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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Self-harm support thread v. 3

Yeah man, like I said, it's definitely worth a try, and it can't do any harm. So give it a go :)

But I think with most, if not ALL anti-scar treatments, you really will need to persist for several months before you see proper results. So if it's not working in one week, or even 3 or 4 weeks, keep persisting with it for a few months longer.
 
theartofwar said:
Man what the fuck, I reached out to one of my closest friends that I know who has been a good guy to me. I told him that I was struggling cutting. His response "you're a fucking idiot, whose stupid enough to cut themselves?" - fair enough it's not something most people even talk about , let alone who knows how wide spread.

I responded, "bro you've known me your whole life, lived at my house kicking dope countless times, we've been through hell, please understand their are areas of me you cannot and will not understand because I don't feel comfortable sharing details - I tried to share tonight and I'm not thinking it's a good idea to go any further."

response from my "friend : "You're easily the stupidest fucking person alive if you cut yourself, burn yourself, what possible fun can that bring you?" - I warned him one more time and then whooped his ass with a fucked up knee.

You know what im not sorry, im fucking not at all sorry, I've stayed away from this shit - he said "why not just go shoot heroin if you have a tough day" - GREAT that's 4-5 OD's , almost lost my life (well I did for 8 FUCKING years) - and lose the girl I love if I go back to habitual use (which would take about ohhh one shot). GREAT FUCKING ADVICE.

I'm fucking furious, his family is bullshit I threw him thru a fucking door - so I'm going to go buy and install that tomorrow. I'm just fucking furious right now - and you know what , fuck it , he's no saint , nobody is - we all have dark passengers. So fuck people who judge on others, I judge them for being cowards and not trying to help - yes by all means point whats wrong, but fuck helping...

FUCKING pissed.
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Well, conversely, why would people shoot heroin, even with used needles, to the point where they know it's not going to fully (if at all) make it in the vein?

What fun does a heroin addiction bring you? Oh, yeah, the withdrawals are a LOT of fun eh? 8( It's extra fun when you don't have a home to go to at night. Who needs a home when you have heroin? :\

Don't let people's ignorances bring you down man.

How about alcoholism? Why drink? Vomiting and spinning until you fall and injure yourself repeatedly, oh and it destructs many bodily organs, like the liver, stomach lining, the brain, etc.

How about tobacco addiction? Dying of cancer, emphysema, or hell, even going through cancer treatment, or having to lug around an oxygen tank with you everywhere forever, where's the fun in that? It's not like tobacco lasts but for a few minutes anyways...

This doesn't mean that people become alcoholics, or heroin addicts, because they WANT TO, or because it's FUN. It certainly is not fun, and is not something anyone aspires for in their own lives.

Think of it as this way. People respond to trauma, violence, etc. different ways. Some people may act outwards, like yelling at a cat or dog, or in more severe cases, abuse their children, wife, or even elderly parents/grandparents.

Others act inward, so that they take it out on their own body.

The difference between the two is that some people, like you and me, couldn't bring ourselves to hurt children or women in a physical way, so the worst we do is kick holes in walls/doors, and in severe cases, we may hurt ourselves physically any number of ways.

Just try to understand how people mock drug addiction if they have never enjoyed or even tried drugs before; it's a point of ignorance. Maybe one day your friend who made fun of you will end up cutting themselves. Maybe they'll be a wife beater, whose wife consequentially ends up pouring gasoline on their passed out selves and lighting them up in the middle of the night. Who knows?

My point being is that people often don't feel the extent of their ignorance until reality itself slaps them in the face. I'm not saying to physically harm your friends (I know you wouldn't do that unless they were seriously provoking you) - just let time pass on. If your friends can't understand what you're going through, they aren't friends you need to have.

joezraptor said:
Also, has anyone tried scar cream or gel? If so, what was your experience with it?
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I have used triple antibiotic ointment (i.e. neosporin) on track marks, and scars (surgery, not self-inflicted) and it helps a lot.

You are very lucky not to have cut through the tendons because this is exactly what had to happen to me during surgery. It is very painful to have to regrow your tendons back to normal. It's not fun to not have a fully functioning hand.
 
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Thank you CH - I appreciate that brother.

I have not had an incident of violence in awhile now (near a month since i was in a fight) and I am not looking for any trouble. I want peace in this life.

I came so close to cutting yesterday, I have been having an incredibly rough time but I am not allowing myself to slip in this area. I need to be able to have a clean mind right now more than ever - drug addiction would be devastating if I relapsed, self harm ... it would ruin me frankly, I need more than ever to stay strong. I appreciate any energy you guys can throw my way - I really need some help atm.
 
theartofwar said:
Thank you CH - I appreciate that brother.

I have not had an incident of violence in awhile now (near a month since i was in a fight) and I am not looking for any trouble. I want peace in this life.

