Hopeless Please help me get clean off heroin

[bunny22]

Any chance of getting some Seroquel rather than benzos for sleeping? Xanax is a bitch addiction wise...then maybe later if you ve always ha trouble sleeping and are looking for some healthier long term alternative kava kava it s worth a shot.
anyway congrats and please keep us posted!

@skipjames unfortunately not, but I read online that seroquel lasts pretty long and I am at my girlfriend's parents house + I want to learn stuff to improve my career and read some philosophy books(old hobby I lost) so I need to be functional and sharp during the day.

I do have escitalopram and trazodone(not prescribed by doctor. I just have them). I haven't touch them at all.

Would work to instead of xanax take maybe trazodone? Or it could cause me more damage?

good man, sorry for misunderstanding what I wrote, but did it at least make you think and realize you were not serious about quitting?

About the bad dreams (they are nightmares)... you're not alone, I get them every night, I don't always remember them but they are there constantly. :/

Anyway what is PAWS?

@wirkdy hi, i havent seen your mesage then cuz i was a junky but I am really sorry to tell you this but if I saw it then it would have made me worse, mentally speaking

I had an extremely low self esteem during my whole dependency. My mother had very bad back issues and can barely walk, has "crisis" when it s bad weather and she literally works the field with all that pain and no pills. She is 47 y.o 40kg and 150cm and has all this pain and works everyday.

While me I could barely go 10 hours in pain. I actually became pretty suicidal but what stopped me was the fact that I NEED to support my family as they were literally saints and went only through bad times.

Sorry but you didn't help, he was very serious about quitting and did so because he wants to be clean. He really wanted off and doesn't want to mess up his life. He reached out to BL, before things got reall bad. He is highly motivated by himself to quit. He didn't want maintenance drugs or any opiates

He is really smart, highly motivated, hard working, multi lingual, has a girlfriend, a good job and is young. He wanted to be clean and not let this ruin his life.

@Jnowhere you put it amazingly well.
Also thank you for the kind words. You are an amazing human being and I am so glad that I met you. Your advices and support helped me in unspeakable ways.

 

[Jnowhere]

There are a lot of people here; who are truly hoping you will stay clean and not relapse. We want you to beat this and have a great life.
Only remember the bad times and the pain and wasted money if you get cravings. Try not to think about it but like I said if you do; remember the pain and wasted money. Also the time you wasted and stay clean of heroin or any hard drugs.

 

[martincertain]

yeah don't be hard on yourself.

Relapse is good. It makes you realise how much you hate it and then you go longer without it.

Be kind to yourself brother.

This was so true for me. Relapsed after 100 days clean and lasted about 5 days and stopped, a couple months on and the thought of using give me a headache. Phuq that.

 

[martincertain]

I read online that seroquel lasts pretty long

Might be a bit late for this but seroquel usually makes me wds way worse. I did once use it semi-succesfully to get through precipitated wds after taking bupe too soon after methadone (pure unadulterated hell) but I had to take a very dangerous amount of it and could barely move for days afterwards. Otherwise in regular wds it just makes my RLS wayyy worse and still have insomnia.

How are you doing with this now? Up for helping if you have any questions or anything.

 

[t_xeplionhell]

.I can deal with mental symptoms. I can't coup with the bone crushing pain, lack of sleep and tournament.

I have a 25ug/hr fent matrix patch and a couple of 12/ug hr packs.

Lately I tried to taper down but I just made everything worse.

I have 3x 2mg xanax left

25gr kratom

And .25g Street heroin


Monday I have to go to work but I might be able to take a day off.

This is my chance guys. Please help me get clean.

I can't take it anymore. I have so many people I love counting on me. I can't continue to drag ma girlfriend hours away on train "journeys " just to score 20 euro of hwroin from a homeless guy I know.


I am a smoker


Please please please help.
I live in netherlands and I pay taxes

Just don't do heroin. How are you benefiting long term and in the present moment when you aren't on heroin? You aren't.

