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Hopeless Please help me get clean off heroin
- Thread starter bunny22
- Start date
My gf went to sleep. I am smoking a joint and probably go to sleep as well. We fought the urge to buy more crack. I am proud of us.
My gf is also going through a traumatic event and was using it to I guess escape reality.
I have also not paid by debts and probably won't have money for food for the entire month, but we will see.
I am disappointed in myself. Indulging in this habit is bringing only pain and suffering. Choosing between the a crack or heroin habit, I can easily say smoking heroin is way less destructive in all imahible ways
My gf is also going through a traumatic event and was using it to I guess escape reality.
I have also not paid by debts and probably won't have money for food for the entire month, but we will see.
I am disappointed in myself. Indulging in this habit is bringing only pain and suffering. Choosing between the a crack or heroin habit, I can easily say smoking heroin is way less destructive in all imahible ways
Yesterday we gave in again..I did, my girlfriend is clearly addicted to crack and I allowed it again. We bought half a gram. Afterwards she borrowed some more money and tried to convince me to buy half g again stating all reasons a junkie would(I am a junkie as well, so I know), but I stayed strong and I, for once in the last couple weeks, I believe I was a good boyfriend and I chose to spend the money she managed to borrow on food, sparkling water, soda, etc. What normal people spend their money on
due to the mental stress the crack binge put me through, I also smoked like 0.003g heroin. Which made the withdrawals today way worse.
24 hours since last use: before that it were 2 weeks or more of no use
I took so far 75ug clonidine 2 hours ago. 300mg lyrica 1.5 hours ago, 1mg clonazeoam 1.5h hours 10mg diazepam 1 hours ago, 75ug clonidine 40 minutes ago. Also took 1gr paracetamol and 800mg ibuprofen
I am feeling flue like symptoms but on steroids. Bone pain, muscles pains, fever, overall weakness. Also drank 1 energy drink. Am thinking of snorting 20mg amphetamine as I also work today, but from home
I am also feeling like I was a shitty addicted boyfriend, I justified allowing my gf to indulge in this crack habit as first, way to pass heroin withdrawals, and second to make her deal with her trauma in a less impactul way? But I think it was more about feeding my own addiction as well as only towards the last couple of days I begun to actually detest smoking crack.
I should have definitely thought better and made better decisions. A junkie should always second guess his ideas/thoughts/beliefs and try to be objective and see the situation from an overarching view rather than be subjective and impulse. This drug affects the mind in unimaginable ways
due to the mental stress the crack binge put me through, I also smoked like 0.003g heroin. Which made the withdrawals today way worse.
24 hours since last use: before that it were 2 weeks or more of no use
I took so far 75ug clonidine 2 hours ago. 300mg lyrica 1.5 hours ago, 1mg clonazeoam 1.5h hours 10mg diazepam 1 hours ago, 75ug clonidine 40 minutes ago. Also took 1gr paracetamol and 800mg ibuprofen
I am feeling flue like symptoms but on steroids. Bone pain, muscles pains, fever, overall weakness. Also drank 1 energy drink. Am thinking of snorting 20mg amphetamine as I also work today, but from home
I am also feeling like I was a shitty addicted boyfriend, I justified allowing my gf to indulge in this crack habit as first, way to pass heroin withdrawals, and second to make her deal with her trauma in a less impactul way? But I think it was more about feeding my own addiction as well as only towards the last couple of days I begun to actually detest smoking crack.
I should have definitely thought better and made better decisions. A junkie should always second guess his ideas/thoughts/beliefs and try to be objective and see the situation from an overarching view rather than be subjective and impulse. This drug affects the mind in unimaginable ways
Jeanpauldash
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2018
- Messages
- 1,873
Good luck. I wish I had never felt so low I found iv drug use acceptable.
