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Self-harm support thread v. 3

^^ Honey, I'm so sorry to hear that your fiance's friend isn't doing well, no doubt your fiance isn't coping well with that either which would probably explain why he's being so snappy at home :(
I'm sure if you opened up to your manager she would understand, and you would definitely benefit from opening up to someone for some support <3


User Name Here, thank you so much for posting about your experience with trichitillomania. I have just recently learned about and taken the time to research this lesser-known disorder, due to discussions with another treasured Bluelighter who suffers from trich <3

It is an interesting disorder, and I can see a LOT of similarities with the more well-known forms of self-injury e.g. cutting, burning etc. And in many ways I would also consider it a form of self-harm. But like you said, it has a lot of similarities to OCD as well.

If you would like to tell us any more information about trich, perhaps why you started doing it, how long it went on for, how you eventually stopped, etc, I'm sure people would be interested to learn more about it.

BUT, if you don't feel comfortable discussing it, then please don't. That is totally fine :) <3
 

two peas in a pod here... the final desired feeling of calmness, instant-gratification, euphoria in your own right - the feeling of a place you can go to escape, alone adrift, and content. the more anxiety and depression you can feel, the more release, soon, even more anxiety and depression will come from the cutting its self, and you may then need more cutting to satisfy.

xxkcxx said:
" I was super anxious and depressed at the build up"

" and then when I finally cut it was such a release"
Click to expand...

the anxiety and depression you are escaping is going to be there still, and when this becomes exposed or a problem, youre setting your self up for a whole new ugly ball game, of anxiety and depression.

atm i have all sorts of fuk'd pain through out my ribs, and my spine, various muscle groups, to a moderate amount. i know if i had gone at it a week or so ago when that pain was really on fire, i knew id be more acclimated/accustomed to going that route to feel some different pain. tonight when of been a good staging for such activity, i have all the sterile(izing) med supplies i could need etc. and it would work!

then i think, theres sure as i can see the sun rising going to be more pain, more anxiety and depression, but none of that. i dont have to deal with that traumatic for all event, because its a situation avoided, and in return we will have to find a different copping mechanism.
 
n3ophy7e said:
User Name Here, thank you so much for posting about your experience with trichitillomania. I have just recently learned about and taken the time to research this lesser-known disorder, due to discussions with another treasured Bluelighter who suffers from trich <3

It is an interesting disorder, and I can see a LOT of similarities with the more well-known forms of self-injury e.g. cutting, burning etc. And in many ways I would also consider it a form of self-harm. But like you said, it has a lot of similarities to OCD as well.

If you would like to tell us any more information about trich, perhaps why you started doing it, how long it went on for, how you eventually stopped, etc, I'm sure people would be interested to learn more about it.

BUT, if you don't feel comfortable discussing it, then please don't. That is totally fine :) <3
Click to expand...

I have absolutely no qualms with discussing it whatsoever. I know that when I was dealing with this issue I found comfort in reading about other peoples' stories online so maybe what I say can help someone (which I would love). I also think that it's good for people who suffer from this to know that it is indeed something that can be controlled. Oh, I still have the urge to pull out my hair sometimes, but I don't anymore. I transfix that tendency and focus on something else with my hands altogether. As far as people with this disorder goes, idle hands truly are "the devil's playground." A lot of people even wear gloves to prevent themselves from pulling out more hair!

Anyway, I'm not sure exactly why I started doing it. I know that I started pulling my hair out around sixth grade--at about age 12--which was the same year my folks got divorced (astonishingly enough it was a great thing and they still remain close friends despite both of them being re-married and whatnot). I assume this is the main reason I started but at the same time I'm not sure because like I said, it definitely wasn't a traumatic experience. I've heard that a lot of people start doing this around puberty too so maybe that had something to do with it? Or maybe it was just a combination of the two.

I continued pulling my hair out until about ninth grade but by that point I was doing it less and less as I was a happier, less hormonal person in addition to--I hate to admit it--the fact that appearance began to really matter to me (I think it does to almost everyone though so I guess that's not a horrible thing to admit). Anyway, I went through these phases in which I would pull just about all of my eyelashes and eyebrows out, and I started pulling the hair on my scalp out as well. I was able to leave them alone long enough to let it all grow back only to do it all over again. The last time I actually pulled a substantial amount out was, oh, probably in 7th or 8th grade.

