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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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^ Fucking Awesome-sounds good in theory.

I hate people I know IRL...seriously one particular ahem *cunt* of a 'friend' is posng as some liberal twat just to gain admiration from her peers and has been belittling me for quite a while now(but I usually took it in good faith, HOWEVER now am thinking she is just too yellowbelied to face the fact that she doesnt like me and hasnt the balls to either defriend me or keep me at a distance/verbally tell me to 'Feck off') Fucking, stereotypical, boring wanker. Sick of these fuckwits...obviouly im butt hurt but have always thought it was me being 'too sensitive'...these assholes, I swear what time i've wasted) Have thought alot of this person and alwaysbacked them up but they have no respect... fuck em-deluded, arrogant cunts, good riddance :)
 
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kay - I totally get where you're coming from. It's amazing how isolated one can be when surrounded by people, and how incredibly detrimental the lack of socialization becomes in short order. At my worst, I saw nobody (as I was unemployed) other than grocery clerks for weeks. I'm an introvert by nature, but humans still need some social contact.

Have you tried something like meetups.com? It may seem odd at first, but forcing yourself to get out there in an artificial manner like that will help take the edge off, and can be a great way to meet people too.
 
badfish45 said:
I'm right in assuming you still live with them right? It's tough when parents work against you with drugs, especially when it's weed. 24 times a year is almost nothing, so I dont see why she won't take you to see a psychiatrist. Quite ridiculous. How much longer do you have to live with them before you can get out? Just think of it that way. Do your best to survive each day with the best confidence that you have. You seem like you're pretty tied down to, are there any other adults that you can talk to?
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yeah, unfortunately im only 17 so i cant move out :(
and i know right? its probably less than 24x a year, maybe 15...
i dont plan on moving out until im 19 because by the looks of it because thats when ill be able to support myself and live on my own. only other adult is the school counsiler (sp?) and she doesn nottt give a shit about the kids' problems.
dont even know what to do with myself, i hate to be that guy but it seems like literally every day it just gets worse, looking at the sky, watching the sunset, talking to people, just pisses me off and makes me wanna cry.

how have things been going with your parents badfish?
 
Much better, thanks for asking. Unfortunately they're the least of my problems right now. Getting over this depression is a major hill for me, but I feel it getting better everyday. I really got stuck in a rut the past few days but I'm going to pull myself out of it. I'm looking up (sometimes)

Adult wise, do you have any family friends or teachers that you can talk to? I do know a few myself, some of them are actually on here, and it actually does make a big difference. Just hang in there. You're a good guy and you will start to see your life get better.
 
^thats good to hear! best of luck to you man :)
theres really no one i can talk to, my "family" doesnt approve of me being open with my sexuality,
the teachers here are well...too "normal" i guess haha 8(
and as far as friends go, im trying to quit using uppers/downers/etc and all of my friends are maaad druggies so im trying to stop talking to them.
shit happens though it'll get better eventually, thanks for the support haha :\ really appreciate it.
 
Well that's it, it's time for me to get some shit off my chest. I've just spent the past couple of hours having a gamble on the pokies, while taking valium, codeine, and drinking, and it was great fun, but of course, $110 later i'm now pissed off. It's not even the money right now that i'm pissed off about, but it's making me think about some of the other shit in my life at the moment. Today its a week ago now that I saw my girlfriend in person. A week ago we went to the Melbourne cup. A fucking week! I'm so over all this bullshit. I'm not a perfect person, but i'm not a bad person and I love her and i'm extremely sure she loves me, unless something has changed. Arrgh, i'm just about ready to go back to only worrying about myself and no one else. Sometimes its not worth all this bullshit.
 
^ I just went to bed for a couple of hours. I was so pissed off and depressed before hand. I feel better now after a bit of sleep. I'm still depressed, but not angry like earlier.

Well its 9pm now after my nap, so i'm ready to be up half the night now 8(
 
I have not met up with my friends for about two weeks. I have basically not gone out of the house in 2 weeks. Except to work.I am dropping out of highschool.


I wish I could go back to 3 months ago......
 
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Fyasko. said:
making my mom cry,
only makes me smile.

telling her to act like a mom and that im on the verge of suicide,
only brings me joy.

i hate to do this,
i feel like im in a dream, i cant even tell if she deserves it or not. i just do it.
i know my dad fersure deserves it, but i dont feel like hes worth the effort.
mom acts like she knows shit, "oh pot is bad for you! well who cares if alchohol is worse for you, you still shouldnt smoke pot!" and the best part is, when she found me smoking, the entire time she bitched at me, i was holding back a huge smile. haha she thinks that me smoking weed is bad?
i cant even imagine the look on her face if she found out about the other stuff in my life.
freaking amph addict,
anorexic one day and buffets the next,
so much other stuff i dont feel like whining about.

