theres more life in a tramps vest.

I wonder, when I was in my early twenties, was I this bratty and self involved? Am I right to be frustrated by some people or am I jealous because I wish I was young again? Maybe partly there are bratty, self involved people and partly I am a bit jealous. I am just so fed up of feeling past it. I feel like I am no longer relevant to anyone. I am trying to think positive but I can't quite get past the negativity I am feeling at the moment. I desperately want to move forward but I have nobody to reach out to. It just feels like everyone is so blessed with how they look, being 'cool', and everyone bitches the shit out of everyone else. I miss proper conversation. I miss real music. I miss drugs before they went shit. I miss people not caring about how they looked or how I looked and bonding over music, or books, or deconstructing concepts of modern life that people now don't question. Nowadays it seems like those who think they are free are the ones who are truly enslaved. Even the older folk I know from the free parties and festies are fickle as fuck. I can't even go to those parties anymore cos its like having the same protracted conversation with the same people every time. I am at a loss as to what to do, spiritually. Physically I can lose weight, primp myself and look my best... but I have a heart and soul that yearn for some real stimulation. For good music. For free thinkers. I have always been the exception to any rule but surely somewhere there must exist people that I fit in with? I feel so lonely that I think I am going mad.