I snorted 20mg amphetamine sulphate. I am feeling like shit and I have to get a lot of work done. God bless that I work from home
I feel you bro, I contemplated with IV but fortunately I am afraid of Needles. I also contemplated suicide many times but I have a moral duty towards taking care of my sick parent. It helps having something external to motivate you but damn...life is hard and sometimes you make the most fucked up decisions in your disadvantage. Are you are completely conscious of the result of those decisions but there is that part of your brain that bugs you and you hate yourself when you gave in and allow the urge to take over. Humans are complex creatures reacting to a fucked up environment
The 2 weeks of no heroin use should have stopped the physical withdrawals; but from what I have learned is that there will be a long lingering mental struggle.
In a bizarre way my drinking( I can't be considered an alcoholic because I begged God to help me and became allergic a day or 2 or3 later I forget, I had some benzos and opiods to help.) But I know about horrible withdrawals and the DT's, which is kind of like heroin in that the physical pain and mental games I would play. When going through the misery of withdrawal which which was almost always 5 days before I could eat and 7 before I felt totally good again as if nothing if happened and like heroin, from what I have read here usually the 3rd day was the worst. Each time after a certain point got a very tiny bit worse. Then uncontrolled itching and pucking after a beer, good beer even. Thank you God because I couldn't quit otherwise. I just wanted to die and had guns but I would never shoot myself.
That was so miserable after about a hundred times and I would somehow get some money and get some cheap malt liquor and feel fine after a bit of struggle. When I did get it down and at a certain point wouldn't care and keep drinking and be happy and content.
Even though when I ran out, same old situation and misery. I know it was just alcohol but if you look at all the drunks and former drunks that can't quit. The only thing that stopped me was God making me allergic. And trying a few times with anti histamines and no luck and just hating alcohol. I know the mental gymnastics that an addicted mind will play.
Ruining my future even though now things are different for me and all that I put myself through; yet still same old same old. Before I got allergic I would convince myself that a pint, or actually 375ml was of vodka wouldn't harm me, about( 8 shots) and the sickness would be gone and then scrap up about 2 dollars and change or many times a bunch of empty beer or soda pop bottles( there is a 10 cent deposit and 25 cans or bottles of carbonated beverages in Michigan would be enough) to get a 40oz of very strong malt liquor( about a 6 pack of regular cheap American beer equivalent in a 40 ounce bottle) so another quick walk to the liquor store and and slowly drink it knowing but not caring that Full blown withdrawals was going to hit me later that day.
I unfortunately know how that works. A few hours of peace and comfort then misery.
Does the amphetamine help? I would think uppers would make one jittery?
Anyways good job on spending the money on food and other groceries.
But, in a weird way I understand how a small amount can trigger withdrawals, have you had them many times before?
I would guess so, because withdrawal get worse and easier to trigger.
But once again good job on using the money on groceries. You are showing internal fortitude and and hoping and praying that you can be stronger than I was. Especially with more addictive substances.
In a bizarre way my drinking( I can't be considered an alcoholic because I begged God to help me and became allergic a day or 2 or3 later I forget, I had some benzos and opiods to help.) But I know about horrible withdrawals and the DT's, which is kind of like heroin in that the physical pain and mental games I would play. When going through the misery of withdrawal which which was almost always 5 days before I could eat and 7 before I felt totally good again as if nothing if happened and like heroin, from what I have read here usually the 3rd day was the worst. Each time after a certain point got a very tiny bit worse. Then uncontrolled itching and pucking after a beer, good beer even. Thank you God because I couldn't quit otherwise. I just wanted to die and had guns but I would never shoot myself.
That was so miserable after about a hundred times and I would somehow get some money and get some cheap malt liquor and feel fine after a bit of struggle. When I did get it down and at a certain point wouldn't care and keep drinking and be happy and content.
Even though when I ran out, same old situation and misery. I know it was just alcohol but if you look at all the drunks and former drunks that can't quit. The only thing that stopped me was God making me allergic. And trying a few times with anti histamines and no luck and just hating alcohol. I know the mental gymnastics that an addicted mind will play.
