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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

Keep losing phones.. My dad keeps getting me more lol ( hes a phone man ! )

So he gave me some walk around phones. I have form for mislaying them so I dont know why?? I lost them within a week..

Complained to the wiseguy and this was his response..

Me: Ive lost myyyyyy phoooooonnnneeees :(

Wiseguy: Tie them on string.

:X
If id been on phone would have slammed it down!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkxqxWgEEz4&ob=av3e
 
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Gynecologist's Assistant

A man went to Harley Street in London having seen an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Naturally interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. " "You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination." "The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Manchester "

" My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man. She answered: "No Sir, that's where the end of the queue is."
 
I was walking down the road the other day and a bloke threw a lump of cheese at me, I thought how dairy !
 
Ha ha, the bloke on the phone in the last one does a proper Shaggy-from-Scooby-Doo look of terror before lamping that gentleman.

Here's an actual joke:

A man goes into a pet shop and says 'what's the most helpful pet you've got? I'm fed up of cats who just sit around waiting to be fed and I had a dog once but it was useless. I want a pet who can help with the household chores'.

Pet shop man thinks for a bit and says 'well, sir, you're in luck. Only this morning I took delivery of a centipede who matches your requirements perfectly.'

'A centipede?' says the man, 'I was hoping for something cuddlier but show me this helpful centipede nonetheless'.

So the pet shop man goes into the back room and produces a box which he opens to reveal a huge centipede.

'I like the cut of his jib', says the man. 'I'll take him'.

So the man takes the box and gets on the bus back to his house. He gets home and thinks 'I need some milk, I might as well see if this centipede is as helpful as the shopkeeper claims'. So he opens the box, lets the centipede out and says 'please go to the shop at the end of the road and buy me some milk- here's a pound'. The centipede takes the money and says 'sure thing boss' and leaves the house.

An hour passes and the centipede has not returned. Two hours pass. The man starts to think that he's been conned. Four hours pass and he becomes angry. After five hours he flings open the front door to find the centipede sitting on the front step.

The man is stunned and says 'What the hell are you doing? I sent you out to get milk five hours ago!'
The centipede looks up and says 'calm down mate, I'm putting my shoes on'.
 
Ah good, I love telling a long, shit joke, preferably in a pub. It's all in the details and spinning it out without losing the thread.
 
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