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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

Mugz said:
Who tries to recreate something amazing from the old fish but just goes mad instead?

Stuffmonger




Ok I'm shit at making my own jokes up, people tell me them and I'll post them from now on.
Click to expand...

sometimes I read a post like that and miss mugz that little bit less :D



They've had to stop the animals at Bristol Zoo from cooking their own breakfasts. There's been too many chimpanfires.
 
two parrots sitting on a perch...one said to the other can you smell fish ?


sorry
 
pinkpapaver said:
i haven't a danny i haven't a scooby...but here's a duck one
duck walks into a pub and says "have you got any bread" bar man says "no, pub don't sell bread" duck walks out. 10 min later duck comes back "you got any bread" "eh, you were just in i told you this is a pub, we don't sell bread . waddle off." duck waddles of. 10 min later he waddles back in..." got any bread?"// barman sez "i ve' told you twice already we got no bread, and if you ask me again i 'm going to nail you to the wall"
duck quickly waddles out. 1/2 hour later comes back and asks the bar man "got any nails?" bar man looks annoyed and say s "no. we sellBEER" DUCK smiles and then asks " ok have you got any bread then?
Click to expand...

Haha. I'm stealing that. I'll probably tidy it up a fair bit before reposting it anywhere though lol.
 
myself and the wife were having a game of scrabble when our 2 year old boy grabbed a handfull of the pieces and swallowed them, thats going to spell trouble when he has a shit
 
a polar bear goes into a pub. The barman asks him what he'd like to drink. The polar bear said
"i'll have ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ a pint of beer please"

So the baramn says

"why the big pause?"



i'm sorry
 
Two biscuits in a biscuit tin.
First biscuit says "So where do you live then ?"
Second biscuit says "I'm not telling you, you'll nick my washing"
 
A millionaire is torn between three women. Wanting to settle down he decides to test them to see who he should marry.
He gives each of the women £1000 to see what they'd do with it.
Woman A saves £200 and spends £800
Woman B saves £500 and spends £500
Woman C saves £800 and spends £200
Which woman did he decide to marry ?


The one with the biggest tits


Again, i'm sorry. I shall stop now
 
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in B & Q either."
 
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