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Why are women attracted to men who are assholes?

To all you guys who said "I used to be a nice guy, but I didn't get any girls, so now I'm an arsehole and I treat girls Like shit and now i get loads of pussy - it's great", I have this to say:

FUCK YOU, you FUCKERS!!

If you were really nice guys, you would never be able to treat someone badly just to get laid. If you can do that, it means you were never really nice guys in the first place, you were just phonies pretending to be nice because you thought it was what you were supposed to do - no wonder you never got any girls, I'll bet they all saw right through you.

I never get any girls. Is this because I'm a "nice guy"? Is this because I lack confidence? Is this because I'm butt-ugly? I don't know, but I do know that there's only 1 of those things I can change, so I'm going to strive to be more confident and assertive, to make the first move and let girls know how I feel about them. Hopefully, this will make me more successful with women (any would be nice), but if it doesn't, I'd rather stay single and decent than become a horribly person with a great sex-life. Because the thing is, i really DO value my female friends, I enjoy the time we spend together and respect the confidence and trust they place in me, and I would never betray that trust by being nasty to them in the hope of getting laid
 
Here are some words of wisdom: Women under 30 want to be ignored; women over 30 want to be adored.
 
Oh, and I wouldn't say ignored , as such, because any girl with a shred of self-worth will get jack of that VERY quickly. It's more that... when they're not looking for a long time, just a "good" time, girls are more likely to go for men who present some kind of a challenge. You know why? Because that challenge allows them the chance to succeed where they haven't succeeded with other men in their lives - notably, their dads. Invariably, emotionally damaged women are searching for someone to mirror their experiences from their youth; which is to be sidelined, demeaned and ignored (often by their dads) ... thus arises the challenge to succeed where they could not succeeed in their youth, and "heal", per se, the wounds they incurred then. They try to win over their boyfriends as they could not win over their fathers.

Unfortunately, it's rarely sucessful :(
 
^ I agree with your theory completely. There is some kind of human flaw where we can get stuck trying to repeat the past in the hopes of finally achieving success. But at the same time, we are not able to process any success in that area, so when success comes along, we reject it. It's an endless loop. I've definitely seen this most with girls who've had bad relationships with their fathers, but I'm sure it happens in other areas too.
 
Strawberry_lovemuffin said:
Oh, and I wouldn't say ignored , as such, because any girl with a shred of self-worth will get jack of that VERY quickly. It's more that... when they're not looking for a long time, just a "good" time, girls are more likely to go for men who present some kind of a challenge. You know why? Because that challenge allows them the chance to succeed where they haven't succeeded with other men in their lives - notably, their dads. Invariably, emotionally damaged women are searching for someone to mirror their experiences from their youth; which is to be sidelined, demeaned and ignored (often by their dads) ... thus arises the challenge to succeed where they could not succeeed in their youth, and "heal", per se, the wounds they incurred then. They try to win over their boyfriends as they could not win over their fathers.

Unfortunately, it's rarely sucessful :(
Click to expand...

That's a very interesting theory, and it certainly makes sense. I wonder if there's ever been any studies on this? Sociologists would have a field day. It's somewhat freudian, too (though not in the true oedipus complex style)
 
I don't think it's even an issue of being an "asshole", per se, in a lot of cases. Most guys are assholes (how do you behave around your freinds, what do you talk about,?. For me and my buds it's generally a lot of twisted humour and other silly or gross things). Although theres a time and a place for romance and chivalry, you have to be able to spend time together. Girls want someone who's not scared to be a guy around them; but so many "nice guys" just act like pussies, and then complain because that "asshole", who got the girl,actually had the balls to tell that dirty joke or twisted story that broke the ice.
( If that doesn't make sense I'll try to articulate my thoughts later, Wake and bakes can make for hard typing)
 
hmmm yeah i guess it all depends on how you define asshole. I definetly dont want to be with anyone who cant be themselves around me...but it is pretty repulsive though how many men there are on this thread that actually believe women like to be treated badly. I really hope most women out there arent like this...

I think many women end up putting up with more bullshit than men because by nature they get more emotionally attached quicker. I dont think most women like that part of a relationship though...do men like women who are assholes?
 
