Recovery Alcohol is not an option anymore

[Jabberwocky]

In America, we Do not want to Pay TAXES!! That is the route to all our problems !!! We do not understand that many large social issues need to be handlers by the state . The good for the many is more important than the good for the few or the one !! It sucks here because of that!! It’s total BS that anyone in America “ Made it with out the structure and safety of the state” so Pay your fair share!!!! But No profit is private and Loss is public
Income inequality and COVID has crushed Dillion’s of people!! The Rich have never started a Revolution!! So the Rich keep upgrading the Police to Army Levels to protect them and there $$$ from ( THEM …. Fellow Americans …WTF???

i find it nuts though because an american on an average income pays a similar percentage in taxes to us over here. but we get health care and an overgrown military but you are paying for an insanely bloated military and then have to pay out of your own pockets for healthcare on top. and it leaves people in situations like @Snafu of the Forest is in right now, where he is receptive to help and just can't get it through the health services.

under these circumstances snafu i have so much respect for you, to keep trying is fucking amazng. its so easy when you have the addict part of your brain that just doesn't want to stop to fuck it off when access to help from healthcare providers is essentially not available.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I really do need to reinsert myself into that environment and crowd of people. I know I might be surprised by the help I get offered if I simply ask or put myself in a position to get it.

If I was back in Cali/AZ/Texas I know people and meetings and would go instantly. But here I don't know anyone and it feels a little more awkward. Or maybe I'm just being stubborn

I don't know...

I'm glad it's not the DT's...how are you doing today?

Doing ok. Drank last night but I don't think I made too much of a fool of myself.

I'm gonna eat some healthy food and go on a long 6 mile run

 

[Jabberwocky]

I really do need to reinsert myself into that environment and crowd of people. I know I might be surprised by the help I get offered if I simply ask or put myself in a position to get it.

If I was back in Cali/AZ/Texas I know people and meetings and would go instantly. But here I don't know anyone and it feels a little more awkward. Or maybe I'm just being stubborn

I don't know...

Doing ok. Drank last night but I don't think I made too much of a fool of myself.

I'm gonna eat some healthy food and go on a long 6 mile run

I go to online AA meetings, (man, don't know why that embarrasses me! I kinda had a problem with booze) would that be any easier for you? Pretty nice bunch of people.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I go to online AA meetings, (man, don't know why that embarrasses me! I kinda had a problem with booze) would that be any easier for you? Pretty nice bunch of people.

Holy crap I completely forgot they're doing that now!!

I'll check that out today!!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Holy crap I completely forgot they're doing that now!!

I'll check that out today!!

Not awful if you find the right group. Promise.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i find it nuts though because an american on an average income pays a similar percentage in taxes to us over here. but we get health care and an overgrown military but you are paying for an insanely bloated military and then have to pay out of your own pockets for healthcare on top. and it leaves people in situations like @Snafu of the Forest is in right now, where he is receptive to help and just can't get it through the health services.

under these circumstances snafu i have so much respect for you, to keep trying is fucking amazng. its so easy when you have the addict part of your brain that just doesn't want to stop to fuck it off when access to help from healthcare providers is essentially not available.

What ultimately pisses me off the most is how oblivious the majority of my fellow Americans are. Most don't even realize there is anything wrong with the system because it gets drowned out by constant patriotic propaganda drummed into their ears since birth.

If you bring up anything to them... "NOPE NOPE NOPE, AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING! GO BACL TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!! USA!!! USA!!!"

Sigh.

Admittedly I am at fault for my situation. I should have applied to state assistance years ago. If I did I wouldn't be in this situation.

 

[deficiT]

What ultimately pisses me off the most is how oblivious the majority of my fellow Americans are. Most don't even realize there is anything wrong with the system because it gets drowned out by constant patriotic propaganda drummed into their ears since birth.

If you bring up anything to them... "NOPE NOPE NOPE, AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING! GO BACL TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!! USA!!! USA!!!"

Sigh.

Admittedly I am at fault for my situation. I should have applied to state assistance years ago. If I did I wouldn't be in this situation.