 

[soulwentmia]

There is NOTHING GOOD regarding Kratom. It’s garbage and laced with garbage. Stay the f away from to period. It does not help nor cure nor alleviate any withdrawals! Whoever started this rumor should be…..
Please stop talking about this trash as it does nothing but further harm!

oh but it works perfectly because it full of opioids, be it kratom alkaloids or stepped on with RCs that's the actual issue actually.

also, i was addicted to codeine at about 150 mg daily for less than a year with what i now see as negligeable wd's. after a break up i went hard on the kratom, ingesting about 300g at least weekly from a reputable swedish shop. but they changed their quality from outstanding the previous year to almost inactive or so i thought. it took me about 3 months of binging like that to reach the point where i am today with codeine after half a year on 600 and a year on 300mg. that's how i got back on the codeine actually. didn't have the willpower to taper kratom and binged until it was done while not even enjoying it.

and even so with how things are today i'd still rate the kratom problems way worse. i can at least stay still if i focus on it. can't wait for ts to end

 

[soulwentmia]

@skipjames unfortunately not, but I read online that seroquel lasts pretty long and I am at my girlfriend's parents house + I want to learn stuff to improve my career and read some philosophy books(old hobby I lost) so I need to be functional and sharp during the day.

I do have escitalopram and trazodone(not prescribed by doctor. I just have them). I haven't touch them at all.

Would work to instead of xanax take maybe trazodone? Or it could cause me more damage?

@wirkdy hi, i havent seen your mesage then cuz i was a junky but I am really sorry to tell you this but if I saw it then it would have made me worse, mentally speaking

I had an extremely low self esteem during my whole dependency. My mother had very bad back issues and can barely walk, has "crisis" when it s bad weather and she literally works the field with all that pain and no pills. She is 47 y.o 40kg and 150cm and has all this pain and works everyday.

While me I could barely go 10 hours in pain. I actually became pretty suicidal but what stopped me was the fact that I NEED to support my family as they were literally saints and went only through bad times.

@Jnowhere you put it amazingly well.
Also thank you for the kind words. You are an amazing human being and I am so glad that I met you. Your advices and support helped me in unspeakable ways.

a fellow romanian on bluelight? hope you are okay today

 

[bunny22]

Just don't do heroin. How are you benefiting long term and in the present moment when you aren't on heroin? You aren't.

I am not lol.

I am an addict. I make objectively bad decisions. It is a disease

 

[bunny22]

a fellow romanian on bluelight? hope you are okay today

Not really. I binged crack last 2 weeks and ran out of money. At least I am heroin clean but still have withdrawals.

am afraid to not be benzo dependent now since I took huge amounts of benzos as I was smoking 3+ grams of crack per day.

Right now I am at work. I smoked the last 0.2g rock I had pretty fast and wasteful cuz me and my gf had a plan to stop yesterday but she smoked today as well and she says if can't help herself if it s around the house so I said fuck it, it s already paid, smoke that bitch ASAP and start work.

Also took 2.5mg lorazepam, 1mg xanax and 20mg diazepam

Fortunately I work from home today

 

[bunny22]

Edit, my gf both 2g of coke so I guess we smoke today as well

 

[soulwentmia]

Not really. I binged crack last 2 weeks and ran out of money. At least I am heroin clean but still have withdrawals.

am afraid to not be benzo dependent now since I took huge amounts of benzos as I was smoking 3+ grams of crack per day.

Right now I am at work. I smoked the last 0.2g rock I had pretty fast and wasteful cuz me and my gf had a plan to stop yesterday but she smoked today as well and she says if can't help herself if it s around the house so I said fuck it, it s already paid, smoke that bitch ASAP and start work.

