit confusing, but I did know one thing; I was totally in the way of the others in my division because I went from being a leader to being a casualty of war, lol. I spent 6am to 9pm at the Chicago/O'hare airport waiting on a flight back home, and got here about 3am the next morning. I was like an innocent child at this point, and how I'd remained this way for so long I don't know. It lasted until June 26th, 1999.

The navy got me in shape, 6'1 and 195lbs, and still following the same daily routine I'd learned while in training. I couldn't sleep that night, all I had in my head was fall in love, get married, and have kids. I didn't know what the hell any of that meant. 19yrs old and not understanding my thoughts or my body's hormones I just wanted to dance, sing, and be around other people. That's something I knew would distract my thoughts and make them go away. Most of the memories from my life's past events were still blurry or gone, but I could tell you the name of everyone I'd ever met in life, what they looked like, and how I knew them. That night I decided to go to a club because it was late and there were people. I'd never been to one before, but I could hear the music outside in my car as I drove by the place and there were people waiting to get inside. I talked to the first familiar face I saw, he happened to be rolling at the moment too and asked me why I looked so down. Then he said, "oh yeah, you had that wreck and got killed, hahaha. The news had to recall all those papers. Here, take this and you won't care about it, smile man this is good shit!! :D "

He wasn't lying either, double stacked mitsubishi is what it was called when I asked him some time later with a smile on my face. When I asked for a little more info than that he said it was roll, X, ecstasy. I didn't care for or do drugs growing up, didn't know I was bipolar and the brain hemorrhage exacerbated it 100x fold, but I did know I liked what I felt and I wanted to share it with everyone I could. I had money from my wreck settlement, and I had something I wanted to do that was within my grasp. On Wednesday July 7th, 1999 at about 11:30pm I wrote a little letter saying bye, c-ya later, left it on my grandmother's kitchen table, and left for San Antonio Texas, 13.5hrs from home. I left to meet a chick that could get her hands on any and every drug out there because I wanted to try them all. Met her in an AOL chatroom. Risks weren't something I knew yet, and didn't feel for quite a while. So I took one after another w/o even knowing it. Innocent and care-free I started driving without saying a word to anyone about where I was going.


I do have a life that I understand completely now though and I"m stopping here, I've got some laundry to do and dishes to wash, a few people I've got to call, and a 3yr old daughter to take care of.
Adios muchacho's,

Until next time,
take care & God bless [o<
EcHo =o)

Well la de fukkin da!! I think that if you try, no......, you flat out tell 35+ people that you only have a 4 week peroid of time, before you will have an overpowering need/requirement to do something to alter reality in a drastic enough way to possibly kill every positive fiber of your being for the next week, until you know you WILL have one of a half dozen peddlers start pokin at you for $$$ they know you've got that they should be whipped with the belt used on 1000 hellions if they don't aid you in some way and not treat you as just another number, glitch, smear, voice, sheet, sheep, or drunken fist master.



I dunno exactly what I was going for with that up there last night but I know I'd just had to take my 3yo daughter back to my mother inlaw, and she never wants to go but I have no choice. I'd had just enough beer to make things fuzzy and none of my medications were doing their job at all.

My post for today was killed by an age old problem that's been around longer than I have by far,
Echo [o<

There's one aspect of tripping that's often overlooked by those who are new arrivals in the wonderous world of psychedelics; that the expansion of mind during a trip also results in a release of the subconscious.

Because the ability of the brain to filter perceptual data is reduced, it also means that your ability to repress certain thoughts, memories or fears has been reduced.

This is where the therapeutical value of psychedelics come in to play, but when people go on a trip without realising that this [may] happen a bad trip can occur. Suddenly you're confronted by guilt, grief, fear and/or confusion without the ability to stop this experience. You are taken on a horrific rollercoaster ride that can take hours to end.

So why do people use these drugs?

With the proper mindset and the right setting a trip that releases the subconscious and confronts the tripper with past trauma and issues also gives the tripper the chance to work through these issues in order to resolve them, in order to heal themselves of these issues. We all have our personal battles, and we all suffer in one way or another, and we all seek a way out of the consequences of past choices.

