• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

PAWS is a bitch and I missed you guys

I feel worse today honestly. I just keep feeling like im on the edge of relapsing and the physical symptoms seem worse today too. I'm sure a lot of that part is psychosomatic but its still there and definitely not helping. I just keep thinking its been 9 days... why haven't I been able to catch a fucking break yet?

My girlfriend is pretty much in the same boat. We're both having a really hard time. It sucks... something has gotta give soon. Not even skating or Netflix or literally anything is helping with this mental fucking battle and I'm starting to get really pissed.
 
Pretty sure im going insane.

Edit: I have cycled between anger and irritation and sadness and hopelessness and numbness all day. Im not even trying to fight it anymore cuz its fucking pointless. I guess PAWS is setting in hard. I just cant find any joy or humor in anything today no matter how hard I try and this coupled with the cravings is seriously fucking with my head. Ugh.

Fuck you, day 9.
 
Last edited:
You aren't going insane. Just withdrawing, I promise. :)

Honestly, Burtles, I felt like shit on day 9, too. I know they say the first 7 are the worst, but this time, I was stuggling hard on days 8-12. I just went back and read my thread to verify that. That's when the hardcore insomnia and stomach issues hit - I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, my body and mind were exhausted...what helped me the most, I think, was exercising. And forcing myself to do things. Not too many things, but I had to push myself and tell myself I was faking it till I make it. I forced myself out the first time on day 8 for a 1.5 mile hike that I literally thought would kill me.

Also, Mindfullness can be a lifesaver in the worst of times!

hang in there Burtles - you are almost there. Just a few more days and the fog will start to lift. You still got your sub for Monday, right?

- VE
 
Yeah VE I still have it. It's weird cuz the cravings are there but I cant for the life of me justify acting on them. At the same time, I cant seem to justify not doing it either. Its weird, I dont know how to explain it really. I know this is normal but sometimes its hard to remember that.
 
The last thing it feels like when you are going through wds is "normal" - that's for sure. I know it's a struggle when your in the midst of it. I've never done heroin, my problem was oxy, so I'm sure it's even more of a roller coaster for you.

The he only thing you can do is give it some more time and not quit before the miracle happens, you know? Also, try to force yourself to do healthy things.

Im glad you still have it for Monday! You already know that will be a trigger for you and taking steps now to assure you don't relapse is super smart.

Now, to lighten the mood, I have a joke for you:

Two cows are standing in a field - one says to the other - "Are you worried about mad cow disease?"

NSFW:
the other cow responded "not at all, I'm a helicopter!"


or if you don't like that one:

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

NSFW:
...cause they are really good at it!


Sorry, I know they are stupid, but I'm trying to cheer you up at least!

- VE
 
Lol I didn't get the cow helicopter one :S The elephant one was good though. I teeheed a bit.

I have a bit of a darker sense of humor...

People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to shut the fuck up!

(Probaably for real nsfw)

NSFW:
What I'm doing is natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog!

:D

Hang in the Burtles. Remember... You don't bleed... the concrete does.
 
Here I was thinking you were all smart and shit, Mr.Clean...but then you admitted to living in Texas AND not getting the cow joke?

ok, so mad cow disease makes you go crazy - a cow who thinks he is a helicopter is bat shit crazy. So the second cow already had the mad cow disease.

And you just HAD to open the dark humor box, didn't ya?...now here is my dark ones:

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

NSFW:
because it wasn't born yesterday!


what has four legs and one arm?

NSFW:
a Doberman in a playground


:p

- VE
 
Haha you guys did the impossible and made me smile a little bit. Nice change from the detached stone cold feeling I've had all day, so thank you. I appreciate it more than you could possibly know <3
 
Lmfao... I'm going to blame my lack of insight on this blistering headache... And not the fact I'm from Texas. (I seriously thought the cow joke was trying to play on gender dysphoria or something lol)

I got the other 2 jokes just fine. (1.The fetus was actually marty mcfly and to prevent any further destruction to the same time continuum, Doc went back and did what was necessary. Lol. 2. The Doberman grew up in Pripyat next to Chernobyl. Mutated by the nuclear fallout he now wanders near the abandoned playground where his beloved master abandoned him. Hilarious!!!)

You win this round VE!!!


Glad we could make you smile Burtles :P
 
Last edited:
Your kicking ass and taking names! This is awesome to see! Keep it up.


I feel dumb but the helicopter cow joke went right over my head.
 
xburtonchic said:
Haha you guys did the impossible and made me smile a little bit.
Click to expand...

yess!!! That's what we wanted to do, Burtles. I hope you sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a new day.

Do whatever you have to do to stay sober tonight and worry about everything else another time. Remember to breathe!

- VE
 
Last edited:
Captain.Heroin said:
Stay strong, and remember, it's going to be really awful for a long time. You have to accept that to get through it. Acceptance may require you to get vulnerable with someone you feel (and are in fact) safe with so that you may (safely) open to your pain, let the suffering to begin to release itself, allow yourself to let go of your sorrow, and begin to heal.

<3
Click to expand...

fixed %)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
VastEmpty said:
\Do whatever you have to do to stay sober tonight and worry about everything else another time. Remember to breathe!

- VE
Click to expand...

That's really good advice. Thinking too far ahead is a good way to lose yourself in hopelessness. Also remember the depression you feel isn't real its just your brain chemistry trying to redefine homeostasis. Benzo withdrawal has been kicking my ass the last few days but one thing that's helped me is using psychedelic first aid techniques like telling myself "I took a drug its messing up my mind but its not going to last forever". Its helped a little bit when things get super heavy.
 
You guys. I can never express how much every single one of you mean to me and how much I appreciate you being here for me right now and understanding and trying to cheer me up. Shout out to NSA too for texting me and asking random questions to distract me. It all helped. Not even an hour ago I was just totally broken down crying and now I actually feel a little better. Just... thank you <3 <3

C.H I love gratuitous violence haha where can I find this movie??!
 
Thanks TPD :)

It will be 10 days in a few hours and officially longer than ive ever been able to go without heroin on my own WITHOUT rehab or moving outta state. So that's something at least.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top