Recrystallization
I'm sorry if any of the following sounds like half-baked, metaphysical nonsense, but it rings true in my mind. It's relevant to this thread, I assure you
Last night I had an epiphany of sorts. For years an idea has been floating around in my mind. Pot, like some other drugs, can interfere with the "thought lattice," a fine structure of thoughts and ideas which we always build up in our minds. It's a kind of crystallization, and drugs like cannabis can cause irregular growth in this structure, leading to disordered thinking. It's like melting a snowflake while it's still growing. If allowed time to grow, a little melting of the crystal can result in new and beautifully unique shapes, but too much melting and you get nothing.
DXM, of all drugs, brought this idea into full light, showing me that the process of crystallization is a real phenomenon. At least it seems real to me. Of course, I've given up on DXM because it's really not a good drug.
So last night, while high on the kind herb, all these ideas came crashing down and I came to realize that I've been melting back the fine lattice too often, never giving myself time to build up bigger structures... and the result? None of my ideas and projects have come to completion, and my dreams are now only half-remembered, shady things, a mere shadow of what my mind is truly capable of. I've been living in a spaced-out, jumpy state and have been getting less and less accomplished. All of this on one hit of pot and three hits of 018 a day.
Cannabis can be a useful tool for getting things flowing, for changing the way I perceive the world and think about things. But too much, and my mind becomes a writhing mass of false starts. I have lots of good ideas, but no ability to carry anything out.
It's time for a break! Maybe the process of crystallization is real, maybe it's not, or maybe it's more like jungle growth. The point I'm trying to make is that there's a building up of thoughts, ideas and personality. It's going on all the time, but some drugs can interfere with it. Some of can use a little more interference, and some of us have had enough. Being a member of the latter category, I'm fortunate enough to realize it!
Not that I'll quit forever, but I'm aiming to quit for as long as it takes to start taking my ideas to completion again. Wish me luck, as I wish all you the same!