So I have been on this for 2 straight dayz now and am feeling sad I cant fall asleep, CAN ANYONE HELP?

OK, so I went to jail, went to two live-in rehab programs, am not friends with some people anymore, but the WORST things are: I gained a ton of weight from the antipsychotic meds, and I got amnesia! After I had the head injury from being arrested, I slowly slipped away... I don't recall going from the jail cells to the jail hospital... I've been terrified of getting fat and getting amnesia my whole life! So back again to my weight loss obsession... OH I forgot, the third bad thing: I lost my senses of smell and taste, again from bad reaction to the med! So everything tastes like f'n cardboard now. Yeah, i complain, but dammit, it's my blog and I can complain if I want to!

Everyone give lots of love to the beautiful animal_cookie!!!!

Who else has been to jail? Not a little city jail, I mean a county jail. I was there for 3.5 months last year.

The entire thing was so traumatic i had PTSD just from that. First, my "friend" got me arrested. Yes I had warrants already but he didn't have to do what he did... I'd been staying at his house (and he's like 58, not my boyfriend or anything) and entertaining the f'er as he got high or whatever, and I was on too many things... Xanax, meth, Oxy (which I didn't know was Oxy, I was in so much pain from my back injury my friend put the Oxy out and said it was a weak painkiller. Well, not quite) and alcohol.

I was a wreck, granted, but he started pushing my buttons then said I "scared" him, so he called the cops without warning me, told them I had a weapon when it was only my Blackberry, and I was in a bikini with flip-flops cuz I had been getting a tan. I was walking, minding my own business outside, when four deputies threw me down while two doused me with pepper spray all over my face. I had whiplash and a concussion from that attack. (And, I found out later, a skull fracture and fluid in my brain stem...)

My "friend" then acted like he was rescuing me, and spent the next year trying to reconstruct my life, to the point where I am through with him. He's a fucking moron. I didn't used to, but I blame a lot of my problems on him, and I normally don't do that.

But I found out what kind of person he is, and he just wants to start drama at other people's expenses so he has something interesting to keep him busy. Freak.

Hello everyone,
i have being using Heroin for 2 and a half years now and ive been IVing it for half the time. every time i shoot up i throw up and stay with severe nausea for hours later. ive tried in the course of 2yrs countless batches, ive tried shooting different amounts, using more/less waterdifferent needles different cotton, cooking it different everything and i doesnt help. everyone i know who uses, never had this problem. has anyone every heard of something like this? please help.. im going to continue to use so stopping is out the question.

08/25/2011

It’s hard to often reflect upon one’s self and life. Maybe that’s one of the reasons that I have been reluctant to collect my thoughts on paper. I believe that when we really sincerely mean to get better, we often need to pursue our life in a certain order. For example, I lack a career and a professional goal. Thus, I must focus on that to make it happen. Do I ever lack a relationship? Well the answer is yes and no. No, in the sense of looking back at reality, I am always meeting new people….dating if I am not in a serious relationship. Yes, in the sense that I feel like I need someone so if I don’t have someone for a single day, I feel scared, I feel like I will never have a relationship…..therefore, relationships have been my focus in the past whether I like the fact or not…..It is what it is.

My thoughts about Jeff are jumbled. In one way, I feel bad for him, I worry, I feel like it’s taking forever till his court date. In another way, I can’t want something bad to happen to him, not too bad, but something that will make him need me, beg me back. Or maybe just have a minute to say “I fucked up too”…. “It could have worked but it didn’t for many reasons……and they are not all because she decided to act crazy.” Yes, I understand that although he is really bad for me, I still feel like I got left behind, that I got left unwanted. Everyone that cares about me views such rejection as a true blessing but me. It all depends, I know what’s bad for me at heart but at times my mind becomes cloudy. I know I can’t help myself but to fall back in my old ways at times without even noticing so I try not to have such triggers in the front of my eyes.

For example, it would be nice to post my blog and share it with the world. However, I would want to post it in such a way that Jeff would be able to see it. Thus, it won’t be true I need to edit that part out of which I feel like I want something bad to happen to him. It’s hard to not wanting to know how he feels about this situation but upon reviewing the past, honestly, I will find out in time. It is really good that we both are not going out of our ways to contact each other.