TDS i really need help :(
she wont take me to a psychiatrist to get prescribed AD's because she thinks im a pot-head.
i smoke weed like twice a month :|
and i really doubt anything will change in the future,
i hate to be mean to her but it makes me happy...?
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I can relate to that. Even a few years ago I remember bawling my eyes out to my parents when I was down and told them i wanted help because I was depressed and suicidal. They told me to stop crying and grow up. Now, years later they see just how much my problems have grown and admit to making a mistake. How old are you? Maybe you need to get out of the house. (My parents havent got a clue on the extent of my drug use as well lol, amph abuse too, they only know about the weed :p) Wish I could help you out more but while ur under their roof you gotta just push through it and try not to let it affect you. I just learned to ignore them basically.
 
Ah fuck fuck fuck how incredible. I can't believe how I feel right now this is not even normal I feel like fucking superman.

Something extreme is changing inside of me and I have no idea how I am being this way and how my life has been so seemingly perfect lately but I am so fucking high on life lately I can not even explain it.

And once again I swear to god I really have to credit the veggies for this natural high I've been on for nearly 2 weeks now. Some people know I had been doing really bad and then was diagnosed with something and made a promise to myself I would do everything I could to fix it. So I changed my diet around in a way that is just not normal. Went from eating once a day (which was usually a meal lacking 100% in veggies) to eating 4-5 meals a day now around 3lbs of veggies every single fucking day.

I SWEAR TO GOD when I look at veggies now I feel like I'm looking at a hardcore drug thats how different I've felt since I've been eating them.

So I have been obsessing about working out lately as I have had SO MUCH energy I almost don't know what to do with myself. And get this, I'm a smoker and smoke pot every night. Last time I went for a run I remember coughing, weezing, whole body tightening up, and I could barely do it.

Not mind you nothing has really changed since then except my diet and now I'm on a much lower dose of sub.

Worked 8 hours today and after work I am not tired one bit I am fucking amped up with so much energy I couldn't believe it. This is making my life so fucking awesome there wasn't even the slighest bit of hesitation about going for a run I through my headphones on and ran right outside the door starting off almost sprinting. As I'm running I'm waiting for my heart to feel that typical trauma type feeling like when you know you're out of shape... and of course that doesn't happen. Cause I'm hooked on veggies now lol. I SWEAR TO GOD vegetables are like no drug I've ever taken before in my life. This is real true genuine sustained energy but it even goes beyond that. I did NOT feel like I was weezing nor did I have to stop once to catch my breath.

This is NOT normal for me I have no idea how as a smoker who hasn't ran in months how the fuck I could be hit with such an endorphin rush and get this I don't fatigue out towards the end of the run I decide to run even further and quicker.

THIS IS AMAZING. Almost like people become born again christians I am a born again vegaholic. I am not even dreding going for a run again tommorow nor do I feel worn out and out of shape right now I feel that much better and relaxed. Man oh man I have endless thanks for these forums I am a new man and this has been so consistent now that I literally feel like this stupid little veggies thing is going to change my life.

I'm EXCITED to get up and go to work tommorow just so I can come home and go for another run. My body finally ENJOYS this shit. I heard veggies help oxygenate the blood so maybe thats what it is. But like I've said before the difference is like night and day with my health now. AND I keep getting lower on my sub. I was expecting to be that much more out of it and feeling like shit but I can not stop myself I am on such a roll lately.

VEGGIES I WOULD MARRY YOU right now thats how much fucking respect I have for these stupid little plants. For sooo long I neglected them, hated the taste, saw no purpose in eating them.... and one day I woke up and my dr tells me I have a disorder caused by spiking my blood sugar too much and not eating any veggies. I felt old and worn out all the time, no energy, was getting white hairs and so many symptoms of adrenal fatigue were begining to surface. Now in only few weeks I **AM** a different person. I look different, feel different, act different... I'm speechless.

This is my new addiction if these are only the short term benefits of taking my health seriously got I just can't even wrap my head around how I will feel 6 months from now. I feel like for once I have great genes. I just abused myself and neglected my health for so long. But that wasn't me, that was a deprived me. And this is the version of me that takes care of myself.

