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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Self-harm support thread v. 3

paranoid android

paranoid android

Moderator: TDS
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I archieved the old thread archived due to size. Here's a link to the original cutting thread and the second thread.

Also please do not post anything which might be triggering to others. This includes pics of self-mutilation, accidental wounds, drugs, nudes, needles, razors, art which contains triggering images, or posting in an idealization tense. Thank you for your cooperation.
 
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I just realized i havent self harmed since about the beggining of july or last june. Maybe even earlier. This is kinda a record for me.

The lighter burns are still quite visable on my arm but i don't really care about that.
 
I feel like a fucking basket case of all my emotions. I don't know what to feel.
My school grades are dropping, and my alcoholism is making common things such as hygiene becoming more and more complicating.
I want to cut, but I'm already numb due to my drinking. I have somewhat of a girlfriend, and she's making perfect grades. Pretty much everyone around me is making good grades. I'm not jealous, I'm just worried that I'm letting them down.
I hope I can reach a point in my life when every time I look at any sharp object I wont think of cutting. :\
 
^^ D's, from my experience it does gradually get easier to live without cutting. It's been nearly 11 months for me, since I last cut (yay me!), and I can get through even the most stressful/depressing moods without even contemplating cutting. I have burned myself once (really badly :() since then, but I haven't cut, which is the main thing for me.

Having said that though, the other day I felt a STRONG urge to cut, it just hit me outta nowhere! But I got through it, I just distracted myself and consciously made the effort to push the thoughts out of my head.

It does get easier to manage.

And no, you're not a basketcase, you're human. We all have our weaknesses, and our good and bad times. But that's life dude, you're not any less of a person for going through tough times.

You'd be surprised how much of the pressure you're feeling to get good grades is just a manifestation of your own mind, not actually what your family and friends are expecting of you. I do it to myself too, all the time. Try not to be so hard on yourself okay? If you cut yourself, you'll be letting yourself down the most. You don't need to cut yourself, you can manage just fine without it.

PM me if you need to man <3


PA, congrats on going this long without self-harm! You can cope without doing it man :)
*hugs* <3
 
I haven't self harmed since May (it was really bad, I burned 'cunt' into my upper left arm, right where they take blood pressure). The scar is clear and some short sleeve shirts just barely don't cover it, but all you can see is the 'T'. I have had a lot of urges lately because a lot of shit is going on in my life (parents divorced, couple month relapse on opiates that I'm detoxing from now), but so far so good.

Good job everyone else with staying self-harm free lately.
 
lasthurrah19 - Congrats on your progress :) Sounds like that scar may have been a blessing in disguise. Permanence can be scary when you're not caught up in the moment, eh? I'm glad that it healed as well as it did, though. I hope you continue on your progress!

D's - Man, I really think you'd benefit by going to see a psychiatrist. Both to address your self-harm and self-medication. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed about it either. Not to downplay your conditions, but such doctors see patients just like you on a daily basis. They won't look down on you; they know what to expect, and almost all of them went into the profession to help people. No judgment is passed, and if anything they feel empathy for you.

To add, I really think you would be a good candidate for trading negative addictions for more positive ones. Seems to me like you've got somewhat of an addictive personality. If you get yourself sober, I think you could really absorb yourself in your physical fitness. This would help raise your self-confidence and allow you to feel better physically. Also, look into something like kickboxing or a form of martial art. In a lot of those sports, you really get thrown around, banged and bruised up, etc. Not saying that it's at all alike, but as someone making a transition out of self-harm, these are good ways to rid yourself of frustration and feel some "good pain," all the while doing something constructive.
 
D's You can totally get to that place, it's the staying there that is hard. In the back of your mind there will always be that feeling that you could just pick up a blade and cut but its the willpower you have that makes you stop you have to hold on to. Id have to agree that getting in to some sort of activity would benefit you. It may help you to understand why you SI (Self-Injure) and teach you some control.
I'm not a 100% sure of Phychiatrists, mine tended to make me worse. But you may be different to me. BE STRONG and remember that you can talk to me if you need to. Im new and a bit of a dick but im hear to listen. It might hekp that im outsider and i won't say " how did that make you feel" PROMISE!!!!
Goldie xxxxxxxxxx
 
I dont self mutilate but have known many who did/do. I just wanted to pop in and say (since Ive never seen this thread) that I think its really cool there is a specifc stickied thread for this. TDS aint just about drug use and its cool to see that no matter your problem you can come here and identify with others who have/are going through the same shit :).
 
I just think it's odd that so many drug users and specifically people who use alcohol it seems cut or otherwise self harm. Maybe it's a way of getting those endorphins or whatever going. Granted it's a rather horrible way of going about it.

Thanks n3o <3 . There have been lots of times since then when ive wanted to cut or whatever but i havent. I havent done it since ive been off the booze so thats 2 harmful things out of my life right now.
 