Do I know what will happen between us two? To be honest, No………

His relationship has surprised me in different ways. We sometimes unite for odd reasons. Do I think we need to be a part right now? Absoultely…………..there is not not a doubt in my heart that tells me that that’s the healthiest thing to do. Do I believe that “He will comeback if he is meant to be mine” Well, I want to believe that but honestly not right now. It is not healthy……I have to move on from the whole thing. Do I know what’s going to happen in a couple of years? No, shit I don’t even know what’s going to happen in a couple of days or a couple of weeks. Life changes in funny ways, it suprises you sometimes. However for us to not be surprised, we can plan ahead. So, for us not have contact and make everything turn upside down like it has in the past, I stay away from him all together. Can I get in touch with him? Yes, I have proved it many times in the past to my ego, it helps because I don’t need to prove it again and again and again. But part of the reasons of why things got bad in the past because I tried “too much”…..”too hard”.

11:48 AM…….I got to start looking for jobs….I have to be clear and focused on what my intentions really are and my goals. If I want to find a job, I need to stop focusing on a relationship writing about it. After all, doing the right thing and doing what we say we are going to do is the ultimate way to build self-esteem. Which is exactly what I need to re-built to either hope that I will change my thoughts about the relationship with Jeff in the future or mature up in the years to come if I am ever meant to have interactions with him and whish to make something toxic to at least neutral.

12:58 PM

I am trying to attain therapy which is really healthy. Yes I feel in a kinda of way that I cheated Jeff thinking that I should have attained therapy when I went over there as he demanded. But here is why I don’t regret it? I don’t think that it was right that we were together right off the back. I mean I think he felt helpless when everything first went down thus asking me to move. Then as time revealed, our relationship is a mess……If I help him today then I end up hurting him tomorrow and thus it’s not right. Do I think that he should just at the drop of a hate want me to be with him and then dismiss it at a drop of a hate as well? Well, No that’s not right. It’s not fair for me. But then again, I am in control over how other people treat me….I don’t have to run to him. I actually think part of loving him or caring for him is realizing my capabilities right now. I am no good to him at the present time. I think the same things are repeating over and over and it’s not fair. Although the relationship is not physically abusive well its an emotional mess. It takes a toll on one’s self-esteem and focus over primary things.

While trying to attain counseling, I have observed the following article:

Are you planning on leaving your partner?
What is your plan? How and when can you most safely leave? Do you have transportation, money and a place to go? What are you waiting for?

Inform people you trust about your plan and allow them to help you. Consider alternative plans if you have to leave prior to their scheduled leave date.

Make sure you have a safe place to go; somewhere where someone is supportive and the abuser does not know about (shelter, relative, hidden apartment, etc.).

Who will you tell and not tell about leaving? Who in your support network do you trust?
Pack a bag and keep it in an undisclosed but accessible place (either at home, at a friend or neighbor's house, or at work) in order to leave quickly.

How will you travel safely to and from work, or to school to pick up the children?

Seek legal advice so that you know what they can and cannot do, and what you can and cannot have. (i.e. Can you take the car? Can you take the children to another state?)

It is important to see your life first and their possessions second.
If possible, open a bank account or hide money to establish or increase independence (i.e. tell the abuser you paid $40 for a coat you bought for $10).

Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, and extra clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly.

Some items you want to consider having available: birth certificates, social security cards, marriage and driver's license, car title, bank account number, credit and/or ATM cards, savings account information, lease agreements, house deed, mortgage papers, insurance information and forms, school and health records, welfare or immigration documents, medications and prescriptions, divorce papers or other court documents, phone numbers/addresses for family/friends/community agencies, clothing and comfort items for them and their children, extra keys.


Then I was like, holly shit. I have done all these things down to the point leaving and walking away from this relationship. Was I actually in an abusive relationship?

I think it was harmful to both parties involved. While I was the predator at times, I was also an abuser too. Thus, we ended up together abusing each other. I feel a lot of guilt but how shall I feel guilty if I continue hurting someone? Well the best decision I have made is to leave all together.

