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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

Had a knock on the front door earlier.
I answered it and there stood a man and a woman who explained that they were collecting for Dr Barnados childrens homes.
So I packed their bags and sent my kids off on their way with them.
 
Political canvasser going door to door.

Door opens, young boy about 5 years old answers, he's in a velvet smoking jacket, a matching fez, large brandy schooner in one hand and a fat cigar in the other.

"Hello there young man, are your parents at home please?"

"Does it fuckin look like it?"
 
ahem.

Mailmonkey said:
Political canvasser going door to door.

Door opens, young boy about 5 years old answers, he's in a velvet smoking jacket, a matching fez, large brandy schooner in one hand and a fat cigar in the other.

"Hello there young man, are your parents at home please?"

"Does it fuckin look like it?"
Click to expand...

from this page, in 2010.

:p

=D
 
I had a mate who was depressed once, so I pushed him under a steam train

He was chuffed to bits


















.
.
.
.

..there is a possibility I stole this from someone on BL, apologies if so.. it has always been my fave pun :)
 
I just dropped a dry sponge into a full bath, I could have watched it for hours. It was truly absorbing.


Q. Why do mirrors sit quietly, mulling things over?
A. Because they're very reflective.

Christmas Cracker material I reckon.
 
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That Tiger Woods has got a right temper on him.
I asked him what he thought of golf buggys and he went right off on one.
 
A crab and a shark were having a little swim when the shark spotted a pork pie sitting just on the shore.

"Go and get the pork pie, bring it back and we'll half it". The crab agreed and went onto the shore. He took a little nibble, but the pie was so delicious he ended up eating it all.

The crab swam over and said "I'm very sorry Mr.Shark but the pie was so nice I ended up eating the lot!" The shark replied:

"You shellfish cunt"

You can thank my dad for that awful joke which he tells me everytime I see him, the senile fuck.


2077223_460s_thumb.jpg
 
White Van Man

I cut a woman up in my van yesterday.
It was the only way I could fit her into the suitcase.
 
I said to my wife earlier,
"My life with you is like that Gwenneth Paltrow film, Sliding Doors."

"You mean it's fate how you missed the train and ended up catching your then girlfriend cheating on you, and met me on the same day?" she smiled.

"No" I replied. "Fucking shit."
 
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