michael
Bluelight Crew
my stupid job keeps scheduling me on saturday nights. they are not supposed to due to union rules. they can go get bent, i'm not working tonight.
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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)
- Thread starter n3ophy7e
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Sorry this is long-
TDLR: How do I not get sacked?!
After last breakdown thought I'd give life one more shot. Have been trying so hard, taking my prescription as I should, seeing friends again, getting out everyday and not just lying in bed like a depressed mess. I even got a job, I've only been there a couple weeks, but love it and doing pretty good at it. I've done stupid amounts of overtime for them, happily.
This week I had a different doc who significantly reduced my val prescription, I've been taking it as he prescribed but was getting the withdrawal symptoms back again. Insomnia, can't eat, throwing up. Still though, went to work everyday. On Thursday I agreed to do overtime after my shift had finished, but after nearly throwing up infront of my team leader he sent me home. Friday, I felt worse so phoned them up way in advance. I told them I was ill still, but would come in if they were understaffed or couldn't find cover. They said it was fine and to take it off. Today I woke up at 6am, painful to move, stomach cramps, dragged myself to the toilet and threw up some more. All I can say is stomach acid and bile are horrible. Afterwards I slept, woke up at 11am, threw up, went back to sleep. I should of phoned work then, but was hoping if I slept, set an alarm and took my prescription before I'd be okay for work.. Nope, overslept for my late start shift. Phoned them up 30 mins after I should of started, diff manager who was incredibly pissed off. Said he would terminate my employment and to wait for a call back on Monday to do it officially.
NO. God damnit, I can't lose this job. I asked if there was anything I could do, offered to go in now but he said I couldn't as I'd make others ill, offered to at least come in to help with closing up but no. I checked my rota and am supposed to be in tomorrow, obvs they don't want me to go in. But fuck it, I will go in obscenely early, dressed to work, and ask to speak to them and ask if I can work.
How else can I convince them not to fire me? What else can I do? Should I take the note in? Should I get another one? I don't know how to explain the illness, the manager on the phone didn't believe me.. Should I try and get another doctors note?
I just can't lose this job. :/ It's the only thing getting me outside the house, making me get on track with life. I just give up on life if they throw it back in my face. I know I fucked up but I'm trying so hard. :/
TDLR: How do I not get sacked?!
After last breakdown thought I'd give life one more shot. Have been trying so hard, taking my prescription as I should, seeing friends again, getting out everyday and not just lying in bed like a depressed mess. I even got a job, I've only been there a couple weeks, but love it and doing pretty good at it. I've done stupid amounts of overtime for them, happily.
This week I had a different doc who significantly reduced my val prescription, I've been taking it as he prescribed but was getting the withdrawal symptoms back again. Insomnia, can't eat, throwing up. Still though, went to work everyday. On Thursday I agreed to do overtime after my shift had finished, but after nearly throwing up infront of my team leader he sent me home. Friday, I felt worse so phoned them up way in advance. I told them I was ill still, but would come in if they were understaffed or couldn't find cover. They said it was fine and to take it off. Today I woke up at 6am, painful to move, stomach cramps, dragged myself to the toilet and threw up some more. All I can say is stomach acid and bile are horrible. Afterwards I slept, woke up at 11am, threw up, went back to sleep. I should of phoned work then, but was hoping if I slept, set an alarm and took my prescription before I'd be okay for work.. Nope, overslept for my late start shift. Phoned them up 30 mins after I should of started, diff manager who was incredibly pissed off. Said he would terminate my employment and to wait for a call back on Monday to do it officially.
NO. God damnit, I can't lose this job. I asked if there was anything I could do, offered to go in now but he said I couldn't as I'd make others ill, offered to at least come in to help with closing up but no. I checked my rota and am supposed to be in tomorrow, obvs they don't want me to go in. But fuck it, I will go in obscenely early, dressed to work, and ask to speak to them and ask if I can work.
How else can I convince them not to fire me? What else can I do? Should I take the note in? Should I get another one? I don't know how to explain the illness, the manager on the phone didn't believe me.. Should I try and get another doctors note?
I just can't lose this job. :/ It's the only thing getting me outside the house, making me get on track with life. I just give up on life if they throw it back in my face. I know I fucked up but I'm trying so hard. :/
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tackyspiral
Bluelighter
So after all my posts about school it ended up working out ok!!!!
also I cant believe these fuckers in China and Connecticut killing innocent children.... makes all my problems feel insignificant.... god damn its sooooooo sad
also I cant believe these fuckers in China and Connecticut killing innocent children.... makes all my problems feel insignificant.... god damn its sooooooo sad
I made it through another day one. Here's to day two?
