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Why are women attracted to men who are assholes?

I don't know if women go for assholes but I know women definitely go for rich guys and sports cars!!!
I always see nice girls with the most horiffying, ugly zombified looking guys with nice cars.......Are they assholes?? i really don't know, but judging from their cars i'd say they're pretty rich.
Not that I'm complaining, I got my self a nice lookin girlfriend and I'm happy......oh and I ain't got a sports car either, I drive a Honda CRV, the opposite of a sports car
 
Johnny1 said:
Here is the bottom line: Most people - and especially most women - have low self-esteem. When a guy treats a low-self-esteem woman well, she thinks there's something wrong with him. After all, he doesn't even realize how worthless she is (i.e. how worthless she believes she is). So she instantly loses respect for him, and finds him boring and unattractive. When a guy treats the woman badly, it feels right to her. He must be someone desirable because (1) he understands that she's not worth treating well, and (2) he doesn't waste any of his valuable time, energy, and money treating her well because he has other things going on in his life that are more worthy (including other women). So she responds by being interested, excited, and "on the hook."
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Good observation (and backed up in many of the relationship psychology books I've read). I think this is true because the cycle does stop when a woman gets to know herself more... matures... has some self-respect. Then, and only then, can she see asshole behaviour as not worthy of her time and effort. Until then, it's an endless cycle to gain the affection of the distant, and scorn the affection of the honest.
 
Larr_E: If I called myself a stupid choice, then that means the girls will want me. I used to be nice, but after being hurt by so many bitches, I no longer care. Women have turned me into an asshole.

Chivalry is dead, and women killed it.
 
I have an 2 ideas slightly similar to Johnny's.

1. There's some homely comfort in dating an asshole, because he doesn't make the woman feel so bad about her own vices. In other words, she feels free to be bitchy, self-interested, indulgent, and all that jazz when she's with him. She can take solace in the fact that he's just as bad a human being or worse. A nice guy, on the other hand, makes her feel ashamed of her sinful side. He makes her feel small, like she can never be good enough for his lofty ways. Of course that's not what he's trying to do, but that's the effect he has.

Friends are the same way. Notice that Ned Flanders from the Simpsons has no friends. Misery likes company. Being with other people is all about failing together. Being bad together. Being selfish and self-interested in the same way. And perhaps most of all, being self-delusional together. I'll bet there's no one lonlier than he who has achieved that which the Buddha called "enlightenment".

2. Nice guys versus assholes is a lot like handcrafted machinery versus assembly-line interchangable parts. Testosterone creates a sort of homogeny that would make the armed forces jealous. What I mean is, high testosterone men show remarkably similar interests and attitudes. They're simple and user friendly -- give 'em sports on TV, beer, mind blowing sex, plenty of nights to go out with the guys, and some status symbols, and he'll be happy as a clam. Nice guys are custom crafted. Each one is a complex puzzle of a person, with deep and differing motivations for doing what he does. I imagine a lot of women, especially more selfish ones, simply don't have the patience to figure out how to work a nice guy. Especially when what she learns won't necessarily help her with other nice guys down the road.

Just my two cents on this most cynical of days.
 
Witch Doctor, I think these types of patterns can be very difficult to break. But it definitely is possible. People don't have to spend their whole lives stuck in them. Like Strawberry_lovemuffin said, people can grow out of them. I think that especially is true for the first paragraph of what I said, about self-esteem as the cause.

For the second paragraph, regarding women who have had abusive fathers and are stuck being attracted only to abusive men, I think it requires tremendous will power. How else can you change something that's so instinctive and deep? Psychoanalytic-based therapy, where we go though our whole life and discuss and relive all the things that made us who we are today (mostly involving our relationships with our parents), can help people figure out how they got to be the way they are. But it's easy to be stuck in a pattern while fully understanding the nature of the pattern. Ask any alcoholic, compulsive sex addict, internet addict, hopelessly blocked writer, single person who wants a mate but is completely unable to commit, etc. if they understand they're stuck in a pattern. They may be able to completely describe their rut and how they got to be stuck in it, and that doesn't change the fact they'll have a bottle in their hand the next day, and the day after that. I really think it comes down to will power. I have been there, and that's the only solution I've found for myself. Although therapy, drugs, and other devices can certainly help.
 
