well everything was a success including United
I can barely write im nodding that hard
2hours ago i put 2 15mg OC's and crushed them into fine powder on a spoon. i stirred and let it sit as i watche4d the game. this was 22 hours since my last 1mg IV sub dose
After micron filtering including a rewash i had 30mg of OC in 2ml of water using a 3ml barrel. i thought for a little while as soon as i pushed that plunger down that it all got blocked, but soon i felt the subtle onset of OC. I don't think it hit me fully and i don't think its a tolerance issue with subs, just that there was defiantly buprenorphine blocking, but i still felt it come on fully after a minute. it would be the equivalent of taking 10mg of oxycodone orally with low tolerance....thats my analysis anyway
Anyway i'll be jumping back on the subs sometime within 24 hours, but i wanted to have a full blown strong opiate experience so 45mins after the 30mg IV'd OC i cleaned up 2 light orange 40mg OC's and 2 grey 15mg OC's, crushed it up, filtered and re filtered, ran it through a micron into a fresh 5ml barrel. I used 4 OC pills so 1ml per pill gave me 110mg of oxycodone in 4ml. i used a 27G and i slowly pushed it all in, i was feeling it coming on strong as i pushed the last ml into my bloodstream.
i know they've a kickass HL but i only took 4mg of clonazepam, and that was in the morning/afternoon.... its now well past midnight here and normally 110mg of IV'd OC would get me nodding so i'm more than happy about the result (1-2Hernadez

) I've had nod lite with suboxone.... but i'm pretty sure that it synergises very well with clonazepam, which i'm currently on. what an awesome feeling and haven't felt it for a long time,,, since i last used H around 3 months ago. It's awesome because i have no hesitation of going straight back to the subs..... my parents went to europe and i gave them just under 90 20mg OC's which i've just let sit, and i have my own growing stockpile sitting in my safe that doesn't bother me at all. it's funny because i have 20 40's that were prescribed to me by a specialist about 2 weeks ago and i still get my monthly script, which has been reduced from 90 30mg to the 15mg grey ones. so i've got 88 15mg oc tablets and another script which i haven't even filled yet.... i have some paranoia about not filling it.... so i think i should fill it and stay on the subs.
because my doctors don't know about my DOC being H i almost feel guilty about being prescribed them and not taking them... it just that i have lost all control with my monthly oxy script always running out a week early because of IV use and using recreational doses. I love Suboxone because it gives me structure and it gives me respect for full agonists.... there's no way i could do this a year ago... well my injury hadn't happened but i was in active addiction with H and as much as i tried i couldn't respect it... ... probably near impossible to have respect for H... i'm talking self respect, financial position, times used in a month or year and what i mean by self respect is that no matter how good your hygiene is, if you're an
H IV user then it is possible to catch hep C HIV etc no matter what you do... because you're putting something directly into your bloodstream thats been handled by dome dealer who has been handling swabs with infected blood and cutting your soon to be shot gear with their bare hands. I've probably had 50 blood tests, only shred a needle once with my cousin about 6-7 years ago.
I had always thought i had something even though i'm an avid HM enthusiast.... well have developed into one thanks hugely to BL and it's awesome community. blood test after test would come back negative and healthy, and as much as that was a relief, it wasn't enough from me to stop scoring H. In this year i have injured my knee, well actually re injured it. I started using the pain medication as an opiate replacement as well as for analgesia, but like i said, script after script and WD after WD..... these WD'd off OC were way worse than i got from smack simply because i don't have to money to use H for 3 weeks in a row, or even if i did i wouldn't spend those crazy amounts we have here in australia. my 78 years of smack use was basically 2 days on and 5 days off and a WD every time, sometimes i would use for up to a week but vary rarely. I only recently got into the whole pharmaceutical opiates to minimalise H WD. I'd just buy OTC codeine and CWE it, or DHC syrup otc. or i'd used to get a script of tramadol, which was probably the most effective of relieving me of being completely dopesick.
Once i was getting prescribed OC i realised that i wouldn't have to never worry about using H again. thats what my whole deal is with this post.... and sorry if i got a bit carried away, but i feel like atm subs are very effective for me, for analgesia for opiate replacement, for it's blocking effect and i find it has very little temptation for me to stray from a static dosing regime. And i also believe it's teaching me to respect other drugs, not just for strong opiates, but for my current benzo regime as well. and most importantly and fundamentally it..... my own self medication and how i treat myself with suboxone ensures that i will always have OC available if i'm at my worst and just for some reason need to get on then I'd be doing what i did tonight and IV a large dose of OC, honestly i'd prefer OC if i were to relapse, but even with a few good connects H is always going to be easier to get than OC or MS.
The bottom line is tonight was my choice to have one taste of OC, I felt i deserved it because it's over 3 months now since my last use of H and ever since i put a needle in my arm 7 years ago. there might be a time where i think fuck this i'm getting on, or i might be emotionally raped by someone. reflecting on my past H use... 95% of it was spontaneous, rarely premeditated. if something does happen while i'm on subs i'll probably feel a lot different by the time i am able to use a strong agonist, in which case i'd stay on the subs. These last 3 months have been great and i don't think i've even had a thought about using H. Plenty of thoughts about the OC sitting at home with me... but\ even then, this is the second time i've used a full agonist in 3 months and i don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it because i know that my next dose of an opiate will be suboxone.... i also have a bottle of 50mg naltrexone.... i have all these options that revolve around me having respect for myself and certain substances of addiction, and a structure or platform to base my recovery on. i think its very solid ATM and will try and be more active in this thread, rather than post huge updates once a month
PS i was nodding so hard at the start but now i'm fine... it did take me an hour to write this though lol couple of slaps to the face every now and then were required