I'll be the first to say I've thought a lot of fucked up things when im intoxicated but when i reach sobriety again i am able to overcome those thoughts with logic and reasoning, regardless if they were negative or positive. So my question is what leads to this pseudo-faith that comes from the DMT experience and how do people distinguish it from a false, drug-induced concept to an idea or belief that has some validity.
I can't really put in words. Essentially what it boils down to is that DMT, by nature, is a far more 'natural' experience than any other drug. And even that word doesn't do the difference justice.
You know how when you first start doing drugs, you're always nervous when you injest them? And then over time as you repeat, the process becomes normal. And as you reconcile with yourself with it being 'right' to do drugs, you come to an acceptance and the whole process is natural/normal? (I sure as hell don't have butterflies in my gut when I munch ecstacy these days, 7yrs later. Rather a hope and aniticipation, and a peacefulness when it first starts to settle in before going chargey. That's just an example.)
With DMT, it's nothing like that. The level of how 'right' it feels, and how natural and peaceful it is inside you, is far beyond any other drug even after years of use. It's just on a whole other level as far as I'm concerned. Sure, it's a hallucinogen like LSD, and shares similar traits like visual hallucinations, insight, etc, but in many ways that's where it ends. It's not only a level above, but like an entirely different world of substance in the way it makes you
feel. The feeling within your body, the voice in the back of your mind, the overall experience, just infinitely more natural and 'right'. Those are the best words I can find and don't do it justice.
So to put it bluntly - you're dealing with something on a different level from other drugs IMO, and from that, some comparisons just don't work.
Regarding spirituality, I can only speak for myself. I come from a non-religious family from two very strong-minded and intelligent parents who each taught me well to make my own decisions. I was not pushed away from it, nor thrust in to it, but religion has never taken me and throughout life I've had no concept of spirituality. It's just not been
'me'. I've been confident in myself and happy with my life with friends for the most part, and that's been it. Never dreamt of/looked for/believed in/wanted to find 'more'.
I should start by saying that the breakthrough experience was proceeded by a period on life full of change. In the space of 6mnths I'd come to the realisation that the job I've been fighting to get to for 8yrs isn't for me, had realised there's more I value *far* in life than money/status, that my general goals were passively changing, etc. Out of nowhere, someone v close had a breakdown and spent 4wks in mental hospital, dealing with that was the most daunting 'task' of my life. I'd say it would be naive to not believe these events/thoughts in my life weren't an element in the whole change. So the DMT wasn't on it's own.
The breakthrough experience connected me to something I *know* was real and thrust it before me in a life-shattering way. I spent 10mins on the other side crying, reconciling what I'd just witnessed. You could say I never believed in anything spiritual, had never felt there's anything 'more' to life, simply as I'd never seen it. With DMT I did. Unquestionably.
You're probably still wondering how this differs to the many other varied experiences/thoughts that other drugs generate. The only description I can give is that being DMT, it's almost spiritual by default. The entire notion of it being a step beyond the other drugs comes in to play. Put a bit more logically - the fact I firmly believe those things I started to believe on the DMT, now months later, with the utmost confidence, separates them from the thoughts garnered from experiences with other drugs (that evolve to a more 'realistic' notion or even disappear entirely in sobriety). 'The Spirit Molecule' is an amazingly apt description of this substance.
I feel more relaxed now. I have the same life problems, but I am not daunted by them as much. I'm still human and naturally stress, worry, get lost in parts of life and certainly don't know my 'proper' path forward ... But I'm cooler with it. It's furthered the new (to me) notion of experiences, people, giving, sharing and contributing being key goals in my life. Rather than securing a 'comfortable' life (basically amongst the rat rice) like it has been since my youth. I'm just generally cooler with things - much of the message I was given on my breakthrough was that I'm doing well, everything is OK, and to search for more - and that bring relaxation and a new outlook on life most days.
I still fear death, but now only in the sense that I fear it without accomplishing what I want to. The actual notion of dying no longer worries me, knowing the peacefulness and one-ness with the world that will come with it when the DMT floods from my brain when it happens. Part of that may just be another tripper looking forward to a big free hit
but in all honesty it's uncovered peacefulness with the world that words don't quite touch.
You've encouraged me to write a trip report. I can tell I won't be happy with it, but I remember so much of it clearly that I can do a half decent effort. It might help others reconcile their own, it may even help me, but it's the kind of experience that sets DMT a world away from other drugs so documenting that can't hurt. I'll link it here when I'm done (NFI when that will be, NFI how good it will be).