Not your fault our healthcare system sucks a fuck man, you shouldn't even be in that situation.

 

[Jabberwocky]

What ultimately pisses me off the most is how oblivious the majority of my fellow Americans are. Most don't even realize there is anything wrong with the system because it gets drowned out by constant patriotic propaganda drummed into their ears since birth.

If you bring up anything to them... "NOPE NOPE NOPE, AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING! GO BACL TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!! USA!!! USA!!!"

Sigh.

Admittedly I am at fault for my situation. I should have applied to state assistance years ago. If I did I wouldn't be in this situation.

Hey you gotta stop beating yourself up...the only way it leads is right back to the bottle. Not your fault that our health care system is brutal.

 

[Purposefull]

I was a heavy drinker until I gave it up. I wouldn't advise anyone to go my route of quitting though. I started shooting H which made alcohol taste too nasty to me. Got in methadone treatment and just never really started drinking again..
As for AA it was nothing but phony religion and drunks swapping drunk stories of how much fun they have when drinking. Not exactly a reason to quit..

 

[Purposefull]

There is the option of finding pain medication then go get on methadone. It makes alcohol taste really nasty to me, but you'd have to go every day for a good while and follow all their rules and not show up drunk. That would get you kicked out quick and back to square one.. Probably not the best solution.

 

[deficiT]

You're right yeah I wouldn't suggest replacing alcohol with methadone to anyone, maybe kratom, but not methadone. I pretty much replaced my drinking with kratom.

And sounds like you either went to bad meetings or you just didn't get it. The people at AA will give you rides, get you into treatment, help you get healthcare, pretty much anything tbh if you tell them you're struggling

 

[Jabberwocky]

5 days no alcohol.

I believe this is officially the longest I've willingly gone without alcohol in over 10 years.

Doing ok. A bit melancholy but not anxious. I usually have to fight off intense psychological cravings a few times a day.

Gotta stay strong.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

5 days no alcohol.

I believe this is officially the longest I've willingly gone without alcohol in over 10 years.

Doing ok. A bit melancholy but not anxious. I usually have to fight off intense psychological cravings a few times a day.

Gotta stay strong.

Hey ...what changed in your life do you think that gave you these 5 days of strength? Running more? Eating better ? Whatever it was I am happy for you. It is so obvious you want to cut way back but something always pulls you back in.

What are your biggest triggers ? Whatever you have been thinking and doing these last 5 days...keep doing it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

congrats!!! i really hope to be in a similar boat soon. i've set 1st august as my end date but brain is already fighting me about it.

would also love to know what helped.

how are you feeling now? have you upped any substances to make up for the 'shortfall' or are you managing it clear headed? either way 5 days is fucking massive.

when i was using i honestly didn't get how if people could get a day clean (i couldn't get 10 mins if i'd got my DOCs), they couldn't just stop. i realise there is more to it now and there is a huge difference between a day clean, and 2 days clean, and 3 days.... you get my drift. i hope it gets easier soon.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hey ...what changed in your life do you think that gave you these 5 days of strength?

What are your biggest triggers ? Whatever you have been thinking and doing these last 5 days...keep doing it.

I made a prayer and the universe blessed me with some benzos. Eliminates all the withdrawal (but not the intense psychological cravings).

My triggers always happen in the afternoon around 12-4pm. That's usually when I would buy my booze for the day. The benzos help a lot but they definitely don't stop the mental cravings. They always pass. Just gotta wait it out. Most triggers last bless than an hour.

congrats!!! i really hope to be in a similar boat soon. i've set 1st august as my end date but brain is already fighting me about it.

Yep, I hate how my brain reacts to the simple idea of choosing not to drink now or in the future. Instant panic. Stupid Brain !!

Would also love to know what helped.

Benzos. :/ Although I at least set myself up with obstacles in order to make it more difficult to buy more. Definitely don't want to become dependent on benzos again.

ow are you feeling now? have you upped any substances to make up for the 'shortfall' or are you managing it clear headed? either way 5 days is fucking massive.

