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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

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Crystal still UK October night sky here. I wanted to see some UFO's seriously. I've seen them before. None showed. I'll keep looking not tonight though.
 
Just A Guy said:
I have a lot of older neighbors. The crankiest among them seem to be those with the most wealth. They are also judgy and always calling the city for broken down vehicles and yard waste.
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Been thinking about this for a few years now. Yes some people flat out suck. But a lot of the time crankiness has nothing to do personality. There are mean spirited personalities for sure among people, but I also notice crankiness among some really good people. Happens as they get older and is still not tied into personality. There is a difference from when a person walks down the stairs forgets their cup of coffee upstairs (and mumbles under their breath for f*cks sake I am sick of this) and has to go get it as opposed to the old dude smacking his cane on the ground yelling at kids to get off his lawn.

I think a lot of the regular crankiness that even good people get as they get older is simply a tiredness of doing doing doing. Always doing. Waking up everyday to the same crap as it wears on the spirit. I try to shake it off but then I feel like I become Yosemite Sam as he gets hit over the head with a bat and smiles and says look I can take it now (when I really can't). No go. We get tired of doing, and from there I understand the term Rest In Peace. No more doing. Just being. :)

But yeah then there are those people that find crap to complain about everyday control freaks, people looking for faults. I think that is different than crankiness from a good person.
 
Can I confess here, it helps me in life really. I don't stop. Over 50 tabs in 6 days.

24 since last night.

I feel guilty! Like, no way can I justify that. It's done though.
 
If I can confess too I have a tiny bit of concern for you Autotripper. Although if you are not doing large amounts of dissociatives and benzos along with them I guess a psychedelic binge is sort of less harmful. I feel you are still in control. However, examine your motives. Like why would guilt come in? (hey you said it so you trust us :)) And to answer the question why 50 tabs in 6 days? Exploring is the best answer! Curing boredom is not as good. I am very glad though that you steer cleaer of dissociatives and don't shovel in benzos on a whim beyong your daily therapeutic dose you already take and maintain.

We sometimes see people spiral out of control. Not sure that is you Auto but just keeping the concern out there. I kind of miss Cosmic Charlie you know?

Tripping is good but it is a tool that will lose it's effectiveness. The effectiveness comes back but after abstinence.

So really have fun keep it light. But for sure have an intent to explain to your higher self when it asks why so much so quick. :)
 
JackARoe said:
If I can confess too I have a tiny bit of concern for you Autotripper. Although if you are not doing large amounts of dissociatives and benzos along with them I guess a psychedelic binge is sort of less harmful. I feel you are still in control. However, examine your motives. Like why would guilt come in? (hey you said it so you trust us :)) And to answer the question why 50 tabs in 6 days? Exploring is the best answer! Curing boredom is not as good. I am very glad though that you steer cleaer of dissociatives and don't shovel in benzos on a whim beyong your daily therapeutic dose you already take and maintain.

We sometimes see people spiral out of control. Not sure that is you Auto but just keeping the concern out there. I kind of miss Cosmic Charlie you know?

Tripping is good but it is a tool that will lose it's effectiveness. The effectiveness comes back but after abstinence.

So really have fun keep it light. But for sure have an intent to explain to your higher self when it asks why so much so quick. :)
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Thanks man lots. I do think I'm okay.

Last week after over 25 tabs, I temp got spooked.

Because no matter what, even if turmultuos, deep depression and mood swings, I have always snapped back somehow. My full self, nothing missing ever.

The sudden thought of actually losing command of the mind....

But it wasn't so.

When I say guilty, it's not because I feel I am doing wrong, going wrong, regret at all.

It's my state atm. And feeling logically, it's wild.

I don't normally take at near such a rate.

But I did twice take 2.5 mgs in 48 hours. 9 years ago,

I was a trill pounds after each time.

I look, astonishingly well I think considering.

Anxiety though. That's my problem, and allergies.

Now, I can't say I stick to a benzo dose.

I try to. Usually, I go 12-15 hours none when I trip.

It can get messy though, uncounted. Probable 45 Mg's last two days no sleep.

