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What has today taught you?

ScotchMist

ScotchMist

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Nov 15, 2013
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It's taught me that I've really got to get my shit together. Ha what's new?

I've regressed from having a fairly decent solid footing to start building my life back up again. It wasn't perfect but it was a damn lot better than most are given. Ungrateful cunt. Yup, definitely.

My rational thought has gone to shit. I woke up feeling shite. Mainly due to my gruelling week physically at work made no easier by my heroin abuse with a splash of mxe manic in the middle just to add to the mental torture..

So yeah, I feel like shit. I find myself in Wilkos buying some crap sandwich. I also happen to see citric acid at £1 for 50g, I think I'll have some of that incase I fancy a dig..

Now I'm in the pharmacy getting a needle exchange.. you can see where this is going..

Basically my life is fast becoming fucked again and I keep turning from one chemical to the next to next to keep me afloat in whatever capacity the upcoming event will require..8(

Then I find myself dropping acid trying to find the answers as to why the fuck I'm behaving in such a retarded way. Yeah right. Dumb cunt..

I need to get a grip and fuckin fast..

So, how was your day?%)
 
I learned not to take adderall xr while dependant on opiates. Been in minor wd all day long...
 
ScotchMist said:
My grammar is the least of my worries Julie.. <3 as always
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Oh, I don't mean that, I mean the general stuff.

I still feel bad about the time I turned on someone I later* discovered was a total gear virgin just hanging around with a bunch of bag heads (and who, AFAIK, has not gone on to develop a habit).

*When she puked all over my jeggings. Still, at least none went on the groundsheet of the tent .....
 
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Oh no, not at all Julie... this has been/being whatever my train of thought for the day..

I'll bare it in mind bob, thanks man <3
 
ScotchMist said:
Oh no, not at all Julie... this has been my train of thought for the day..
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Thanks. Would hate to think I was doing you a dis-service.

More things I have discovered: My formerly-trans-misogynistic mate (Aw, but, but Siiiimon! What the fuck do you want to be a girl for? -- I'd have drop-kicked him years ago, if he didn't know where to get weed from when my usual supplier was being slack with the old plough-the-fields-and-scatter bit, as well as blinding solid -- I mean the quality is blinding, not that it actually makes you go blind ..... although I wouldn't put that past some of the chemical shite you see these days either .....) has learned to respect me as a woman. (Probably because his girlfriend has taught him that women can actually be respected .....) I won't feel embarrassed having him in the house when Jess is about in future.

Now, if only he knew the difference between proper cocaine and cheap speed cut with crushed-up anaesthetic throat lozenges, he'd be well on the way to being a perfect gentleman.
 
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I still haven't fully got over calling my trans friend 'man' or 'mate'. Saying 'man' isn't too bad as a lot of my female friends (all three or four of them :() say it to me and each other. She's off work to start proper transition, I think. She's definitely feeling more comfortable and embracing it much more and the practise in controlling the pitch of her voice seems to be paying off, too. She's moved in with a group of girls and it's showing. It's still a wee bit strange but I haven't seen her this happy in ages, which is great <3
 
I think I've wedged myself into a place where I am just so unhappy that I feel the need to escape it.

I just want to gather up my partner who I love the bones of her and my two absolutely beautiful children and just start again.

I know we're talking about different things here but the fundamental is being happy...

What with debts to the bank on houses and what not I'm trapped in a job that makes me unbearably unhappy but pays the bills to the lives my partner and children have. But they lose me in the process, if not through being the other side of the country or lost me to drugs that keep me functioning to keep to my end of the bargain.

If I sat down with my partner and said that I can't do this anymore Im sure in the past she would of backed me, you can only let a person down so many times that the thought of laying theirs and their children's lives on the unreliable junkie plans become too much of a stretch, even for love..

I'm going to go and speak to her tomorrow..
 
Well, it's always easiest to move straight from one job to another job than, to have a period of unemployment in between. So you're in a good place, really, if you have a job at all. It's not nice doing a job that makes you unhappy -- I didn't realise quite how unhappy my old job (in such a misogynistic environment -- and it wasn't just the men -- I was basically trying to turn myself ultra-macho) was making me, until I landed this cushy gig.