I feel like I got placed in a witness protection program……I am on the run. I opened a new account, got a new license, moved to a new state that I never imagined could be in. I changed my phone number with very few people that know it. I am keeping a really low profile. Do I think he will hurt me? Not him but the people around him.

My life actually got threatened by his family, it was in danger. I have never received phone calls to disappear from anyone before. I don’t know that he is evil or seeks revenge, not now at least anyways. But again, it’s best to leave each other right now. Improving myself and focusing clearly on what I want and my intentions and if what I am doing is reflecting what I am saying is more important than any other time in my life.

Eliminating us from each other’s life at this time is truly reflecting love and care from both sides. It’s never easy to do the right thing but it feels good when you do carry through. I wish I listened but then again, I can do what’s in my control right now. That’s taking responsibility. There has got to be a time when I actually take responsibility, I can’t just sit and accept that my current circumstances are a result of the past, meanwhile, I keep validating on the reoccurrence pattern by just doing nothing.

The first part of my 12-step program is identifies that accepting is your addiction is outside your control but receiving help is. And honestly, the addiction was out of my control.

It’s okay to experience self-doubt and withdrawal….that’s the fear part that keeps us in the addiction.

Anyway, it took me a while to consider the journaling aspect of what I am experiencing but again it allows me to explore my next-thought process. Doing nothing about my initial feelings even sharing them with myself was prohibiting me from moving on.

1

I can literally answer any question ranging from, bioavailability snorting, injecting (intramuscular - intravenous) or oral consumption, to the rewards and pitfalls of prescription pill use. Everything from lowly codeine to the big boys dilaudid (hydromorphone) and opana (oxymorphone). I am only willing to do this because of the huge amount of misinformation that is out there. Although I am a drug user/abuser, it is important for me to help weed through all the lies, ignorance and propaganda that gets posted. I am even willing to answer any questions about how to break down various prescription drugs with their supposed "safety' features.

I just happened across your site and joined just to hopefully give what little info I can hope it helps someone out! THe fake m box discussion! I've ran across a few that sound similar to these Mollenkopht things but without the 2 day illness! Just a shade darker, half a shade even! Same with size a miniscule amount thicker! But near flawless! A guy gave me two to show around I had my dude try half one. Nasaly. He cried! Said it burned like nothin he'd ever felt before! The only significant detail I've noticed is that tIe ones I've seen were all chipped around the edges like they'd been in a bottle and shaken badly !

i think i am going to keep a private journal of my working out... for some reason, i am self conscious about too many people knowing about it. i guess if i fail, i don't want anyone to know i was trying. as for why on BL, i would rather keep all my ramblings in one place as opposed to getting a livejournal or something. and maybe in a few months i will look back at these post and notice progress.

i've lost 6 pounds since i started

i've pretty much cut out caffeine (and pop as a result) and beer. i occasionally have a drink on the weekend but nothing like the 5-6 beers i was drinking nightly. i am making an effort to eat more than one giant meal day. altho its hard to eat anything more than a granola bar or banana for breakfast cause i am not hungry. i am used to just downing a coke zero. actually, since i stopped drinking beer, i haven't been craving fatty/greasy foods. without fast food, i actually eat pretty healthy.

my arms are weak. i struggle to do exercises using 3 lb weights. by the last set, i am using just my arms for few repetitions. (i think i used those terms right, or maybe its the other way around?) according to my trainer, i've been using my lower back to lift things instead of my arms and chest (i think that is what he said anyhow).

my legs are decently strong but my balance is off, so we are working on me using proper form and the right muscle groups for lower body exercises. and i fucking hate core exercises.

Let me start by saying I am in no means a perfect man! I love my girlfriend but I'm afraid I'm falling out of love with her.She and I both use and I from time to time make ends meet through various ways that include substance of choice. None the less she steals from me when able! She also lies about it and when I'm out she is the first one on the phone trying to get str8 from competition!!!!

She's hot, and doesn't cheat, cooks, cleans, and though she doesn't want too even works a real job. She started as my friend so i care for her deeply but I dont think I can do this anymore. I'm trying desperately to stop and out chaotic relationship isn't helping.

