Chuffed for you
I've not had to post in this thread for fucking ages. Lovely
Really glad to hear it.
WTF was I thinking buying another 2Litres of the stuff even after I said I'd stop due to the side effects of it after the first 2. I'm whacking my way thru the next lot so much quicker than my 1st lot. Side effects are worse, I don't use as much each dose as some (max 1.5ml) however with drinking for years ages ago I have messed up my central nervous system so badly that my metabolism and tolerance of even standard prescribed drugs has diminished (ie no asprin, no pencilin, and lots of other mainsream meds). My biggest mistake havung not used alcohol for ages was to re-introduce it because some people found it helpful with w/d's. Hence I used it in order to try and stop, but for me it's just escalated, doesn't help, is what has messed my CNS up in the first place and now I don't know what w/d's are due to what as I am using both of them simultaneously.....it doesn't stop there but more about that later.
What annoys me is I can order this online and quality valium, and alcohol, BUT I DO NOT want to be using this crappy unhelpfl stuff, so why am I using it? I am using it to self medicate following a succession of severely significant traumatic events in a short space of time ONLY because if I didn't I feel at risk of suicide as I have had no support network (yes told GP and been trying to access local serv ices for over 10 months) and family is non existent (not as in disowned but as in I have none). I did have Uni pals but due to some of the recent incidents I've had to relocate and have become isolated.
I was given SSRI's by a bitch GP who basically misled me and said they would help with my ADHD implying it was the methylphenidate (ritalin) advised by my private GP. To my peril I as she was seeing me every three wks and takig extensive notes I thought she was feeding back to him, as he was writing to her after every appt. In reality she wasn't and basically it was a case of costs to the practice as well as the LA not wanting to acknowledge my diagnosis as their previous misdiagnosis that had catastrphic results fr myself and family meant that we could have sued them. This was why I had to go privately. I was told in 2000 NEVER to take SSRI's as I could not metabolise them, thus the effect of the medication which was VERY high meant I soent 2 years off my head, to the point where my pharmacist rang someone to have the sit with me over a weekend and gave me his private mobile number, just as my dose had been reduced and my body had gone into shock, so he illegally upped the dosage of the SSRI's to precent what I later found to be 'discontinuation syndrome'. What a joke, I empathise with anyone who has ever tried heroin or crack as I was a living replica of that and this was just trying to maintain or stabilise on a dose without reducing and coming off it. I could not change brands even-I know generics should be the same etc, but it's definitely damaged my brain and there's a woman who previously worked for an SSRI manufacturer who took them herself and exposed the cover up (as did panorama) and also explained that it does irrepairably damage parts of your brain.
I've got ADHD so neurodevelopmentally I already am on the back foot so what a double shafting. Anyway I got off them after a VERY long time of cutting tiny tablets into miniscule pieces over a prolonged period of time and having changed GP already I'd been scripted what I'll refer to as ritalin. This I had used by buying from a friend previously to going on the SSRI's and my alcohol use stopped immediately. I had always been confused as to why I frank, then the ritalin effect made me realise that it wasd to stop the washing machine behaviour of my head. Since the SSRI incident I would say that the ritalin has been reduced in it's effectiveness by at least 40%. I'm gutted as had I just had the right ritalin initially then I would have probably not been in the situation I am now.
I've got PTSD and now not only am I using gbl (which I started as I had to share my property with someone very difficult who drank and I didn't want to and as they were difficult I thought this was a solution as the effects were good.
However, I have now due to several horrendous incidents continued to use GBL regularly. This is as well as introducing alciohol - only as it said here it may help w/d's but aybe for some, however not me personally. I am on masses of pain meds, and I am also misusin my ritalin as I switched GP's after I got off the SSRI's.
All this is boll*cks as when I had an equally very serious episode of assault ad several other incidents a decade ago I used MDMA at wknds and I truly believe that as someone who had suffered with depression for years and had a history of suicide attempt from 15+ that under a highly stressful situation as an adult (in 2001) it was a short time on MDMA at weekends that saved my life. I wouldn't have been in the stressfull situation in the first place had I not been prescribed SSRI's! That time in 2001 was when I was told never to take them again, hence my frustration at the irresponsible GP 9yrs later doing quite the opposite.
The drugs laws are such a heap of cr*p, even in the UK on a daytime show a well known GP just last week was saying the government should legalise MDMA and monitor and cntrol it due to safety. I als watched a documentary on BBC3 disclosing that some EU countries are now prescribing MDMA on prescription to be used in conjunction with cognitive behavioural therapy in people that have had ongoing PTSD for many years and not responded successfukly to treatment. The results were that in approx 3-4 months the client had recovered after years of unsuccessful treatment (and no doubt more damaging self medicating). This isn't likely to happen in the UK for another 10 yrs if we do ever approve it.
So if I knew a dealer I'd be using MDMA, I don't want to drink, use GBL, take my ritalin wrongly (plugging and gaps w/d from GBL where I don't use it so I have more to use when I start again) combined with valium I buy to assist w/d's but I just can't get my hads on any MDMA/
There's not much chance of that as the effects of the above combination aswell as a few (you couldn't make it up) traumas means I feel pi**ed off and stuck in a cycle. Socially I am now very panicky so getting out and finding a dealer for the much safer MDMA is zilch!
My advice if you have not used GBL or GHB is don't start. I am saying that out of care for other peoples sanity, it starts as fun and in my experience (and it seems to be echoed by a fair few on this thread) after that it's mostly downhill all the way.
You never get the magic back experienced when you started dabbling, however something in your brain tricks you into trying again.
and again.
It's pretty sh*t, as sh*tty as I found SSRI's
ETA I also have zopiclone from the net for sleep and am prescribed clonodine and have a stash of propanolol before that so if I have all this at my disposal even with masses of vit B and all the other stuff I have used here OTC before and I still find it hell then think first as many people don't have access to all of these to assist w/d's x
Sorry about typos I have an eye infection and can't see properly
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
, having some prop doing a codeine cwe, will see how i feel tommorow, not looking forward to this, im hoping it wont be that bad considering i only took them over a week or so, but i did take them in large quantites and my gaba-a receptors are just as fucked as my B receptors from past abuse, oh me and my withdrawals lol.