Since I started therapy again, I am doing better. No cutting for a while. I really think I am just tired of trying to feel what is lost. Maybe the pain was lost for a reason, maybe numb isn't so bad. It is safer then the pain. So why try and feel it. Maybe it is a blessing to be numb, I dunno, just maybe.
 
stellablue - Ya, as long as "numb" is being used to describe an emotional state-of-mind and not something drug-induced, I think it's only a natural feeling our mind produces to kind of protect us. And it is good in many ways, to be able to be numb to negative feelings. Especially ones which you've pained from on over and over, and aren't really fixable at all. I'm definitely working with this right now - trying to make it second nature to almost achieve a "numb" feeling when I know that I am about to start thinking about the same thing *again* and it's just going to cause me pain. And good job on not cutting - excellent progress :)

GoldiexGladstone - Hey and welcome to BL :) Great to have another person around who wants to help.

TMD - Good to see ya in our neck of the woods man ;)
 
SI is tricky to move past. I self harmed for about 4 years, and haven't now for over a year-maybe more. It does get easier and eventually it won't even be an issue. I just took it a day at a time, like anything else. I decided to take out my anger or emotional overload on something else. I started weight training and biking. Sounds too easy, perhaps-but it wasn't. It took a long ass time.
 
Thanks all, I had to put relationships on hold because I really don't think that they are helping me in anyway. The sex is good, but I don't want to feel like a piece of ass for my lovers.
Exercise is fucking fantastic! These past days I havn't had as much as exercise I wanted to but this morning was awesome! I never felt so good after having a run! That is defently my anti-cut.
 
woamotive, thanks for sharing your story, it's always inspiring to hear success stories like yours :) <3

D's that is so great you've found an outlet in exercise!! Natural endorphins FTW!! <3
 
ive been thinking of it lately... hard not to fall back into old habits esp when youre in a dark place

the only thing stopping me is the scars. my forearms are all messed up and im sick of making up excuses whenever i wear short sleeves. the cigarette burns are blatant, even after a few years
 
SI definitely puts a strain on life, living, and relationships. I don't feel like I have to hide myself anymore. If you need outside support reach out for it. Have strength, keep fighting, and I swear you can stop if you 'really' want to. But completely.
 
versd said:
ive been thinking of it lately... hard not to fall back into old habits esp when youre in a dark place

the only thing stopping me is the scars. my forearms are all messed up and im sick of making up excuses whenever i wear short sleeves. the cigarette burns are blatant, even after a few years
Click to expand...

Yep me too man, on all counts.
The hardest thing for me to overcome is when I've had an argument with my partner when we're really fucking drunk (doesn't happen much these days though). Being really drunk and upset, and having no concern for the aftermath is a really dangerous mix for a girl with a knife in her hand...

But, I just make sure I don't even think of it as an option. That's it, plain and simple, it is NOT AN OPTION. No questions asked.

I'm pretty good at tricking my brain like that :)
It take practise, but it can be done.
 
suddenly really depressed out of nowhere =\


Missing an abusive relationship sucks. The good parts were still really good, and trying to start over elsewhere just makes me miss the old good times more and want to forget about the bad again. It's scary not knowing if you'll ever find someone you can connect with so completely again, not knowing if that was really as good as it was ever going to get... when it wasn't horrible and crushing.. it was the best I've ever known. Maybe everyone else is just lying and full of shit, and they're all fuckin nuts, they're all going to end up getting violent with you, constantly take back every good thing they ever said to you, tell you they never really loved you, threaten to go out and fuck other people during arguments, and from time to time will be overcome by shallowness and will break up for a while to fuck their boss or someone with a better car .
What if that's the kind of shit you have to put up with if you wanna be really happy- most of the time.. which is a lot better than never.



honestly can't remember the last time I've sat down and cut.. I've been really far away from it.. There's only been a hand full of really tense times in the last year, like in court, where I like put my arms across my chest, grabbed the back of my opposite upper arm and dug my nails in or scratched till I bled. Still felt drawn back here for some reason.. no one else I know to vent TO..
can always count on the ol' boards to help me talk to myself without feeling completely nuts though
 
^ I am sorry to hear that you had the misfortune of being in an abusive relationship :( And I know it's so hard to listen to people who say that "you'll find real love, you just gotta wait for it" and all that cheesy BS. Anyway, just try and remember that abusing another and abusing yourself share one commonality - a person is being hurt. And people shouldn't ever be hurt.

You've got A LOT of stuff going through your mind right now. And it's probably really overwhelming. But you GOT OUT of the abusive relationship, at least partially, because you didn't like being abused, right? That's a really strong decision and change there! Now just try and use the same judgment on yourself concerning cutting. You proven that you're strong enough to walk away from another's abuse. Walk away from your own.

We're all here if you need us <3
 
it wasn't easy to walk away.. but 400 miles is a hell of a walk back. probably for the best.

im gonna bring a 7 day no-drinking stretch to a close now and try to sleep for a bit before getting down to the growing mountain of homework


thanks^
 
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