Oh and not to mention I'm also very passive with her and I think she is taking advantage. She has anxiety attacks whenever we argue, or I'm left mad over something she has said or done. Either way she blows me and we put a pin in it for the day. But the days that follow are always the same arguing and threats and then make sex.

Its a brutal cycle and the sex ain't this damn good. BL help should I bouce, to the left that as*, i have other options. Way cleaner, happier, healthier girls.

NIG NOG!!

As I approach further education, I am reminded of my English classes. My dude has a degree in English. He is at a tortured IT job. Blah.

I do not, nor do I wish for one. I'd rather concentrate on other languages, specifically, Spanish and French. I would like to achieve true fluency in both languages.

I believe I would be a translator, provided I can translate in real time. I am close. I have been a student of other languages for a long time. I can translate in my native language in real time. Because of this, I am not broke.

I am, indeed, a language nerd. I would tell my dude I love him, as I do, but I do not want him to freak out on me. I believe he would use *that* L-word if he could. I do love and respect him. He is a wonderful man who takes me on hikes, adventures, and will even take me to Arby's (my one fast food). We go to the awesome Portland food carts together. Ironically, I am the scrawniest I have been since secondary school. I don't know what hit me; at age 31, I don't have any of the things such as eye-lines or face lines. I love him, dearly, and I might just tell him that this evening. In honesty, I loved his writing before I was able to conceptualize love.

I do not love everything about him. I wish he would get on a plane - he is totally phobic of airplanes. My family and I love aviation; I'm not allowed to tell anyone about the small plane that crashed. Oh, wait, I did! Both the pilot and the passenger not only lived, but didn't get even a bruise! My aunt made a deathbed promise to her second husband that she would learn to fly. Now, she is on her third. Yikes. I'm not willing to talk about her third husband, as I have nothing nice to say in that regard.

I believe I will pursue a career in translation. I know I can do it, not without effort. I will go back to university to so do. Everyone in my life keeps about my life in law. Others can have those jobs; I spent my time working for attorneys, and I come, increasingly, to the conclusion that I am not meant for the legal field. I would rather achieve fluency in languages. One of my teachers (American; native English speaker) speaks 6 OTHER FLIPPING LANGUAGES. He's happily married to a woman who is his equal. I'm glad he's back after the Japanese tsunami. The radiation is still so bad... I have my Neko-lucky cat on my front door; the real Neko is with my father in California. Neko has adopted his little brothers, Sasha and Albert, quite effectively. All three of the boys sleep in the bed with their granddaddy, and all get along.

My father, the hero, is going to see my psychiatrist for his own well-being. I support this.

I am a bit jaded at present; it's just not getting any easier. I didn't sign up for anything like this. I look at others who have 'dreamy' lives with a significant amount of jealousy. I do not have green eyes, but I may as well. I am not underprivileged (though I am definitely not wealthy!). I can feed, clothe, and house myself. It will all be fine someday. My eyes remain true blue.

Some flipping day. I really wish to be at home in Cali. It's not happening today. My boyfriend and my family in Oregon would crap bricks - yet as long as I have myself, I have everything. I know I can get in the car at any time. I have chosen not to for now.

HEY BLOGS MODS and OUR ADMIN - where is this epic meetup going to occur? I think Vancouver, BC, would be properly badass, and so I present the idea. It's Bluelight. I'll bring myself and either a train or my car. My passport is in transit. Meetup? Yeah, let's make this happen. HEY DAVE - I might have to fly through Edmonton soon.

I am content with this little life of mine. I have my moments, as has everyone. Blogs are a place to vent within guidelines. I will continue to do my best, and I hope someone finds my thoughts interesting.

Who needs drugs and alcohol when one can feel like this sober.

Never thought being in love could feel so wonderful, never knew someone could be far from perfect but so wonderfully perfect to me.

Life is wonderful lately, days are awesome, things are just fantastic.

I haven't thought about using anything in at least a week. I haven't used in at least 3 months, and I have been off meds for about 2-3 weeks now and I am completely fine ...at least it feels that way.

I am never depressed, I do still have some anger but not to the level I was before, I do conceed that I will probably need Clonazepam for during the day but not to the extent that I would have needed before. I was taking 2mg to calm me down before but I think that 1mg would be fine.