It's bad right?

I will reel it back in. I need to stay calm, serious tough time with that.

Thanks for those warm, well considered words mate.

Do hope you are having a peaceful weekend at home.
 
JackARoe said:
If I can confess too I have a tiny bit of concern for you Autotripper.
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As do I.

I really wanted some but I couldn't take LSD yesterday or today. I went to a place I both hate and love yesterday. Hauled off a load of animals to the stockyard. Hopefully three or four of them got bought by breeders. I know at least one might show up on my dinner plate soon. Needed the money so the rest of the animals could survive the winter. Had to many 1-2 year old "babies" still sucking on momma's tits. All the old girls were so over worked they weren't putting on enough fat.

Now I get to hear them cry for the next 3 days. They were up all night crying for their babies. No LSD for me until at least next month.

If you guys ever want to take a nightmare trip take a museum dose of LSD and go to the nearest stockyard with an open auction. It's wild. Thousands of animals getting bought and sold. Most going directly to the slaughter house. You can see the fear in the eyes of the animals that have gone through the system before. They know their time is probably up. An old girl was parked in front of me yesterday. As soon as my animals got near her they started acting angry and trying to escape. It was like she was warning the rest of them. All the clueless first timers got really upset once she started calling to them.

Such is life. At least they're happy while they're here. I wish I could keep them all.
 
^ Jeez no thanks HLSD. As Hunter Thompson would say that is a heavy thing to lay on a person with a head full of acid. lol

I have a trip planned when I go away to a mountain hotel by myself in a week and a half. Yup, the trips get more caclulated.
 
AutoTripper said:
Now, I can't say I stick to a benzo dose.

I try to. Usually, I go 12-15 hours none when I trip.

It can get messy though, uncounted. Probable 45 Mg's last two days no sleep.
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It is amazing how fast benzo tolerance can go up. Damn, 45 mgs would last me over a year. Yet I do see people here that can take very large amounts. But yes keep that in check. You know I am here if you need. (nonjudgemental is all aspects from health to politics so no worries)


AutoTripper said:
Do hope you are having a peaceful weekend at home.
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It is raining here so the wife and I decided to make it a TV day. So I let her pick the movie. Cold Mountain. And it reminded me that my wife really can not discern between chick flick or not for me. But Cold Mountain is a chick flick yes? (to me it was) Good movie a little dramatic. I am impressed at how so many of the soldiers wanted to go to war and take it like a man when they get shot. They heat a knife and dig the bullet out. We are such pussies these days. lol

Apologies for the double post. It is quiet here today. I was suppose to travel to Soutn Jersey this weekend but postponed.
 
JackARoe said:
It is amazing how fast benzo tolerance can go up. Damn, 45 mgs would last me over a year. Yet I do see people here that can take very large amounts. But yes keep that in check. You know I am here if you need. (nonjudgemental is all aspects from health to politics so no worries)



It is raining here so the wife and I decided to make it a TV day. So I let her pick the movie. Cold Mountain. And it reminded me that my wife really can not discern between chick flick or not for me. But Cold Mountain is a chick flick yes? (to me it was) Good movie a little dramatic. I am impressed at how so many of the soldiers wanted to go to war and take it like a man when they get shot. They heat a knife and dig the bullet out. We are such pussies these days. lol

Apologies for the double post. It is quiet here today. I was suppose to travel to Soutn Jersey this weekend but postponed.
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I max out everything though really. Maximum Kava, Cannabis, Acid and the benzos, I could just keep taking and taking, to abolish all trip anxiety, like 100 mg's easily I reckon, but I resist with a view to reel in again.

Enjoy your weekend thanks man and ofc I fear zero judgement from yourself.
 
AutoTripper said:
I max out everything though really. Maximum Kava, Cannabis, Acid and the benzos, I could just keep taking and taking, to abolish all trip anxiety, like 100 mg's easily I reckon, but I resist with a view to reel in again.

