Not sure if this belongs in my thread in TDS or here, but I've reached an impasse. I've made several half-hearted attempts to quit in the past, all the while knowing that I wasn't 100% set on quitting. In the past I've broken down and ordered another box of pods when my supply started dwindling, but this time I can't afford to. I'm staring into my once bountiful box of pods and I have eight left. Maybe less because one or two of the pods is probably moldy inside. Right now it takes three pods every other day to catch a light buzz and avoid withdrawals. Right now I'm having an internal debate on what to do with those last pods; use them to quickly do a taper over the next couple of weeks, or make myself a big cup of tea tonight and try to catch a nod.
I've been drinking poppy tea for two years now. Over the last four months, my longest break has probably been four days. I feel pathetic. I've been ducking my friends and not progressing toward my goals because I relied too heavily on poppy tea. Right now I feel listless; there's things I should be doing right now but I'm trying to push them out of my mind so I don't have to think about them. It's a few hours before I would normally drink my tea and I can feel the predictable symptoms start. I don't think my withdrawals will be too bad physically, but the mental effects are what I really don't want to face. The emptiness, lack of motivation, feeling like I'm going to burst into tears. I need to get my act together fast. Hopefully one day I'll be able to look back on this and laugh!
Haha CHILL bro seriously we ALL get like that its completely normal, ESPECIALLY with pods.
Anytime you face an involuntary force that is forcing you to quit (money) you will naturally get worried, your brain is scared, and it will drive itself crazy to manipulate you into getting any kind of opiate you can.
If you have 8 pods left I HATE to say this, that was really not a smart decision.
If you have never WD before, WD now will pay off NOT just for the reason of getting off pods, but for the reason of ALWAYS having a "plan".
A lot of vet poppy users have a "plan". If I ever knew I was running down on funds, my last $80 would be reserved for a taper.
If you spent your last $80, there isn't a lot you can do. Especially if you are broke. I would seriously fake a case of the flu for the next week, theres nothing I can think of other then that then getting some money together anyway you know how. Sell something if you must on ebay. But you can't wait till your down to 8 pods to start getting worried, thats your real problem and thats the ONLY real reason you feel like shit right now.
Your friends aren't out there doing a whole hell lot of different things with their life. Prob just working like everyone else and with economic times like this the last thing you need to do is get down on yourself.
I have ALWAYS kept an emergency supply of tramadol for emergency wd situations. The one time I had to use them, they didn't even do much, so I wound up getting some cash together and getting 50 more pods, then my long term money situation got better so naturally I just kept using.
But I recently just got a bottle of subs that I am saving if I ever find myself in your situation. WD is bad yes, but wd is not half as bad when you voluntarily choose it. When it happens w/out your choice, you will tend to freak out and lose your mind, its something weird I've noticed about poppies.
If I go into wds under my own doing, the wds are never as bad then if it happened accidentally. You NEED a plan. Any poppy user who is hooked right now NEEDS A PLAN to avoid a situation like that. And there is SO MANY ways to avoid it. For $30 pick up a few ozs of Kratom. Kratom does an excellent job mediating wds you could have spent your last $30 on natures suboxone (kratom lol).
The emotions your feeling ONLY really get unbearable if you have to go through your normal everyday life with them. I'd either find a way to get some money together, or start calling out of school and work now sick with the flu. Thats just what I would do. But whatever you do, DO NOT be hard on yourself like you are now. You are claiming too much responsibility for what very well could be a disease (lots of people argue addiction is a disease) and there is NO valid reason to get down on yourself about it.
Nobody wants to wd, its not fun, but one thing you will see is once you get through it.. its really not that tough at all. Getting off opiate compared to getting off speed I consider easy breezing, yeh speeds not even physically addictive but when you talk about mind games and depression, opium wds are a walk in the park in comparion, even a bad habit imo.
Do what ever you can to fix yourself first, then develop a plan, and USE IT when the time comes. Because as poppy addicts soon learn, the time always usually does come at some point.
...I go from 10-15 grounds into powder in no time. You have have to open it up and stir the half-ground up pods though to get a uniform powder..this can be avoided by holding the lid closed tight, picking up the vessel and really shaking it around. You lose nothing when you blend, well dependent on how good the seals are on it.