She finally used those 3 wonderful words, and I can't stop smiling, she makes me feel so wonderful that I can't help but to smile all day long.

My health is pretty good but I am going to make an appointment for the first Thursday in September to see what my doc says. She said after I saw the Neuro we would talk about new medications. I don't like the SNRI that she was thinking of, can't think of the name right now but I flat out refused to take it, EVER. Might talk about Lamactil(sp?) or Clonazepam.

We'll see how things go.

Coming down on acid, wanted to go to sleep, took a sleeping pill. Couldn't sleep because I was outside and it was like fifty gazillion degrees outside. So I did sleep but then woke up half an hour later and it didn't wear off. I felt like a zombie because I was still tripping a bit and on this sleeping pill.

My bf says that I kept sitting up and being like "I can't sleep" and flipping over. I don't remember this :s I must have been pretty asleep ... but not really?!? I don't know.

I hate taking a sleeping pill but not sleeping. It's brutal.

I did it once with mushrooms. My first trip ... didn't have anything else to get over it so my bf gave me sleeping pills. Took like three before I got to sleep. I felt like a zombie before it.

I'm not sure what it is in the sleeping pills, maybe diphenhydromine because I know that can be used to get high. Never done it though. If it's anything like this, I don't want to try it lol.

CONTACT ME NOW IF YOU WANT SAMPLES OF PAIN KILLERS LIKE METHAPHOLINE,ADDERALL VICODIN,TRAMADOLL,METHADONE, SUBOXONE,RITALIN,MORPHINE,AND ALL OTHER PAINKILLERS YOU MAY NEED.WE ARE DESCRETE AND CONFINDENTIAL.EMAIL ME NOW:[email protected]

Ok Since no one is going to help you n i know if u want it ur going to try it... i consider myself very educated espeshally in iv narcotics, if u would like to question my knowledge i welcome your questions... By the way pls read the added advise at the end

First Step
Go to your local Fleet Farm or Farm Supply store and purchase a 3cc 21gauge syringe
note when they ask if its for farm use say NO "btw ur not actually using this syringe to shoot"

Second Step
Suck on pill until coating is gone and the pill is all white and crush, a razor blade wud b helpful because the abg brand is rather clumpy
chop into smallest pieces possible because u will need to use less heat n opiates are VERY heat INtolorent "meaning the more heat u use the more dope u lose"

Third Step
Prepare a Cigarette filter cut about 1/4in long then peel paper off the cigarette filter n tear what youve cut in a 2/3 to 1/3 portions "just for the large needle" because ive found with excessive needles ur less likley to get cotton fever with the cigarette filter over cotton "this fact only applies to large needles because with smaller more widley used needles it does not absorb well enought for .5 to 1cc needles"

Fourth Step
Place about 2cc of water in spoon and heat to boil before u put in the morphine... then place morphine in heated water n keep it hot then boil again when it looks as if most sediments is a waxy liquid place the smaller filter in the spoon after dipping it in water"the smaller filter is to collect filler so its easier to pull back as much as u can easily" now there may or may not b liquid left in the spoon either way add about .75cc of water and rinse"rinse means recook" until sediment looks about as dissolved as its gonna get and place the 2nd larger filter on top of the older filter to avoid sediment build up on the filter and pull back the plunger to get the rest of the morph... Finally Fill the rest of the syringe with water to dillute

Final Step
For this step have larger cotton filters ready about the size of a pea(only use this size for morphine) have as many ready as shots you intend to do plus a couple more never hurts
Finally empty contents of 3cc syringe into a new and or cleaned spoon, b ready with heat and the amount of syringes u intend on shooting
Heat lightley just to loosen the waxy filler"if it boils stop heat u are loseing morphine by the second" then place 1 filter in the spoon and repeat until liquid is gone or needs to be heated again, keep in mind if u heat spoon with cotton inside do not pull out of that cotton again because there easy to get cotton fever from... which is terrible... then when u have all ur syringes set they are ready to shoot gratz

Added Advise
With this method its better to put a larger amount of morph in the spoon because ur preparing it for the rest of the night.

