• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

PAWS is a bitch and I missed you guys

I know nothing is permanent. Theres always a solution for everything, I know this. Its not over til its over ya know? But damn life really is a bitch. You're right... no more asking myself "why?"... only "what?" As in "what can I do to make things better?" And also, "Give me my fruity pebbles back... ya fuckin cunt!" Haha
 
You guys are even radder :)

Things are looking up a bit. I was able to sell some stuff back to Game Stop and get some money. We have food. My best friend is in the process of moving, but she's offered to let us stay there until she has to leave on the 21st. She didnt ask for it but still I offered my help with moving her stuff in return, so that should keep my body and mind busy... seeing as how I dont have my skateboard anymore. I had to leave a lot of stuff behind as it wouldn't all fit in my car, so I am pretty sad about that. Its just stuff, but still... a lot of it was storage-type stuff and I hate it when my shit is all over the place the way it is now, just strewn all over my car. It stresses me out. But like I said, I was forced out of my old place at gunpoint and wasnt allowed to take ANYTHING that time including all of my pictures and military memorabilia and my mail, so losing everything is nothing new.

I feel a lot better having a place to stay for the next week... and once tomorrow is finally over, I will feel even better :)
 
That's awesome Burtles,

Don't worry too much about the car. I didn't finish mowing my lawn until a few days ago. For a while, I had a full on forest for a yard. Finally managed to motivate myself to finish. It only took 3 fucking hours lol. My lawn mower was crying by the end lol.

So what's your plan of attack once you get setup at your friends place?
 
I am glad you found somewhere to stay. Call the health department first thing in the morning in order to find out about state run rehabs. If you have some kind of insurance then I know a place that will take you with no money upfront and a free plane ticket there and back after treatment.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now but I think leaving your girls family was probably a good thing. If she forced you to leave at gunpoint then she never had your best interest at heart. I doubt she even believed you relapsed it was just a good excuse so she wouldn't look like the bad guy.

Going to treatment has some real advantages you need to consider. First off it will help you reconnect with your family because they will see that YOU made an effort to get off drugs and improve your life. I am sure your parents still love you they just think that helping you right now will only enable you to continue getting high. Rehab can completely change the dynamics of that situation. I know rehab sucks I hate those places with a passion to be honest with you. But it seems like your running out of options. Your still in a position where you can make decisions right now. Once you are legit homeless those options are going to start dwindling away.
 
Last edited:
I dont have any problem with going to rehab at all... I believe you get back what you give into it with these places and they can be extremely beneficial if one has the right attitude and is truly ready... and they are perfect for putting a barrier between the ability/vicinity to score for a significant amount of time. If given the choice, I would go to rehab every time!! But money and insurance are nearly always an issue... I dont have the means to put down thousands of dollars cash and my insurance is just Medi-Cal. Not sure if that counts regarding the place you're talking about, cj... but if it does, I'm definitely listening!

Oh and nooo no lol she didnt force me to leave at gunpoint! Somebody else did that... that's what happened at our old place almost a year ago, which is when I lost every single thing I owned. I was just drawing a parallel between the two since I had to leave things behind this time as well... and pointing out that it could and has been worse, and appreciating the fact that it is not. Sorry for the confusion haha
 
For better or for worse, I am off to court now... whatever happens, happens. Either way, I cannot wait to have a final resolution for this... gonna be a huuuuge weight lifted off my back!!

Fingers crossed and all that!

Edit: my case is officially dismissed! Even better, apparently I had entered a "not guilty" plea and the meetings I had to do were IN LIEU OF sentencing... which means that I was never actually on probation in the first place and just had to do the meetings, which means that now that they are done the judge accepted my not guilty plea, which means that shit isn't even gonna be on my record. Also some chick stopped me on my way out of court and told me about her sober living place, which is completely free AND has beds available! So I gave her my number and she's gonna have the director call me today.

Things are looking so much better now :)
 
Last edited:
good luck. Don't mention being homeless. You should also get a PO box. That way all your mail comes to a central place only you can get it from. No issues with "lost" or opened mail. Its easy to do at any post office and costs like 15 dollars.


ps keep us updated on the court stuff!
 
Last edited:
That's awesome! I am glad you have that weight off your shoulders. Sober living is a great idea especially if they can help you get a job.
 
Burt.. You remind me of a woman I only met once. She was the daughter of my sons Grandfathers woman. Like you really beautiful, physically and more importantly just a beautiful soul.

Do you know where she is now.. She is fkn dead Burt. She fell to addiction and heroin.

My friend your getting close to where it gets real ugly. Shits gets real bad girl.. REAL BAD.. Please pull the rip cord and make your recovery the number one priority in your life right now.

Relocation does not work because where ever YOU go there YOU are. Heroin is everywhere so moving yourself all across the country will only make it kinda a pain in the ass to try and score. In reality we all can find the drugs anywhere. I jumped a plain to travel Europe to kick iv coke and found ammonia square in Athens the night I landed.. Three thousand junkies and a huge open air market. Where ever we go there we are and so are the drugs.

