Recovery Alcohol is not an option anymore

[Jabberwocky]

@Snafu of the Forest I am relating heavily here.

More general procrastination/escapism/avoidance

It's so hard for me to do basic ass shit for myself sometimes.

It's so damn confusing.

But the point is I cannot stop drinking on my own. It's like 20 years of addiction all arrowing into one cup.

At this point no matter how head strong I am, no matter how much I want to quit, I think I need to wait until I talk to a shrink or get some help or rehab.

I do a lot of stupid hangups like that for no reason. :/

ALL of that could have been written by me. Stay strong, man! I truly hope that you will get food stamps and money very very soon!

 

[December Flower]

Yes. Thousands.

Story time.

About 8 years ago I was blacked out on benzos and my family thought I was trying to kill myself (I wasn't, I was just high out of my mind). The police gave me the choice to go to the hospital (was having mental issues), or GO TO JAIL. Obviously yeah, lets go to the hospital. (I was literally passed out and woken up by police, but people thought I was going to kill myself, and police didn't want to deal with this type of shit. I was basically passed out and causing no problems when they arrived).

I got to the hospital, the emergency department. Told them I was just really high on benzos. They agreed. I was discharged within the hour, went home and slept it off and was absolutely fine. I never even spoke to a fucking doctor....

The bill was $3400. and I HAD INSURANCE AT THE TIME. Probably 10k+ without.

It would actually have been cheaper and less damaging to have the police arrest me and spend the night in the drunk tank.

haha go America #1 country

That's just insane.
Costs about 10€ / day at the hospital here.
$3400 with insurance - no wonder people in the US don't want to go to the hospital to get help.

So even in emergency situations you got to pay?
I just checked, uninsured it's about 150€ - 200€ here. Fucking 10k, the world has gone mad.

 

[Jabberwocky]

So even in emergency situations you got to pay?

Hahaha, yes.

Only in the US people will say "OMG I am calling 911! I'm calling an ambulance!" - and the dying person will say "NO! Please don't... I'll drive myself".

If you're dying and someone calls an ambulance for you.... you end up getting a $5000 bill

Trust me, unless both my arms are literally broken at the same time, I'm driving myself... ambulances are crazy expensive here

I'm just quoting prices for your average American who doesn't have elite insurance (which is most). Typical insurance you'd get from your career.

 

[Jabberwocky]

that is fucking horrendous snafu.

is there any help available that doesn't require you going trhough the health system? in the UK our drug and alcohol services are completely separate. 'd reiterate giving NA/AA a shot- i know you feel pessimistic about it but part of me thinks thats your addiction doing your thinking for you. people there will be able to offer advice on what is available locally.

 

[Jabberwocky]

that is fucking horrendous snafu.

is there any help available that doesn't require you going trhough the health system? in the UK our drug and alcohol services are completely separate. 'd reiterate giving NA/AA a shot- i know you feel pessimistic about it but part of me thinks thats your addiction doing your thinking for you. people there will be able to offer advice on what is available locally.

Other than marching my ass down to some free AA meetings? no, there is literally nothing I can do without spending money I do not currently have.

Just need to sit and wait and hope my benefits get approved. THEN I might be able to afford to see a doctor or go to rehab.

Man it sucks when your chaos and desire to quit doesn't really sync with your available options...

it's all good I'm feeling much less manic than the entirety of last week, think I'm coming down from that episode

(knock on wood)

 

[Jabberwocky]

yeah it really does suck!!!

i just can't believe they have no drugs services? its known that addicts have no money so they should be free, they are in the UK. i'm still gonna hope there is something you don't know about, sinc eyou're new to the area. there might be charities offering counselling or something, that people who have bene on the local recovery scene will know about but aren't widely advertised.

glad you're feeling less manic.

what are you doing self care wise? are you still eating more veggies? getting enough sleep? i find it so easy to lapse on self care when i'm using and therefore hate myself and its hard to get restarted but it does make me feel better.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i just can't believe they have no drugs services?

Oh they do, for opiates. There are suboxone clinics around every corner. But that's it.