WARNING if u plan on using a animal needle for actuall use be warned u will have very quick noticeable tracks impossible to hide unless u know were to shoot and cotton fever is much much more likley" (for advise on use of a larger needle or how to obtain a large cc needle without the massive tip pls contact me at my email or FB, preferabally email its more private... b ready for questions on tolerence or knowledge because more room means more dope which means easier od... or if a 1cc still will suffice just go online for your local needle exchange its free or u could try to convince walgreens pharmacy

"Keep in mind the reason u "cant" iv certin opiate pharmasudicals or others that gel is not because of the drug NORMALLY, its because of the filler and buffer the specific company puts in, you just need to learn how to seperate the binder n filler n it can actually be better for u to iv certin drugs than snort or injest because ur not getting all the other shit in ur system... with the acception of pretty much all speed which is all quickley corrosive, which means faster deteration of veins... if u wud like to test or see what i mean shoot all ur non speed drugs in one arm and all speed in the other n watch the difference"note when i say pretty much it means personal expirence, which with drug use in the iv or rave category is quite excessive by my standard(espeshally in opiates including pharmasudical and non, n note in all my opinions on drug standards r probally more the the most drug abused friend u have}

Hey new hear and my friend swim is struggling to become clean, swim does anywhere from 3 g's of raw to 500 mg of oxy a day.....he is just very depressed and needs a bit of motivatoin to get up and face the world again.
If it was up to him he would never quit but financials are a big part of it and the tollerance is way out of control. ANY THOUGHTS?.

On August 5th a friend and I had split a bottle (5fl.oz) of Delsym 12 hour release. We were having a wonderful trip. Listening to some Led Zeppelin, and just discovering new realms inside of our minds. About an hour and a half later (after taking the Delsym) my friend's dealer had called, and informed my friend that he had just got some shrooms...Of course, my friend and I (not in our best minds) decided to go walk to get the eighth of shrooms. We were still tripping balls on the Delsym, so the 1 hour walk didn't bother us much. When we got to the dealers, we had decided to split, and eat the eighth of shrooms there...so we didn't have them on us while walking back to my friend's place....I was already fucked up on the Delsym, but I stupidly ate the shrooms. All was fine, we thanked the dealer, and went on our way back to my friend's house. Then about 10 minutes later, I started to feel the shrooms. (Keep in mind, I am 5' 11" and 107lbs. so drugs hit me pretty fast) It felt pretty amazing...But I was also very frightened (I had done shrooms before, and I have done dxm before...I've just never mixed them) because I had never felt such an insane trip before...I felt literally mind fucked. So my friend had called one of his buddies to come pick us up. We sat down and waited at a Long John Silver's for about 5 minutes (it felt like an hour to us) and his buddy arrived, and gave us a ride back to my friend's place. Once we got back, we layed down on my friend's bed in the darkness, and turned on some Pink Floyd. The visuals were AMAZING, I saw sail boats drifting off into the sunset, in a collage of psychedelic, kalaidescope patterns that swayed with the rythm of the music. (We were laying there for hours, just sinking into our own minds, forgetting that we even exsisted. It was truely beautiful.) But then all of a sudden, the shrooms peaked, and I guess that also caused the DXM to peak...My heart started pounding, I mean POUNDING. I was very disorriented. I knew my heart was beating fast, too fast. But I was tripping too hard to think logically...I started clutching my rosary like it was the last thing I was ever going to hold. and I just laid there until the violent pounding of my heart subsided. After the first day, the shrooms wore off (Thank god) but I couldn't sleep, and was still very anxious, and on edge from the dxm...I actually went to the ER on the third day, because I was frightened that I still felt the DXM, and that I couldn't sleep...All they did was tell me to drink fluids, and eat more than regular. They had also given me an Ativan (Only one, and at the hospital...they didn't want to send me home with anything) to help me relax...which didn't help at all. I went sleepless until the 5th night. I've been sleeping good since...But I am still not back to normal yet. It's been 15 days, and I still see trails, and all these moving speckles. I am starting to think this is permanent...I am so very worried guys. I've forgotten how normal life feels...My pupils are still dialated. I'm not sure what to do about this. I'm seeing a doctor in the start of next week. Wish me luck. If I am a DXM casualty...then it is my own fault. I brought this on myself, and I hope that none of you make this same mistake. It may seem fun to have a permanent trip...But really it makes you a depressed recluse. Not fun... :/

As you've probably noticed, Blogs has been busier since the upgrade!
This is awesome news, but leaves us with the need for an extra Mod!
Both of the Blogs Mods have double ModSticks and are busy bees!
They can keep up fine and do an amazing job here, but we all put our heads together and decided to bring on one more!

