I beleive I have a special gift: paranoia.. and was wondering if anyone else thought maybe I should continue to accept as just that: a gift.
M1 had the courtesy to bring this out and smack in the face once more..
Step back 3 years.. graduation party.. second time rolling ever had an utterly BLISSFUL time 8) so what do I do? try again the next night, BAM!! bad trip.. excuse me.. bad roll!!! didnt even think it was possible..
1.5 years later.. P. cubensis for the first time.. at a period where I was perfectly content being a druggy and almost proud of it (even though I only had access to the typical street substances alcohal, robitussin, pharmies, shitE pills, coke, and occasionally MUSHROOMS!! yea I thought 4th of July lets get fucked up on some hallucinogens!! NOT

I ate 3g and at the 3 hour mark I was completely out of my body just floating in the cosmos, everything vanished and all I could see was the infinite universe.. I zipped back down with tears in my eyes and asked my buddy if he was experiencing anything similar.. "no, are you ok?" lol... and we were at a drunk beer pong kinda party.. oops.. I immediatly began to freak out and vomit violently and panic and panic and panic some more.. had OEV of mutant/monsters flying from the corners to attack me, so I closed my eyes only to feel/hear my mother crying and asking me why I'm fucking up my life doing so many drugs....... ZANG!! the panic got so much more intense I thought I was going to die... then the sun came up and I left the house to go home and rest.. phew.. safe at last
fast forward to last weekend.. FESTIVAL: friday night: 1 E pill, then 40mg M1 up the nose.. 145mg down the hatch.. and random licks of "molly" throughout the night.. it was amazing!! smoked some DMT at the end and had a beautiful time... saturday: LSD!! I had some very good/pure blotter that I had been saving for this day ~175 mics per hit (NO LIE) this was to be my first LSD experience (since all the paper I had before did absolutely nothing like this) I ate half.. waited 1 hour.. ate 1/4.. 1 hour ate 1/4.. 2 hours ate 1/2 and man oh man did I have the day of my life.. so natural and beautiful.. but then night came and all the people were just getting there trip on... and I'm down!! oh no!! I better pop 145mg of M1 that I have.............

WRONG!! another bad roll.. all I could think of was that the acid was so perfect and beautiful that I should be at home with my fiance and my dog discussing it and loving them.. not at this fucked up festival with 7000 people I dont know trying to stay high as long as possible..........
oops.. this is a long story..
so do you think its a gift?? like the psychedelics are very kind in telling me that they can not be used as toys?? should I fear more badtrips?? I used to, but now I am realising that all of my bad expereinces have been at retarded times in my life where I was just abusing the substances..... never again will I do this.. for psychedelics/mdxx have given me some of the best moments of my life, and through them I have shown so many others what is out/in there, things that they may have never fealt/seen.......
I guess my qeustion is mainly for Youkai... how can you handle psychedelics like you do?? how does you inner self not through demons at you to stop the abuse?? I'm glad to hear you have been clean for a couple weeks... I would really love to hear about if not document myself some of your experiences.. have you not thought about just leaving out the crack/opiates?? do you really feel that psychedelics are in the same boat?? I don't get how we are all so different.. yet I love it.. so interesting..