Also, an opportunity landed in my lap to make the money I need for my probation payment. The money I pissed away x10. It blows my mind. I get these chances that I don't deserve ALL the time.
I know I can do it, but fuck... shit is so hard. And the more times you do it, the harder it gets.
It's amazing to think that the hardest thing in the world to do is to NOT do something...
#jaded
Also, an opportunity landed in my lap to make the money I need for my probation payment. The money I pissed away x10. It blows my mind. I get these chances that I don't deserve ALL the time.
I know I can do it, but fuck... shit is so hard. And the more times you do it, the harder it gets.
It's amazing to think that the hardest thing in the world to do is to NOT do something...
#jaded
Fuck, life is so draining. Up and down, up and down. Overdosed after my boss told me for the second time I lost my job, then guess what, after a night in hospital, they rang me saying it's such a busy time they'll give me another chance on Friday. I'm grateful but I'm so fucking drained still. And I can't get these fucking hospital sticky things off they were measuring my vitals with. It just feels like all the life has been sucked out of me. I just want to sleep till spring is here and wake up as a different person. But no.. gotta keep going, pretending everything is fine, for no god damn reason.
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pharmakos
Bluelighter
yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
Thou
Bluelighter
Has anyone seen the green mile?
I wish I had his power.
i'd grab my mother by the throat softly.... suck the negativity out of her but give her a glimpse of my perspective; then vomit wasps out through the dissonant air. Then we MIGHT have a relationship...
I wish I had his power.
i'd grab my mother by the throat softly.... suck the negativity out of her but give her a glimpse of my perspective; then vomit wasps out through the dissonant air. Then we MIGHT have a relationship...
plmar
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2012
- Messages
- 1,898
Failing a pointless college course and I've fucked up my body. Hey I don't even fucking do drugs and I feel like my body is 30 years old and when I look in the mirror my face looks pale and I have bags under my eyes and I look like shit.
Idont know if I'm insomniac or am mentally vulnerable to staying up late but I've been ruining my body with sleep deprivation and no exercise since the start of high school, I am 18 now. So much for mental strength and willpower of any sort.
Right now i also have shit stuck up in my sinuses and nose and its irritating as fuc and my eyes are burning.
My teeth are discolored and crumbling from so many root canal treatments and I'm just waiting for the next tooth to swell up and start pulsating with an infection so that the cycle with begin once more
Idont know if I'm insomniac or am mentally vulnerable to staying up late but I've been ruining my body with sleep deprivation and no exercise since the start of high school, I am 18 now. So much for mental strength and willpower of any sort.
Right now i also have shit stuck up in my sinuses and nose and its irritating as fuc and my eyes are burning.
My teeth are discolored and crumbling from so many root canal treatments and I'm just waiting for the next tooth to swell up and start pulsating with an infection so that the cycle with begin once more
tackyspiral
Bluelighter
wow you write like chuck paluhniuk.... seriously... thats not a bad thing though
hthr007
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 22, 2012
- Messages
- 1,061
My job Is really getting on my last nerve.
I asked assistance for something at work from my supervisor and he helped me. He told me to put in the note on the account that he helped me with it so that way if there are any questions uppe management can ask him because he's a supervisor so apparently he knows what he's doing...right? Wrong. I asked him for help 3 days in a row and each time *I* got told that what I did was incorrect....but he fucking helped me!!! How can I get in trouble for something my supervisor said is the right thing to do. It makes me look really stupid and like I don't know what I'm doing. I told him that I had a QA submitted for me (quality assurance- what my job used to "coach" people aka tell you you're wrong)...he said he would talk I the woman who submitted it but like I still ended up with that on my record. How is that even fair? I ask a supervisor for help...notate that on my work...and then I get in trouble or "coached" for something that he told me to do. I don't feel like I'm being treated fairly.
Can anyone provide me with some insight or help? I don't know what to do....I'm so stressed over this.