If you're interested please include the following in your application:

*Why you are interested in Blogs

*Why you'd be a good moderator for Blogs

*What vision to you have for Blogs

*Your time zone and the hours you can dedicate to Blogs

Please send all applications to Dave, OverDone, TommyBoy and Ocean by Aug 24th.
Good Luck to all who apply!!

Tonight, I feel some sort of way and I want to act out. I don't want to get high (that is no longer an acceptable option in my life).

I would like some sort of escape, though.

Sex? With who? I don't do randoms or one nighters.

Violence? No thanks. I can't hurt someone simply because I hurt. Besides, I have a life worth living now and don't need consequences.

This fucked up perspective. These thoughts that focus on failing.

I guess I just need to feel these feelings, ignore the thoughts and they will pass. They always do.

I thought sleep would be a good idea, just start a new day tomorrow. I can't sleep, though. If I feel like I am failing and not pushing hard enough, how dare I sleep. I gotta keep this shit moving and DO something.

Action, man... fucking action, effort and change is the remedy.

My impatience and inability to see the real results of past actions, efforts and changes is fucking with me.

Fucking pussy. I got clean and I got soft. I've had it much, much, MUCH worse. What the fuck am I stressing this small shit for?

Fuck this. The gym allows me to hurt myself in a positive manner.

See yas later

I have recently had an opportunity to try Coca flour (powderized dried coca leaf). I used it both as a traditional tea with sweetner and also wrapped in a coffee filter with sodium bicarb in my cheek.

The tea is distinctly sweet and very enjoyable as is but I like things really sweet so I add some Stevia. Overall it gave me more energy than coffee. There was a sloped return to my baseline of grogginess (from lack of sleep) after an hour of drinking the two cups worth (2-3g of flour). There was a mild numbing of the tongue and cheeks. Drinking it without filtering the plant material resulted in some mild diarrhea. I used a coffee maker with a reuseable plastic filter to make it. It is also sold in tea bags.

Where I got the most results in terms of energy is by keeping it in my cheek and sucking on it. I put 3g of flour along with 1-1.5g of sodium bicarb in a coffee filter and to sweeten it some stevia. I wrapped it up and stuffed it in my left cheek. Within minutes I had a distinct increase in alertness and a clean feeling where my eyes were fully open instead of 3/4 open from my usual grogginess/narcolepsy. I noticed a slight increase in body temperature.

Whether using it for energy or to enjoy it as a beverage, Coca Tea (known in Peru as "Mate de Coca") is a great product. From what I have read it has low risk of addiction because the variety of alkaloids in it prevent one from becoming too stimulated. In other words there is sort of a ceiling. Nonetheless moderation is probably best just in case. I find it ideal for situations where I need to get some chores done and don't have the energy. A quick 30-45 minute boost without harsh jitters or insomnia later in the evening.

I have never used Cocaine either as freebase or HCL, and probably won't ever, so I can't comment as to how it compares (and supposedly the Coca Tea sold in the US is decocainized -- bearing in mind that there are many other alkaloids that aren't Schedule II in Coca Tea).

I will also note that I did not experience cravings when ceasing use of Coca. However, I have an aversion to the vast majority of psychostimulants so my anecdote may not apply to most. For instance I did not fiend for Mephedrone after using it -- quite the opposite in fact.

Those in the US may be surprised to know it is available domestically (cant go into details obviously) but given the availability it seems to be legal. Importing it can still pose problems but doesnt result in prosecution if its under 1kg from what I have read*. The issue of legalities is quite confusing.

* I am not a lawyer, I am just passing on anecdotal reports.