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Self-harm support thread v. 3
- Thread starter paranoid android
- Start date
littlegirlblue
Bluelighter
And Now I Call BS....
Bad friends don't post hot pictures for their similarly mentally maladjusted co-posterettes to drool over. Ix, I think you underestimate the friendship you offer through BL. I say bring the look back for good
Count me as satisfied.
That said, since it's obvious we've got ourselves some similarly compounded sleep/self harm issues, when you brand do you have an adrenal response that adds to the sleeplessness? Or in your sleep deprived state are you simply attempting to make your brain function differently by branding?
Just curious, is your medical care still through the armed forces? Because honestly, half my family has served or is serving. My uncle is an E8 ex-Ranger who specializes in Striker combat. (Aside: His description of your former lady, The Saw, is... beyond horrifically powerful. Props for being the man shelling it out for your brothers.) The issues he and his wife have concerning their mental health have been handled... in comparison to my own experience... very unprofessionally. In fact, every member of my family whose health benefits are derived via the military have had extremely confounding and frustrating experiences, some causing permanent damage. Perhaps a private practitioner would be of more help to you?
Bad friends don't post hot pictures for their similarly mentally maladjusted co-posterettes to drool over. Ix, I think you underestimate the friendship you offer through BL. I say bring the look back for good
Count me as satisfied. That said, since it's obvious we've got ourselves some similarly compounded sleep/self harm issues, when you brand do you have an adrenal response that adds to the sleeplessness? Or in your sleep deprived state are you simply attempting to make your brain function differently by branding?
Just curious, is your medical care still through the armed forces? Because honestly, half my family has served or is serving. My uncle is an E8 ex-Ranger who specializes in Striker combat. (Aside: His description of your former lady, The Saw, is... beyond horrifically powerful. Props for being the man shelling it out for your brothers.) The issues he and his wife have concerning their mental health have been handled... in comparison to my own experience... very unprofessionally. In fact, every member of my family whose health benefits are derived via the military have had extremely confounding and frustrating experiences, some causing permanent damage. Perhaps a private practitioner would be of more help to you?
Ixchellian
Bluelighter
Bad friends don't post hot pictures for their similarly mentally maladjusted co-posterettes to drool over. Ix, I think you underestimate the friendship you offer through BL. I say bring the look back for good
I aims to pleez. Fire-for-effect?
I wouldn't call it an adrenal effect per se; I hadn't thought of it the latter fashion, and you've straddled it with that. For the most part, it's mainly misdirection, not because I'm numb or the like.
If I'm in emotional distress, it distracts me to the point of of forgetting why I was bored/hurt. Then when that goes away, most often prior pain has gone away and I can't remember what triggered it. Like stubbing a toe real hard, then punching a wall to forget the toe. 8)
The only thing it doesn't work for are a couple emotional landmines I know to avoid, I get really bored (constantly), and my back-pain. Those stick around no matter what, so I don't even bother.
But regardless I'm getting good again, so it looks cool. I'm too broke for ink (unless it's the prison kind 8) )
yeh, the VA...... prime example of USgovernment-run healthcare at work.
As applied to me now though, I don't care anymore 'cause I'm past the whole misdiagnose/treat/misdiagnose/treat phase. Now I'm on the medicate/medicate/medicate phase.
My patience with the VA has long ago worn thin, and I don't think I could spend any much longer in there than it takes to pick up my scripts.
I had in fact a lady and a mistress. Ma Deuce (.50BMG) and Ms. Fabrique Nationale Minimi (.223 SAW); the former a big and imposing lady that's never done me wrong, and woe be to those on it's bad-side, as it's bite is every bit as bad as the bark suggests..... and Ms. Mini-Mi who is considerably more svelte, argues only when abused, and makes up for it's lightness & less intimidating voice with speed to cut any man down to size.
I'm good at female personification when it comes to firearms & four-by-fours.
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drugssexandmusic
Bluelighter
I don't cut my arms any-more because of the scars so I use my legs. Wish my life didn't hurt so much so I wouldn't have to do it to cope/feel in control/block out memories.
unknownxpleasures
Bluelighter
I used to cut when I was younger (around 12-16 years old) and I stopped for a while but as soon as my anxiety returned this year, I started developing a nasty habit of snapping myself with rubberbands that I keep around my wrists.