Finally, I am also not sure exactly how it stopped. All I know is that, like I said, appearance became extremely important to me and I was so tired of being embarrassed all of the time. I even got called an alien at one point when I was missing my eyelashes. I would come up with all sorts of stupid excuses as to what happened but of course no one believed me. My parents were also catching on to the whole thing and basically freaking out, especially my mom. This definitely gave me even more motivation to quit pulling my hair out. Maybe I simply grew out of it. Maybe I adopted a healthier outlook on life. Like I said earlier though, I still have the urge to do it once in a while and I'll catch myself twirling my hair around my fingers and whatnot, but I haven't actually pulled anything out in so many years.

From what I understand there are varying levels of this disorder so hell, maybe I had a less extreme version of it. Once I started researching it online I noticed that some people went as far as pulling just about every hair on their head out! I never came close to that so yeah, I think I was on the lower end of the spectrum. Either way I still suffered from the urge and almost absolute need to pull my hair out.

Sorry this is a novel [like so many of my posts] but I wanted to be thorough with this response!
 
good information.

some people, and its understandable, feel that no one can or could relate... and then you read a post 'you could of written'.

not many people have heard of this, or would know it exists as an actual diagnosis, a common human behavior. i would hate to be in that place, and feel so disturbed and confused about your urges.

it would be amazing to be revealed to people going through the same.
 
I will definately be talking to her tomorrow, I fucked up at work soooo much today which is not like me, I was asking for help & everything which is not normal, I only need help maybe 5 times during a busy lunch shift, today I asked about 15-20, I felt so retarded & wanted to cut more. My fiancee is definately not coping, he's skipped work twice since it happened...
 
cut for the first time in months. i realized its really the best thing to stop the panic attacks. like even better than lines of morphine.

suggestions? i will gladly accept healthy ones as well as unhealthy ones
 
^^ Man I'm sorry to hear you're having panic attacks, that is horrible :(
I think the reason why the cutting seems to be helping is by distracting yourself from the panic attack at the time. It's giving you something else to focus on so that the symptoms of anxiety eventually subside.

But (and you know this) cutting is NOT solving the problem. My guess is that you will continue to have the panic attacks and they will possibly get worse and/or more frequent.

Are you currently seeing a counsellor about this?? To get long-lasting relief and to learn methods of avoiding panic attacks you really need to consider getting some professional help.

In the meantime, if you feel like you're getting a panic attack or if you're overly anxious, get yourself in to a quiet area, and do some slow deep breathing. Close your eyes to further reduce stimulus, focus on your breathing and concentrate on taking in slow calm rhythmic breaths. Doing so could help to distract yourself from not only the panic attack but also the thoughts of cutting.

Take care, and let us know how you're going <3


billywifey, how did it go at work today hun?? <3 How's your fiancee coping today? Has he ever thought of seeing a counsellor to talk about what he's going through at the moment?
 
no disrespect to anyone but my sister was cutting when she was younger and it lead to her trying to kill herself and almost succeeding so fuck cutting. when i really cant handle things i ether smoke or go for a long walk
 
^^ Fuck cutting indeed. I'm sorry to hear what your sister went through and what you went through as well as a result of that. I'm sure if you spent a bit of time reading through this thread you night get a bit of insight as to why people do it and what types of people do it etc. It doesn't always lead to suicide attempts but it's sad to hear in your sister's case it did. It is ALWAYS better to work through your problems by talking about it and getting professional help (or as you suggested, going for a long walk) rather than bottling things up inside and then taking it out on our bodies when the pressure gets too much.

How is your sister doing now??
 
^^ I'm so sorry to hear that your friend passed hun. May he R.I.P <3
That's great you talked with your manager, I'm sure that's a source of support you could well do with right now.
It sucks you cut again but to be honest if I were in your situation I probably would have as well. Please try not to be hard on yourself for it though, because that only leads to more negative feelings and thoughts, which just continues on the cycle of self-harm. You are NOT fat OR ugly, you are beautiful, and a wonderful human being who deserves to be happy. I'm worried about your fiancee as well though, has he considered getting some counselling about your friend's OD??
 
thanks a lot n3ophy7e

i have had anxiety problems my whole life. parents sent me to therapists for years. i tried all their strategies and mind games really hard. but its like i really need something bigger to stop the panic attacks they just take me over. i excersize a ton but when it gets bad i cant really do shit. so cutting and drugs are really the only thing that take me off that path of worrying about worrying about nothing etc.
 
