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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

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I am going to choose some music medicine now. Medicine is the word. That was a hit those 6 tabs 4 hours ago. Very luminous surroundings.
 
JackARoe said:
^ I can totally relate Xorkoth, I have been getting more and more annoyed and cranky the older I get. I would like to blame kratom but my cranky older neighbor never heard of kratom. :) I think it adds to it but I have also had great days on kratom too. But for sure I am concerned as I really can not take getting more annoyed than I have been getting. Life has turned into a drag.

Looking at issues with our signifigant other, the world, our friends for sure get tiring. Work gets tiring. The same nonsense day after day. I totally get it. One day I am married, the next I don't want that. My job use to be a haven of escape but my company having been bought by a greedy financial institution got rid of about 80% people that helped grow the company over the years to outsource to India. Paying them like $1.00 an hour. Now we have cients leaving because the India teams had no training and do not understand English. It is a friggin mess. We grew the company and this institution is destroying it as they pat themselves on the back. But the upper management can stuff their pockets as the TItanic sinks. The ony good thing is there are so many clients it will take years to sink. But it is heartbreaking to watch the nonsense. Yet when I speak to others a lot of people say their company is the same. These companies are great as start ups but once they grow and sell it gets crappier. I try and do my best by being kind to everyone and that helps me make it through my day.

Music use to be an outlet. (I bet we know some of the same peope as I have a lot of friends that play festivals) Our mandolin player died of a rare brain tumor this pastSummer and the other guitar player has too big of an ego so we have not been playing. So yeah, no releaf. I think we have to count our blessings. I really hope this is not the trend as we get older but a I look at my parents they are cranky and bickering too, although my father loves science youtube video's so he keeps his 88 year old mind sharp.

But are we destined to be cranky and hiss at people? God being younger was so much easier. I wish I could pinpoint it to one or two things but I think it is a lot of things.
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My company went through that for most of the time I have been here. We got bought by a multinational holding corporation shortly after I got hired, and I watched them slowly choke and destroy the place while taking a larger and larger cut of the profits every year, while disallowing us to make our own decisions or give raises to employees. Finally 2 years ago they said well, you aren't making us enough money so we're dissolving the company and selling the parts unless you can find a buyer in 2 weeks. It was so stupid because we had just finished developing a branch of the business we'd been working on for years that was going to be 90% profits due to being mostly automated.

Fortunately the CEO found the funding and bought it so we're privately owned now and doing better than ever. So actually work is going really well.

Music is also a great outlet for me and the band is doing really great things right now. Honestly everything is going good, except that my partner is not doing so well so that's stressful and is a factor I think in why I keep going back to opiates. That and I hate withdrawal and don't have a couple of weeks to curl into a ball and get past it. I did that last summer when I took a month off and rented a cabin in the woods with my friend. Got off everything and felt great by the end. Then my cat died suddenly the day I got home. And I relapsed and have been struggling with that since.

I think a big part of it is that I just don't feel very good because of drugs. Every day is crapshoot, kratom sucks because when you're addicted to it it doesn't even make you feel very good. My dosage escalates and if I don't take enough I feel withdrawals, but the amount I have to take triggers the adrenergic/unpleasant effects so I oscillate between feeling decent (but not very good) and dysphoric and agitated.

Ugh

I found myself with some poppy pod resin and did that for a few days last week, and felt great and normal and happy and effortlessly productive and loving for a few days. But that's not sustainable. I could order a bunch but I know where that leads. At least with kratom I won't be facing weeks of agony if I stop. Buprenorphine makes me feel really productive and comfortable and normal too, but same issue there. I don't want to be on opiates, I want to be free. Wish I hadn't fucked that up last year right when I got back from the cabin. Can't believe just a couple of years ago I had 5 years clean and felt like I hadn't even ever touched an opiate or would ever want to again.
 
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I have a lot of older neighbors. The crankiest among them seem to be those with the most wealth. They are also judgy and always calling the city for broken down vehicles and yard waste.

Meanwhile those barely scraping by are kind and sociable. The widow who lost her beloved husband and who is putting up two sons, a daughter in law and a grand daughter is always offering a smile.

These are just my observations. As an upper middle aged guy I find that I'm much less angry than I've ever been. I think that's because I blame myself for most of my problems.

One way to manage anger can be to look inward.
 