By the way, you can sometimes get offered a pay rise if you book an afternoon off, and turn up to work in the morning with a fresh haircut and wearing your best suit .....

And if Mrs Mist truly understands you, she won't hold it against you forever. If she doesn't, console yourself with the thought that it was never meant to be. Nobody ever stops being your true friend -- although by the time you get to my age, you'll have seen a few stop pretending to be your friend. I don't think there is anything Jess or I could say to each other, that would diminish the respect we have for one another .....
 
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Do it scotchmist! It's never to late to start fresh, I think almost every day about how 'nice' it would be to go town, score and have a nice gouch and how it would be the best feeling in the world. But then I have to think of little things like putting my son to sleep in my bed, then whilst in my arms, with a big smile on his face in his sleep saying 'dada', and I know then, that's the best thing in the world for me, not drugs.
 
today has taught me that its not the best idea to come home drunk and drop acid while in full responsibility of someones crazy cat. Honestly seen the cat chasing my visuals on the floor! 8o
 
Found that 150 mg of modafienz, 450 mg DXM and several dabs of pure aphetamine at two in the morning are playing having with Swarm's sleep cycles. Should be getting some more speed tomo though so is all good. This stuff was the shit! Bought it off some guy waiting for a bus by the way, just opened a bag up and smeared some of the best wettest speed right onto my hand.
 
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headfuck123 said:
today has taught me that its not the best idea to come home drunk and drop acid while in full responsibility of someones crazy cat. Honestly seen the cat chasing my visuals on the floor! 8o
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Not being funny but acid and booze can be an horrific combination, cat or no cat. One of my worst drug experiences was drinking myself to black out while on acid and then coming back out of it, having pissed myself and everything while having been sitting in some random persons from garden for the last 3 hours or so. What a fucking waste of a trip eh?
 
Today has taught me that morphine zomorph tablets can be crushed and smoked and make me feel righteously mellow.

Hopefully tomorrow will teach me the best way of smoking it other than from guerilla tin foil and lighter :)

Good luck scotch!
 
What today has taught me is that I'm not coping,

To tell people that I love that I DO LOVE THEM! I love you scotch! Also, love that rare bastard CbRoXiDe. Gonna stick around??

I love my beautiful children and I love love love my amazing Shambles.

I love so many people Koneko and Felix are but a few....
 
Today has taught me that running clubs are full of lovely people. Was my first ever club run this morning and I lay in bed for hours trying to talk myself into going but I'm glad I did.

ScotchMist said:
It's taught me that I've really got to get my shit together. Ha what's new?

I've regressed from having a fairly decent solid footing to start building my life back up again. It wasn't perfect but it was a damn lot better than most are given. Ungrateful cunt. Yup, definitely.

My rational thought has gone to shit. I woke up feeling shite. Mainly due to my gruelling week physically at work made no easier by my heroin abuse with a splash of mxe manic in the middle just to add to the mental torture..

So yeah, I feel like shit. I find myself in Wilkos buying some crap sandwich. I also happen to see citric acid at £1 for 50g, I think I'll have some of that incase I fancy a dig..

Now I'm in the pharmacy getting a needle exchange.. you can see where this is going..

Basically my life is fast becoming fucked again and I keep turning from one chemical to the next to next to keep me afloat in whatever capacity the upcoming event will require..8(

Then I find myself dropping acid trying to find the answers as to why the fuck I'm behaving in such a retarded way. Yeah right. Dumb cunt..

I need to get a grip and fuckin fast..

So, how was your day?%)
Click to expand...

Without wishing to sound like a sanctimonious cunt, have you been doing much exercise recently Scotchy? Getting into running has helped me in so many ways. There is a good incentive to stay off drugs or booze if you know you're going to get up for a run the next day, and there is a good incentive to go for that run because it makes you feel amazing afterwards for ages. Natural endorphiney goodness.

Running is super easy to get into as well. You don't even need any special equipment to start with, improvise with the most suitable pair of shoes you own. Just go outside and start putting one foot in front of the other faster than usual. Do it until you're too knackered to do it any more, then just go a tiny bit further. Download Strava or something for your phone though, you'll be amazed how quickly your times improve. But remember that you're only competing with yourself, doesn't matter how fast your friends are running <3 :)
 
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