I fucking love this forum I fucking LOVE you people I love my life I love my family I can't explain how greatful I am and just to think thanksgiving is right around the corner. Fuck man I am tearing up as I write this it makes me so emotional the liberation and freedom I feel. I DO NOT feel stuck anymore and I felt stuck for soooo long. You guys saw me come on here for so long bitching about my health problems and I always felt like a fucking pussy over it all... but god for once I feel like an adult I feel like a man I feel like its time to fucking live my life for once.
 
That's great, I'm happy to hear that you're doing good :) Maybe it wasn't the veggies, but the motivation that you gained, which caused you to try to start eating them in the first place. Keep up the good work buddy.
 
Bo-- your diet before must have been really bad for you to be feeling this wonderful just by eating more veg. Not that I want to put a damper on it- you sound like you're living well, and I don't want to take that away from you- but what you're feeling right now is called 'healthy'. Pretty nice, no? :)
 
fakeplastictrees4 said:
I can relate to that. Even a few years ago I remember bawling my eyes out to my parents when I was down and told them i wanted help because I was depressed and suicidal. They told me to stop crying and grow up. Now, years later they see just how much my problems have grown and admit to making a mistake. How old are you? Maybe you need to get out of the house. (My parents havent got a clue on the extent of my drug use as well lol, amph abuse too, they only know about the weed :p) Wish I could help you out more but while ur under their roof you gotta just push through it and try not to let it affect you. I just learned to ignore them basically.
Click to expand...

thanks for that support :) means alot.
and im relieved you know what its like. (not relieved but feel better that someone can relate you know?)
 
I am in manic phase bipolar with an insatiable need to occupy my time but at the same time not being motivated to do anything because of self doubt. The result is that i am in a constant state of panic which i am trying to keep at bay with zyprexa and klonopin. Unsuccessfully. Fuck this shit.
 
Bojangles69 said:
Ah fuck fuck fuck how incredible. I can't believe how I feel right now this is not even normal I feel like fucking superman.

Something extreme is changing inside of me and I have no idea how I am being this way and how my life has been so seemingly perfect lately but I am so fucking high on life lately I can not even explain it.

And once again I swear to god I really have to credit the veggies for this natural high I've been on for nearly 2 weeks now. Some people know I had been doing really bad and then was diagnosed with something and made a promise to myself I would do everything I could to fix it. So I changed my diet around in a way that is just not normal. Went from eating once a day (which was usually a meal lacking 100% in veggies) to eating 4-5 meals a day now around 3lbs of veggies every single fucking day.

I SWEAR TO GOD when I look at veggies now I feel like I'm looking at a hardcore drug thats how different I've felt since I've been eating them.

So I have been obsessing about working out lately as I have had SO MUCH energy I almost don't know what to do with myself. And get this, I'm a smoker and smoke pot every night. Last time I went for a run I remember coughing, weezing, whole body tightening up, and I could barely do it.

Not mind you nothing has really changed since then except my diet and now I'm on a much lower dose of sub.

Worked 8 hours today and after work I am not tired one bit I am fucking amped up with so much energy I couldn't believe it. This is making my life so fucking awesome there wasn't even the slighest bit of hesitation about going for a run I through my headphones on and ran right outside the door starting off almost sprinting. As I'm running I'm waiting for my heart to feel that typical trauma type feeling like when you know you're out of shape... and of course that doesn't happen. Cause I'm hooked on veggies now lol. I SWEAR TO GOD vegetables are like no drug I've ever taken before in my life. This is real true genuine sustained energy but it even goes beyond that. I did NOT feel like I was weezing nor did I have to stop once to catch my breath.

This is NOT normal for me I have no idea how as a smoker who hasn't ran in months how the fuck I could be hit with such an endorphin rush and get this I don't fatigue out towards the end of the run I decide to run even further and quicker.

THIS IS AMAZING. Almost like people become born again christians I am a born again vegaholic. I am not even dreding going for a run again tommorow nor do I feel worn out and out of shape right now I feel that much better and relaxed. Man oh man I have endless thanks for these forums I am a new man and this has been so consistent now that I literally feel like this stupid little veggies thing is going to change my life.

I'm EXCITED to get up and go to work tommorow just so I can come home and go for another run. My body finally ENJOYS this shit. I heard veggies help oxygenate the blood so maybe thats what it is. But like I've said before the difference is like night and day with my health now. AND I keep getting lower on my sub. I was expecting to be that much more out of it and feeling like shit but I can not stop myself I am on such a roll lately.

VEGGIES I WOULD MARRY YOU right now thats how much fucking respect I have for these stupid little plants. For sooo long I neglected them, hated the taste, saw no purpose in eating them.... and one day I woke up and my dr tells me I have a disorder caused by spiking my blood sugar too much and not eating any veggies. I felt old and worn out all the time, no energy, was getting white hairs and so many symptoms of adrenal fatigue were begining to surface. Now in only few weeks I **AM** a different person. I look different, feel different, act different... I'm speechless.