I asked assistance for something at work from my supervisor and he helped me. He told me to put in the note on the account that he helped me with it so that way if there are any questions uppe management can ask him because he's a supervisor so apparently he knows what he's doing...right? Wrong. I asked him for help 3 days in a row and each time *I* got told that what I did was incorrect....but he fucking helped me!!! How can I get in trouble for something my supervisor said is the right thing to do. It makes me look really stupid and like I don't know what I'm doing. I told him that I had a QA submitted for me (quality assurance- what my job used to "coach" people aka tell you you're wrong)...he said he would talk I the woman who submitted it but like I still ended up with that on my record. How is that even fair? I ask a supervisor for help...notate that on my work...and then I get in trouble or "coached" for something that he told me to do. I don't feel like I'm being treated fairly.
Can anyone provide me with some insight or help? I don't know what to do....I'm so stressed over this.
tackyspiral
Bluelighter
^ can you talk HR or talk to his supervisor?
My mother keeps calling me and my boyfriend... right now she is making a stressful situation worse.... yes we have a lot to figure out... but it cant be done all at once
My mother keeps calling me and my boyfriend... right now she is making a stressful situation worse.... yes we have a lot to figure out... but it cant be done all at once
Thou
Bluelighter
A short story based on a true story:
So my asshole mother ran out of gas today. I'm a pedophile but she's the WORST.
I gave her a thousand dollars this month, there's no food in the house, ever. She drinks 300 american dollars worth of beer a day and I sleep on the couch.
I had to walk 4 miles to cash a check she made out to "cash" instead of my name. Which helped because the tour up my license because the check she gave me to give
the dmv bounced. I now have no id, and have to pay the dmv 57 dollars. On top of her massive 3000 dollars she's behind in rent.
I break my back everyday and take the bus.
She drives a bus and needs money to help medicate her sedentary lifestyle. She won't drive me to the bus station when she takes off of work, which is frequent.
I got a flat tire the other night and waited around for 3 hours in the cold because she didn't realize the spare was under the car - I assumed she had no spare and walked to a restaraunt to ask for directions in the cold after a 16 hour shift at the hospital.
When I got back my sister was there and they dicked around, waiting for triple A. Even though the shit was right under the car. I was too tired to look at the manual to find out, and there was too much shit in the car to undo the back compartment.
I was stoned as fuck and lamented by what my sisters useless boyfriend called "trolling" which used to be called dry humor. I'm getting old maybe. Either way my mother doesn't get dry humor, because she watches the food channel all day long and talks with vapid people whenever that's not happening.
I wrote 4 short stories and gave them to all my family. Quite short. First was given months ago. They haven't been taken out of the lovingly sealed envelopes. They must be busy. It's a rat race out there.
I got yelled at the whole way home for getting a flat tire, although I tune it out mostly. You can't fight a brick wall without breaking an upper pallet.
I need mine.
There's no point to this story. This is how it ends.
Don't you hate being dissapointed?
Next time you fuck - think about this story and what you're potentially doing by proxy of your hedonism.
You might just have a bright young boy like me! Wouldn't that be AWFUL!
The pedophile remark was in jest by the way. I'm in the clergy, it's a running gag with the young ones.
So my asshole mother ran out of gas today. I'm a pedophile but she's the WORST.
I gave her a thousand dollars this month, there's no food in the house, ever. She drinks 300 american dollars worth of beer a day and I sleep on the couch.
I had to walk 4 miles to cash a check she made out to "cash" instead of my name. Which helped because the tour up my license because the check she gave me to give
the dmv bounced. I now have no id, and have to pay the dmv 57 dollars. On top of her massive 3000 dollars she's behind in rent.
I break my back everyday and take the bus.
She drives a bus and needs money to help medicate her sedentary lifestyle. She won't drive me to the bus station when she takes off of work, which is frequent.
I got a flat tire the other night and waited around for 3 hours in the cold because she didn't realize the spare was under the car - I assumed she had no spare and walked to a restaraunt to ask for directions in the cold after a 16 hour shift at the hospital.
When I got back my sister was there and they dicked around, waiting for triple A. Even though the shit was right under the car. I was too tired to look at the manual to find out, and there was too much shit in the car to undo the back compartment.
I was stoned as fuck and lamented by what my sisters useless boyfriend called "trolling" which used to be called dry humor. I'm getting old maybe. Either way my mother doesn't get dry humor, because she watches the food channel all day long and talks with vapid people whenever that's not happening.
I wrote 4 short stories and gave them to all my family. Quite short. First was given months ago. They haven't been taken out of the lovingly sealed envelopes. They must be busy. It's a rat race out there.
I got yelled at the whole way home for getting a flat tire, although I tune it out mostly. You can't fight a brick wall without breaking an upper pallet.
I need mine.
There's no point to this story. This is how it ends.