^^ I totally understand that. When my parents sent me to a therapist at a young age it was of no use whatsoever (I was being bullied at school and showing signs of depression, that was the start of it all :|)

I think that for something to really work we have to be doing it of our own accord, as our own choice. Have you seen a therapist recently? Have you tried any medications for anxiety? How old are you by the way? (you totally don't have to answer that if you don't want to).
Therapy and the relating conditions are dynamic, they're always changing, so just because something didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work in the future. If you're not coping with your anxiety it's worth another try with professional help <3
 
billyswifey said:
Everytime something goes right something goes worse :(
Click to expand...
All I can say is an amen from an atheist. Probably most of us could attest to that with a different philosophy. A lot of times here it's not really an analytical issue alone but just mental illness, substance abuse, trauma, etc. that causes the inevitable pain in life to be amplified or to simply appear to come out of nowhere due to the health issues so hard to beat for most of us. What seems such a straightforward problem really never is. Oftentimes the most simple things in life are the most difficult to find a solution to. For example, you hear almost every time you encounter someone who asks "how are you?" which in the end is impossible to really answer correctly.

It's a matter of reassurance, knowing you are not alone, and gaining some kind of knowledge. The two options that I can think of, you will be forced to make a crucial decision at some point to change your life. I won't kid you if that happens, the choices being almost suddenly so clear it's as if it's looking at you square in the face once you hit your rock bottom (mine would be 7 overdoses in a single year and multiple suicide attempts) hopefully and most likely intact won't be pleasant once they smack you in the face. Hopefully this minor little bit of personal experience that I can transcribe to you can help you choose the path wisely, with whatever level of forethought has hopefully been gained. The epiphany tends to be surreal due to how alien it is compared to what you are used to but it will happen as long as you persevere or end up being absurdly lucky like me. I couldn't even post here because I was so debilitated.

The other option is quite simple and does happen even in pretty extreme cases, that you will simply gradually improve over time. Though this is more tedious and painstaking, the very slow experiences you learn in life, so slow that you probably wouldn't even notice would take over until you decide to be confident enough to take another step. Rinse, wash, repeat.

You've read it here a million times: go see a doctor. I doubt you won't be medicated either way considering how serious your situation sounds (which isn't a bad thing at all), but hopefully it can just serve as a booster for faster improvement, whatever type it may be, or worst case scenario mental problems being severe enough to warrant lifetime medications and more dedication to resolving back to normal functioning being even more crucial.

I sincerely hope the best of luck for you.
 
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^^ Thanks dude, I appreciate your words of wisdom. My main problem atm is that I'm moody, tired, nauseasous(sp?), hungry all the time....yep sounds like pregnancy huh? Haven't found out yet. It would explain A LOT! My stress is dropping, still pretty frustrated, but feeling much better.
 
it was about 2 yrs ago i did therapy so idk i still feel the same way about it. im 18. i have tried prozac, zoloft, trazadone (get most panic attacks at night and cant sleep), and strattera i think
 
had a weird moment this afternoon. on the tailing ends of a mephedrone binge, and feeling a little funky. brain running in overdrive, just contemplating and obsessing over issues which I can't control, and i could feel myself spiraling down and wishing i had something self destructive to do, to do something intense to let the pent up emotion inside me out.

i am happy i gave my craft knife away because likely if not, there would be a fresh cut somewhere. with no tools easily at my disposal and feeling using the kitchen knife was a combination of stupid and also unhygienic, i left the house to really get myself away from those thoughts of that method of escape and tried to busy myself. those emotions inside aren't going away anytime soon, i can feel them seething waiting. i just hope i have the strength to keep the blood inside me instead of out on display.

its difficult every single day, props to those who have the strength to be able to keep thisse terrible feelings and emotions away.
 
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