This is my new addiction if these are only the short term benefits of taking my health seriously got I just can't even wrap my head around how I will feel 6 months from now. I feel like for once I have great genes. I just abused myself and neglected my health for so long. But that wasn't me, that was a deprived me. And this is the version of me that takes care of myself.

I fucking love this forum I fucking LOVE you people I love my life I love my family I can't explain how greatful I am and just to think thanksgiving is right around the corner. Fuck man I am tearing up as I write this it makes me so emotional the liberation and freedom I feel. I DO NOT feel stuck anymore and I felt stuck for soooo long. You guys saw me come on here for so long bitching about my health problems and I always felt like a fucking pussy over it all... but god for once I feel like an adult I feel like a man I feel like its time to fucking live my life for once.
Click to expand...


this is amazing, people really need to understand that a lot of their mental health problems will stem from their poor diet. Eating mcdonalds every day will make you lazy, depressed and hungry! You get addicted to that shit, seriously!!!! I have recently started on a gluten free diet for my migraines and I tihnk its been helping. We need to look at the basics when thinking about our diets, eat what humans ate before processing plants. So fruits, veggies, lean poultry and fish, naturally picked graines. Staying away from flour/ processed wheats/ryes/barely has been one of the best choices ive ever made.

I am so happy for you
 
tmdoca said:
I am in manic phase bipolar with an insatiable need to occupy my time but at the same time not being motivated to do anything because of self doubt. The result is that i am in a constant state of panic which i am trying to keep at bay with zyprexa and klonopin. Unsuccessfully. Fuck this shit.
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Sounds really hard. Wish there was something I could offer other than that.:(
 
tmdoca said:
I am in manic phase bipolar with an insatiable need to occupy my time but at the same time not being motivated to do anything because of self doubt. The result is that i am in a constant state of panic which i am trying to keep at bay with zyprexa and klonopin. Unsuccessfully. Fuck this shit.
Click to expand...
sorry to hear that :( just know that it'll pass, and you can tough through it, best of luck! :)
 
There are so many things to say. First I just have to say fuck doctors, I have dealt with so many cunt doctors this past year, and they have disgusted me thoroughly. I know there are good doctors, I like my personal psychiatrist, but there are so many idiots out there who don't care about their patients, and don't know what their doing. They really are fucking stupid. I was at one rehab this summer who says "we use Ativan to taper off benzos", one psych ward who says "we use Klonipin to taper off benzos", another psych ward who says "we use phenobarbital to taper off benzos". I didn't go to medical school but I know if you must taper of benzos there are two ideal benzos to use, Valium or Librium. Everywhere I went (4 psych wards, 5 times, and a rehab) benzos were seen as the devil. I am not exaggerating. The psychiatrist at the rehab had no problems rx'ing amps and methylphenidate to like 25 % of the population, but I who was on benzos HAD to come off. I heard the staff talking about it, saying how it was abonimable to have me on benzos. One doctor at a psych ward took me off benzos and put me on Thorazine to calm me down! I was on it for 3 weeks w/o benzos, out of my fucking gourd, and I actually grew fond of the shit! It was fucked up. I was put on, and taken off so many drugs this summer, Abilify, Remeron, Paxil, Naltrexone, Vistaril, Trileptol, Catapres, Seroquel, Thorazine, Prozac and probably more I am forgetting. I am still on Tegretol XR, that is last to go. I did act like a nut-job in all of these places so there is that, but these doctors were ignorrant. Not only did they not know what they were doing, several were mean. Downright mean. There was this one, hated him, hated him. He was funny, but cruel to the patients, and claimed to have a mentally disabled son whom he forced to behave like someone without a handicap. He said he ran a rehab in addition to working at the psych ward, and claimed he was a bupe doctor. Who the fuck knows? I only know I can still remember his stare as cold as ice, and his overwhelming condescension. He did me a favor at the end of my stay, and was ultimately "nice", and I do despite everything he showed had good intentions but he was no good. He was supposedly an addict in recovery. There were other doctors who showed not a drop of compassion or personhood, and their manner bothers me still.

In addition to dealing with the doctors, I had to deal with the nurses, some of whom I liked, others hated. The techs working with us were fairly amiable, but the overall experience was horrible. Was restrained maybe half a dozen or more times, once for 4 hours in my own urine. So, yeah, had to vent a little. My summer was a summer not unlike hell, and it will haunt me to a degree for the rest of my life.
 
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