It's weird because I haven't even thought about it in years but recently the thought has become more and more enticing. I've been welcoming a lot more pain into my life. I was on meds for a few months and I felt very numb and had forgotten about all the anger I had. I feel more alive than I have in a while in some ways but also a lot more dead because of this cycle I'm trying to break out of unsuccessfully. Life is pain.
It's weird because I haven't even thought about it in years but recently the thought has become more and more enticing. I've been welcoming a lot more pain into my life. I was on meds for a few months and I felt very numb and had forgotten about all the anger I had. I feel more alive than I have in a while in some ways but also a lot more dead because of this cycle I'm trying to break out of unsuccessfully. Life is pain.
^^ Life does have a lot of pain but there's a lot of good stuff too. It's good that you're not using invasive self-harm methods, does your rubberband-snapping habit worry you? Do you feel like you might "progress" to cutting again soon? Have you seen a counsellor ever/recently?
Hey hun, welcome to the thread
How long have you been cutting? How often do you do it now?
Hey hun, welcome to the thread
How long have you been cutting? How often do you do it now?
fivelinefury
Bluelighter
I have only ever cut once, have burned a fair few times unfortuneatly. The feelings just come from nowhere and get to overpowering for me whenever I have done so. I last put 4 big cigarette burns down my wrist about a month ago (which is covered in a few scars). I also have 2 huge scars higher up my left arm from a few months ago, where they took my blood pressure in hospital. It does worry me about doing it again. because its not something I do often at all, but when I have it can be quite bad
Ixchellian
Bluelighter
cigarette burns are nasty things. they get infected easily and keloid-up really bad..... as you're aware of.
if you're gonna burn, use something else and do it right. u_u
if you're gonna burn, use something else and do it right. u_u
This.
flf, pleeease be careful with cigarette burns. Have you tried using non-invasive methods of getting the endorphin rush? Things like snapping a rubber band on your wrist (as unknownpleasuresx described above) or crushing an ice cube in your hand until you can't take the cold-pain any longer. They work in the same way to get the endorphin release that you're desiring when you're stressed or angry or upset.
Ixchellian
Bluelighter
Or ride a mountainbike really fast down a big hill on some flow-y singletrack.
That's what I used to do..... until war & thieves robbed me of it.
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fivelinefury
Bluelighter
Nah haven't tried anything else m8, but have only burned 4 or 5 times ever and cut once. This pretty much happened when I've only needed to change mood stablisers or have had an epidode brought on by myself with something I took. It was just the last couple of times being alot more recent which worried me a bit tho.
billyswifey
Bluelighter
Tempted right now, oh so tempted....but I'm going to be strong.
Ixchellian
Bluelighter
the last few days have been really rough on me, and it looks like it's gonna continue for a spell. i've got people here to 'talk' to, but it's not the same as doing an about-face and there's a friend so I can go all "lets hug it th'fuck out, an' roll around in the dirt!".
*or*
I could go with someone on an exploration of "how many left turns does it get to Ybor City; or ninja our way into a show at the Amphitheater (now something else that sucks. those bastards!, and see how much drugs are there, and how much free drugs can we do before leaving. or kicked out.
*or*
having a ready-made safety-girl/heatrock/pacifier/sex-kitten right next to me, when I either can't go to sleep, or wake up and want to sleep more.
but it's not the actions-of that are important. it's just the contact & closeness with another living human being. that's something which a friend who's ego is digitalized, packetized, routerized, and reassemblized somewhere else, can't for someone in need of just that. there's no such thing as a binary hug.
That's just the long way of saying; I'm fuckin' stuck here, being awake for days unending, and completely without a social life or human contact.
And nobody needs to chime in with pithy comments about just going out and making friends.
#1 - I don't go out if I'm alone. I hate flying solo, it pisses me off, and I especially do not like being around/in large groups of people alone.
#2 - I don't make friends. People make friends with me. I don't actually talk or say much to regular acquaintences or family, and I will not just walk into someplace and walk out with a new friend. unless it's for one night, is hot, doesn't have a complete set or tucked/nipped cock n' balls, and she approached me first.
#3 - People don't approach me. Why? There's two reasons, one I know, and one so commonly mentioned it's the odds are that it's true. one is that I don't let anyone approach me in public unless i want to be. the other is that i intimidate people around me, even if i want to socialize and am on my best behavior.
so t's a total anomaly if someone does. And it turns out every one of my 'real' friends really were anomalies anyways.
i can see it coming.... and i don't want the numbness that eventually comes with an isolated & aimless life. and for fucksake, the meds I have to take makes my skin, or a whole limb/attachment, numb already.
pain lets me know it still works right.