Xorkoth said:
My company went through that for most of the time I have been here. We got bought by a multinational holding corporation shortly after I got hired, and I watched them slowly choke and destroy the place while taking a larger and larger cut of the profits every year, while disallowing us to make our own decisions or give raises to employees. Finally 2 years ago they said well, you aren't making us enough money so we're dissolving the company and selling the parts unless you can find a buyer in 2 weeks. It was so stupid because we had just finished developing a branch of the business we'd been working on for years that was going to be 90% profits due to being mostly automated.

Fortunately the CEO found the funding and bought it so we're privately owned now and doing better than ever. So actually work is going really well.

Music is also a great outlet for me and the band is doing really great things right now. Honestly everything is going good, except that my partner is not doing so well so that's stressful and is a factor I think in why I keep going back to opiates. That and I hate withdrawal and don't have a couple of weeks to curl into a ball and get past it. I did that last summer when I took a month off and rented a cabin in the woods with my friend. Got off everything and felt great by the end. Then my cat died suddenly the day I got home. And I relapsed and have been struggling with that since.

I think a big part of it is that I just don't feel very good because of drugs. Every day is crapshoot, kratom sucks because when you're addicted to it it doesn't even make you feel very good. My dosage escalates and if I don't take enough I feel withdrawals, but the amount I have to take triggers the adrenergic/unpleasant effects so I oscillate between feeling decent (but not very good) and dysphoric and agitated.

Ugh
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I am sorry I have not offered more support. I have noticed and do care.

Just way too out there atm. So please do excuse my apparent insensitivity at times.

Stress though right. Too much stress for anybody needs healing and restoration.

How I have kept eye, you have been dealing with literally all of life's stresses on all fronts, supporting everybody selflessly, while working your hardest to return to a normal happy life in inpossible and unforgiving times.

Sorry if this is plain patronising.
 
Xorkoth said:
I've been feeling easily agitated and more or less in a bad mood for a while now. I can't seem to shake it. Everything feels annoying. It has a whole lot to do with still being addicted to kratom, needing to dose 4 times a day. It picked up when my girlfriend had her most recent downswing and II am feeling annoyed at her a lot more than I ever have. I can't tell if it's just because of drugs or not though. I am pretty sick of her being excessively negative about things. I really need to get past this shit.
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Wanna leave her and be gay lovers? 🤧
 
want to do if the girl you are seeing ends up been fake?. Ima cut my losses, lucky i recovered my cash from the time we had together. But eh the disrespect she has shown me, empty words, I guess i was just some rebound to make her feel better. Seemed to present well at the start but fuck a month can tell you alot about somebody. I should of trusted my very gut instinct on my acid trips before i even hooked up with her, Knew she was probably gonna be fake. I broke every rule i had about seeing women, Should of seen the red flags a mile off. This would of crushed me as its lockdown, but thank fuck i had ketamine and mushrooms to help me thru it.

Fuck man the shit i did i for her just for her to spit in my face, all i wanted was to meet some real folks, but everybody keeps been fake. The favours i have done for so many people and no 1 ever returns them or does shit for me or even invites me out to things. Moving to this new city this year was a bad mistake in some ways, I didnt realize every cunt was gonna be fake here. But it is what it is. My real mates all escaped NZ. And so will i.

Ayy well that pussy was good while i tapped it, but folk lack any decency these days.

i should of set clear boundaries and never helped her friends either, hell shit i should of never helped her in the first place.

I showed the best drugs they ever done, and now ima cut them all off lol they gonna be thirsty, fuck them. Ill keep it real my whole life, I just wish people would show me some niceness, I always generous and everybody takes advantage of me expect for my real G crew.

All i wanted to do was a build a new network of good friends and have like a little family of us getting up to fun. But aye life is life so many humans are scumbags
 
TripSitterNZ said:
want to do if the girl you are seeing ends up been fake?. Ima cut my losses, lucky i recovered my cash from the time we had together. But eh the disrespect she has shown me, empty words, I guess i was just some rebound to make her feel better. Seemed to present well at the start but fuck a month can tell you alot about somebody. I should of trusted my very gut instinct on my acid trips before i even hooked up with her, Knew she was probably gonna be fake. I broke every rule i had about seeing women, Should of seen the red flags a mile off. This would of crushed me as its lockdown, but thank fuck i had ketamine and mushrooms to help me thru it.

Fuck man the shit i did i for her just for her to spit in my face, all i wanted was to meet some real folks, but everybody keeps been fake. The favours i have done for so many people and no 1 ever returns them or does shit for me or even invites me out to things. Moving to this new city this year was a bad mistake in some ways, I didnt realize every cunt was gonna be fake here. But it is what it is. My real mates all escaped NZ. And so will i.