Enjoy your weekend thanks man and ofc I fear zero judgement from yourself.
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You will end up in a bad place if you keep taking benzos like that. Trust me. You don't want to spend the week staring at the walls wondering if you're going to seize. You should taper down and jump off for awhile before you fry the old GABA system for good. You don't even notice what benzo's are doing to you daily until you're off of them for awhile. Whatever you do don't cold turkey from what you're taking now.

JackARoe said:
^ Jeez no thanks HLSD. As Hunter Thompson would say that is a heavy thing to lay on a person with a head full of acid. lol

I have a trip planned when I go away to a mountain hotel by myself in a week and a half. Yup, the trips get more caclulated.
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I plan all my trips around hiking or a day at home now. I really enjoy doing LSD when I have a light work load at the end of the week. I just have to make sure I have a day or two after to recover from it. I do the majority of my trips alone and nothing bad has ever happened. I only get in trouble with LSD when I'm around groups of people. I can handle one, two, sometimes three other people. Much beyond that and it ruins my day.

My only sin is driving on the come down. It has gotten hard to find sober people willing to babysit and drive me around. So I keep doses low and plan on my activity ending around hour 6 or 7 of my trip. If it's after the peak I'm good. I know I can drive at the peak of one or two hits easy but I don't try to risk it. Hell I know I can drive peaking on a 10-strip. But no point in proving it again and it was stupid when I did it the first time. The result is 9 out of 10 of my trips are at home. Thankfully, at home is a pretty wide open space.

Now off the public roads I'll drive peaking on LSD all day and night. That's actually my favorite trip and rolling activity. Driving something at the limit on a closed course.
 
HeadphonesandLSD said:
You will end up in a bad place if you keep taking benzos like that. Trust me. You don't want to spend the week staring at the walls wondering if you're going to seize. You should taper down and jump off for awhile before you fry the old GABA system for good. You don't even notice what benzo's are doing to you daily until you're off of them for awhile. Whatever you do don't cold turkey from what you're taking now.
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Thanks. I do actually understand and appreciate this entirely. I am aware of the situation's gravity potentially.

It's extreme measures for extreme needs.

I may be able to address it. I need a suppurt structure of sorts, debilitating fatigue from Lyme keeps me at home managing allergies, basics, so getting to early appointments is so disrupting as simple a thing.

But I'll get there, it should be possible to taper, physically.

I expect to have PAWS for life. But I've learnt to live with so much yet. But there's complications beyond this too.

For now, it's not killing me.

It stops me going insane. I search to create new life patterns, channels to manage anxiety (which is massively physical nerve damage rooted from infections, not least of all Covid still now).

A taper needs commitment like swimming the channel.

I can't commence it, unless I have addressed key nerve sensitised anxiety triggers, or it's plain dangerous to my mental state.
 
@AutoTripper

Hey buddy you seem to be enjoying yourself like I did a few years back. Nothing wrong with that. Just try to take a break when you feel like you can. If you're like me it'll be when the stuff runs out. Try really hard to save all the benzos you can. Trust me you're going to want them all.

Benzo withdrawal cold turkey is really rough. I did it during opioid withdrawal. Something like 60-100mg oxycodone or morphine daily with 4-10mg of xanax. Sometimes I'd replace xanax with Valium or Ativan. At any rate I kept that going for several years and had higher dosing days mixed in. Never went more than 24 hours without opioids or benzos, usually both. Years and years of nod city. By the end I was mixing in things like oxymorphone on top of my usual oxycodone or anything else I could get my hands on.

When the money ran out there was a good 2 weeks where I could really feel the effects of going cold turkey off benzos. It was like my brain was broken. No joy in anything and I regularly thought of suicide. Pretty sure I seized up or stroked out in my sleep a few times. Would wake up in a pool of my own drool, entire body feeling like I was in a car wreck, massive headache, and had no energy for days after. Horrible time in my life.

The LSD will cause problems to. When I came off a months worth of RCs I had tracers for a long time. Didn't feel right for months. Anxiety attacks and everything. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't taking benzos during that time to deal with it all. When you trip everyday for weeks on end it really fucks with your mind and you start wondering if you've broken it.
 