Ruining my future even though now things are different for me and all that I put myself through; yet still same old same old. Before I got allergic I would convince myself that a pint, or actually 375ml was of vodka wouldn't harm me, about( 8 shots) and the sickness would be gone and then scrap up about 2 dollars and change or many times a bunch of empty beer or soda pop bottles( there is a 10 cent deposit and 25 cans or bottles of carbonated beverages in Michigan would be enough) to get a 40oz of very strong malt liquor( about a 6 pack of regular cheap American beer equivalent in a 40 ounce bottle) so another quick walk to the liquor store and and slowly drink it knowing but not caring that Full blown withdrawals was going to hit me later that day.
I unfortunately know how that works. A few hours of peace and comfort then misery.
Does the amphetamine help? I would think uppers would make one jittery?
Anyways good job on spending the money on food and other groceries.
But, in a weird way I understand how a small amount can trigger withdrawals, have you had them many times before?
I would guess so, because withdrawal get worse and easier to trigger.
But once again good job on using the money on groceries. You are showing internal fortitude and and hoping and praying that you can be stronger than I was. Especially with more addictive substances.
Jeanpauldash
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2018
- Messages
- 1,873
I said I had no interest in it and feared it, but then my life seriously became sad.
I smoke a joint with 0.4g weed with my gf right now.
I feel sick af and mentally impaired due to the drugs I took earlier. The speed didn't help too much. I was thinking of taking another 10mg diazepam for the muscle and skeleton pain and snort another 20mg speed.
I need to be mentally sharp to be able to do my job properly as I make decision that have company wide impact and right now i don't feel confident enough in my ability to make educated decisions
I feel sick af and mentally impaired due to the drugs I took earlier. The speed didn't help too much. I was thinking of taking another 10mg diazepam for the muscle and skeleton pain and snort another 20mg speed.
I need to be mentally sharp to be able to do my job properly as I make decision that have company wide impact and right now i don't feel confident enough in my ability to make educated decisions
I am so sorry brother. Let me know if there is any way I can help
That is good to hear/read. Also your decision to buy groceries shows internal fortitude. You seem to be very aware of reality, which is a good sign.
Being optimistic and having a sense of purpose will probably be what will help you through your struggles. Even though things are dark at times, you seem to have the strength to keep going.
Having a good work ethic, a sense of purpose and a grasp on reality will hopefully, get you through the difficult times.
I honest and truley want to see you prevail and at some point put this behind you. I am definitely rooting for you, bro.
Hmm, what has worked for you in the past? The opiods will just pospone the withdrawal and might not be strong enough; has that worked and eased the withdrawals?
Also what effect has the clonidine and lyrica had in the past?
Yeah, ideally I would stay away from all opioids. Haven't tries none if them, but I have them.
just took another 75ug clonidine, I snorted like 50mg pregabalin and took 1 diazepam pill. Also snorted 15mg speed and right now I drink an energy drink. So far I got 0 work done and still not feeling well enough to get any work done though I need to. Fortunately I don't have meetings today
Shit this tuff, I worry that the speed and energy drinks might make you jittery, and counter act the clonidine; which lowers blood pressure.
Has the speed and energy drinks helped in the past, because everyone has different reactions because us humans are all different in what works and doesn't
and the lyrica, I will check to see if snorting it is more effective that taking it orally. Hold on bro
I am not really that familiar with lyrica or clonidine tbh. I took it in the past for withdrawals but also was free from work so I had to advantage of being able to be fucked up on benzos.
speed I am also not familiar with it. I don't like it recreationally at all. I just took it to counteract the sedation from all the depressants. Basically I am balancing downers and uppers to get me to a place where the withdrawals aren't this unbeatable and where I am also conscious and sharp enough to be able to do my work properly. So it s a first for me
Very weird but everytime I took lyrica orally it hit me in like 4-6 hours. Not what it says on the Internet.
speed I am also not familiar with it. I don't like it recreationally at all. I just took it to counteract the sedation from all the depressants. Basically I am balancing downers and uppers to get me to a place where the withdrawals aren't this unbeatable and where I am also conscious and sharp enough to be able to do my work properly. So it s a first for me
Very weird but everytime I took lyrica orally it hit me in like 4-6 hours. Not what it says on the Internet.
Love you brother. Also I think lyrics is best taken orally cuz bioavailaviluty is like 90% but it hits me super late. Even on empty stomach