I came so close to cutting yesterday, I have been having an incredibly rough time but I am not allowing myself to slip in this area. I need to be able to have a clean mind right now more than ever - drug addiction would be devastating if I relapsed, self harm ... it would ruin me frankly, I need more than ever to stay strong. I appreciate any energy you guys can throw my way - I really need some help atm.
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No problem man. I have had a rough time with circumstances. Not self-harm related, but just a stressful life in general. I have also received a lot of quality support at TDS so I like to give back when I have the time to.

I hope that my above post didn't offend anyone. <3 to everyone who needs it.
 
joezraptor said:
Hello everyone, I'm new here but have been lurking for a while
I started cutting when I was 13 after experiencing sexual trauma. It was never a major issue for me at that time as I eventually stopped and choose to deal with my problems in other (not good) ways. After not self-harming for years I recently fell into a deep depression and started again. I cut myself deeper and deeper as my depression got worse. One unfortunate night I was particularly upset and had recently thrown away my old razors. Using a brand new blade I cut much too deep, and I watched my arm split open over an inch. Several hours and ten stitches later I was back in one piece. I can honestly say I have never been more terrified in my life. I NEVER meant to cut that deeply.
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I had a very similar experience. Mine across the wrist, 8 stitches later. One of the scariest, if not THE scariest moment of my life. Although, to be honest I've had a few moments since that had given that incident a run for its money, but those were actually accidents, go figure. That was almost 1.5 years ago, and I haven't cut since. There have been times since that I have wanted to, but I didn't. After that I just can't.

I swear by Mederma! That worked really well for me, but just like other scar meds you do have to apply it a lot. Some of my scars though I don't want to get rid of, sometimes its good to remember.

Good luck Joe! You can definitely do it!
 
^one of the scariest moments of my life too.. tried my best to help and keep you safe

REALLY glad to hear you've been doing so much better and really didn't ever do it again. I knew you would be stronger after that.
 
I haven't cut myself for at least 2 years now. And hadn't thought about it for at least 1.. couple of weeks ago it came back. Summer's ending (im in south america) and im tan, that means that my scars are much more apparent than usual.. THAT makes me wanna create more scars..
i took a razor the other day and just passed it through my arm for the feel of it, and accidentally made an almost invisible cut. But hell i wish i had cutted deeper, i wish i was cutting deeper right now.
 
sometimes i hate everyone, most of the time i just hate myself. I wish i had more self confidense, that i cared about myself a little more. I can never seem to do whats right though, i always let people walk all over me. i feel so fuckn used at the moment. my neighor called me up earlier saying he wanted to talk to me about some work he wanted done, help moving and shit. I should of known something was wrong. i cant realy say he forced himself on me, but he kept on trying to make out with me after i clearly told him i wasnt interested and going even further he offered to pay me for sex. The worst thing is im actually considering it. On one hand id realy like the money, which id probably just blow on dope, but on the other im realy not attracted to him at all. He just seems like some middle age sleaze. at the moment i just want to pick up a razor and start cutting, i know that wont help anything, but sometimes the pain makes these decisions so much clearer.
 
Honestly, I'm like a YEAR or MORE recovered. Not a cut or scratch.
And lately, I don't know if the drugs or the high stress job or something else but its popping up in my head again. I suppress it pretty easy but it concerns me.
I have this pain and I don't know where its coming from but anything to make it go away.
And whats strange the pain is fleeting, only lasts a day or 2!

WTF!
 
Still haven't cut or burn myself in awhile. I Just wish it would go away, out of all the things I've been hooked on this is the worst by far, it's always there. I have dreams about it now - the further from the action I get the more I find myself fantasizing about it :/.
 
I Feel Like Alice Down the Rabbit Hole... Which Way Is Up?

I find if I make any slip in my eating regime, which consists of consuming no more than 444 calories without purging ALL extra within fifteen minutes, I am so overwhelmed with rage at my lack of control, I put out blunts, joints or cigarettes on my ankles, where they can be hidden with anklets, socks, boots, etc. Sometimes I even take birthday candles and snuff them out along with the other tomes of ash and searing flesh. I take 40-60mg of Adderall a day I trade for booze, weed and other favors and I was wondering if there might be a connection between using the ADHD meds and the re-surfacing of the self-mutilation, which I have not felt the need to experience in 4 years. Has anyone noticed that uppers make them more prone to self mutilation? Or do you guys think the burning has more to do with my eating disorder? I am so confused, twisted and tied, knotted from the truth, I cannot sort this out on my own. I know I am new, and certainly in a better place than many but I am afraid I a throwing my life away one aspect at a time until I have an excuse to just let myself die. I just feel so beyond being able to be understood... If some of you might have a chance to share your two cents, I'd be obliged. Love and Light to all... M
 
In light of all the media surrounding a long known taboo...... self harm. Whether it be cutting, hitting, or just self injury of any kind. S.A.F.E. is looking for persons to participate in their research program. So if you are suffering from this disease and are in this area, please get help. If you are not in the area that S.A.F.E. participates, please seek out professional help in your area, or contact me for information.

http://selfinjury.com/blog/?cat=10
 
went across the road up my forearm, my old favorite spot - it's been weeks. I really do care on some level, but after this month, i could give a fuck.

what sucks s it didn't even really feel the relese so ohwell whaatver.
 