HeadphonesandLSD said:
@AutoTripper

Hey buddy you seem to be enjoying yourself like I did a few years back. Nothing wrong with that. Just try to take a break when you feel like you can. If you're like me it'll be when the stuff runs out. Try really hard to save all the benzos you can. Trust me you're going to want them all.

Benzo withdrawal cold turkey is really rough. I did it during opioid withdrawal. Something like 60-100mg oxycodone or morphine daily with 4-10mg of xanax. Sometimes I'd replace xanax with Valium or Ativan. At any rate I kept that going for several years and had higher dosing days mixed in. Never went more than 24 hours without opioids or benzos, usually both. Years and years of nod city. By the end I was mixing in things like oxymorphone on top of my usual oxycodone or anything else I could get my hands on.

When the money ran out there was a good 2 weeks where I could really feel the effects of going cold turkey off benzos. It was like my brain was broken. No joy in anything and I regularly thought of suicide. Pretty sure I seized up or stroked out in my sleep a few times. Would wake up in a pool of my own drool, entire body feeling like I was in a car wreck, massive headache, and had no energy for days after. Horrible time in my life.

The LSD will cause problems to. When I came off a months worth of RCs I had tracers for a long time. Didn't feel right for months. Anxiety attacks and everything. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't taking benzos during that time to deal with it all. When you trip everyday for weeks on end it really fucks with your mind and you start wondering if you've broken it.
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Thanks again. I can fully relate.

Never would I consider cold turkey. I can seea weekly reduction tapering plan, from 10 mg's but it would test my nerves to break currently.

So I'm just keeping life going.

The LSD use is heavy, but I've tripped for 25 years now, I'm so used to just reshaping after serious psychedelic benders. It is hard at times, but usually within 6 weeks I'm feeling a full readjustment.

It's the acute is hard, next days, seriously heavy energy crash, fatigue, low mood. Up, down for an intense week.

Then mostly, the world really seems easier and improved. Massive integration.

It knocks out the DFMN so I reason, you start again without one.

Like an ego, the default mode network is necessary, part of a belief system.

My thinking anyway. Because after really blowing my mind and being dazed for a few weeks, I come to myself feeling so much improved.

My mum notices it as well. The more acid I take, the better I appear, look, speak.

But a line needs drawing. I'm way over that line at this time, but I've no regrets, just understand and appreciation.

Breaking from LSD is will power, easy to adapt to.

Heavy benzo dependance different thing. It's the priority to address.
 
HeadphonesandLSD said:
My only sin is driving on the come down. It has gotten hard to find sober people willing to babysit and drive me around.
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When I was young I use to drive all the time like it was nothing. However the last 30 years no way will I drive. I too like to trip at home alone. Or sometimes my wife is home and will make sure no phone calls and leaves me alone. The place I am going to next week has a nice park and long trail. I do however have to drive one mile on a back road that no one is on so I can handle that. It is not so much the ability to drive, it is worried about cops lol. But this road is fine. Takes me 30 seconds to get to the parking lot. I am just going to take a hit of good acid that I have and hike, listen to music, and do a lot of thinking. My last trip was in July with 4-ACO-DMT and the second half consisted of doing nitrous. Oh and weed always.

I have been tripping alone these last years. I use to trip with friends at Dead shows and then later on festivals when they started. But these days I go solo and spend time with my thoughts.

Yes Autotripper I do look better after a trip too. Younger. More wonderment in my eyes. I don't think that is my imagination. lol I have thought that for years. When I start to look to worn get a trip in. Clears my face. (for a day or two until the BS of the world kicks back in!)

This is my light use of the year. 2 strong DMT trips, once acid trip in Feb. One 4-ACO-DMT trip in July and 2 strong Salvia trips. So it is a light year for me but at my age I space it a lot more than when I was younger. I get shy tripping. In public would need dark sunglasses and try not to quiver. But I have to say at the very end when I take 2 mgs of etizolam and it hits in 20 minutes I get the courage to go out and deal with people if I have to. Amazing how strong benzo's can be for a trip come down when used on occasion. Like I wasn't even tripping a half hour ago. lol

EDIT: I never speculate on micrograms of hits I really don't think anyone really knows how much they have. But I would say these last drops in sweat tarts were about 150 mcs. That is all I need with a lot of weed.
 