If I were you I would get on sub's for six months to a year. Use these to stabalize and use this stabilization to address your addiction in earnest. Recontact with your family if need be. Form, develop and implement as strong a recovery plan as you possibility can.

Your getting to the end game Burt.. Skip that awful shit.

Sending love and I really do believe in you.<3
 
Last edited:
Captain.Heroin said:
Update?
Click to expand...

Yes, please! I have been so busy at work and then too tired when I get home to do much but read. But I have been keeping up on how you are and I was so glad to see things are looking up for you. Please do let us know how things turned out with the living situation. Keep it up Burtles!

- VE
 
Last edited:
At least let us know your ok xburton. I wouldn't blame you a bit if you relapsed after everything you have been going through. Just know that your not a failure or underserving of support if you did. Lots of people here care about you! Me included.
 
That is why I never really liked the whole concept of relapse. Using is far too stigmatized in abstinence-only recovery culture.
 
toothpastedog said:
That is why I never really liked the whole concept of relapse. Using is far too stigmatized in abstinence-only recovery culture.
Click to expand...

Using a drug again after a period of abstinence is a lapse.

Returning to full-blown addiction again after a period of abstinence is a relapse.

They're just words. They're accurate terms as well, especially if you think about what cancer or multiple sclerosis relapses are like in relation to the progression of the disease. Addiction is a disease as well.

I don't have any problems with these terms. I think people's main problems is that they get fed up with using and can't enjoy themselves on it anymore. It's no surprise they also get fed up with sobriety and seemingly can't enjoy that either.
 
toothpastedog said:
That is why I never really liked the whole concept of relapse. Using is far too stigmatized in abstinence-only recovery culture.
Click to expand...

I agree with you. Its a well known fact that it takes people many tries in order to find even temporary abstinence from opiates. Yet people get pissed off and shun the person when they need support the most! Its a relic of the moral failing theory of addiction. It doesn't really matter how badly you want to get clean if the circumstances around you are not good for it your going to use. I hate the word relapse as well just because of the negative connotations it places on the person as if they are a failure and didn't try hard enough to quit but I cant really think of another word that's better to describe it.

I think people's main problems is that they get fed up with using and can't enjoy themselves on it anymore. It's no surprise they also get fed up with sobriety and seemingly can't enjoy that either.

that is how I would describe the end stage of opiate abuse. Your not getting high enough to forget about all the problems your use is causing. But then you are so psychologically addicted that you want to kill yourself when you don't have any. Its an absolutely horrible predicament to be in.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Using a drug again after a period of abstinence is a lapse.

Returning to full-blown addiction again after a period of abstinence is a relapse.

They're just words. They're accurate terms as well, especially if you think about what cancer or multiple sclerosis relapses are like in relation to the progression of the disease. Addiction is a disease as well.

I don't have any problems with these terms. I think people's main problems is that they get fed up with using and can't enjoy themselves on it anymore. It's no surprise they also get fed up with sobriety and seemingly can't enjoy that either.
Click to expand...

Couldn't agree more. They are just terms. I am critical only with how they are understood and put to use in abstinent-only culture, where they don't seem to distinguish between lapse and relapse.

Clinically speaking I love the words lapse and relapse. It is the connotations attached to how recovery culture, which is still far too heavily influenced by abstinence-only culture in America, views relapse that I take issue with. The more narrow, all or nothing approach abstinence-only culture takes to relapse it very harmful in my experience. Sets people up for failure.

cj said:
I agree with you. Its a well known fact that it takes people many tries in order to find even temporary abstinence from opiates. Yet people get pissed off and shun the person when they need support the most! Its a relic of the moral failing theory of addiction. It doesn't really matter how badly you want to get clean if the circumstances around you are not good for it your going to use. I hate the word relapse as well just because of the negative connotations it places on the person as if they are a failure and didn't try hard enough to quit but I cant really think of another word that's better to describe it.

I think people's main problems is that they get fed up with using and can't enjoy themselves on it anymore. It's no surprise they also get fed up with sobriety and seemingly can't enjoy that either.

that is how I would describe the end stage of opiate abuse. Your not getting high enough to forget about all the problems your use is causing. But then you are so psychologically addicted that you want to kill yourself when you don't have any. Its an absolutely horrible predicament to be in.
Click to expand...

I also agree. Abstinence is the only way I am able to relate to opioid use these days. I simply am not able to use opioids in a healthy way, and it would seem that I've finally come to accept that at long last. You know we agree here too :)
 
Wow, I just finished reading this thread! I hope Burtles surfaces okay. I really don't see why someone who is pretty sure they're an opioid addict would be so opposed to maintenance therapy. I know she said buprenorphine affected her personality but that seems like a small price to pay for stability in your life.

When I was in early recovery, I was supposed to make 5 phone calls a day and call my sponsor everyday plus meetings no matter if I felt like shit. Granted I don't go anymore and I still kind of resent them but they may have saved my life. Maybe BL substitutes for that but that's a stretch. I'm just saying when you're that raw you really need intense personal support. In early recovery, subconsciously at least, I knew what I was planning on eventually doing.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top