In spirit I am very hopeful, motivated and happy!

However it's clear alcohol has acted as a mood stabilizer because my bipolar went haywire. I have extremely frequent mood swings. Happiness, depression, anger, fear ,etc... I will experience all that within 10 minutes.

I feel crazy but it's getting better.

I certainly almost tripled my kratom use. My addict brain is desperately trying to find a replacement but I am stopping myself from doing that. It would just end up leading back to booze or something worse.

When i was using i honestly didn't get how if people could get a day clean (i couldn't get 10 mins if i'd got my DOCs), they couldn't just stop. i realise there is more to it now and there is a huge difference between a day clean, and 2 days clean, and 3 days.... you get my drift. i hope it gets easier soon.

Yeah it is weird. For the last few months I could quite easily not drink for a day because my dependence wasn't that severe, but waking up on that 2nd day is when the withdrawal kicked in. Felt a lot like benzo withdrawal and then the bipolar takes over. It was nearly impossible for me to make it to day 2, just as you describe some can't make it past 8 hours.

Interesting.



Thank you friends. I am feeling great overall.

Right now I'm trying to keep myself focused on productive things and stay focused on goals - but wary not to stress myself and trigger a relapse.

Hugs not drugs!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Day 16(?) Sober. Woke up to this.

I think synchronicities are the universe's way of telling you that you are on the right path.

I don't crave alcohol anymore, or at least the cravings aren't severe. Headstrong.

Almost done tapering the benzos too

Go me

 

[n3ophy7e]

@Snafu of the Forest that is SO good to hear brother!! Please keep it up! Very proud of you

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Day 16(?) Sober. Woke up to this.

I think synchronicities are the universe's way of telling you that you are on the right path.

I don't crave alcohol anymore, or at least the cravings aren't severe. Headstrong.

Almost done tapering the benzos too

Go me

I am so jealous mate. You're doing brilliantly.

The Mrs went for a day out with her sisters earlier and the last thing she said was "don't get drunk"

I'm currently 3/4 of the way through a bottle of vodka and already Started on the 9% abv beers.

I'm dreading her coming back...

 

[AutoTripper]

I am so jealous mate. You're doing brilliantly.

The Mrs went for a day out with her sisters earlier and the last thing she said was "don't get drunk"

I'm currently 3/4 of the way through a bottle of vodka and already Started on the 9% abv beers.

I'm dreading her coming back...

Haha, snap. Except I’ve tried to abolish envy. It’s a trap, an illusion. It’s like hindsight. “With hindsight.”

What that literally means, practically in a real world sense of actual possibilities, is that if only I could have known what I didn’t know or appreciate then, when the only way I acquired the hindsight was learning the lesson in the process.

We only have the now, the lessons sometimes hurt but they are not lost. It’s that futile, regretful wishfulness I reject on philosophical grounds.

Like feeling unhappy over a sports team losing. It’s losing sight of things IMO. I try to think functionally. I reflect always, every day I can look back and officially say I was a total Twat yesterday lol, let alone 15 years ago.

So I am getting better. But I’ll always be a knob!

So was gonna say, where I am a little envious but not quite, I try and be pleased for others and take inspiration, is the benzo tapering nearly complete!

That’s a grand achievement. Im doing extremely poorly on that one myself currently, but my mum does drive me nuts extreme, she’s very unwell mentally in a true neurotic sense after having a full mental breakdown over the past 10 months.

The eruptions we have, fully unpredictable day to day, it’s totally not the environment you need to address absurd benzo dependance and manage full on anxiety and panic disorders in the process.

I have stopped for a while now at least, the safest drug, well in a way, on paper.

I reckon, if my mum went on Holiday for a week though, I’d eat about 50 trips lol!

 

[Jabberwocky]

It's crazy how quickly my body recovered after quitting. I feel super healthy for the first time in 15+ years.

Been waking up at 5am and working out every day. Feeling super motivated and confident right now.

Haven't had a major craving in 3 days now.

Time to kick it into 4th gear