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I haven't read the 17 pages of this post, but to answer the question whether men like asshole women, some generalities have to be mentioned. Just one really. Self-confidence is a major plus and most "assholes" are self-confident because they do the things they do and don't think about what other people think of them. I am guessing this has already been mentioned. So some people (either gender) are attracted to the self-confidence part.
 
Nice guys finish last...

I've come to an early conclusion in life that being the 'nice guy' never ever really works out for you in the long run.

1] - Not once will you ever see a girl leave her mean ugly boyfriend for a nice one. Why? Because alot of girls (not saying all, but definately most) like to be treated like shit. Maybe not intentionally but by them taking it all, it's most definately an incognitive response by many many women.
___ now if some chic ends up comming to her senses and realises that there actually *are* other guys out there that are willing to treat her a whole lot better, and eventually *does* end up getting with the nice guy,.... it won't ever last.
Suprisingly enough, by being treated like shit all through past relationships and finally meeting someone who's willing to give the world to her-- she's going to either:
a) Take advantage of the guy because she sees he'd never leave her anyways so she's going to do whatever the fuck she wants with him. Or
b) End up leaving him because he's just 'too nice' of a guy and i guess that's just too much for some girls to handle, and consequently end up running back to the same boyfriend that treats her like shit.

2] - Any type of pursuit after another girl, often times doesn't ever work out too well with the nice guy. Chics want someone who's going to be strong and confident, couragous and more often than not, girls actually dig a little arrogance (comes into play with confidence)..
___

I just don't understand why nice guys never get any credit. All that ever happens to them is of such priveledge to be treated as a rebound and/or to be thrown out to the curb for a ''better'' find.
-- I use to be that nice guy and found that it got me absolutely nowhere. Girls took me for granted, and all I ever got in return was painful heartbreaks. I saw that it was time for a change.

Does anyone else ever see this trend take place?
I just can't believe how alot of women never really stop to look at it all from the outside, never realising what the fuck they're putting themselves through when they could be getting so much better from someone else.

I just DON"T get it! - Why girls do this I will never know.
Enlightment? Please.
 
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what a strange thing to propose.

firstly, the idea that people are prone to certain types of relationships based upon their previous experiences with 'love' in life, is not a new concept. i don't have a psych degree, but i believe it was Freud who espoused the idea that a person's upbringing affects their sexual orientation. Freud was perverse and wrong in a lot of cases, but his argument here carries some weight; particularly in cases of domestic violence, where the victim of violence learns to accept their role in life and grow further and further into it.

secondly, the reason why chicks like mean and rough guys is because they can generally coax their 'soft side' out somehow. i do this to my bf all the time, its ultra cute to watch him talk about pub brawls one minute and kittens the next. my point is that people don't just have "one" side to their personality, generally people wear different faces for each of the different social situations they are in. that and some chicks are just rough & tumble at heart themselves, and need someone likeminded to keep up with them.

thirdly, it is possible to be "too nice". people who are too nice DO get walked all over the top of until eventually they have to crack and then their one outburst will haunt them for a while. people who are too compliant, impose no boundaries, and always have pleasant thoughts can be intimidating to others. in the example you gave, i would assume that the chick decided she was not ready to deal with such a calm lifestyle given her past. this could especially be the case if you seem to have your life all sorted out, and she has no idea what she's doing and/or what she's confident about. in short, the guy and the girl are on different 'wavelengths' in the relationship and she doesn't want to put in the hard work to get closer to someone she's not so sure about. perhaps she is worried that she will eventually take advantage of you slowly and without noticing over time, as she is now the dominant/louder personality in the relationship.

don't be too rash about it though. there are usually a lot of other reasons why relationships don't work out; personality mis-matches are just one of many.
 
s0me0ne said:
1] - Not once will you ever see a girl leave her mean ugly boyfriend for a nice one. Why? Because alot of girls (not saying all, but definately most) like to be treated like shit. Maybe not intentionally but by them taking it all, it's most definately an incognitive response by many many women.
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Just from my experience, when I had a sub-standard boyfriend it was because I was insecure. That was the best I thought I could do, and having him (even though I was better without him) proved that I was at least sexy to someone. I thought that I needed someone, anyone, in order for me to be attractive. That's why I put up with it - he validated me.

