Questions regarding my MDMA use.
Hi! Im new here but im a loong time lurker
just wanted to say ive tried mdxx 4 times with great success, last time was yesterday. All of the three last times ive experienced afterglows lasting WEEKS, except yesterday(today). I started in early sept. And have spaced out the usage with 1-2 months. The last three times ive done it once a month (breaking my own rule of three months).
when i woke up today i felt completely fine, just had a blurred vision in like twenty seconds imediately when i woke up, but it went away quick. I have no depression or anxiety, just a little bed bound. I excercised a few hours ago and i feel okay honestly.
But what i really want to know is if im really pushing it? Im a little concerned that i got no afterglow, as it is the big thing for me with this rolling thing i started. My friends never get it and i feel very lucky to get these afterglows that last so long. Is the blurred vision that lasted 20 sec a sign that i should quit this forever or space it out more? And since i have no afterglow anymore, does it mean next time it will take a sudden shift an become a comedown? The comedown talk frightens me, as i cant seem to wrap my head around hownthe best night of your life suddenly becomes hell the next few days?? I mean dont get me wrong i dont want to learn the hard way lol, im just genuinly curious.
Aand im also a little bit concerned that i feel a little bit of memory loss. The last 3 times ive been able to remember almost every detail of the night, while yesterday its small gaps in the memory. Like i know i rolled balls and had an amazing time, but i have to really think through everything that happend yesterday like im missing something. I feel like my last roll yesterday was perfect and in e perfect setting so everything went all right, but this feeling of that im missing out of something is a liiitlle bit frustarting, because mdma have been so usefull and i feel like inget the most out of it everytime but yesterday wasnt the same. I dont "remember" the body gasms but i remember and know thatninhad them lol. Its like the previous rolls I couldmjust lay back and think about the good feelings and actuslly feel them while stone cold sober(this is the afterglow for me) but now i cant recall those feelings 100%. Maybe its the dosing, ive never taken more an one and a half pill. And the pills here in northern europe is strong as fuck. A month ago i took half a pill then redosed with a half more, yesterday i took a whole one and redosed with s half.
Next thing i want to say is that im very glad that i can find so much info on BB(and the internet generelly) because without you guys or the famous recovery thread im convinced i would end up in one of those threads eventually. Ive never taken mdma more than once a month or 2 by the way.
is these 'off' feelings a way to tell my body that i should respect this sick drug even more? I got mad respect for mdma and all drugs as they can be the best and the worst, and the line seems to be veeery thin. Im petrefied, and i mean PETREFIED by abusing mdma(that fucking recovery thread dont play, shits real lol) and im planning to do it again in a lower dose in march/april. Does this sound responsible??? Thank you so much if you have read all this (mind you my mother tounge is not english im from northern europe)