Im a very very bossy person, have a loud attitude and if im with a pussy.... (oh yes i suffered 4.5years with one) all im gonna do is walk all over em.
Why? Because I can.
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Pfft. How very noble of you 8)

Did it ever occur to you to do these kinds of guys a favor? Take them aside and drop them a kind hint that their cowardly life attitudes aren't getting them anywhere. By walking on spineless guys without mercy, you're not helping them get out of the hole they're in. You're only going to make them bitter, withdrawn, and even more fucked in the head. Perhaps even vindictive or suicidal.

I say this because I was headed down that road not too long ago. I used to be a pushover myself, always trying to please everyone, and having no principles at all. Finally, one girl who was a good friend of mine spent an afternoon patiently and kindly explaining to me why being a pleaser was a sucker's game. She did me FAR more good than all the people before her who insulted me or talked down to me, figuring that's what I was asking for and that's what I deserved.

This is one of many areas where a little compassion (and tact) teaches a far better lesson than the school of hard knocks.
 
sweet dreams are made of this
who am i to dissagree
i've traveled the world and the seven seas
everybody's looking for something

some of them want to use you
some of them want to get used by you
some of them want to abuse you
some of them want to be abused


Personally, I think you have the answer right there in bright red. That's all I have to say on the subject.8)

-whiskey and speed
 
BlueMind said:
Larr_E: If I called myself a stupid choice, then that means the girls will want me. I used to be nice, but after being hurt by so many bitches, I no longer care. Women have turned me into an asshole.

Chivalry is dead, and women killed it.
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Chivalry is only dead if you let it die... I try to be with those that deserve it...
 
BlueMind said:
Women like assholes because they dont work on logic. I mean, who in their right mind would want to be with someone that treats them like shit?

It is either
A) thats the only way they have ever been treated by men, or
B) they're stupid.

I will be an asshole right now and not apologize for what I just said. So many women are just dumb bitches (especially when they are pretty). Notice I did not say ALL women are dumb.

I don't care if you think I am a male pig, honestly I don't give a fuck. I have been through one too many experiences where the women took the stupid choice.
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I totally agree ;).

Too many women are stupid.If any women here get offended by this comment: You must fall into the stupid section,he,he,he,he,he.......... :p
 
Because women like what they can't get? They like a man who has enough balls to be an asshole to them? Women like the spontinuity of that relationship? Women like the man to be dominant and tell them what to do?

Wah? I thought this stuff was common sense..
 
If you think it's simple, twiggy, then I'd say you are either very young or naive (or maybe are being sarcastic?).

It's one thing to look to the simple answer when it's just a preference for the bad boy. I would agree with you there. But what about the women out there who've had years of bad treatment and can't seem to stop being attracted to TRUE assholes? Try telling them the answer is simple, when they get dumped on (or worse) by guy after guy and are never happy. It's not a simple explanation and it's not a simple solution.
 
the first time I took e it was with this girl who I had a crush on. While we were rolling we kissed some and she told me about these other guys I knew who she occassionally made out with just for fun. I was like 'wtf make out with me, those guys are stupid assholes' but she said I was too nice. I talked to her a couple years later, this time from a different part of myself. The more assholish part of myself and she was totally down to hookup. So the way I see it is she just didn't want to fall in love, get married, have sweet kisses etc... she just wanted a good time with no strings. You can't do that with a 'nice boy' because those are the boys girls fall in love with. Hence, girls like assholes.
 
So the key to fulfilling a womens desire is to be a complete arsehole, by which you will become more appealing and more attractive?

Okay, I need to stop being such a nice guy!

shals :D
 
Women are attracted to assholes because they have the things that women subconciously find attractive. They aren't needy, they don't smother a woman, they don't act like wussies. They're strong willed and women(for some odd reason)enjoy a man who doesn't give her everything she wants. Women need a challenge and assholes(although a relative term)are most likely to give a challenge.
 
Sorry if this was mentioned before, but the thread is so long that I didnt go through all the postings.....
I personally think that most "asshole" guys are generally either good looking or rather rich. The reason they are assholes is because they can be assholes and get away with it because they are so good looking.

Now I am just talking generally, because theres always going to be the exception to the rule, but thats basically the crux of the matter.
 
I never get dates. I never ask girls out. I used to blame it on the fact that girls only like assholes, then I realized girls like confidence, and as a guy who really didn't and still has a problem with confidence interpreted other guys confidence and maybe cockiness as being assholes. Here is my opinion, girls just don't date guys who are too big a pussy to ask them out, grow some balls or stop bitching. Sigh, I need to take my own advice.
 
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