Post Script - for the few people I actually talk to on this board, my rant in no way is belittling the electronic supertasitic ninjablastic benefits of our existing connections.
After all, there *are* good reasons why.
*or*
I could go with someone on an exploration of "how many left turns does it get to Ybor City; or ninja our way into a show at the Amphitheater (now something else that sucks. those bastards!, and see how much drugs are there, and how much free drugs can we do before leaving. or kicked out.
*or*
having a ready-made safety-girl/heatrock/pacifier/sex-kitten right next to me, when I either can't go to sleep, or wake up and want to sleep more.
but it's not the actions-of that are important. it's just the contact & closeness with another living human being. that's something which a friend who's ego is digitalized, packetized, routerized, and reassemblized somewhere else, can't for someone in need of just that. there's no such thing as a binary hug.
That's just the long way of saying; I'm fuckin' stuck here, being awake for days unending, and completely without a social life or human contact.
And nobody needs to chime in with pithy comments about just going out and making friends.
#1 - I don't go out if I'm alone. I hate flying solo, it pisses me off, and I especially do not like being around/in large groups of people alone.
#2 - I don't make friends. People make friends with me. I don't actually talk or say much to regular acquaintences or family, and I will not just walk into someplace and walk out with a new friend. unless it's for one night, is hot, doesn't have a complete set or tucked/nipped cock n' balls, and she approached me first.
#3 - People don't approach me. Why? There's two reasons, one I know, and one so commonly mentioned it's the odds are that it's true. one is that I don't let anyone approach me in public unless i want to be. the other is that i intimidate people around me, even if i want to socialize and am on my best behavior.
so t's a total anomaly if someone does. And it turns out every one of my 'real' friends really were anomalies anyways.
i can see it coming.... and i don't want the numbness that eventually comes with an isolated & aimless life. and for fucksake, the meds I have to take makes my skin, or a whole limb/attachment, numb already.
pain lets me know it still works right.
Post Script - for the few people I actually talk to on this board, my rant in no way is belittling the electronic supertasitic ninjablastic benefits of our existing connections.
After all, there *are* good reasons why.
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fivelinefury
Bluelighter
Yup, i've been very tempted for about the past 10 mins
fivelinefury
Bluelighter
Fuck, that is a clone of me. ^ The above pretty much sums up why I sometimes hate myself, but now just accept that I will be like this forever, so that way I have no goals too big to fail.
i dont know why but lately ive just been feeling like starting to cut again. Ive just been having these realy strong urges to take a knife to my arm and hope i hit a vein this time. I cant figure out whats stopping me at this moment my lifes gone to fuckn shit the past 3 or 4 months. I think honestly the only thing i care about in life right is having aplace to crash at and finding another shot.
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^^ Hi hun, welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment. How long have you been using? And how long has it been since you've cut?
I know when you're down and things aren't going right, it's easy to feel like life will be like this forever. But things will get better hun. Cutting is going to make you feel worse in the long run though, if you can use that energy to perhaps see a doctor or talk to a close friend about how you're feeling, you'll be better off in the long run
I know when you're down and things aren't going right, it's easy to feel like life will be like this forever. But things will get better hun. Cutting is going to make you feel worse in the long run though, if you can use that energy to perhaps see a doctor or talk to a close friend about how you're feeling, you'll be better off in the long run
billyswifey
Bluelighter
Yay, didn't cut, haven't felt like it & I've been feeling great!
desaparecidos
Bluelighter
am i the only one that wishes nobody was affected/effected (too drunk to figure out which fits) by my actions
if it werent for a few people i would have killed myself months ago. sometimes i hope they drift from my life so im gone without a trace, without a skipped breath.
if it werent for a few people i would have killed myself months ago. sometimes i hope they drift from my life so im gone without a trace, without a skipped breath.
Yeah I must say I've felt like that a few times. But the fact of the matter is that you have people who love you and care about you, and that is a good thing. Life might be tough right now, I'm not sure what's going on for you at the moment, but you need the people in your life for support in times like this. Talk to someone, reach out
billyswifey that is so great to hear hun!! I'm really proud of you