Man I'm sorry to hear it came to this. I really wish I could take all your hurt away. But I know you, and I KNOW you can get through this. You're one of the strongest people I've met on here. Please try to keep that in mind <3
 
taow - me like many others here have been through difficult experiences. I was a self injurer for like 30 years. I know how you feel as much I can know how you feel. You need to know that you are loved and there are things in life that can bring you peace and happiness. Unfortunately, for people like us, it is not given to us we have to find it. We are some the most special people in the world because we can face such hurt in our lives and turn it around and make our lives what we want on our terms. But, you have to take the steps necessary to do that.

Please get some help. Even if it is just talking to someone on the phone. <3
 
mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

i fucking hate this shit...

i look down at my arm and see all those fucking painful scars/memories, and wonder why the fuck did i do this shit. I know why i did it... but i wasn't thinking about the future.. like looking for a job.. etc.

so today these 2 little mexican kids ask'd me what i did to my arm. they are like 6 and 12. well what was i susposed to say? that i'm fucked in the head and enjoy cutting myself? I just told them i drank to much tequila one night and got pinned up in barbed wire.
then they said something in spanish, i had no idea what the fuck they were saying.

thennnnn one of the RA's here came up to ask me AROUND those fucking kids, ask if those cuts were "fresh", i was like fuck no.

i felt fucking akward as fuck, now its like when ever i meet someone they look at my arm first. so i bet they are thinking shit like "hey look at this guy, he has mental problems". shit piss's me off.

i'm going to look into treatment for the scars, i know they have scar removal things. i've tried Bio-Oil, and it sucked. it smelt good, but it kept rubbing off.

I dunno, i just wish people wouldn't judge a person by the number of cuts on their wrists/arms.
 
Awww D's, I know it's such a horrible feeling. But please try not to worry about what other people think. You know what? I reckon those kids won't even give it a second thought ever again. I know it's awkward for you at the time, but try not to let it have a lasting effect on you and your self esteem <3

D's said:
i've tried Bio-Oil, and it sucked. it smelt good, but it kept rubbing off.
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Keep trying with the Bio-Oil man. What you've gotta do is apply a tiny bit and rub it in until it's pretty much absorbed, and do that 3 times a day, for at least 3 months. It's helped make some of my scars heaps less visible. It's worth a try if you can stick with it <3
 
my family freaked out , i have been keeping hoodies on but i had a tshirt on and they saw it, I got a fucking yeling - which just made me hate myself more, I ended up back upstairs having gone at my right arm as well. These ones suck, I know these scars will be not as noitceabl when they finally heal.

Does nayone know how to help heal them :( ? can't wear tshirts in the gym or anything it's all up my left forearm and starting on my right, it's so humiliating.
 
theartofwar said:
my family freaked out , i have been keeping hoodies on but i had a tshirt on and they saw it, I got a fucking yeling - which just made me hate myself more, I ended up back upstairs having gone at my right arm as well. These ones suck, I know these scars will be not as noitceabl when they finally heal.

Does nayone know how to help heal them :( ? can't wear tshirts in the gym or anything it's all up my left forearm and starting on my right, it's so humiliating.
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I use triple antibiotic ointment on track marks and an incision site from surgery.

Depending on how deep/shallow they are, they will either go away or you'll have a slowly fading scar. Over years of time it'll be only something you notice though. It's going to take time but they will heal.

Don't feel bad about it, and don't let people yell at you over it. It's not something worth having an anxiety attack about. :) If your family is getting you down that bad, then don't be around them. It sounds like they aren't entirely understanding.

Don't feel humiliated about it either. You have a lot to feel proud about, remember those things and keep your pride up.

D's said:
mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

i fucking hate this shit...

i look down at my arm and see all those fucking painful scars/memories, and wonder why the fuck did i do this shit. I know why i did it... but i wasn't thinking about the future.. like looking for a job.. etc.

so today these 2 little mexican kids ask'd me what i did to my arm. they are like 6 and 12. well what was i susposed to say? that i'm fucked in the head and enjoy cutting myself? I just told them i drank to much tequila one night and got pinned up in barbed wire.
then they said something in spanish, i had no idea what the fuck they were saying.

thennnnn one of the RA's here came up to ask me AROUND those fucking kids, ask if those cuts were "fresh", i was like fuck no.

i felt fucking akward as fuck, now its like when ever i meet someone they look at my arm first. so i bet they are thinking shit like "hey look at this guy, he has mental problems". shit piss's me off.

i'm going to look into treatment for the scars, i know they have scar removal things. i've tried Bio-Oil, and it sucked. it smelt good, but it kept rubbing off.

I dunno, i just wish people wouldn't judge a person by the number of cuts on their wrists/arms.
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Don't worry about what other people think of you D's. Even if it matters to you, pretend like it doesn't. No one will think any less of you. If they do, then they aren't anyone you need or want as a friend anyways.
 
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