Suprisingly enough, by being treated like shit all through past relationships and finally meeting someone who's willing to give the world to her-- she's going to either:
a) Take advantage of the guy because she sees he'd never leave her anyways so she's going to do whatever the fuck she wants with him.

...

2] - Any type of pursuit after another girl, often times doesn't ever work out too well with the nice guy. Chics want someone who's going to be strong and confident, couragous and more often than not, girls actually dig a little arrogance (comes into play with confidence)..
Click to expand...
I don't get this... are nice guys too nice to set personal boundaries and standards about what behaviour is "good enough" from his girlfriend? Are nice guys are weak and insecure? Why can't he be both nice and confident? My boyfriend is very sure of himself and of what he deserves. He is also a lovely, sweet and caring man. Ongoing weakness and insecurity is quite draining - I think it's understandable if some (both females and males) won't put up with it.
 
i'm pretty sure there are like, 20 threads all similar to this--- like this one: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73605

and i agree with Solipsist: girls want the nice guys, really, we do. we don't REALLY like being treated like shit. we ARE, however, attracted to confidence--- just like guys are attracted to girls who aren't wallowing in self-pity. ever case i've encountered with the "nice guy" has been because he's lacked self esteem/confidence/etc... meanwhile, the confident guys normally borderling SO MUCH on cocky it makes me want to puke.
 
There was a time when I believed this fervently, but now I really don't care. There are billions of men and women in this world, and I'll never believe that the relationships between them all can be summed up in one or two sentences. Why shouldn't we deal with the opposite sex on a case-by-case basis?
 
Nice guys are just too "nice" to say what they really mean.

So really that isn't nice at all. It is weak, misleading and dishonest.

No wonder women aren't falling all over each other for the "nice" guy.
 
Generally speaking, chicks don't dig pussies.

"Nice Guy" is synonymous with pussy.

Confidence with a pinch of carefully placed arrogance... contrasted with a sensitive side :)
Thats the ticket haha

Perhaps the "Nice Guy" is just too much of a pussy to really GO for the girl?
 
Some assholes/not so nice guys wear a nice guy persona.

They are often cynical pragmatists that use their knowledge of human nature to pick and choose the candidates that are the most susceptible to their plying ways.

In my experience they tend to be control oriented and will use guile peppered with a smile to endear themselves to their targets.
 
Nice observation Noodle - good use of alliteration too :)

I agree with Bel here - However, it's important to note trends, and I guess this is as valid as any other. Just don't discount the many, many good people who are in happy relationships.

My confusion about this issue stems from women saying, "I don't feel I deserve any better" - However, I find that the girls who say this are often those with the most opportunity for change, and thus, glaring evidence to the contrary of what they feel.

I would expect someone who actually couldn't do any better to say this. If that was the case, you wouldn't have all these self-proclaimed 'nice guys' bemoaning your unavailability.

Even if I don't feel I deserve to win the lottery, I'm still going to accept the cash if I win.
 

-- I use to be that nice guy and found that it got me absolutely nowhere. Girls took me for granted, and all I ever got in return was painful heartbreaks. I saw that it was time for a change.

Its not your time yet , probably. Or the girls you meet right now arent worthy of a guy like yourself. Why do you have to limit yourself based on this rash generalization ? Its like youve already put a conclusion on your life and you know that saying : like attracts like. IF you continue thinking this way you are only going to attract girls who will dump you , or who take advantage of you or whatever your neuroses is telling you. :p Its not like youre 90 years old ya know...you still have soooo much going for you. So much still to happen to you.

Also, your subject matter depends lots on one's definition of nice, of course. If you mean nice faithful, monogamous, considerate, selfless, loving, thoughtful, did i mention faithful? and super duper omg-out-of-this-world affectionate NICE then I sure bagged the nicest guy of em all ;) And Im not letting him go !
So in conclusion? BEEP . WRONG . Some nice guys do finish last. And oh yeah, generalizations suck. Defining your whole life experience through generalizations is a sad way to live.

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