Ayy well that pussy was good while i tapped it, but folk lack any decency these days.

i should of set clear boundaries and never helped her friends either, hell shit i should of never helped her in the first place.

I showed the best drugs they ever done, and now ima cut them all off lol they gonna be thirsty, fuck them. Ill keep it real my whole life, I just wish people would show me some niceness, I always generous and everybody takes advantage of me expect for my real G crew.

All i wanted to do was a build a new network of good friends and have like a little family of us getting up to fun. But aye life is life so many humans are scumbags
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People vary! Lol is understatement.

You can only be the true you. I don't expect anymore. I accelt. But I still try to love and in that I feel free.

We can only influence the world without trying to control it I reckon.

Being a real person you won't lose that. Nobody can take that from you. Just unfortunate most people out there don't seem to be real.
 
I am nuts btw. I just redosed 400 mics on top of the 600. Drinking grated ginger and black tea for tummy soorhing, a kick and tannin is anxiolytic too.

Too much cannabis active still but later. Very high.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
want to do if the girl you are seeing ends up been fake?. Ima cut my losses, lucky i recovered my cash from the time we had together.
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A-fucking-MEN

Being a fake probably means you would not do to her what she is doing to you. What you want is Respect Integrity, trustworthy. I trust what you are speaking of is some BS behavior, not a misunderstanding.
 
i did meet a fellow real stoner tho and he said he will never forget the night we met in the park, got him the highest he ever been in his life with my strong weed lol. He shouted me alot of buds aswell. Super cool dude friendly and generous. Real recognizes real. he had been thru alot in life and was grinding out a solid future for him and his family. Mad respect on him!!!

Didn't realize how cruel women could be, been a long time man.


such bad timing with exams coming up aye. So many empty apologies.

i might just take it a bit slower today with my uni work. I got some mad restocks coming in to help study with pharma grade meds.
 
Mr. Krinkle said:
Remember that time when you thought you had the same look on your face as Barret?

that made me :rofl:
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Well if only I dared show you now. There have been some transitions lol. My foot hurts though this second can you believe my attention is drawn to that, I stubbed it earlier on doorframe.

I just took a series of huge Cinderella Jack vaporizer hits via quart and torch.

Ever so high is the right phrase.
 
This is like the only safe place for me here at times you know, this thread.

The openess, tolerance, acceptance, zero reproach, loads of good will, and also suitably it seems you don't even need Evidence around here lol.
 
i wanna host an evening talk show with you Autotripper

Like Johnny Carson....

i can be Ed McMahon :)

Do you know about Jonny Carson over there on that island?

:shrug:
 
Mr. Krinkle said:
i wanna host an evening talk show with you Autotripper

Like Johnny Carson....

i can be Ed McMahon :)

Do you know about Jonny Carson over there on that island?

:shrug:
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I'm familiar. Comedian iirc as is linguo here lol. I think.

I talk much better and more pleasantly than I type. Typing is difficult but necessary and rewarding IMO.

Talking, I love and do with sheer unpressured ease at all times.
 
AutoTripper said:
I'm familiar. Comedian iirc as is linguo here lol. I think.

I talk much better and more pleasantly than I type. Typing is difficult but necessary and rewarding IMO.

Talking, I love and do with sheer unpressured ease at all times.
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English like in UK English accents are the best....im sure it is pleasant

as long as you don't talk too much, it's all good with me

some ppl like to talk a lot....so i let them - that way they don't ask me too many questions 😎
 
Mr. Krinkle said:
English like in UK English accents are the best....im sure it is pleasant

as long as you don't talk too much, it's all good with me

some ppl like to talk a lot....so i let them - that way they don't ask me too many questions 😎
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Nothing to hide here. One thing at least. Except annual weed plants the awful crime, and a lifetime supply plus still of Lysergamides. If they are going to come and take me away now lol, ka sera sera, at this stage of the game.

Obviously I am crazy though. I keep taking acid. I'm going out for a 3 am dark noght chill in dead quiet garden, see if there is a night sky.
 
Mr. Krinkle said:
English like in UK English accents are the best....im sure it is pleasant

as long as you don't talk too much, it's all good with me

some ppl like to talk a lot....so i let them - that way they don't ask me too many questions 😎
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Oh don't worry, I'm perfectly natural and balanced in conversation.

I feel no need at all to say anything. I have the absolute most pure unaccented t pronouncing English accent you will hear, except there is absolutely zero artificiality in it.

Some English accent is that.
 
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