Don't you hate being dissapointed?
Next time you fuck - think about this story and what you're potentially doing by proxy of your hedonism.
You might just have a bright young boy like me! Wouldn't that be AWFUL!
The pedophile remark was in jest by the way. I'm in the clergy, it's a running gag with the young ones.
plmar
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2012
- Messages
- 1,898
Just read a little about him on wikipedia, shit it would be sorta cool to make a living being a writer of some sort.
Goin back on topic with the thread; shit I'm late to college yet again and my use of a semicolon or whatever that is, is most likely incorrect.
ReaLy would like some beer right now, even on an empty stomach idc
Thou
Bluelighter
Old lonely rant:
Totally turned tables since then btw:
Totally turned tables since then btw:
knid
Greenlighter
i hate my shit life i hate the world i wish i could die but it would upset my family. life is so boring and pointless. the human race is doomed. nothing matters. i really really really really really really really really really hate life and i want to die. fuck this, arghhhhhhhhhhhhh. i hate myself, sad pathetic, boring piece of shit loser.
finding myself wanting to be extremely aggressive. i have anger BURNING up inside of me and i want to take it out on something . i've never been aggressive towards people but i've smashed a lot of my possessions up. i just can't keep it in.
fuck this.
finding myself wanting to be extremely aggressive. i have anger BURNING up inside of me and i want to take it out on something . i've never been aggressive towards people but i've smashed a lot of my possessions up. i just can't keep it in.
fuck this.
I thought I'd found someone..
Someone who brought my life value, and desire.
Someone who instilled love, and care, and affection.
I adored you.
I thought I found someone to be close to.
I became attached to you, because I thought I found someone I was going to be with.
I believed all you said, and you still tell me to, yet it seems I'm undeserving of your love.
It seems any care you direct towards me has selfish origins.
I feel abandoned, and deceived. I feel I have lost, because it was not only you I became attached to
when there is such a significant change in state of mind, I grasp.
I clenched onto this, this comfort. This lack of loneliness, this absence of pain.
and it has all come flooding in.
I am very confused and uncertain about things, and I don't want to hold you in any disesteem,
but you've hurt me, and all you inspired has been assailed by pain.
Smouldering, all that remains is the origin of this pain-
and I know it's not your fault.
You're not the cause of this pain, I am.
This is part of me, this part of me you lead me away from.. only to push me deeper.
I know it might have been accidental, but it doesn't change the fact I'm all the way down here,
in this desolate barrenness.
Someone who brought my life value, and desire.
Someone who instilled love, and care, and affection.
I adored you.
I thought I found someone to be close to.
I became attached to you, because I thought I found someone I was going to be with.
I believed all you said, and you still tell me to, yet it seems I'm undeserving of your love.
It seems any care you direct towards me has selfish origins.
I feel abandoned, and deceived. I feel I have lost, because it was not only you I became attached to
when there is such a significant change in state of mind, I grasp.
I clenched onto this, this comfort. This lack of loneliness, this absence of pain.
and it has all come flooding in.
I am very confused and uncertain about things, and I don't want to hold you in any disesteem,
but you've hurt me, and all you inspired has been assailed by pain.
Smouldering, all that remains is the origin of this pain-
and I know it's not your fault.
You're not the cause of this pain, I am.
This is part of me, this part of me you lead me away from.. only to push me deeper.
I know it might have been accidental, but it doesn't change the fact I'm all the way down here,
in this desolate barrenness.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
I thought it would be better once I got back here. I always think that, I always get my hopes up and in the end I feel just as miserable as anywhere else. I need to get a grip on myself once and for all, I've let myself down in every single aspect of my life and I fucking hate what I've become. How the fuck did things become this way. I have no idea how this happened and I don't know how to fix it. I'm messing up everything I ever had and I don't think I'll ever be able to get it back.
Illyria99
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2012
- Messages
- 4,643
I took a shitload of hydrocodone and butalbital earlier...chased it with 40 ounces of malt liquor. Felt great for 2 hours then sank into an immense depression. I just want to be happy. I want someone to love me. Why do I fucking bother waking up in the morning? Why can't I just die in my sleep? I'm so tired of this life.
michael
Bluelight Crew
i am reminded tody that i used to work with a doofus, who when he learned i was going to perú in april, asked me if i was going to visit any ancient mayo ruins. he found the mayos totally fascinating. he asked me a zillion questions about the mayos.
goddamn, what a freakin' doofus.
goddamn, what a freakin' doofus.
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