I could literally go tomorrow morning and get some buprenorphine for $40 or some shit. IDK, they probably wouldn't even drug test me.

That's it tho, product of the opioid epidemic.

It's extremely difficult to get any other treatment for addiction. I was lucky enough to get librium from a shrink once, highly doubt that would ever occur again.

what are you doing self care wise? are you still eating more veggies? getting enough sleep? i find it so easy to lapse on self care when i'm using and therefore hate myself and its hard to get restarted but it does make me feel better.

Yeah, I actually take quite good care of myself relative to my mental state and my alcohol intake. I've been eating at least 1200 or so calories per day of relatively healthy stuff, I've been running at least 12miles per week for the last 2 months. Definitely getting decent sleep, too.

It's my mental situation/illness compounded by alcohol which is unstable.

Honestly this is all 90% mental. For the first time in my booze career I feel somewhat physically healthy.. it's mostly mental and that's the hard part now..

If I could just.............

heh, I'm going to bed before I start another rant

night friend

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I'm sorry intruding with this question, but thousands? This can't be right.
How the entire US population hasn't emigrated to Canada I will never understand.

I hope you can defeat that devil on your back

We would if we could. I would have. I inquired about it. Not for the Socialized medicine but for other reasons. Canada clamped down many years ago. One has to have a profession ( Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Police officer, you get the idea. ) You have to show that you can contribute to society with your profession, be able to afford a home once you get there and other strict qualifications. I visited Canada all through High School ( I lived in Port Huron, Michigan right under the Blue water Bridge that connects Port Huron to Sarnia, Ontario. ). Loved Canada and still do. Beautiful Country.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yes, as your average American I visited Ontario several times. Amazing people, amazing natural beauty and amazing government and healthcare. It's perfect.

I get jealous of all you Canucks....... it's what I wish America was. At least I can still visit...... as soon as they open the border

 

[Jabberwocky]

me at the northern border---^

 

[December Flower]

Hahaha, yes.

Only in the US people will say "OMG I am calling 911! I'm calling an ambulance!" - and the dying person will say "NO! Please don't... I'll drive myself".

If you're dying and someone calls an ambulance for you.... you end up getting a $5000 bill

Trust me, unless both my arms are literally broken at the same time, I'm driving myself... ambulances are crazy expensive here

I'm just quoting prices for your average American who doesn't have elite insurance (which is most). Typical insurance you'd get from your career.

I feel so bad for US citizens, and I wish the rest of the world would say something.
It's undignifying to let people pay so much for general medical care.
The country is in dire need of a revolution. The people need to speak up about it.
Can't be that so many people are slowly dying to their drug addiction, because they couldn't afford medical pain treatment.

So I'm guessing a visit to the doctor's office isn't free either?
Do you have freelance doctors or organisations that do this for free?

I feel ashamed for having taken all this for granted. Here, insurance even pays for your children, too,
and it's included in any job over 800€ / month. So as long as you work at least 20 hours per weak, you're insured + social insurance. If you don't work at all, the government has to pay your insurance (even debt to the insurance company)
no medical bills(xept tooth-related, can get expensive), no bills for ambulances, doctors, drugs, etc.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hahaha I'm guilty of this hypocrisy---^

I didn't drink today so I got that going for me

 

[Jabberwocky]

7/11/21 - the lady at the store laughed at me because I tried to buy beer at 9:27am on a Sunday. I didn't know it was Sunday. I can't quit today, not possible. Spinning and tumbling with the only thing to keep me level a very strong 12 pack. I'll try again tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to get any help or librium.

If you are going to go into the DTs librium isn't optional. I know you will say no...but ER? I am so sad for you, that feeling is miserable knowing the pain you will be in. Can I help at all? Laughed huh. It ain't fucking funny is it. Thinking of you.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hahaha I'm guilty of this hypocrisy---^

I didn't drink today so I got that going for me

Really good going not drinking ...how are you feeling? ... honestly!!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Really good going not drinking ...how are you feeling? ... honestly!!

