Had so many crazy dreams last night and none of them were particularly pleasant. Havent talked to my ex-wife in two days and that is not normal for us wr always chatten but im fucking done with her leading me on even if its not always intentional. I really loved that girl with the purple hair and her and my drug abuse ruined it. Whqt woman wants you to be texting someone else everyday its gonna make them jealous even tho thats all it was. I really wish I could be with the sex kitten right now I think about her all the time and this new chick just doesn't do it for me like she does. Im gonna really try and just stay on the Methadone my Drug Tests start in a week and I cant afford übers there everyday so I have no choice but to stay clean of Narcotics/Benzos whatever will trigger it. Its gonna be okay I have a stash of Psychs to play with every once in awhile im really lucky I never ODed the past year ive been relapsing. That's what makes it hit home so hard now, the end of March is when I left NYC and my Wife thru me out its when I picked the Heroin back up again. Ive had so many close calls if my tolerance wasnt monstrous from 20 years use I would surely have been killed off by the Fentanyl. So many of my friends and family have fallen I look in the mirror somedays and ask why are you still here?