Won't buy me health.
Well I've been out of it for a while, but I'm back, and what better way to celebrate than with a crazed journey on a new
psychedelic:
10:25PM. 3/16/12. Ingested approximately 5-8 mg 2c-p. Other drugs in the system include 200ug of buprenorphine for nerves, 8 hours previous was a spiritual breakthrough culminated by using approx 100mg of methoxetamine over a 3 hour period. The afterglow was emotionally profound and led to the courage driven action I've just made. The little buggers in the tract now, absorption will be noted as the experience progresses. I've quite a bit of experience with the 2c family but this one is new territory. One small step.
10:47 Light stomach rumblings a bit of a placebo affect. Trying to navigate this stupid relay chat to be gawked at in a very baroque and vulnerable manner. There's flagellates spouting bullshit out my window. Something about the cold, it's 55 degrees here. Beautiful. These people are out of their goddamn minds.
10:55 Nothing really happening. I'm getting impatient, which seems antonymous to the whole point of the goddamned experiment. I need ATTENTION.
Be still and know, let the ancient mescaline exoskeleton of the shit creep through your bowels and fly up like a prankster faerie flying up one of those hammer con's out of early twentieth century carnival gatherings. Step right up, up... up. Tempted to use the methoxetamine but I refrain.
Listening to Burroughs. "Junk takes everything and gives nothing except junk sickness." The same can be said for any sustainable commodity the body requires. Air, fire, temperature, sunlight. We're born encapsulated into a habit we can't possibly sustain, and every year it gets harder, tolerance builds, supplies diminish, greedy fat aristocrats drooling cigar slime filth grabbing every extra particle. No booze tonight, scant on klonopin as I'm down to .5 a day. Far below my normal 3mg, but I always blow my stash that first week and leave just enough to remain comfortable for a period of 3 weeks it seems. Horrible habit I've never been able to remedy, but perhaps it's kept my tolerance more manageable than the steady medicine imbiber who takes his milligram morning, noon, and night, on the dot. Better to give the nervous system a few variables, keep the cocksucker on his toes.
11:05 Terrence on the dial now, talking about nematodey or some such silliness. I love his use of language, even though he's off his rocker. I'd be lying if I said I had anything on him, however. I'm feeling talkative but barely off baseline. It's buildling to a calm crescendo and no body or mental discomfort noted. Think I'll smoke a cigarette for lack of something more interesting to hold my attention at the moment. I'll probably cut this down a bit as it's more of a vague rant stream of consciousness kind of gig, but maybe I'll leave it. I prefer that style of prose and if I can leave it intact and unedited, all the better. Should time stop moving? Interesting question posed. Where it came from I'm unaware, but it can be taken in many fashions and would exhaust me at this time to fully extrapolate and cut it apart with my fun analytical scalpel. Wears a black suit and a a black stetson.
"Tio Mate is an old assasin with twelve dear on his gun."
PM11:35 That's it. I can't wait any longer. 10mg MXE lets hope this gets the show on the road. No looking back now. Feeling subtle effects almost instantaneously. Hard to define, check back in after I ponder the absurdity of Steven Colbert interviewing "Kermit" the frog speaking on the southern primaries. In summation: Frogs don't know Jack about Politics.
AM12:09 This is slow as fuck coming up. I know I dosed low and let it be known that I didn't use a scale, merely divided 50mg of powder 8 ways. I figure about 5-10mg. Out of all the fucking mg scales I've owned in my life I should really just bite the bullet and buy a good one so I'll actually hang on to the thing. Roughly 15mg more mxe insufflated we'll see if this precipitates some visuals. Seems to help very subtle nature in these small doses. I'm completely content without anxiety fear or worry, not antsy, merely dreamily and patiently waiting for something profound to come into view.
12:31 Why are these compounds so slow on the comeup? I could forsee quite a bit of calamady if these materials made there way into uneducated hands. Like the old "STP" scare; giant doses of DOM passed off as acid. Some rogue chemical asshole found Shulgins's publication and saw a quick dollar, with plenty of freaks wondering "when the fuck is this shit going to end, its been 3 fucking days." etc.
1:14 Mother of twisted jesus, this thing is finally taking shape. It seems I am at an impasse. 1:21 I'm at a loss for words. Tick. Tock. What is that noise? Is that metronome apart of me? Does the goddamnded computer have a heart? Silence. Who's heart is that? It CERTAINLY isn't MINE.
i took the steps i needed to and for once took care of myself rather than worrying about what other people thought of me. i still have a lot of work to do on myself, but i'm more mentally and emotionally healthy now than i think i've ever been. it feels really good to say that. 