About as good as I could ask for TBH. I can't complain too much.

If you are going to go into the DTs librium isn't optional. I know you will say no...but ER? I am so sad for you, that feeling is miserable knowing the pain you will be in. Can I help at all? Laughed huh. It ain't fucking funny is it. Thinking of you.

Thank you friend it's not DTs or close to that. The wds are fairly mild I'd say. It's more my other issues that come out. Simply complicated.

It's a massive crutch in my life, keeps me off drugs and keeps my mania in check. Bad medicine.

 

[simstim]

Hahaha I'm guilty of this hypocrisy---^

I didn't drink today so I got that going for me

Great job!! Keep it up!

 

[Iceman1216]

yeah it really does suck!!!

i just can't believe they have no drugs services? its known that addicts have no money so they should be free, they are in the UK. i'm still gonna hope there is something you don't know about, sinc eyou're new to the area. there might be charities offering counselling or something, that people who have bene on the local recovery scene will know about but aren't widely advertised.

glad you're feeling less manic.

what are you doing self care wise? are you still eating more veggies? getting enough sleep? i find it so easy to lapse on self care when i'm using and therefore hate myself and its hard to get restarted but it does make me feel better.

In America, we Do not want to Pay TAXES!! That is the route to all our problems !!! We do not understand that many large social issues need to be handlers by the state . The good for the many is more important than the good for the few or the one !! It sucks here because of that!! It’s total BS that anyone in America “ Made it with out the structure and safety of the state” so Pay your fair share!!!! But No profit is private and Loss is public
Income inequality and COVID has crushed Dillion’s of people!! The Rich have never started a Revolution!! So the Rich keep upgrading the Police to Army Levels to protect them and there $$$ from ( THEM …. Fellow Americans …WTF???

 

[deficiT]

can you not even check out AA or NA near you? i get the impression its way more bible bashy over there than it is here but there will be people there who know what services are available locally, and they may be able to help you out in ways you can't imagine if you just show up and communicate that you want to change. or any other mutual support group basically.

This here is true.

For example, last night one of my roommates and I went to a meeting. He got kind of emotional but shared about how he's gotta go to court and deal with a legal issue.

He actually had someone come up to him and offer to literally drive him to court (he doesn't have a car and it's two counties over) and support him.

You might think you've heard everything you're gonna hear there, and that's understandable, but the people at 12 step meetings will be able (and willing) to help you. More so than any other group of people. I wouldn't be surprised if you found someone that'd help you figure out your insurance and everything.

 

[Iceman1216]

This here is true.

For example, last night one of my roommates and I went to a meeting. He got kind of emotional but shared about how he's gotta go to court and deal with a legal issue.

He actually had someone come up to him and offer to literally drive him to court (he doesn't have a car and it's two counties over) and support him.

You might think you've heard everything you're gonna hear there, and that's understandable, but the people at 12 step meetings will be able (and willing) to help you. More so than any other group of people. I wouldn't be surprised if you found someone that'd help you figure out your insurance and everything.

I totally agree !! I have Never found any support in the bar or drug dealers house!? Just debt , Bullshit ,and heart acke !! Damm dude you are a grown man, you know this drinking shit is OVER !
Been there Done that? Do what ever it takes !
I don’t give a shit what YOU think!,, that shit has not worked out very well . It’s not the system, or life, it’s our Choices! So make one that is Good for you!
I really did not like mine at All, but 37 years later, still working well
i thank God every day! There is a world of tough shit in my life right now, but I am sober, and dealing with them as a sober man. Working out just as God wants them , he did not ask me what I thought about it.
but he helps me stay sober everyday, and
All is Well
i hope you have Had Enough ?.

 

[Jabberwocky]

About as good as I could ask for TBH. I can't complain too much.

Thank you friend it's not DTs or close to that. The wds are fairly mild I'd say. It's more my other issues that come out. Simply complicated.

It's a massive crutch in my life, keeps me off drugs and keeps my mania in check. Bad medicine.

I'm glad it's not the DT's...how are you doing today?