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i eat mushrooms every fucking day now and my life only got better. this lockdown stress is tryna give me breakouts tho. I also need to lay off the 2-3 day ketamine bendesrs every weekend. my bladder hurts.

I feel better tho now. On some pure pharma dextroamp so calm got massive amount of work done.

Fake people are easy to cut loose. I have plently of real friends i met a long time ago, just dont live near them anymore.

ima get one more gram of ketamine and be done with it for a long time. my tolerance is starting to escalate.
 
Phenibut makes me type like a mad-man. I swear Russian space dust is the only thing that stimulates and sedates me at the same time. People probably think I've been on speed lately. The other night before I came here and barfed up a bunch of posts I was at my friend's house for a few hours. My buddy told me I'd been yammering on about shit for a half hour without stopping. I never talk that much.
 
Russian space dust. LOL Gabapentin does that to me so when I post a lot that is probably why. I am glad we can dump here in the social thread because sometimes I ramble.
 
HeadphonesandLSD said:
Phenibut makes me type like a mad-man. I swear Russian space dust is the only thing that stimulates and sedates me at the same time. People probably think I've been on speed lately. The other night before I came here and barfed up a bunch of posts I was at my friend's house for a few hours. My buddy told me I'd been yammering on about shit for a half hour without stopping. I never talk that much.
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Mad men make sense you know! Lol.

Type away please. I'm sure it origininates from somewhere.

I'm definitely going to crash very hard physically. My head is sound. I'm not shaken, it's all there.

Body, flat out exhausted. It's not just 52 1/2 tabs in 6 days but also days awake so much cannabis, so much benzos and kava and no sleep.

I slept about 4 hours, woke so high, I have spent all day opening the mental mail of integration as there is so much, and once you have piled it up, you have to go through it it's the deal.

That's the real work tripping. Tripping itself is too easy. Reintegration is hard and challenging but ultimately why I do it anyway.

Getting acquainted again in a novel way, forming a new functional DFMN.

I'm in very good mood, spirit, mind. But my body, nerves physically are in quite a medical state of nervous and physical exhaustion, the only way out is to crash for god knows how many days.

Like, if I go back to sleep now, I could struggle to get up for two days.

I need my mood stable. I don't like being forced to sleep.

I did just finally take 5 mg's Etiz first today. It's probable I used 30 mg's yesterday maybe less.

Hence also, side effects. From LSD and Benzo overuse WITH nerve damage.

I drank some good kava. CBD oil. Weed is too much for me.

So I'm just trying, sometimes a crash sucks like a plughole, I'm not ready to be sucked yet, if you can just get mentally at rest, using no energy, and rest, I can stay awake until I'm ready to face other worlds of intense deep integrating dreams for a long time, as per last two weeks but I'm sensing a big energy dip here.

So, lucky my actual head is in such a good place. Intense life here. Just reporting.

I really want to access the airing board of a local walk in service, team of Nurses/Doctors specialised in addiction.

I'm so housebound by allergies and routine complications, I can be fit to do things at night.

Like phone the closed bank line.

Not easy to reach 3 miles away 9-12 am 3 days a week.

I want to though. I only see my mum since Lockdown, in person, not at all because I withdraw or am shy I totally don't.

But it's beyond being able to talk to my mum about my Acid use especially. I've not disclosed a word since the plugged overdose 9 weeks ago (?).

Today, I'm too crashed now, and too tripping still at milligram level to even engage with my mum.

There's no secrets. Really we have an excellent, fully fully open relationship.

But my nerve damage and recent insane acid use, benzo dependance which is kind of vital for now, until Covid is clear from my Nervous System and the agitation settles down.


I just need to not use too too much Etiz. Keep it in the perfect range fior now. i.e. not to skimp, because mental strain, not overboard.

So visiting an outside service, simply laying things on the table, setting targets, is the hope and plan.
 
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