Also took 2.5mg lorazepam, 1mg xanax and 20mg diazepam

Fortunately I work from home today

2 weeks of benzo use? what doses of what benzo? everyday? any off days?

we both need to change something and you know it. the way i see it being a stable just-smack addict is way better than banging coke, crack and benzos. in my book at least. what happens if the unexpected happens and you're unable to score benzos while addicted to them? life is bad enough as a smack addict but let me tell you benzos are even worse. or at the very least you will have muchh of the same problems

 

[bunny22]

2 weeks of benzo use? what doses of what benzo? everyday? any off days?

we both need to change something and you know it. the way i see it being a stable just-smack addict is way better than banging coke, crack and benzos. in my book at least. what happens if the unexpected happens and you're unable to score benzos while addicted to them? life is bad enough as a smack addict but let me tell you benzos are even worse. or at the very least you will have muchh of the same problems

I totally agree with you here man. I managed to quit once only with lyrica benzos, poppy tea and clonidine.

Quitting heroin by doing crack is definitely working and is enjoyable but extremely expensive and dangerous. I wouldn't recommend it.

Regarding the benzo use, when I first quit I was using normal dosages, no more than 2mg xanax 2mg clonazepam and another weak ass pam I got from a psychiatrist in romania.

The crack binge definitely affected my health since I haven't really slept, more like passed out from time to time. Fortunately it didn't affect my job at all as I work 4 days at home and when I go to the office I just stay couple hours to present stuff to shareholders.


Now I am acrually worrying to not change the heroin addiction to a benzo addiction as I used insane dosages. Like 8mg xanax, 5mg lorazelam, 4mg clonazelam, etc.
Not all at once but during the smoking binge.

With stimulants I found I can quit eith no issues. I don't have problems with psychological symptoms, however the physical symptoms of opioid withdrawal- I can't stand it

 

[bunny22]

Today was the first day when I thought the crack habit will interfere with my work and I was actually scared. I was on a meeting with the shareholders at the company I work for and I smoked 0.05g 30 minutes prior and took 1mg clonazepam 1 hour prior the meeting.

To my surprise it went fine

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Today was the first day when I thought the crack habit will interfere with my work and I was actually scared. I was on a meeting with the shareholders at the company I work for and I smoked 0.05g 30 minutes prior and took 1mg clonazepam 1 hour prior the meeting.

To my surprise it went fine

It will be interfering with your work and with a whole lot more pretty quickly if you keep at it, no doubt whatsoever

 

[bunny22]

It will be interfering with your work and with a whole lot more pretty quickly if you keep at it, no doubt whatsoever

It will be interfering with your work and with a whole lot more pretty quickly if you keep at it, no doubt whatsoever

Yeah for sure I agree with you. I got wo lucky, my biggest project was put on hold for the next 6 months.

tomorrow I go at the office thou

 

[bunny22]

I don't reccomend using crack to quit heroin.
It is a super expensive habit, extremely damaging. But it works and your brains feels rewarded.

we will cook and smoke all we got today.
I plan on smoking fast even if it s wasteful so I go to bed early.

Tmr I ll go to the office, fresh like I haven't spend all my salary on crack. Maybe I ll take 75ug clonidine with my energy drink and 300mg lyrica and somne diazepam just in case.

I don't plan on using benzos tmr, they are just as a plan B

 

[bunny22]

There are a lot of people here; who are truly hoping you will stay clean and not relapse. We want you to beat this and have a great life.
Only remember the bad times and the pain and wasted money if you get cravings. Try not to think about it but like I said if you do; remember the pain and wasted money. Also the time you wasted and stay clean of heroin or any hard drugs.

Love from the other side of the ocean my brother

 

[Jnowhere]

Thank you for the kind words, bro

 

[bunny22]

I took a sick day and we smokes crack all day again. At least it s not heroin but yeah...things don't go according to the plan. I guess tomorrow it s a new day

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I took a sick day and we smokes crack all day again. At least it s not heroin but yeah...things don't go according to the plan. I guess tomorrow it s a new day

I know you're observing it, but you're on that slippery slope mate...